Title: I Hope You Dance

Author: Bent137

Rating: R

Improv: ego - tender - glass - freak

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Gilmore Girls, Hilton, Disney, or Le Ann Womack's "I Hope You Dance"

Author's Notes: This is a future fic, and mostly a flashback fic. A song triggers memories, some Jess didn't want to remember, some he needed to.

Spoilers: May Reference Characters and Events Not in Season One.

Chapter One

Jess stared into the glass of the mirror above the sink in the bathroom of Hartford's Hilton. He splashed his face with cold water and blinked a few times. He had to get back out there, back to Rory. Ah, who was he kidding, she didn't need any real help. She was getting used to it, after ten years of dating and a half with an undefined relationship you'd think he would be used to it as well. Hell, he was twenty eight not seventeen any more. He should be able to handle this. He and Rory had been married for five years, infact that was the object of this party, to celebrate their anniversary. Over the years he'd been with her his tender ego had taken a beating, but somehow he'd gone from town freak, to Rory's Prince Charming seemingly overnight. The music being piped into the elegant powder room had been blurred in the background until now, when he heard the familiar opening notes. He closed his eyes, wishing he had the ability to close his ears as well, but alas, the soulful voice filled his ears and reached down to his very being, jolting him back in time...

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,

It was still as clear as the day it happened. He could still see her sitting across the table from him, as radiant as ever. They were both so happy that day, they had decided to celebrate by going to dinner in Hartford. Luke had been so proud of him that he'd given him the entire day off. Jess had been accepted to college, He was going to Columbia University in the fall. He was going back to New York, he couldn't even believe it. Things would be different this time. He smiled at Rory as their dinners arrived, she was so proud of him, and he was proud of her. She had achieved her dream. She was going to Harvard, as though he'd ever doubted her. They ate in silence, a comfortable silence balanced by their beaming smiles. Once both had eaten their fill Jess had paid and they had left the restaurant and went walking down the street in downtown Hartford.

"I can't believe this is happening," Rory said almost breathlessly as she grabbed his hand.

"Neither can I," Jess said looking down at her.

"It's going to be so exciting," she sighed, "College life. Living on my own, away from my grandparents, away from my mother, away from Luke, away from you." She suddenly looked up at him with wide blue eyes, "I'm scared."

He nodded, "I am too Rory."

"Promise me we won't lose touch, promise me you'll call me every week."

"I promise you," he said with an easy grin. He would have promised her the world if he could. He had fallen, and she had no idea the effect she had on him. He needed her like he needed air, like he needed water, like he needed food.

Get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger

It hadn't happened, they'd drifted. But before present day Jess had a chance to contemplate that he found the lyrics thrusting him back again.

May you never take one single breath for granted

He was fifteen, living in New York with his mother and his twin brother. At least he was when his mother was home. At such a young age Jess and his brother Damien had learned to fend for themselves. They woke up early, they went to bed late. They bathed, and cleaned the house. They made them selves breakfast and went to school every day. Maybe they shouldn't have. If only they hadn't learned responsibility so quickly, maybe things would have been different.

"I'll see you this afternoon bro," Damien said with his arm wrapped around a petite redhead.

Jess nodded and the girl smiled at him, "See you later Jess."

"Later Kelly."

Damien and the girl walked off into the crowd as Jess finished at his locker then turned the other way. It was a scant three and a half hours before he heard the sounds that would change his life forever. Right in the middle of Mr. Johnston's world history class a resounding pop had echoed down the hallway causing every student and teacher in the school to instantly dive for cover. It was nothing new. Jess slipped under his desk and slipped his hands over his ears as the loud popping continued. it slowed and then stopped. Jess removed his hands from his head in time to hear one resounding "pop" echo down the hall and into his brain. It was a sound he'd never forget. As the students were being released to rush home he was stopped by the principal. "Jess," he said. "I need you to come with me."

"But, I didn't do anything."

"I know son, it's not you. It's," he choked up and Jess began to tremble, "It's Damien. He was in the Cafeteria when it started."

Jess took off at a run into the Cafeteria and stared at the bodies littering the floor with tears in his eyes. Around him girls were sobbing in the arms of teachers at the loss of sisters, of boyfriends, of friends. The boys in the room had been stunned into silence. Jess slowly picked his way over to where Damien's body was resting in a pool of blood. He was laying face down and just to the side Kelly was on her back with her eyes wide open, a bullet in her shoulder and struggling for breath. Jess moved to her.

