Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, even though I'd like to. Ad the story line is purely fictitious.

Jensen's P.O.V

I'm standing in the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror, with the razor in my hand. I keep trying to think of all the things that have led me to this point, but I'm drawing a blank. All that keeps running through my head is I need to relieve the pain. I've been so depressed for the past few months, and nothing can bring me back. Nine out of ten times, if you asked me what I was thinking about, the truth would be death, and the different ways of dying. I can't stand feeling like this and bringing my loved ones down with me. The only reason I hadn't done anything about it yet was because I was too weak to end it.

I brought the razor to my wrist, pressing it hard against my skin, drawing blood. I was just about to drag it upwards when I heard Danneel. "Hey babe, Sophia just called. She wants to have dinner tonight." She called from the bedroom. At the sound of her voice, I lost the nerve I had a moment ago and I dropped the razor.

"Sounds good. I'm gonna jump in the shower." I called back. I grabbed some tissue and pressed it to the small cut on my wrist, stopping the blood, then reached past the shower curtain and turned on the water and waited for it to get hot. I quickly shed my clothes and got in the shower. I let the hot water run down my body, soothing me, while I tried to mentally prepare myself for tonight with Danni and her friend from work.

Danneel and I have been married for a couple of years now, but I've known her since we were kids. She has struggled through depression and multiple eating disorders. I was there for her through all of that, and for the past few years she's gotten past all of that and has been doing a lot better. This is why I haven't told her about how I've been feeling. I'm supposed to stay strong for her in case any of the old feelings come back; I have to be her rock.

I finished washing my body and rinsed the soap off, then quickly dried off, wrapping a towel around my waist. I walked into the bedroom and Danni was sitting on the bed, she had her hands clasped together in her lap and she was looking at me. The way her eyes were on me right as I had opened the door worried me. "What's going on?" I asked her, while I walked to grab some clothes out of our closet.

"Jen, are you okay?" She asked quietly. I turned back to her and she was still looking at me.

"Of course I'm okay, Danni." I had a feeling that this wasn't going to be the end of this conversation.

"You know what I've gone through, you've been there through all of it, and I've got to say, a lot of how you're acting lately is how I used to be. Why don't you talk to me Jen? I'm here for you, just like you're here for me." I quickly threw on some boxers and a pair of pants and walked over to her and put her hand in mine. I went to say something to reassure her that nothing was wrong but she stopped me before I could say anything. "Don't lie to me Jensen."

"I've had a hard couple of months, but I'll be okay." I said, looking down at our hands. I didn't dare say anything else in the fear that I would either confess how suicidal I have been or I'd tell her a bold faced lie, and I couldn't do either, so I just stopped there. I raised my head to look at her face. I kissed her forehead. "You should start getting ready, Dan."

She kissed me back, on my cheek, and stood up. She stared down at me, and smiled. "Okay, but I'm watching you, Ackles." I smiled back and nodded to her, as she walked to the closet.

I laid back on the bed and closed my eyes. I know I should tell Danneel. She is the one person I know that could help me through this, and I wouldn't feel judged. I know she would help me and she would completely understand. If I could tell anyone, it would be her and she would stay by my side the whole time until I felt better. I know that Danni is the one person I could tell, but I just can't do it.

"Did you get any writing done today?" She called from the closet.

I sighed heavily. "I wrote a bit, not nearly as much as I should have, though. My editor will be calling within the next few days asking for the fives chapters I was supposed to have done, to stay on schedule, and she'll be pissed." I'm writing my third murder mystery/ sci-fi novel, under a pseudonym, but this one hasn't been going as smoothly as the other two had. I find myself constantly losing interest in the characters and the plot line, and then distracting myself from it, hence me not having as much written as I should by this point. Thinking about this book makes me want to shoot myself.

"Aww, babe, just keep at it, or maybe you should take a break from it and clear your head. The more you think about it, the more blocked you get. I'll help you brainstorm if you want, I don't know how much help I'll be though, but I'll try." She called back.

She would have actually been a lot of help in brain storming with me. We had taken a creative writing class in college, together, and she did a lot better than I did, but she didn't enjoy it as much as I did, so she decided to change her major, about five times, actually. She ended up becoming a dental assistant. "I may just take you up on that. How was your day?"

She sighed even louder than I did. "Today, I had to deal with about four different kids who were too scared to even get x-rays of their teeth, let alone get any work done. They cried and screamed like I was trying to kill them when I brought the mouth guards out. And their parents were no help at all. It was just a long day."

