Disclaimer: I don't own the Gilmore Girls or the character Louise Grant; they belong to WB and Amy Sherman-Palladino. There will be some reflections from previous Gilmore Girls episodes. The only thing I own is the plot of my story.

Spoilers: I really don't have any spoilers. I do refer to Chilton and the episode "Girls in Bikinis and Boys doing the Twist."

Purple Diamond in the Sky

As I lied there watching the rings of smoke coming from the cigarette I lazily puffed, I started thinking. Thinking about the past. Thinking about how I got messed up. Thinking about me. Thinking about her and why she cares. It all started during spring break last year; well actually my problem started long before that, when I lived in Hartford. I mean I was into sex and cigarettes as a teenager, everyone at Chilton knew that. Lately drugs and alcohol have been added to my list of problems. And I don't mean a small glass of wine and puff of someone's joint. I mean heavy drinking and heavy drugs.

Well like I said it all started during spring break. Madeline and I, happen to run into Rory and Paris during our break. Never in a million years did I ever expect to find Rory and Paris lying around on the beach. Technically they were sitting under a tent in chairs, but still they were at the beach. At the end of the break, Rory asked to keep in touch so I gave her my number. I mean why not? She is pretty cool, but that was just the beginning of it.

About three weeks after spring break I got a call from Rory. When I answered she sounded somewhat distressed, I really don't know why. I am not sure why she called; my memory of the first phone call is somewhat murky. I can definitely tell you I was not sober. The phone rang in a crowded room. The crowd ignored the phone, but that didn't stop the persistent ringing. Louise tumbled over and picked it up.

"Hello? The party is raisin' the roof. You can go real low and I don't mean limbo," slurred Louise over the phone.

"Hello is Louise there?" Rory asked hesitantly.

"This is she, her or me. Me, I am Louise. Yes me." She giggled with complete idiocy, while trying to walk around the room. Only a few seconds later, Louise tripped over the chord, unplugging the phone.

The next night, Rory called me again. I think she was worried from the night before. I can say that night I didn't help ease her concern about me; I was in a state just as bad, maybe worst. Finally, after the third day Rory called me in the afternoon and I had just gotten back from one of the few classes I decided to attend that week. Rory wanted to know if I was okay and if she could help anyway. I told her no, I said nothing was wrong with me. Rory and I talked about college and Paris, but I knew Rory was worried about me still. Rory probably knows more about me than Maddie does. Maddie thinks I drink from time to time, but she has never heard or seen me so out of it. Well Rory decided to call me once a week, as summer got closer she called more often. Often times I tipped-toed around the subject of my problems, but both of us knew it was on our minds. After awhile Rory started telling me of her nightmares, concerns, exes and tribulations, I think she did it hoping I would follow her example. I did not, I didn't tell her anything, and I let myself remain closed.

Our friendship somewhat changed about a month ago, around the ending of June. Rory had been calling the past couple of days' her phone calls became more frequent. I guess I didn't do much to reassure her, being so out of it, most of the time. One time I was so drunk, I couldn't figure out how to answer my phone, man was I extremely disoriented. Apparently it was Rory, who tried calling and when I didn't answer she decided to call Madeline. Maddie came over to my house within a half an hour after Rory called to find out that I had passed out. I guess I was rushed into intensive care because I had alcohol poisoning. It's no big deal, it's not like I never had alcohol poisoning before. I've passed out many times before, and this wasn't the first. So anyway when I woke up, I was in the hospital and Maddie and Rory were there. I remember our conversation; it was the first time I had to open myself up a little.

"Hey Louise, are you okay?" Rory whispered, trying to prevent my ears from hurting.

"It's okay Rory, it's nothing big. It's not like I was driving or anything, I am not that stupid."

"Louise, alcoholism is a big deal. I think you need help."

"I am not an alcoholic. Seriously, I had a couple of heavy drinks last night. Every once in a while I get a little out of hand." I replied as I watch Rory's eyes become cloudy with concern.

