A/N: This two-shot was supposed to be a one-shot that got way too long. I love Haymitch, and I was so intrigued when he started talking about how his family and girl were killed in Mockingjay. This begged the question-who was Haymitch's girl? Here I attempt to fill in the blanks. Though I have to admit, I get sidetracked with my storytelling sometimes. The world of THG really gets my creative juices flowing.
Warnings: I'm just going to post all of the warnings here and not in Part 2. Be warned, they are still in effect for Part 2. There's disturbing content, some sexual content (nothing graphic), and a little bit of cursing. If that's not for you, hit the back button now. There's also spoilers for Catching Fire and Mockingjay if you haven't read either of those books.
Disclaimer: The Hunger Games belongs solely to Suzanne Collins/Lionsgate.
Haymitch's Girl
He first met Julia Millwater when he was fifteen, at the age when most boys realize that they'll never have a chance with the most obviously beautiful girls in their class and start finding beauty in unexpected places. Like most of the adolescent boys in District 12 he had drooled over Forsythia Offee for his entire fourteenth year, but by now everyone recognized that she only had eyes for Quillan Everdeen. The only person who was still completely delusional was Klaus Mellark, and Haymitch Abernathy would be damned if he was as much of a fool as that naive baker's son.
The occasion where he had noticed her first was one that he had been sure for weeks that he would despise-when the Victor of the 49th Hunger Games, a bitch from District 2 named something ridiculous like Leaf or Gladiolus, graced District 12 with her presence on the Victory Tour. Haymitch would only be slightly annoyed with the occasion in the past, because it would involve getting dressed up in ill fitting old clothes of his late father's and slicking his hair back with foul smelling goo, but watching Leaf/Gladiolus spear his good friend Markus through the throat during the Games had not endeared her to him. He refused to kowtow to that beautiful, silky-haired murderer, and the thought of her looking down at them, decadently dressed and well fed, as they danced for her sickened him. And just the thought of her later on in the Justice Building, eating rich food as the rest of them went home to starve or dig into their tesserae, both repulsed him and made his stomach clench in some kind of hungry envy.
Haymitch was a boy of strong opinions.
But of course, he couldn't skip the party. It was forbidden on pain of death. So he put on his father's old dress shirt and trousers, put the goo in his dark hair, and made his way to the square with his mother and fourteen year old brother Roger. Grumbling all the way, of course, though his mother begged him to shush.
At first things were just as bad as he thought they would be. Haymitch could only look up at the dais at Leaf/Gladiolus with loathing in his eyes as they all had to pretend to be happy for this girl. Instead of looking at her, Haymitch tried to look at the tributes' families in their own special box. The pain wasn't as harsh for Goldilocks Hubbert's family, as she had died quickly in the bloodbath. It was harder for Markus'. He had survived and been a source of hope, only to die by their esteemed victor's hand. Haymitch could not look at them. Markus' older brother had already died in an accident in the mines before he was picked as tribute. How much more pain could they take? Markus' mother looked ancient, his father wept freely; Markus' sister, the only child his parents had left, could not even look at the podium. Haymitch had to look away from them. He wanted this to be over. He looked up to the girl again (her name was actually Miracle) and wished alcoholism, morphling addiction, and all kinds of horrors on her.
When the dancing began Haymitch didn't bother to find a partner, instead moving off to the side to lazily ogle the girls. They were dressed in their best, a stark contrast between the homespun everyone wore to school. His eyes lingered on the Donner twins, Rosie and Maysilee, of course, as well as on Forsythia as she happily danced with Everdeen, but then by chance they strayed off to the side and saw her. And they stayed there.
Haymitch knew Julia Millwater from school. They had been in the same class since they were five years old, and they had never spoken more than three words to each other. Jenna was painfully shy. She kept to herself at lunchtime, only talking to one or two girls, and never raised her hand. There were times when he had forgotten her existence. But right now, with a jolt, he finds her beautiful, and he can't pinpoint why. She has that same Seam look of dark hair, olive skin and gray eyes, but maybe he likes her pink dress or the way her hair has been done up in elaborate braids. Or maybe because she looks happy, a small smile on her face as she dances with her friends, and she has a pretty smile. Haymitch didn't have time to decipher his sudden reasons for noticing Julia, but he was impulsive as usual, and before he knew it he'd marched over to her and said, "Hi, Jenna. Will you dance with me?"
