Professor Snape discovers fanfiction and is disturbed at its content. Oneshot.
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Disclaimer: If you sue, all you will get is a few pennies and a cool pair of sneakers. JK Rowling isn't mine and her work isn't mine either.
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"Lemon drop, Severus?" Dumbledore asked with a smile. He always offered, knowing Severus would never accept. He always hoped that the offer would calm the professor down, but it never did. Not much could calm the professor down when he was in an uproar.
"This is preposterous!" Severus muttered angrily. "What are they thinking? I'm appalled at the ghastly nature of this very content!"
"Do tell," Dumbledore muttered dryly. He was used to the man coming in upset, this was the first time he'd actually seen him in an uproar.
"Look…At… THIS!" Professor Snape flung the papers down on Dumbledore's desk. "Explain this, Dumbledore…How is that they all know about Hogwarts? How is it that they all know about Sirus's death? And what is this absolute, utter insanity about my having custody of Harry?"
Dumbledore opened the file and frowned. "What does 'slash' mean?" he questioned, the twinkle in his eye suddenly gone. "This says it is 'slash', HarryDraco. Harry and Draco don't even get along, much less have…slash?"
"You're too sheltered, Dumbledore," Snape growled. "Slash is… I detest thinking about it… Oh, never mind. I suppose you should keep being sheltered. The articles are simply ghastly…"
"They're hardly articles, Severus. I believe they are a thing called fanfiction. Severus, this one disturbs me as well. What is 'mpreg?'"
"Do you not know what any of this is?" Snape replied. His face was clenched in anger. "It's an outright scandal. I cannot believe it. These stories are scandalous. Not only are they full of filthy content, they're full of filthy grammar, as well!"
"You take your words too seriously," Dumbledore replied, but he, too, was frowning. "I agree. This content is appalling."
"I cannot stand this. Cannot people run these things through a spell-checker? I think everything should wait to be posted. Perhaps after a good, twenty-four hour wait, half of these stories never would have been posted."
"However, Severus," Dumbledore replied, the twinkle in his eye back, "I do like this one."
"Pray tell, which one is it? The one about me having babies with Harry?" He asked, the words shooting venomously from his lips.
"No. The one about you taking custody of Harry. Perhaps it's a good idea. It would get him away from the Dursley's, after all." The twinkle was back in Dumbledore's eye now, and Snape groaned. He should have known Dumbledore would take the Muggle's side.