Well it's that time of year again. The DE A2A Xmas exchange hosted on Livejournal. This prompt was written by the ever talented host of this exchange (BadBoysAreBest)
This was her prompt:
Elena never gets caught by Caroline doing the witchy herbs to see Damon. She continues to use them until the holiday season. Elena spends Christmas alone without any of her friends. She waits for Damon to appear. When he does, his touching feels real. Is it an allusion? Is it real? Is it a Christmas miracle? Make this as fluffy or as dark as you want. Bonus points if there is slow dancing and lamp smashing involved.
Well I hope you all enjoy this and as always let me know what you think.
It's been approximately 180 days since Damon left me. Left me is a bit of a wrong way to word it I guess, Damon is gone. Damon is dead and I just can't fathom it. It's been approximately one hundred and eighty days and I still haven't even taken the first step to getting over him. Instead of getting over him I continue to pretend that we're still together. That I can seen him whenever I want. That my heart isn't broken into a million tiny little microscopic pieces. It's been one hundred an eighty ish days, not that I have been keeping track. I've lost count so many times during my grief. All I know is it's been one hundred and eighty days too long. Too long without those blue eyes actually peering into mine, knowing when somethings wrong and exactly what it is. Too long to not have those arms physically wrapped around me, promising to get me through absolutely anything that I go through. It's been too long without the actual smell of bourbon and leather combined together on one amazing person. Too long without being able to hear him really using his sarcasm against people we know. It's been too long since I've heard him inviting Alaric over for a drink so they could plan on what to protect me from next. It's been too long since he teased my brother about something stupid. It's been too long since he told me I was risking my life for somthing stupid. I had begun to take those little things for granted, I knew I was wrong to do that now. I missed him. It's been too long since I said that. I never said the words out loud. I just pretended that he was still here even though he wasn't. I was able to pretend thanks to Luke and as long as I managed to keep my denial hidden then I could continue seeing him. Thanks to Luke I could see Damon whenever I needed to. I don't think I've ever thanked him for anything, but I really wanted to thank him for keeping my delusions alive. Caroline would say it's unhealthy but she doesn't know the pain I feel. She's never been through something like this. She's never lost the one person who's her true other half. She's never felt like a half of her heart was missing and she doesn't know how to get it back. She can't tell me she understands what I'm going through. She can't tell me that it will get better because it won't. It will never get better. If I had nothing to live for here, I would end my life just so I could be with him. But I can't, no matter how selfish I am in needing to keep seeing him, I'm not selfish enough to leave my brother. I couldn't do that to him. He's lost too much already.
"Elena, are you coming with us?" Caroline asked me from the parlour. We were home for the holidays, by "home" I mean the Salvatore Boarding House. It was my home. Damon's bed was my bed. Damon's bathtub was my bathtub. Damon's closet was filled with as much my stuff as his. Admittedly I spent too much time in that bedroom, but it was the only place that I could imagine being with my imaginary Damon. Imaginary was a thousand times better than non-existent.
"No, I don't feel like it." I told her. I had planned on going with them this evening, but I needed to see Damon more. I needed more memories of our time together. I was feeling low and nothing would cure it but him.
"I think you should come with us. Everyone will be there. Alaric will be there with Jeremy. Matt's going to be there. Tyler, Stefan and I. You need to get out more. You can't keep living like this Elena. You need to move on sometime. I know you think you lost the love of your life but there is more than one person out there for everyone. I thought I lost the love of my life when I Tyler and I broke up but I know that's not what happened. You need to move on." Caroline went on and on. I just wanted her to stop. I didn't want to fight with her tonight. I just wanted her and Stefan to leave so I could go back to my hallucinations. She didn't understand and she never would. It's just the way that it was. I stood on the stairs until I knew they were gone. When I heard Stefan's car drive away I ran back upstairs to Damon's room and into the closet.
In the very back of the closet I stashed the little box of the herbs. I pulled out some and started mashing them into oblivion with the mortar and pestle that Luke had sent for me. Once they were finely mashed I made the tea out of them and lay back on the bed. Shortly I would be with him again, and granted it would only be for a few minutes it would have to be enough. After I spent a little bit of Christmas Eve with Damon I would spend the rest of it with his favourite bourbon, dressed in one of his shirts. It was the only other thing that made me feel close to him. Once my tea was ready I sat down on the bed and started drinking it. It was repulsive but I would drink anything that took me to Damon, or brought him to me. I would do anything for this moment in time where everything was alright again. I finished the tea and almost immediately the hallucination began. Usually it took a minute for him to appear. This time he just opened the bedroom door and walked in. His eyes were as blue as they usually were, his upper body was clad in the same leather jacket he always wore. He looked concerned this time though. In my hallucinations he never looked concerned. He always looked happy to see me and ready for whatever I needed from him.
"Elena." He said, his voice sounded concerned now, but above all he sounded happy to see me. He walked over to the bed and this was slightly more like it. I just needed him to sit down beside me on the bed and tell me he loves me. This wouldn't take long for this to end. This time with him was just to remind me how much he loved me. It never took long for the tea to wear off. I watched him as he picked up the cup from the side of the bed and bring it up to his lips. He had never drank the tea before, I didn't know what that would do to hallucination Damon.
"Don't drink it." I told him.
"It's empty Elena. What's in that cup?" He asked me. Damon never argued with me during these moments we had together. He always sat down and talked to me. He would show me our moments together and he would tell me he loved me. But he would never actually get involved in the life I was faking right now.
"Why are we talking about this? I need the tea or else I can't see you." I told him. I was scared to death that my subconscious was fighting back now. Maybe my brain was trying to tell me that enough was enough. My brain was wrong, it would never be enough. I was going into a full-fledged panic attack now and I didn't know how to stop it.
