Irksome Productions Presents
Another Irksome Production
By
Irksome Productions
Sword and Sorcery
Opening Act
Part I; The Unknown Horseman
Disclaimer: Though the plot may be my own, the main characters are not. This, combined with the fact that you're on !,means that own nothing, save the plot, several generic OCs, and waaayyyy too much time. Oh, and plenty of stuff to give me plot ideas...
Opening
It was raining. Hard.
To elaborate, it was raining at night, on a dark, dirt road through a forest. Very hard.
On the side of the road, a gutted carriage sat, with two men looking over it.
"Are you sure this one is the right one?" One asked, prodding a piece of wood with a sword.
"Yes." The other, who was wearing elaborate robes, with a pattern of clouds on them, replied, disdain clearly visible on his face.
"Because it doesn't look like she's here..."
"Silence. I shall give you until tomorrow morning to find her. If you fail, your lives are forfeit."
"Alright, alright. I'll find the girl, and I'll take her to you. Where do you-" The first man, who was wearing leather armor, started.
"I shall know! Now, I take my leave." The robed man exclaimed, before vanishing in a cloud of smoke.
"Damn wizards and their egos..." The man muttered, before shouting "Hey, Lej! You find her yet?"
"Not yet. I think she may have gone into the woods."
"Go find her. We need to get her before tomorrow."
"Alright, boss."
An hour later
The man who had been standing in front of the ruined carriage was holding onto the legs of a body, another man grasping the shoulders.
"She's lighter than expected."
"What, you thought a princess would be fat?"
"Of course. She's probably never missed a meal or done anything more straining than lifting a fork!"
"What about what she did to Ken?"
"That was magic. It doesn't count."
"If you say so..."
The two men continued carrying the person, now known to be a princess, towards the road.
"Now all we have to do is- What's that?" Lej asked, letting a shoulder slip from his grasp as he pointed down the road.
There was a horse, with a person riding on it, moving at a good speed. The person, a man from the appearance, was wearing a suit of chainmail, with a sword at his side. He also wore a tabard of some sort, though the lighting was too poor to tell the color of the symbol on it.
"I don't know, but we'd better hide this." The apparent leader said, motioning at the person the two people were holding onto. "Let's dump her in the bushes."
"Alright." The other replied.
The two men set down the female they were carrying in the bushes, quickly moving away.
"Hail!" The mounted person said, as soon as he got close enough. "Which way is the kingdom of..."
"Of what, sir knight?"
"That owns the coach that is tipped on its side there..."
"Oh, that? We were merely trying to trap some rabbits when we came upon it. From what I can tell, the passengers walked off after it flipped."
There was a moan from nearby, like someone waking up after being thrown into the bushes.
"What was that?"
"What, sir knight?"
"That moan. It sounded like someone in pain."
"I heard nothing, sir knight."
"Never mind, then. Tell me your names."
"Lej, of Leaf."
"Ris, also of Leaf. Might we have you name, sir knight?"
"I can't really stop right now for pleasantries. I've got to get to the next kingdom over as soon as possible to deliver a message."
"We understand, sir knight. We wish you good fortunes on your quest."
"I'll need it." The mounted person said, before prodding his horse so it trotted away.
"What an idiot."
"Knights aren't trained to be smart. They're trained to follow orders."
"Point. Now, go give her a good knock on the head. She's waking up."
"Alright."
Lej walked over to the bushes where the unknown girl had been thrown.
There was a thud, and a grunt.
"Alright, she's out again."
"Good. Let's get going."
There was the sound of galloping hooves.
"Another one? Leave her in the bushes." Ris said, motioning for Lej to hurry out of the bushes.
A horse, the same one as before, trotted up, without its rider.
"What luck! We've got another horse now, Lej!"
"What?"
"That knight must have been fallen off further down the road. His horse ran away."
"Lucky!"
There was a rustling in the bushes.
"Damn it. A monster now..."
"Where our next paycheck is, too. Let's go kill it now."
"Alright."
Both men drew longswords, and moved slowly towards the bushes where the girl had been dropped.
Beating away the bushes, they saw...
Just the unconscious girl with a large branch next to her.
"Where's the monster? Wasn't there supposed to be a-" Lej started, only to have a hand and a half sword cleave through his throat as the knight from before jumped down from a tree.
The head fell off, landing with a thud on the ground.
"So, mister Ris of Leaf, why are you kidnapping one of our allies' princesses? Money?" The knight asked, pointing his sword at Ris, who was looking like he might throw up. "Or something more sinister?"
"Mon-money."
"Who hired you?"
"I can't tell you."
The knight moved his sword to Ris' neck, drawing blood.
"If I talk, I'll be killed!"
"If you don't talk, you'll be killed. You just have to choose which way is the least painful."
"I'll take steel over spell. You'll get nothing out of me, royal scum."
"Pity."
There was a swishing sound, and Ris was headless.
"Now, why are you out this far? I thought you usually stayed in the castle. Unless..." The chainmail wearing person mused, looking at the unconscious girl before picking her up.
"Oh well. I guess I'll have to set up camp somewhere."
Author's Notes: Ah, the fresh feeling of a new story. If you're wondering about why, exactly, this is here, in the Naruto section, it's because it, like the usual type of stories I write, is an AU. And that sentence had way to many commas in it.
Completely original universe, in this case, save for most characters. And I've got a terrible, terrible joke already set up for later, and next chapter I'll make it so you can search for it by main characters. Though I suspect you may be able to guess who they are now...
Boss! We've got a situation over in the Dark Hero section! The Omakes are loose and trying to kill the OCs!
Excuse me. Homac, lock down the area. Then use the standard procedure.
Yes, sir.
Sorry about that. Apparently my spare Omakes are breaking loose over in my other story.
Maybe I'll find a use for them some time...
Anyway, this came about due to an evil plot bunny that managed to get a Sneak Attack in on me...
Don't forget to...
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