"Kelly?"

"Jess. My favorite little punk," she struggled to get out.

Jess blushed even as his eyes clouded with worry, "Kelly are you okay? You're bleeding pretty bad."

"Well gee Jess, a bullet tends to do that to you."

He frowned at her. "Just try and stay still I'm sure help is coming." He could hear the sirens wailing up the school then and he grabbed her hand.

She smiled at him gratefully, "He was trying to save me."

"What?"

"Damien, I would have been him, if he hadn't jumped in front of me." Her eyes closed in pain and Jess looked away as the paramedics came rushing in. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and moved to the side as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

Jess leaned against the wall in the small sitting room of the restroom trying to shake the memory. It wouldn't leave him, so he sat down before being assaulted by another. He had no idea how many would barrage him before he would find any relief again.

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

A twenty three year old Jess took a deep breath pulling the salty air into his lungs. The sun was setting so beautifully over the pacific ocean. Hawaiian music was playing from the stage at the luau behind him. He sensed Rory's presence before she actually appeared. She wrapped her arm about his waist and he returned the gesture. Her head fell softly onto his shoulder and she sighed, "It's beautiful."

He looked down, "It is."

"I'd love to paint it."

"I'd love to see that," he said with a hint of a smirk.

She slapped him playfully, "Are you trying to say I have no talent?"

"Why no, whatever would make you think that?"

"Women's intuition."

"Ah," he nodded. They fell silent again watching the sun set into the water as it rolled up to their feet in peaceful waves.

"It's so big," Rory said.

"Yeah, it is," Jess agreed.

"Sure humbles a person doesn't it?"

Jess murmured his agreement as he leaned to kiss her.

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens

After Damien's death Jess and Kelly had become close friends, and eventually lovers. Damien's death had also begun to turn him wild, and soon they began fighting over it. It finally came to a head when he was being sent to Stars Hollow.

Kelly stared at him irate, "You're what?"

"I'm moving, with my Uncle."

"Why Jess? Just stay here."

"I can't Kelly, I'm sorry. I'll call, I'll write, I'll visit. New York isn't that far."

"Why can't you Jess?"

"I just can't okay?" He looked away.

"Jess did you do something?" When he didn't answer she knew, "You did! Jess what have I been telling you? You need to stop getting into trouble!"

He spun on her, "You need to stop telling me what to do!"

"What's happened to you Jess? You used to be so wonderful, so alive, so caring. It can't still be Damien!" She searched his eyes for an answer. "You have to get over it Jess! I have, just move on."

"I can't okay? He was my brother. He was your boyfriend, but he was my brother! My twin brother none the less!"

"Then we're done. I can't live like this. I hope you can move on in Stars Hollow, because I'll be moving on here."

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

It was Jess' sixteenth birthday, and only two months after the shooting. He walked up the steps and into the church hesitantly. It was empty and his footsteps echoed on the floor. A door to his left creaked as a patron came out of confessional. Jess steeled himself and walked into the tiny room and sat down. The silence dragged for a moment before Jess realized he was supposed to say something. "Um, hello," he stammered, "I've never done this before."

"Very well my son, have you sins to confess to me today?"

"I guess it'd be that I've been thinking unkind thoughts upon a deceased's family."

"Well that is a sin. Why would you do that?"

"Their son killed my twin brother before committing suicide."

"Suicide is a sin my child, as is murder, so he is already paying for his actions from the lord. You still have time. Say five Hail Mary's."

Jess exited the booth and looked around then walked out the door of the church.

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

Luke and Lorelai's wedding reception was held on the sweeping lawn of The Dragonfly. Now named "Hope Spring's Inn" thanks to Rory's idea from the quote "Hope springs eternal." There was a spring running through the land, which they'd dubbed "Hope Spring" just to coincide with the inn.

The decorations were beautiful and everyone was happy. Except for maybe Kirk, which was rather ironic since he had won the betting pool. Although Taylor was contesting it citing suspicious activity surrounding it.

Jess stood on the fringes of the gathering watching everyone laugh, and talk, and eat, and dance. Rory slipped up besides him just as the tune switched to Rachael Lampa's "If You Believe."

"Would you like to dance?" She asked him tilting her head towards him.

"Sure," he said, though he really wasn't much of a dancer. He had two left feet. But they danced anyways and it didn't seem to matter how bad either of them were because they were with each other, and they were falling in love.

I hope you dance....I hope you dance.