A/N: Hello, readers! This is my new story, all about the RuneScape gods. If you're not Anara Celebvilya or Tylixe and you're reading this, I, well…(does dance emote)…yeah, I haven't had a whole lot of readers in the RS fandom. Let's see if this fic attracts any more...
Kina: Hello, folks! Some of you may know me from Guess the Innermost Secrets of the Barrows' Brothers, but for those that don't, I'm Kina Kalamari, and I'll be your host. Welcome to The Gods' Show, where we get to meet the…(counts on fingers)…six gods of RuneScape! Let's introduce them now, shall we?
(camera pans left to show another person)
Kina: This is Saradomin, god of goodness and light.
Saradomin: Hello.
(camera pans again)
Kina: This is Guthix, god of neutrality.
Guthix: (inclines head magnanimously)
(camera pans again)
Kina: This is Zamorak, god of chaos.
Zamorak: (flips off camera)
Kina: Hey! Manners, Zamorak!
Zamorak: (shrugs)
Kina: (sighs)
(camera pans again)
Kina: This is Armadyl, god of air and law.
Armadyl: Hey.
(camera pans again)
Kina: This is Bandos, god of war.
Bandos: Grr! (brandishes sword at camera)
Kina: Put that away! This is expensive equipment!
Bandos: (sulks)
(camera pans again)
Kina: And this is Zaros, god of evil.
Zaros: Why am I last? I don't much care for the way you do things around here, Kina Kalamari.
Kina: Well, someone had to be last. Might as well be you.
Zaros: No, it might as well have been Zamorak, or Saradomin. Not me.
Kina: Oh, suck it up.
Voice from next to camera: What about me?
(camera pans)
Kina: Who are you?
Unknown Person: I am Zaros's loyal servant, Alexander Morgenstern Albatross.
Kina: Uh…okay…(turns to Zaros) This true?
Zaros: Yes.
Kina: Alrighty, then. Can we call you Alex? Your full name would be a little long for denoting your dialogue.
Alexander Morgenstern Albatross: What? (pause) Oh. I see. Yes, Alex will do.
Kina: Excellent. Shall we get on with the show?
Saradomin: Ah, well, Kina…you seem to have failed to explain to us exactly what we're supposed to be doing.
Kina: Oh, I'm sorry. I'd just like you each to tell us a little bit about yourselves. It's sort of a 'get to know you' show. If it goes well, perhaps we could turn it into a game show or some such.
Zaros: A game show? Servant, go get my special game show cape.
Alex: Yes, Master. (starts to leave)
Zaros: No, wait, don't do that…Get my staff.
Alex: Of course, Master. (goes to leave)
Zaros: Oh, and Servant?
Alex: Yes, Master?
Zaros: Get me a beer from the tavern while you're at it.
Alex: Anything you say, Master. (goes to leave)
Kina: Hey, Servant, grab me a Coke while you're at it.
Alex: A what, Mast- (turns around) You're not my master!
Kina: (shrugs) Worth a shot. You're being a lemming, anyway. I figured I may as well make use of it.
Alex: A lemming? What's that?
Kina: A lemming; a person with no free will of their own who follows unquestioningly what other people tell them to do. I think it's generally used when you follow a crowd, but we'll make an exception here. I like the word.
Alex: I'm not a lemming!
Kina: Yeah, you are. A lame lemming, even. It's kind of sad. Hey, wait a minute…
Alex: (irritably) What?
Kina: Lame Lemming Alexander Morgenstern Albatross! Your initials spell llama!
Llama: They do not! I'm not a lame lem-…Hey! You changed my name!
Kina: Yeah.
Llama: Change it back!
Kina: Why?
Llama: Because…because it's mean!
Kina: Hm…maybe. Fine. (changes it back)
Alex: (checks name) Whew.
Zaros: Servant, get going.
Lame lemming: Of course, Master, at onc-…Kina, stop it!
Kina: (snickers)
Alex: Humph. (stalks out)
Zamorak: That was hilarious, Kina. I think you have a real knack for spreading chaos.
Kina: (grins) Thank you, Zamorak.
Armadyl: Well, if you're all going to be chaotic, I may as well leave now. (stands up)
Kina: No, don't leave! Um…(thinks desperately)…we have cookies!
Armadyl: (pauses) Well…all right then. (sits back down)
Kina: Excellent. (hands Armadyl cookies)
Bandos: Armadyl, you'd better be planning to share those!
Armadyl: Um…no.
Bandos: Share them!
Armadyl: No!
Bandos: (draws large, dangerous weapon) GRR!!!
Kina: Gah! Stop! (hands Bandos a plate of cookies) Here!
Bandos: Oh. (takes cookies) Thanks.
Kina: (breathes sigh of relief) No problem.
Alex: (enters room) Master, I'm back. (hands Zaros staff and beer)
Zaros: Good.
Kina: Zaros!
Zaros: What?