Julia looked shocked, her mouth forming a small 'o', and squeaked, "Haymitch?", as if she was wondering if it really was him. She knew him from school as the gruff, sarcastic boy who was always getting in trouble with the teachers and asking questions. He didn't blame her for her confusion. A boy like Haymitch didn't usually show interest in a girl like her.
"Are you going to dance with me or not?" he demanded. Her friends giggled. Julia blushed scarlet and murmured, "yes."
He took her hand and did not let her go for the rest of the night. She's stiff and uncomfortable at first as he twirls her. He tries to make some jokes to loosen her up. Eventually his sarcastic wit gets to her and she begins to laugh. She has a nice smile. No one really tries to cut in, much to Haymitch's relief. All of the other guys know that Haymitch would not give her up without a fight.
After a while they begin to talk about their lives. Haymitch tells her about his mother and his younger brother, how he's going to go down into the mines to support them as soon as he's eighteen and how he wishes he could've started sooner. He even finds himself telling her about how his father went off illegally into the woods when Haymitch was ten and was found two days later hanging from a tree with a rope around his neck. Julia's family life is nowhere near as dramatic-both of her parents are still alive, her father is a miner and her mother is a laundress, and she's the oldest of five siblings, her youngest sister being just six months old. Julia speaks in a quiet voice as they don't really dance, just sway, and gasps and widens her eyes at the appropriate times in his story. Haymitch likes her Seam eyes. They're the color of clouds on a slightly rainy day, but he can see a hint of orange around her pupil in her right eye.
He's not usually one to talk unless he's insulting somebody, but something about her loosens his tongue.
The party ends and Haymitch decides that the polite thing to do would be to walk Julia home. She lives in a dilapidated Seam hovel nearly identical to his save for the laundry line with the clothing of rich people and Peacekeepers hanging from it and the sow slumbering near her doorway.
"Thank you," she says, her face turning a bright red. "No one's ever asked me to dance with them before."
Haymitch makes an almost knee-jerk remark about how he has an easy time believing that because everyone else is as dumb as mud, but he's really looking at Julia's lips and thinking about how much he wants to kiss her. And because Haymitch has never let how other people may feel affect his actions he leans in and presses his lips to hers, fully expecting a slap to the face.
Julia never slaps him. This is not Haymitch's first kiss-he'd passed that milestone with Izzy Cartwright, and he really didn't want to think about it-but it was nice. Really nice. She was inexperienced but her lips were soft, and she let him lightly probe at the space between her teeth with his tongue. But before he could deepen the kiss further, or even monopolize on this by going in for a grope, she pulls away from him.
She gives him a shocked, confused look before running into her house and slamming the door. Haymitch walks home with a stupid smile on his face that won't go away.
Haymitch spends the rest of the weekend thinking about Julia. On Monday on the way to school, I'm just going to walk right up to her and ask her to be my girl, he decides. He doesn't really have to work up the nerve. If she says yes, great, if she rejects him, fine. He has greater things to worry about than his love life, such as feeding his family.
Monday morning found him scanning the path to school from the Seam carefully. He had let Roger go on ahead of him, so he could be alone. Finally he saw her, walking her younger brother, who he knew to be named Eli because he was in Roger's class. Haymitch scowled; he knew asking Julia out in front of her brother would be very problematic. By sheer luck she dropped her bag, and Eli raced on ahead. When she rose, Haymitch smirked and called out, "Julia!"
She turned around and looked at him. An unreadable expression crossed her face, and then she turned around and began walking more swiftly.
Haymitch caught up to her and reached for her hand. Their fingertips brushed before Julia pulled her hand away, blushing scarlet. "Go away!"
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded. Being charming had never been Haymitch's strong suit. "I just want to talk to you."
"I should ask you the same question!" she shouted, fire blazing in her eyes that Haymitch had never seen. "Why are you doing this? Leave me alone!"
"Doing what? You're crazy."
"Making fun of me! I knew a guy like you wouldn't like a girl like-like me. I knew it from the moment you asked me to dance. You probably had so much fun later, laughing with all your friends about how Julia Millwater can't kiss and about how she's afraid of toads." Her face was very flushed, and a single tear dripped down her cheek. "Damn it, I can't believe I told you that!"