"What is in the tea Elena?" Damon demanded and I was really starting to freak out. I didn't know how I felt about my Damon being able to talk about my life and be a part of it. He was a hallucination. I only got him for so long, I couldn't lose the only happy part of my life.
"Herbs alright. It's herbs that Luke gave me so we could have these little visits." I told him. I was crying now and I couldn't seem to stop myself. Damon placed his hand on mine and I stopped immediately. Hallucination Damon had never tried to touch me before. I wouldn't be able to feel that Damon's skin on mine. This was wrong. I really was losing it and I didn't know what to do about it. By now the effects of the tea should be wearing off but Damon was still standing before me.
"What's going on? Why aren't you gone yet?" I asked him.
"I'm not leaving ever again. Are you hallucinating about me?" He asked me and I tried to wipe the tears away but they just kept falling.
"This isn't real. It's never real." I wept and Damon took my other hand and pulled me to my feet.
"Come with me." He said to me and I sniffled. My heart was so close to hoping that he was real that I would do anything. I just knew that I would die when this was all ripped away from me again. I followed him downstairs and into the parlour where the fire was blazing. Unless Stefan and Caroline had lit the fire before they left, it hadn't been burning at all today. I was positive it hadn't been going when I went upstairs. But I wasn't exactly the most observant person these days.
"What are you doing Damon?" I asked him and he brought me until I was standing in front of the fireplace with him.
"Dance with me. It's been six months and I want to dance with you." He told me.
"One hundred and eighty days." I told him and he chuckled dryly.
"Always correcting me. I knew you were in there somewhere." He said and I still didn't want to believe. Believing would open the door for yet another even worse heartbreak. I was already destroyed, but that would make it completely irreparable.
"You're not real Damon. Why can you touch me?" I asked him. I needed an answer and I hoped he would give me a real one.
"I am real. I can understand you not believing me because of what you've been through. And in a selfish way I'm happy that you haven't moved on from me. I love you so much Elena, I'm in love with you. Could your other hallucinations touch you?" He asked me and he knew the answer. I had been shocked when he was able to touch me. It was never like this.
"No. That's why I'm confused." I told him honestly.
"Don't be confused. I'm back Elena. I promise I will never leave you again." He told me and I wanted so bad to believe him. I was dangerously close to being back where I was before he disappeared.
"I want to believe you so bad." I told him. He took my hand again and placed it on his shoulder which felt incredibly real and took the other one in his hand. He put his hand on my back and we started dancing. I still wasn't completely convinced that he was there. My heart was protecting me from hoping too much. We danced for a moment until he spun me out. Like the first time this happened when he pulled me back in our lips were touching. Like last time I didn't know who kissed who but all I know is it felt so real. As always when we started kissing, we lost total control. I pushed on his chest until I had him up against the same wall as last time. Like the last time I swung my hand out and knocked the lamp to the floor. He pushed back and sped me upstairs to our bedroom.
"How are you here?" I sobbed. I was fully believing he was here by now.
"Being that it's Christmas I may as well call it a Christmas miracle." He said and I smiled.
"How did you really get here?" I asked him.
"Bonnie. I wouldn't be here without her." He told me and I instantly loved and missed my best friend even more than before.
"I don't want to talk no more. I need you. It's been six months." I said gently pushing him onto the bed.
"I agree. Talking can wait until later." He said and I giggled. I giggled for the first time in six months at least. It really was a Christmas miracle. He rolled us until he was on top of me and I couldn't be happier. I sat up enough so we could pull my shirt and bra off and so I could help him with his. When I was bare from the waist up he started kissing down my neck, sucking at it intimately. He continued his trail downwards and sucked a nipple into his mouth. He swirled his tongue around it and released it with a pop to continue his trail down. When he got to the button on my jeans, he pulled them down along with my panties until I was bare. He stayed down there and inhaled. It always used to embarrass me when he did that but it didn't this time. I missed him so much. He darted his tongue out to taste me and I nearly bucked off the bed. It had been so long since I had last been touched. The last person had been him and there couldn't have been anyone else.
"I missed you so much." He said against my flesh. I didn't want to come like this. I wanted my first orgasm since he had been gone to happen with him inside me.
"Please. I need you." I pleaded with him. He always gave me exactly what I needed and this was no exception. He stood up and pushed his jeans down. I still had every inch of his body memorized and I knew I always would.
"Is this better than hallucinogenic Damon?" He asked as he slowly got onto the bed to cover me with his body.
"So much better." I answered just before he kissed me again. His lips were soft against mine and I needed him more than I ever had before. He slowly shifted until he started slipping inside me inch by inch. There was nothing fast about this time and it was exactly what I needed. His gaze was locked on mine and there was no pulling me out of his gravitational pull. The entire world could end right now and I wouldn't care. His hands entwined with mine and I squeezed back tightly. My legs were on either side of his hips as he moved slowly but deeply inside me. I was so close to my first orgasm of the night and judging by how tense he was, he was close too.
"Come with me." I told him and he breathed deeply.
"I wanted to make you come at least twice before I came. I don't think that's going to work out for me tonight." He told me and I chuckled.
"I don't care. We have all night." I reminded him.
"And all day tomorrow. Maybe even the day after. I'm sure we could hide so no one could find us." He told me and I laughed.
"I like the sound of that. But for now just come with me." I asked him and he kissed me. After just a couple more thrusts I came loudly. My voice a couple octaves higher than usual. After not having an orgasm for so long this one was more intense than usual. He followed close behind me, his body shuddering as he rode out his release.
"I want to do that again." He said a few minutes later.
"Like you said we have all night." I told him.
"Not only all night, we have all of eternity." He said.