This is the story of how I fell in love with an illusion.
"You'll be back again tomorrow around the same time, right?" she asked, her fragile voice cracking mid-sentence. I smiled as I looked at her, feeling my face soften at her innocent question. "Of course I will. I'm here every day around this time, aren't I?" I giggled as I gave her a huge toothy grin. She chuckled and laid down in her bed, waving at me as I left the room. I closed the door, pausing for a moment and leaned my head against the wall next to it. "How's she doin'?" I turned to see her personal doctor, facing me with an almost impatient expression on his face. It was clear he had been waiting for me. "Doesn't seem like she's any better, doc.." He sighed and nodded, clearly disappointed but not surprised, and went inside. I could hear her faint voice greet the doctor in the best and most polite way she could. I took that as my cue to leave.
As I walked down the white halls, I stared at the shiny floor; it had just been cleaned. I could almost hear my friends there and then. "Where have YOU been? Takin' a break with that 'cancer patient' again?" They would laugh. "I bet cancer patient is just her new term for booze, booze, and more booze." No matter how many times I tried to tell them, they never believed me. Well, I think Dirk kind of did, but he never spoke up about it. He just sort of gave me this look… I guess it was sort of an understanding look. Dirk always understood me a bit better than Janey or Jake. He'd always manage to look at the clock right before I was supposed to leave and point it out to the group. I think that was just his way of looking out for me. I never really thought about thanking him.
I arrived at the exit, staring out the windows to the cold air that awaited me on the other side of them. I slowly put on my jacket, zipped it up and went through them. Thinking about the look lil' Calliope got when I read to her and held her was worth any teasing or trouble my friends would give me. Her silly grin flashed in my mind for a moment and I couldn't help but smile. I felt my face get a bit warm and stopped where I was walking, closing my eyes and hiding my face in my scarf. I sighed and looked up at the sky only to see clouds everywhere. It was probably going to rain soon.
10 minutes had passed by the time I got to my group's usual hang out spot. Jane and Jake were there talking and laughing about something with Dirk sitting not to far away, laughing as well. They immediately stopped when they noticed me. Jane ran over to me, smelling me to see if I had been drinking. "Wow, Roxy. You're getting good at hiding the alcohol scent," she said, giggling. "Yep, I know. You guys just won't be able to tell what I'll think of next to hide my drinkin'." I felt Dirk's eyes on me as I turned to Jake. "What are you guys doin' today?" Jake looked up at me and grinned his usual teen-heartthrob grin. "Oh, I brought in some new games for us to play!" he exclaimed as he brought out some cards and dice, accidentally dropping them. The cards flew around everywhere, decorating the room with diamonds and hearts. Dirk stared at Jake and sighed. "What are we going to do with you, Jake?" I couldn't help but giggle. "Jakey, this isn't a new game. This game is called 52 card pick up, and it's a single player game. Gosh, bring in some better games next time, why don't you?" Jane giggled a bit as Jake blushed, picking up the cards. Dirk simply sat there and smirked.
Though they teased me often, it was refreshing to have them around. They were always so lively and happy, living their lives with little to no serious worries, or at least none that they couldn't easily hide. I didn't want to compare anyone, but hanging around these three was a lot less draining than it was to be with Calliope. I loved her, but at this point, there really wasn't much I could do for her besides hope and pray that she got better fast.
Since I wasn't family and all, the doctor wouldn't really tell me too much after any of my visits. He did become used to seeing me every day at the same time, however, and I think it made him happy to see a healthy, high spirited young girl instead of his usual sickly patients. At least I did something right by making him smile every day. It was the least I could do since he was there constantly taking care of Calliope. Part of me even wanted to be a doctor like him, so I could help people get better and see the delight of my patients' loved ones when they realized there was hope.
After a few hours of socializing with my three best friends, I decided to go home. It was late and I was tired from a long day. "Don't drink too much tonight! You don't want to wake up to a killer hangover tomorrow morning!" Jane called out. "Yeah, yeah, I'll try not to," I said with an effortless smirk on my face. I'm not sure why, but in that moment I felt truly pathetic. Was that really all I was to them? Just one of their friends who kept drinking constantly for only God knows what reason? They wouldn't believe me if I had told them the truth, that I have been sober for the past couple of weeks. It was hard, but I figured Calliope was worth it. It wouldn't be a good idea to wander into a hospital drunk, plus she told me she thought I was fine without the alcohol. I didn't want to disappoint her.
