Commander Shepard Personal Logs - Normandy SR2
Category: Personal Archives
I'm about to go to Earth now, to answer for everything I've done in the last months. Something I probably should have done right after escaping the Lazarus Station, but I just didn't had 8 months to spare while the Collectors attacked thousands of humans.
Once again, I don't think Humanity's Defense Council, the Alliance or the Citadel Council will believe me, and after all that's happened, I don't know if I can blame them, but that doesn't mean I'm not frustrated.
It's been 3 years hunting a legend, trying to stop the fall of the galaxy, but what led me here comes from much more time ago.
I was born in space, military parents, no home or place to stay for more than a shore leave, seeing some of the worst things one can do to another, but never loosing faith on people. The good examples were there, around me.
Joining the Alliance couldn't possibly be more natural, I grew up inside ships, saw how things worked and genuinely wanted to do some good.
An Alliance Commander saw potential in me and sent me to the N7 Special Training program. Those were the hardest times of my life (at that time, at least), heavy training, combat tactics of all sorts, special operations and everything that could make me bear the title of one of the best Alliance operatives, held by only a few.
On Elysium, I finally understood that anything can happen at anytime. Two weeks of shore leave became the traumatizing experience of my life. I lost friends and hundreds of innocent colonists died that day, I fought for hours in a row with what weapons I could find, with what people could join me, and trying to do my best. Shore leave was never the same after that.
Some time after being awarded with the Star of Terra and getting knowledge in and outside the Alliance, the best opportunity of my career came, to work as the XO on the most advanced Alliance ship, the Normandy SR1.
Within a matter of months, Captain Anderson, who was initially the Normandy's CO, stepped down the ship's command, leaving her to me, and becoming my friend and mentor. I was then the Normandy's CO, the first Human Spectre and the Saviour of The Citadel, after hunting Saren and his Geth to several planets and colonies, being forced to leave a friend behind on Virmire. It was the tougher decision of my life, but I couldn't save both Ashley and Kaidan, and I just couldn't bear the thought of loosing Kaidan.
All of that came with the burden of knowing the terrible truth about the Reapers, and the burden of having the most important mission ever: to save the entire Galaxy from extinction.
We could have had time to prepare against the Reapers, despite the fact that the Council was still being dismissive, blaming everything on Saren and the Geth, but death came without warning. What should have been a simple scan mission on the Amada system, ended up with the Normandy destroyed, and me suffocating in the darkness of space.
As in a matter of seconds, two years of my life went away, while I was clinically dead and the same terrorist organization that killed Admiral Kahoku, made experiments on Corporal Toombs and made illegal experiments on Thorian Creepers and Rachni brought me back to life.
That leads me to the starting point again. I didn't found another option that didn't involve A) Humans dying while I'd be interrogated for my reinstatement or B) Working with Cerberus.
All the choices in my life seem to involve life or death, mistrust, difficulty, besides the urge to use all my willpower to stop a threat no one has ever stopped before, gathering a team willing to sacrifice themselves for the greater good of galactic life, and dealing with morally grey situations, but without ever betraying the same ideals I stood for before, despite what Kaidan might have said back on Horizon.
That's the reason why I don't expect someone from the outside to understand or even trust me, as much as I think that would be fair (and welcome) after everything I've been through. Killing 300,000 thousand batarians and allying myself with a terrorist organization to stop the Collectors can't seem really good from the outside, all to stop a dismissed threat.
But I need the Galaxy working together; I need people to trust me. I need Kaidan to trust me.
We're headed Earth right now, as Admiral Hackett requested after the 'incident' at the Alpha Relay, and I'll try to get things sorted out with the Defense Council, and hopefully get a defense plan ready for when the invasion begins.
- Log end.