"Julia, you're being an idiot," he says, a little miffed. He may be a proud jerk, but one thing he wasn't was a womanizing jerk. "I wouldn't do that to you. I swear on my mother's life. If I was, I wouldn't have told you about my father. It's not something I just tell people."
Julia's mouth formed that 'o' again. "Oh! Haymitch, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to be so rude. Well, I meant it, but I thought you were taking advantage of me when I said those things. Please forgive me."
Haymitch rolls his eyes, but is very, very relieved. "Great. Now that we've cleared that up, how about being my girlfriend?"
Julia smiled. "Yes. I'd love to, Haymitch." Her shyness was back, her smile sweeter than Capitol candy. Normally, he'd hate it.
They both realize around the same time that they're going to be late to school if they just keep standing there. He offers her his hand; she doesn't refuse it this time.
"Haymitch?"
"Yeah?"
Her eyes glitter with some of the fire they held before, except it's good fire this time. "If you ever ask a girl out again, you should probably try not to call her an idiot."
XXX
Haymitch and Julia went out for the many months following District 12's stop on the Victory Tour. They were blissful months. Out of all of them, the summer was the best. The days were long and lazy and wonderful. Haymitch spent them as a shop boy at the Mellark bakery, earning money until he could go down into the mines. Then he would briefly rush home to say hello to Mom and Roger before making his way to Julia's house, where she would be helping her mother do laundry. They would talk and walk around town and help Mrs. Millwater watch Julia's littlest sisters, Mitzi and Daffodil. (And make out, of course. Haymitch made sure of that.) It was a modest courtship, to be sure; Haymitch wasn't like a well-heeled Capitol gentleman who could take his girl out to fine restaurants or the theater. But it was still one of the happiest times of Haymitch's life.
No one had expected brash, unfriendly Haymitch Abernathy to date quiet, wide-eyed Julia Millwater. But the selves people knew at school were far different than who they really were. Julia was shy, sure, but she was also fierce in her own way. He loved it when he saw fire in her light eyes-whether it be due to anger, passion, or moxie. She was smarter than he'd known and loved to read, even though books were scarce in District 12, rereading the same two books over and over until they were threadbare. As for him, Julia brought out Haymitch's inner sap. He even found himself picking her wildflowers.
Of course, they didn't have the perfect relationship, but who did? When they had fights they were epic and loud and they left him wanting to kick things more than normal. But they made up, they always made up.
By September Haymitch found himself entertaining wild, stupid thoughts. He thought about marrying Julia after they graduated school. He would be a coal miner, perhaps she could be a laundress like her mother. They would live uneventful lives and fill the house with children who had Seam features. Hopefully they would be able to delay starvation.
Haymitch is a pragmatist. He does not think much about the future, except for the fact that he had to support Roger and his mother by going down into the mines, and he scoffed at those who did. Now he was becoming a weepy, sniveling lover boy like some of the other guys he was friends with. He was disgusted with himself. And yet, thinking of Julia as his wife made him happy. At times deliriously so.
Later, Haymitch would look back on his time with Julia as the best of his life.
XXX
Reaping Day is met by the usual mixture of dread and fear by District 12. Haymitch just wants the day to pass so he can go and claim his tesserae. He's entered in the Reaping thirty-seven times, Roger, thirty-one.
He puts on his Reaping clothes and yet more guck in his hair and quickly escapes his family to stand with Julia in the square. She looks beautiful to him, the silver butterfly-shaped barrette she'd been saving her money for since she was eleven before she could buy it at the pawnbroker's in her hair, which went nicely with her powder blue dress. They kiss lightly and quickly in greeting and then do not speak, the mood too somber to be broken by words. Julia takes his hand and squeezes it tightly.
They stand with Julia's younger brother and sister, Eli and Nora. The little girls are with her parents. Haymitch is grateful for their presence, because it means that Julia will not attempt to talk to him about what will happen if one of them is Reaped. She has tried to broach the subject in recent days and Haymitch will have none of it. Though it is true that the odds are not in either of their favor-Julia is entered twenty-two times, and the Quarter Quell, and its call for four tributes instead of two, does not help their chances-Haymitch does not want to even think about having to hear her name be called and having to watch her most likely be slaughtered on live television. As for if he is Reaped, he only feels fear he is in fact afraid to dwell on.