As I left, it turned out my earlier prediction about the rain was right. It was pouring, and there was a bit of thunder and lightning in the distance. I simply sighed and pulled my hood over my head, walking along the drenched streets. It wasn't long before the rain stopped while I walked along an abandoned road to get back home. When I arrived, I hung up my coat, and quickly changed into pajamas before hopping into bed. I turned to look at my clock, counting the hours before I got to get up and see her again.
My alarm went off at 10 the next morning. It was a Sunday, and the rain clouds had gone away, revealing the sun that had been hiding the past few days. I yawned and stretched out a bit before getting dressed and pouring myself a bowl of cereal. After I was done, I put my things away and began my journey to the hospital. The walk was a cold one; I shivered violently about halfway through, realizing I should have put on another jacket. Lucky for me, I arrived at the hospital sooner than I thought I would. I did the normal routine; took off my jacket, set it on the coat rack outside her door, and washed up to prevent any germs from spreading to her fragile body. I was about to go through the doorway when the doctor stopped me.
"Ah, Roxy, is it?" I nodded, curious as to why he stopped me. "Well, I'm afraid I have some bad news." My heart immediately sank into my gut. I knew what he was about to say, and I didn't want to hear it. He noticed my worry, his facial expression changing after saying it.
"Calliope... She didn't make it through the night."
I fell to my knees, my legs having lost all feeling. I felt weak, sick, and devastated.
"B-But.." I tried to find reason, an excuse. Maybe she was still alive somewhere, and the doctor was lying to me. No, no. The doctor wouldn't lie to me about something like this. He wouldn't lie. Would he? I looked up to the door that I used to open to see Calliope's wonderful, bright face, and threw my hands up at it, trying to pry it open. It was locked. I looked back to the doctor, who held a very sympathetic look upon his face. He wasn't pained, he just showed me pity. I looked from the room, to the doctor and the nurse, then to the exit. I got to my feet, stumbled to the door, and started running home. I didn't care about my jacket or anything else, I just wanted to see Calliope. I took a couple shortcuts, jumping over grass and dodging cars. I'm pretty sure I fell at one point, considering I had a large scrape on my knee, but I don't remember it at all. All I remember is what the doctor said.
She didn't make it through the night.
I took out my keys and opened the door to my house, leaving it wide open and falling onto the floor in my living room. I grabbed a pillow from off of the couch and held it close, sobbing into it. I had never cried so much in my life. I had never felt so awful, so alone, so weak and helpless. That moment, I felt like nothing else mattered at all. I can't even begin to describe how horrible it was. I thought I heard something, a knock followed by a faint, "..Roxy?.." but I didn't care. I held the pillow over my face, still crying and hurting. I felt a hand on my arm while someone removed the pillow from my face. The light was bright; having laid there for a few moments darkness shrouded my eyes, but after they adjusted, I saw Dirk, kneeling down next to me. What was he doing here?
"Roxy.." He frowned. I couldn't help myself anymore. I sat up and threw my arms around him, hoping it would help me feel better.
"Dirk… I… It hurts so much… To lose someone y…. you love…" I felt Dirk's arms around me and his hand on the back of my head as he sighed. "I know."
We stayed like that for a long time. I had completely forgotten about any other plans I had that day, as did Dirk. He stayed there, holding me, while I continued to sit there and cry. I was so thankful he showed up; I'm not sure what I would have done, had he not. It was hard, but he understood. He understood everything I was feeling, and he helped me through it. The next few weeks were the same: absolute torture, but Dirk was there for me. He was there for me every day until Calliope's funeral, he even stayed over a few times. He was there when I said goodbye to her for the last time, and he never left my side for a while after.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is never easy. It's something we all have to deal with at some point. It makes it easier to have people who care about you around you during those times, as I learned the hard way. I guess what I'm trying to say is…
Thank you for being there, Dirk.
And I love you now and forever, Calliope.