"Okay, Louise. Just tell me if you need help, as a friend I promise I will be there for you."

I felt really touched by Rory's words somehow. I have always known she was a compassionate person, but I also know her words are not just out of sympathy, but because she truly considers herself my friend. I never thought about it until after that day, but I guess Rory is my friend. And I guess as a friend, it is my duty to confide in her, I mean that's what friends do. So I spilled, I told Rory the truth, well part of the truth. I told her about the drinks and the sex; I only expanded on the facts she knew. I didn't tell her about the drugs, because then she would definitely try to get me some professional help or counseling. I promised her that I would be more careful about drinking, it was the best I could do.

Somehow Rory and I got talking about sex and marriage, one day. I don't understand how she has such a strong hold over me. Rory asked me if I ever plan to get marry. I told her yes, it's what's expected of me. We continued to talk; yet I didn't take the conversation seriously. I have to be honest I never do.

"Don't you want to have sex at least with someone you love?" Rory asked softly.

"I have fun already, what's the point." I responded as carelessly as I could. I mean I didn't really care about putting thought into my words.

"Maybe it would be better and special with someone you care about. Maybe you should find the one you love."

"And what do you want me to do, once I find the man I 'love?' Have sex twenty-four seven?" I knew that was dumb question to ask. I knew how she was going to respond.

"Well if you guys truly love each other, then maybe you guys could get married and live happily."

I think I snorted at her comment, but I am not sure. I remember feeling uncomfortable with the conversation, so I told her I had to go and I hung up. I kept asking myself since when do Hartford wives and husbands love each other? I mean look at my parents, Madeline, Paris and Tristin's for god sake. All our parents are just about as screwed up as me. Maybe it's something in the water. I don't know.

Rory doesn't understand I am trying to live. Be free. Be wild, before I return to Hartford. In Hartford there is no fun, no life, no color and no love—there is only hate. Especially hate. Pure hate. Nobody cares, except Rory. How did Rory live ignorantly and blissfully while attending Chilton? Every student wants to know. She will never know how many people hate her, were jealous by her felicitous life. She let herself become easily absorbed into the world of books.

I remember hearing her valedictorian speech wondering out she could have such a great life while the rest of us were suffering

Headmaster Charleston, faculty members, fellow students, family and friends, welcome. We never thought this day would come. We prayed for its quick delivery, crossed days off our calendars, counted hours, minutes, and seconds, and now that it's here, I'm sorry it is because it means leaving friends who inspire me and teachers who have been my mentors - so many people who have shaped my life and my fellow students' lives impermeably and forever. I live in two worlds. One is a world of books. I've been a resident of Faulkner's Yoknapatawpha County, hunted the white whale aboard the Pequod, fought alongside Napoleon, sailed a raft with Huck and Jim, committed absurdities with Ignatius J. Reilly, rode a sad train with Anna Karenina, and strolled down Swann's Way. It's a rewarding world, but my second one is by far superior. My second one is populated with characters slightly less eccentric but supremely real, made of flesh and bone, full of love, which are my ultimate inspiration for everything. Richard and Emily Gilmore are kind, decent, unfailingly generous people. They are my twin pillars without whom I could not stand. I am proud to be their grandchild. But my ultimate inspiration comes from my best friend, the dazzling woman from whom I received my name and my life's blood, Lorelai Gilmore. My mother never gave me any idea that I couldn't do whatever I wanted to do or be whomever I wanted to be. She filled our house with love and fun and books and music, unflagging in her efforts to give me role models from Jane Austen to Eudora Welty to Patti Smith. As she guided me through these incredible eighteen years, I don't know if she ever realized that the person I most wanted to be was her.

Rory's life was content, and her life was blithe. Nobody taught us how to escape, how to let ourselves ignore reality, but her mom did. Her mom escaped Hartford and she prepared Rory to become invincible against our society. I will never forget those words Rory said at our graduation; I think that was the day when everyone realized how much she impacted Chilton.