The anxious murmuring of the crowd quiets when Roxana Faraday steps toward the microphone. She's a queer character, with her aquamarine skin dye and tall platinum blonde wig. He supposes it is better than the dark purple skin she sported last year, which made her like like a plum. Haymitch and his friends love poking fun at her.
"Welcome to the 50th Hunger Games-an esteemed milestone, and a Quarter Quell! This year, in remembrance of the fact that two rebels died for every Capitol citizen killed, four tributes shall be Reaped. Good luck everyone, and may the odds be ever in your favor!"
She paused, as if awaiting applause. But who would applaud that statement? It was a joke by now.
"Ladies first," Roxana croons, a silly grin across her silly blue face. Her hand fishes around in the bowl before finally snatching a paper. There is a pregnant pause before she reads the name aloud.
"Valley Payne."
A few rows ahead of them, a rather tall Seam girl bursts into tears. The only thing Haymitch knows about Valley is that she is in the final year of school. It must be awful to be Reaped at eighteen, he thinks. She was almost out of it.
A sobbing Valley ascends the stage and refuses to speak when Roxana talks to her, overcome. No one volunteers to take her place.
After the protocol regarding the first tribute is over with, Roxana's hand returns to the bowl. The anticipation that had been briefly quenched crests again when she opens her mouth to read.
"Maysilee Donner."
Maysilee-she was in he and Julia's class. She was Rosie Donner's identical twin sister. She was blonde and slim and the daughter of a merchant. Due to her status, she probably hadn't even had to apply for tesserae. The odds certainly were not in her favor. He watches as she and her best friend Forsythia Offee weep and cling at each other, as her twin sister and parents have to be dragged away by Peacekeepers as they scream.
When no one volunteers for Maysilee, Roxana announces that it's the boys' turn. Her hand once again searches, and she reads:
"Robin Nettles."
An audible gasp goes up from the crowd as a thin young boy, who appears to be thirteen or fourteen, is immediately surrounded by a group of wailing, clutching relatives. Robin is the son of Haven Arrowsmith, District 12's only Victor in the history of the Games. Haven's daughter Anna had been Reaped two years before. She has another daughter, Janie, who will be turning twelve this year. Her husband is already long gone from sickness.
The commotion regarding Robin's Reaping passes and it is time to draw the last tribute. Haymitch has been holding his breath. He is relieved that Julia had not been called-he is sure he would have killed anything in his path, taken her and run away to the wilderness that lay beyond the district-but the old fear has grown with the annunciation of the male tributes. One more slot, and he had thirty-seven little slips of paper in that bowl. The odds were not in his favor.
Roxana probed until she finally picked a paper she believed was random enough. She smiled wolfishly before she began to read.
"Haymitch Abernathy."
XXX
Haymitch sits in his cell in the Justice Building. He is going to die and he hates it.
The moments before he went onstage were a blur. Julia had let out a small shriek and had buried her face into his chest, wetting his front with her tears. He was briefly aware of both Eli and Nora, and then some Peacekeepers, tearing her away from him. As he made his way numbly through the crowd he saw Roger making his way towards him. He remembers himself yelling, "Go! Go to Mom!"
He is going to die. He is going to leave Mom and Roger without a breadwinner for four years before Roger could be allowed to work in the mines. He is going to leave Julia and the future they could have had behind. They would all be forced to see him die on live TV.
Julia. On stage as Roxana made her closing remarks, he had seen her, the tears flowing freely as she was comforted by her friends and family. She had never belonged to him, he realized. He had never belonged to her either. Nothing was a given in this messed up world. The future that he had craved with her would never come to pass. He would be buried in the Tributes' Cemetery while Julia married some other man and had his children. Perhaps she would think about him from time to time. Hopefully she would visit his grave every once in a while, maybe even put flowers on it and keep everything neat and clean, maybe even bring her children and tell them about what a brave man he had been, if he managed to get far. Maybe she would even dream about him sometimes while she lay next to her husband in bed. He hopes they will be good dreams instead of night terrors.
His family comes in for their allotted three minutes. He finds himself telling Roger practical things-to take his old position as the Mellarks' shop boy so they could survive, to go down to the Hob and buy meat and soup on the cheap, even if it was illegal. He finds himself telling his mother that he loved her. There is so little time to really say goodbye.