Kina: Thank the lame lemming! He brought you your stuff, and deserves thanks.
Zaros: Oh. (looks at Alex) Whatever. Thanks.
Alex: (nods) Of course, Oh Greatest Master.
Guthix: I am sure you all find this most entertaining, but I was under the impression that we were here to converse the certain matter of telling of ourselves. Was I mistaken?
Kina: Oh, uh…no. Let's get right to that, then. Guthix, you can start.
Guthix: Oh, no. I would not wish to take that privilege away from anyone else who would wish for it. Shall Saradomin take first lead?
Saradomin: That's very kind of you, Guthix, but I would much rather let someone else have the honor of going first.
Kina: Um…
Zaros: You people are morons! Since you're all too cowardly, I'll go first.
Guthix: I am afraid that I do not see how being generous would be cowardly.
Zamorak: You're not being generous; you're shoving the pressure of going first off on someone else.
Zaros: Exactly!
Armadyl: (raises eyebrows) Since when do you two agree on anything?
Zaros: Er…we don't. I meant to say that Zamorak was talking complete nonsense, of course…(trails off embarrassedly)
Armadyl: Right. Of course. (shakes head)
Kina: This is great and all, but who's going first?
Zaros, Zamorak, and Bandos: I am.
Kina: You can't all go first!
Guthix: Indeed. That would be most illogical.
Kina: Okay, I have an idea; we'll pick out of a hat.
Zamorak: We'll do what?
Kina: It's a way of deciding things when no when no one can. Anyone have a hat?
Everyone else: (looks at each other) No.
Kina: Ah. Too bad. I'll need a new plan, then.
Zaros: No worries. Servant, go fetch a hat.
Alex: Yes, Master. Right away. (leaves)
Kina: Oh. Excellent.
(five minutes later)
Alex: Your hat, Master. (hands Zaros a 'Stylish Hat')
Zaros: Er…okay…(hands hat to Kina)
Kina: (examines hat) This won't do. These two big swoopy things with the stuff hanging off the tips? Not conducive to drawing paper slips.
Zaros: Oh. Servant, fetch a different hat.
Alex: Yes, Master.
Kina: No, don't bother. (tosses 'Stylish Hat') We'll just pick sticks.
Saradomin: Pardon?
Kina: It's another technique for randomly picking something. I'll need a very long stick.
Zaros: Servant, fetch a stick.
Kina: (snickers) Right, Fido, fetch a stick.
Alex: (glares at Kina) Shut up, KK. (to Zaros) Right away, Master. (leaves)
(ten minutes later)
Alex: (hands Zaros a plain staff) Here, Master.
Zaros: Excellent. (hands staff to Kina)
Kina: (frowns) This won't do.
Alex: Why not?
Kina: It's too thick. I can't snap it.
Bandos: I can.
Kina: Uh…thanks for the offer, but we'll just do something else. (tosses staff) How about we roll a die?
Armadyl: How many plans are we going to go through before we actually figure out who's going first?
Zamorak: Yeah, really. This is getting ridiculous.
Kina: No worries. I really can't see how this will go wrong. Alex, fetch a die.
Alex: (turns to Zaros)
Zaros: (nods)
Alex: (leaves)
Kina: What, he can't obey me? Pshaw.
(fifteen minutes later)
Alex: I found nothing called a 'die'. I brought back the closest thing I could find. (hands Zaros a death rune)
Zaros: (hands Kina the death rune)
Kina: Um…This is a death rune.
Alex: I know.
Kina: This won't help.
Alex: I figured as much.
Kina: Then why'd you bring it back?
Alex: (shrugs)
Kina: Okay, then…New plan!
Guthix: May I suggest we simply decide amongst ourselves? As unpleasant as that may become, it seems to me that it would be far more expeditious.
Kina: Hm…maybe…Fine. Who's going first?
Zaros, Zamorak, and Bandos: I am.
Kina: Right, then. (thinks) Bandos.
Zaros and Zamorak: What? Why?
Kina: His name starts with a 'b', which happens to come before 'z' in the alphabet.
Zamorak: Huh. I'm changing my name.
Saradomin: But then what would happen when someone decided to go by the person whose name began with the last letter in the alphabet?
Zamorak: Oh. Uh…(ponders)
Kina: (checks clock) Oh dear.
Armadyl: What is it?
Kina: Well, it seems we've run ourselves right out of time. We'll have to start the show next time.
Zamorak: That was a right waste of time, that was.
Kina: Perhaps, but somehow I think we've gotten to know you all better with this than if you'd just told us…
A/N: So, um…what'd you think? Any good? Worth reading more of it? Reviews are more than welcomed.
Oh, and thanks to my friend Alex for, well, the use of Alex. (His name is not actually Alexander Morgenstern Albatross, just to clear things up.) Though I was the one who came up with the lame lemming thing and the llama thing and the name A.M.A. Anyway...yeah, review. =)