How does Rory have such an effect on me? I mean the other day while I was having sex her words haunted my mind. "Don't you want to have sex at least with someone you love...Maybe it would be better and special with someone you care about?" That killed me. To be honest I have to laugh at her naïveté. With someone I care about, yeah right. That'll happen when pigs fly. I don't love them and they don't love me. Every night I leave and every night they don't ask me to stay. It's a pattern. I know I am messed up; my brain is way past screwed up. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I do know something is wrong. I can't believe how innocent Rory still is; I mean I thought once she lost her virginity she would be less naïve and innocent, but she's still the same. Rory will always remain Tristin's Mary. I have to say Tristin knew exactly how to describe Rory. Rory is the ideal description of Mary, even after the loss of her virginity. I don't understand, I mean she even had an affair and yet I am the brassy one. God Rory will never change.

I continued to sit there lazily puffing the smoke. It wasn't fulfilling enough so I went looking around for my needle, when I found it, Rory called.

"Hi Louise, how are you?" Rory asked genuinely.

"Not so good, I am particularly tired today. Do you think you could call later, so I can sleep?" I replied groggily, while lying through my teeth. I didn't want to face her. I couldn't. Not today after spending about three hours thinking. Somehow Rory made me feel guilty. Rory pitied me, which is funny because I have more money than she ever saw in her lifetime, yet Rory pitied me. Today I couldn't face her; maybe tomorrow I can face her. Tomorrow I will be able to cope with Rory and my problems, but not today. Today is for avoidance. Problems are for tomorrow, because didn't Scarlett O'Hara once say "After all tomorrow is another day." I will deal with it tomorrow.

I can't believe I quoted from Gone with the Wind. I guess Rory has rubbed off on me. I remember Rory trying to get me to read it, and I was reluctant at first. But as Rory predicted I became instantly engrossed. I became enchanted by Scarlett's vixen ways; I guess I found myself using Scarlett as an excuse for all my problems. It probably was not Rory's intention, but Scarlett became my excuse for how I live. I thought about if Rory couldn't get me to understand Gone with the Wind like she hoped, then she probably couldn't help me. No matter how hard Rory tried, I highly doubt she could help me. I mean when I return to Hartford, it will be just cigarettes and champagne again, but for now I will keep living the way I live. There is nothing Rory can do to help me. Nothing at all. Nothing.

As I was gripping onto the needle tighter I thought, maybe Rory could help me. I know she would try her hardest to make sure I was okay. Rory cared; she believed I could get better. Maybe there was someone who cared enough about me to get me to care. Maybe she is willing to make sure I get all the help I needed, even though I haven't always been the nicest person to Rory. I can never understand why, but she still gave me second and third chances. Rory cares about people; she truly believes everyone has a good side. I mean I have never seen someone so patient with Paris, the way she is. Rory could have given up, but she refuses to let anything to beat her. She didn't let Chilton, Tristin or Paris overcome her; no she refused to give up. So maybe I have a chance, maybe it's worth changing for Rory, so I can prove her right. I want to prove to her that everyone has some good in them. I will do it for Rory.

I know Rory will call tomorrow, so maybe I will confess and ask for help. No, I know I will confess and ask her for help. I will get through this and Rory will be there to help, maybe Paris also. I will confess. Everything will change tomorrow, but until then, one last shot can't hurt.

Rory did call the next day and the day after that, but Louise never answered the phone. No, Louise never answered the phone.

Everything did change.

A/N: I know this story is a little jumpy, but I figured if Louise high or drunk her thought process would not be very clear; her thoughts are supposed to regress in order to illustrate the process of Louise's mind. I did not write this story to express dislike or hate toward Louise. No in fact it's the opposite of why I wrote this story, I believe Louise as a character could be furthered explored. And when I started brainstorming, I thought about how Louise could easily become sucked into life on the fast track. I know this story could potentially turn-off readers, but I thought it had to be written. I hope you enjoyed it, but constructive criticism is strongly welcomed and encouraged. Also catch any grammar mistakes tell me so I can fix and update the story.