I am going to die. Roger is going to have to take out more tesserae and so he could be Reaped too. This will kill mom. First Dad walks away, and then both of her sons are killed in the Games. And she will be forced to watch. She'll be forced to watch as I die of thirst or poison, or worse, by spear or sword . . .
After his family leaves, Haymitch is alone for another five minutes until the door opens again. He sits up straight, hoping it's Julia, but instead it's his boss, Arlo Mellark, and his kids Klaus and Hannah.
Arlo gives him a box of hot cross buns and assures him that not only will he hire Roger in his stead, but also that the Abernathys will never want for bread again. "Your father was my best friend," he says. "Before he died Willem came to me and made me swear I'd help you all survive. Now I'm making you the same promise."
Klaus gives him a hug and murmurs half-heartedly that he will be all right. His younger sister Hannah embraces him too, whispering in his ear, "Don't worry, Haymitch. I'll take care of Roger."
"You and him-" He'd had his suspicions about Roger and Hannah. He immediately kicks himself for thinking about something so frivolous when he is going to die. At least Roger would have Hannah to comfort him. God knows his mother wouldn't be able to.
"Yes," she confirms.
"Make sure he takes care of Mom," he whispers back. Then their time is up and they are gone.
Haymitch sits again. Where was Julia? Had she abandoned him already? Don't think that, he assures himself. Don't think that. She probably just wants to compose herself. She's probably waiting in line.
Eight minutes pass by before the door opens yet again and a Peacekeeper pushes Julia inside. She's not crying anymore, but her face is red and her nose is running. She just stares at him for a moment. Her chest heaves.
"Hay-"
Before she can finish, he gets up and crushes her to him, silencing her with a kiss. For the first minute or so of her visit, they kiss, coming up for air a few times but quickly diving back in. He wants to savor it. He wants to map every contour of her lips. This will be the last time I ever kiss Julia, he thinks, and it's a surreal thought. She begins to push him away, saying, "Haymitch . . ."
"No," he says in what is almost a growl, trailing kisses down her neck because he wants to remember what it feels like beneath his mouth. "No talking. Please. I just want to feel you for the last time." She should know that he's serious. He never says please.
"It won't be the last time," she says, pushing him away fully. The fire in her eyes is back. It's determination. "You're going to win, Haymitch. You're going to come back to me."
Haymitch has to resist the urge to laugh in her face. "Julia. Sweetheart. I'm not coming back. I'm sorry. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but it is. I'm going to die. I'll try to stay alive for as long as I can in there, but I'm going to die. I'm facing forty-seven other kids. Only one of us survives and that person probably won't be me. There's twice as many Careers this year and when they all join together, the rest of us are done for."
"But-"
"Listen, Julia. After I'm gone I don't want you to be miserable for the rest of your life. I want you to move on and marry someone else. Okay?"
"Haymitch!" she cries out. She's actually angry now, he can tell. "Don't say that! I'm not marrying anyone else besides you. You're going to win. I know you can do it. You're handy with a knife, I've seen it. You can run quickly. You're clever. You know how to survive, you've been surviving ever since your father died. Most of all, you have something to fight for. You're not like the Careers who are just fighting so they can go home and have glory. You're fighting for your mother and Roger. You're fighting for me."
Her words touch him. He pulls her to him and holds her tight, taking in the scent of her hair. She had put a hint of primrose in her bathing water this morning. If he's not careful, he could allow himself to hope. "I'll fight for you," he finally says. He just doesn't know how long he'll be able to.
Julia's brow furrows in thought, and her hand reaches down to probe the pockets of her dress. After a moment, she pulls her barrette out of her hair. "Take this," she says. "Look at it whenever you're tempted to give up."
She places it in his palm and closes his fingers over it. "Julia, I can't take this," he says, futilely. He knows how long she had pined for it.
"Yes you can," she says, and kisses him. It's slow and sweet and the thought of this being the last time she kisses him brings tears to his eyes. He imagines her weeping over his open coffin, and then leaning down to kiss his cold, dead lips, if his face is still intact of course.
"I love you," he chokes out when they break apart. It's the first time he has ever said this. He wishes he could have said it sooner. "I love you too," she says. She blinks, and tears stream down her face.