I got up off of the bed and walked over to the closet and reached for one of my shirts but she swatted my hand away. She handed me a different button up shirt, without even looking at me, she was focused on two dresses in front of her. I didn't even protest to her deciding on my wardrobe. She'd been doing this for years, I was used to it. I just smiled, walking away. "Just put the blue dress on. You don't like the green one, nearly as much." I called back to her.

She laughed. "No, you don't like the green one."

She's right. I don't know much about fashion but I thought Danni looked good in everything. The blue dress showed off her body whereas the green one didn't. "Either way." I laughed, putting my shirt on.

About a minute later she walked out of the closet in the blue dress, smiling at me. We both finished getting ready, and left for the night. I had put the near suicide attempt out of my mind, in the hopes of having a good night with Danni and her friend.

Jared's P.O.V

"Jared?" I heard Genevieve, my fiancée, calling me. "Jare, are you home?" she called out again. I heard her, but I couldn't answer her.

I wanted to respond, but I physically couldn't. About half an hour earlier I had taken a mixture of about ten different types of pills, I'm not sure how many of each. I was sure it would be enough. I want to end my life, but I didn't want it to hurt. I've always wanted to go peacefully, so I figured that pills would be my best bet. They left me in a semi paralyzed state. I was slipping in and out of consciousness, black was surrounding everything, and it was difficult to keep my eyes open, but they wouldn't fully close either.

I have been thinking about doing this for about a year now, every day the thought ran through my head. This morning, I finally got the guts to do it. Gen wouldn't be home for a few more days because she was visiting family, so she wouldn't catch me doing this and try to stop me. She knew that I had thought about suicide. We had talked about it, and she wanted me to get help, but I had blown it off and told her that I would get passed it. Little did I know that this feeling would only grow with each passing day.

She walked into the bedroom and found me sprawled out on the bed. She walked over to the night stand that had a note I had left her. She didn't look at the note though. Her eyes were on me the whole time. He face went extremely pale. "Jared?" she said in almost a whisper.

My half opened eyes had followed her as she walked across the room, over to me. It took everything I had to make any sound. What I wanted to come out at "I love you" came out as a very short mumble.

My eyes finally shut, and I couldn't open them anymore. I could still hear Gen though. She was now frantic. "Jared! No, no, no, no Jared, wake up! Hello? I need an ambulance here now. My fiancée overdosed on pills. Jared, open your eyes! Baby, please. I don't know when, I just got home and found him like this, and the empty bottles are beside him. Come on, baby, wake up." She was going back and forth, from giving 911 the information to pleading me to wake up. The last thing I remember is her beginning to give them the address to our house.

When I woke up, the room was really bright and it caused me to close my eyes to avoid the light. I slowly opened them again, and realized I was in the hospital. My head was turned to the side, and when I opened my eyes, I saw Gen. She was sitting in a chair next to my bed reading the letter that I had left her. It took me a while to realize that she was crying, because she hadn't made any sound. She had just allowed the tears to flow, as she read the letter.

Genevieve,
There is no one in this world that I love more than you. I would have loved nothing more than to walk down the aisle with you, and be able to call you my wife. But the person I've become, the person I've been for this past year, is someone that can't give you the love you deserve. I want to give you the world, and make you smile every day, but I can't even make myself smile anymore. I been hurting a lot, baby, and I know that the longer I feel like this, the worse it's going to be for you. I can't do it anymore. I can't wake up and only think about dying, Gen, I can't. It hurts so much to walk around every day and constantly see new possible ways to kill myself, and go into a deep thought on how it would work out, and then turn around and try to act like everything is okay. I just want it to be over. I want you to be happy, and you can't be happy with me, baby, not completely. I know you love me, and I want you to know that I love you more than anything, but I can't make you happy and I don't want you to end up feeling like this. Remember me how I was before this past year, when I was able to show you just how much I love you. Remember the nights that we would stay up until the sun rose, just laughing about everything, the rainy days that we'd spend playing video games, the days that we went to the shelter and got our dogs, when I proposed to you. Remember the good times, the times I made you as happy as you made me. I want you to be happy again, and you can be happy without me, beautiful. I'm sorry.
I've loved you always, J.

"Hey beautiful," I said. It came out scratchy and weak, but she looked up, and began to sob. She walked over to the bed and hugged me tightly.

