A/N: This is a one shot for the "Let's End This The Way We Started It" Challenge on HPFFC. My word was "disappointment", in case it doesn't become clear enough during this writing. It's a bit (read: a LOT) different from anything I've written before, so consider yourself warned of the experimentation below. And yes, this could be considered another one of my character studies, which seem to be all I'm writing these days...
Disappointment.
A quadrosyllabic word. Fourteen letters long. Contains all vowels in the English alphabet save "u."
In short, it's a big word.
However, the word itself, the letters that make it up, they don't come close to the amount of meaning it conveys, the emotion it carries.
Disappointment hurts. Feels like a knife wound straight to the bubble of hope everyone carries in their heart. Makes a person want to scream. Shout. Sob. Tells them it would be stupid to do any of that.
It is a feeling that the soul cannot take lightly. And Padma Patil's soul is heavy.
She sits in stunned silence as the table next to her erupts into cheers and applause, much like her own did moments ago. Her mouth is hanging, eyes bulging. She sees her face staring back at her in a similar fashion as her twin walks slowly to her house table.
Everything is wrong. Padma cannot be separated from her younger sister. The longest the two girls have spent apart since conception is the seven minutes between their births. Yet Parvati is sitting at the table with a red cloth, and Padma's tablecloth is blue.
Bitterness wells up in her throat. She closes her mouth against the sob that threatens to escape. Forces her eyes forward. Blinks away hot tears. Applauds with the rest of her new house. She does not know why they are applauding.
The Sorting Hat must have made a mistake with Parvati. Must have put her into the wrong house. It is infeasible that it read two different minds with the Patil twins. They were identical in every way. Body. Spirit. Mind. All the same. The Sorting Hat was quick to put Padma in Ravenclaw. To put Parvati in Gryffindor. Perhaps it meant to put Parvati in Ravenclaw as well.
The table beside Padma cheers louder than ever. Padma's house mutters, mumbles, groans. She does not know why. Does not care why.
She looks back at Parvati. Her eyes spill over with tears at the sight of Parvati's.
Her sister smiles through her tears. It will be okay, Padma. Parvati says nothing. Does not have to. The message gets through. We will be okay.
Padma tries to smile. Nod. Wink. React. She can only stare. She does not understand how anything can be okay again.
Disappointment is something she has not often experienced. Is not accustomed to. Does not like. Does not like at all. She is a girl of simple tastes. Her sister's tastes are more refined. She has long suspected that Parvati is more used to disappointment than she. Must be. Has to be.
Padma is rarely disappointed. Rarely disappoints. She is bright. Charming. Pleasant. She stares at Parvati. Her twin is also charming. Pleasant. Bright. But not like herself.
Parvati is loud. Bold. Brave. Unabashed. Disappoints frequently. Reaffirms herself just as frequently. Padma feeds off Parvati's persona. Thrives in it. Shines by it. Cannot survive without it. Parvati takes up Padma's self. Learns from it. Uses it. Cannot do without it.
They are one. Two parts of a whole. Cool colors and warm. Older and younger. Louder and softer. Both are required for spectrums, ages, volumes. Neither is identifiable without the other.
Disappointment blooms from hope. Hope blossoms from disappointment. Hope for safety. Security. Love. Shelter. Kinship. All fade back into disappointment as Padma and Parvati watch one another watch each other.
For the first time, Padma sees her twin. Not her twin with her. Her twin. Just her twin. Parvati is not like Padma. Padma is demure. Thoughtful. Quiet. Knowledgeable. Padma can be bold. Brave. Parvati can be thoughtful. Demure. Padma is not bold. Brave. Parvati is not thoughtful. Demure.
Padma cries fresh tears at the realization. Her sister has not reached it yet. May not reach it. The Sorting Hat saw what they did not. Could not. Would not. Should have.
The Patil twins are not of one mind. One spirit. Only their bodies are identical. Bodies can change. Looks are not forever. Minds are forever. Spirits are forever. Padma will forever be separated from her twin. This Sorting only sped up the inevitable.
Anger. Despair. Horror. All of these emotions are strong. Nasty. Disturbing. All of these emotions create Padma's disappointment now. Snuff out her hope. Happiness. Satisfaction. Peace.
Her parents will be upset. Sad. Disappointed. They have filled their daughters with hopes of togetherness. Sisterhood. Security. And these hopes are gone. Obliterated.
The twins have been together in everything. School. Relaxation. Bed. Magic. Their wands are as identical on the surface as they are. Poplar. Nine inches. Flexible. Intricate. Padma should have taken them as a sign. Her wand is filled with a phoenix feather. Parvati's is filled with a unicorn tail.
Parvati turns her head for a moment, then looks back at her sister. Her eyes have changed. They are worried. Worried but steady. Strong. Brave. Padma feels none of those things. She feels disappointed that she can no longer share them with her sister.
Padma does not love her sister less. Dislike her more. Change her opinion of her sister. She only feels that her disappointment is born of her love for her sister. She does not love her sister less. She dislikes that she must love her as she does.
She turns from her sister only when food appears on the table. Her house looks happy. Hungry. Content. Padma does not.
A girl taps her on the shoulder. Smiles. Offers her a piece of bread. This girl is new. Like Padma and Parvati.
She seems nice. Kind. Friendly?
Padma has never had a friend before. Never needed a friend before. Now she hopes that she is reading this girl's actions correctly.
Hope.
A monosyllabic word. Four letters. Only two vowels of the five in the English language.
In short, it is a tiny word.
Its meaning is as big as disappointment. Padma smiles and takes the bread.
Friendship may spawn from hope. Or maybe hope and friendship are as disappointment and lost love.
Padma turns to her sister. Parvati turns to her at the same moment. A girl sits next to Parvati. Smiling. Smiling kindly.
Perhaps Padma and Parvati shall see friendships whet their disappointment.