The door opens, making them both jump. A Peacekeeper is there. "Come on," he says, grabbing Julia's arm. "Time's up."
"Don't give up!" she shouts to him. "You have to come home, Haymitch. Don't you ever-"
The door closes. He can't hear her anymore.
XXX
Haymitch sits in the dining car of the tribute train with the others, playing with Julia's barrette. He hasn't been eating much, though he knows it's vital to gain weight before going into the arena. The thought of eating Capitol food, no matter how good it smells, makes him sick.
Roxana is prattling on about something stupid as usual. Valley and Maysilee are sitting in complete silence-no one wants to befriend someone they'll eventually have to turn on.
Haven Arrowsmith, their mentor, is deep in conversation with her son. Though Haven is a kindly, yet haunted, woman and means well, she's been paying far more attention to Robin than to the rest of the tributes. Haymitch doesn't resent her for this. He had seen the way Anna had died, how the axe of that District 7 tribute had cut her head clean off. If he was Haven, he wouldn't want to see another of his children die.
The claws of Julia's barrette pinch his hand. He doesn't need Haven to try to psych him up into staying alive. All he needs are his memories of Julia, of his mother and brother. He had made a promise to stay alive and despite his flaws, he was a man of his word. He didn't know how long it would be until death came in the form of a bloodthirsty Career. But he would keep his promise until that time came.
XXX
After the laughter that his "hundred percent as stupid as usual" crack prompted, Caesar Flickerman asks him if there is a special girl in his life.
Haymitch pauses. His garish suit, which is designed to look like glowing coal embers, is baking him. He curses his stylist, Thetis, for inadvertently adding to the flush that's gathering in his cheeks. It's giving him away.
How should he acknowledge her? Should he cause these Capitol buffoons to coo and pity him by confessing how much he loved her? He didn't want their pity. No matter how much he needed it to survive. "What's it to you?" he finally grunts, cementing his surly image. But his pause, and the brief smile on his face, give him away. He hopes that Julia can understand why he did not mention her. He hopes that she can somehow feel how he thinks about her all of the time, and how he misses her like he hasn't missed anything in his life.
XXX
The feel of Julia's barrette digging into his hand is the only thing that keeps him from closing his eyes and succumbing to darkness. He can hear the whoosh of the hovercraft overhead, and can vaguely make out Claudius Templesmith announcing that Haymitch Abernathy of District 12 is the Victor of the 50th Hunger Games.
His thoughts are too muddled to celebrate. All he can concentrate on is holding his hand to his abdomen and trying to ignore the pain and the slippery feeling of his intestines against his palm, and the feel of the barrette biting into his skin.
XXX
Haymitch is impatient for the rest of his time in the Capitol. He's curt during the closing ceremonies and the party at President Snow's mansion. He has to get home to Mom and Roger and Julia. He'll get another kiss from her, and another and another for the rest of his life. He won't have to go down to the mines, his winnings and his house in the Victor's Village will support his family for the rest of his days. His family with Julia will grow up never knowing what hunger is, always having soft beds to sleep on instead of the floor.
For an instant, he is almost grateful for the Games.
On the train back to District 12 he is fidgety. Roxana will not shut up about how proud she is of him. Haven Arrowsmith had congratulated him back at the Capitol, but she is silent and keeps to herself on the train. Robin died about fifteen minutes into the Games in the bloodbath. At least he was not grossly maimed like his sister.
When the train finally pulls into the station, it is thronged with hooting, hollering, cheering people. Their celebration is not so much due to district pride over having another Victor than it is about the prospect of the food that will now come in as a reward.
Haymitch gets off the train and is blinded by flashbulbs going off. Even though Thetis has dressed him in a fine homecoming outfit and Roxana minded him to mug for the cameras, he doesn't care right now. All he is mindful of is scanning the crowd for the three people who matter the most.
Through the blinding light comes a girl, running. She's wearing a dress the color of sea foam and her eyes are shining as she sobs with joy.
Julia.
He runs to her and they embrace, grasping, kissing, crying, mumbling things that are practically gibberish. They fall to the ground but Haymitch could care less. The crowd cheers for them as the cameras snap.
By nightfall, the footage of their reunion is plastered on every television set in Panem.