"You asshole, I thought I lost you. I was so scared." She was sobbing. I sat up and pulled her closer to me, and let her cry. I didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry, baby." I said into her hair. And I was sorry. Not for trying to end my life, because I don't regret that, although I would have preferred it gone right, but I was sorry that she had to walk in to that. In my plans, someone else would find my body.

"Baby, you do make me happy. You make me happier than anyone else could. I need you to get better, baby. I need you to feel better. I want you to be happy." She was crying even harder.

I knew I was going to have to get help, not for me, but for her. I'd do anything for her. "I know, Gen."

Jensen's P.O.V

Dinner went horribly. We went out to meet Danni's friend Sophia, and her fiancée, Chad. Somehow the conversation got turned to the topic of depression, and how it's handled now a days as opposed to how it was never really mentioned when we were young. Chad went on to say that he doesn't believe that depression is a medical condition or even real. In his words, "People just need to justify being lazy and not get shit done, so they day they're 'depressed.' Everyone feels sad sometimes, that doesn't make anyone special. Get the fuck over yourself, you know." Danneel looked like she was going to cry, and I was on the verge as well. That was the same way her parents had reacted when the doctor said she suffered from depression and would have to take medication for it. They refused to get the meds because it was just enabling her. We quickly tried to change the subject, but not before Chad had said, "I think, if someone wants to kill themselves that bad, let them do it. Life is for the living, not for the 'depressed,' right?" He had said it, with a laugh, to me, and I don't think the girls heard him, because they began talking about work and their upcoming vacations.

What Chad said to me replayed in my head over and over and all I could think of was that blade waiting for me when I got home. We finished dinner and parted ways. I'd be happy if I never saw Chad again. When Danni and I got in the car, I finally asked her, "Hey, are you okay, babe?"

She closed her eye, leaned her head back, and sighed. "He's a really nice guy, but he can be a dick sometimes. Yeah, I'm fine Jen. I just want to get home."

I reached over and squeezed her hand, before starting the car. "I couldn't agree more." We drove home in silence, and when we got to the house Danni changed and went to bed. I told her I was going to stay up and watch tv for a bit first. I kissed her goodnight and told her I loved her, for what I figured would be the last time. I sat on the couch in the living room for an hour, to make sure she fell asleep.

I went up to the bathroom connected to our room, where I keep my razor. I took it out and stared at it. I was ready to do this. Then I heard Danni's loud snoring from the bedroom and I nearly started to cry. I want to do this, I am ready to end my life, but I can't just kill myself without leaving her something. I crept out into the room and grabbed some paper and a pen, then went back into the bathroom. I began writing, not fully knowing what I was wanted to say.

Danni,
Hey sweetheart. I know life has been hard, and although I try to help, I know I don't always make it easier. This is one of the times where I'm not making it easier on you, and I am sorry. I need you to stay strong like you've always been. You've always been the person I could count on and turn to. You're the type of person who can take care of themselves, and I need you to keep being that amazing person, my love. I know there have been times in the past where things have been hard for you, and you didn't know if you could make it through. But you did, babe, and you always will. I am so proud of you for overcoming so many things, and I don't know if I had ever told you that before. You are my best friend, and the love of my life. I'm sorry that I'm not as strong as you are, Danni. I'm sorry that I can't be that strong, but you need to keep it together and hold on to that strength that I know you have. Life has a lot to offer someone as wonderful as you, and maybe without me holding you back, you can receive all of that. I've loved you since we were little kids, and with each passing day that love has grown even more. I know this is going to hurt you, and I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I'll always be with you, in your memories, in your dreams, and in your heart.
Goodbye, baby. -Jen

I just needed to tell her how much I love her. I crept out of the bathroom one last time to set the letter on the nightstand next to our bed, and bent down to kiss her on the cheek.

I went back to the bathroom and turned the shower on, to drown out any noise I might make. I grabbed the razor and placed the tip of it at the small cut I had made earlier. I put pressure on it, and pulled it upward a couple of inches. There was a lot of blood. I quickly put the blade in my other hand and did the same thing on the opposite wrist. I heard Danni's sleepy voice. "Jen, are you taking a shower? I'm coming in, I have to pee."

I got very lightheaded and dizzy, then fell to the ground, before I could say anything in response. Right before everything faded into blackness, I heard a scream.

Review and let me know what you think.
I will add at least one more chapter to this, and it will probably be a little longer.