Author's notes
Ah, insomnia! where would i be without you! this is (yet another) angst by me, obsessive! the italics are, like, sasuke's forbiden thoughts, the ones he doesn't really want to think...um, yeah...kinda confusing, but...
warning: angst, sleep-induced crappy writing, slight shohen-ai, if you look at it like that, or not
Disclamor: do you see sasuke on his knees, begging for naruto's forgivness? no? well, when you do, you'll know that the world has come to an end and i own naruto!
I always found it funny how something as insignificant as a headband could hold so much meaning. After all, its just a piece of cloth and engraved metal. That's all, and yet, it holds such importance. Naruto…the dobe had fought so hard to get it back from Zabuza, like somehow it would make him stronger. But in a way, it always did. Even when we fought on the hotel roof, and just now, he wanted me to put it on, like it would change the outcome or something like that. The dobe. Still, I put it on each time, for him.
I would have done anything for him, except the one thing he wanted most, needed most, so I did him that little kindness, no where near enough to make it up though, knowing nothing would ever make it up. Now, waiting here, I still can't see why it mattered, but maybe that was the point. It was something for him to believe, and me to question. No matter. It hadn't changed the outcome, I knew it wouldn't, because here we were: him, unconscious at my feet, while I stood, getting ready to leave him and the village behind.
Maybe that was why he wanted me to were it…to make himself believe, even for a moment, that this was just another spar between comrades, and not a real battle between enemies. But it seemed he accepted it in the end. After all, he himself scratched through the leaf sign, making the trademark sign of a traitor on his closest friend.
That's Naruto for you. Always proving himself wrong in the end. Or maybe not. Maybe that was me. I don't honestly don't know anymore. All I know is that I am no longer a nin of the Leaf, I am no longer anything, the headband, so unimportant, a mark of that.
To think that something like this would be so important to everyone. To anyone. Yet it is. In the world of shinobi, where death, betrayal, and destruction are surrounding us everywhere we turn, we almost can't help but place so much faith in something so insignificant yet everlasting, the one constant in our ever-changing lives. A stupid, weak human desire, yet one all fall prey to, even missing nin like my brother.
The knot in the back of my head is coming loose, its going to completely come undone soon, the pressure loosening. I know if I let it fall, and hear the satisfying clink on the rock, if I see the way it lies so innocently next to the boy at my feet, there will be no turning back. To let it fall would complete my treachery.
My life would be changed forever, no matter how immaterial I say it is. The second biggest part of my identity would be altered for all time, never to be changed back. My name would be tainted with a disloyalty for all to know. I would finally break my strongest bond, never to be fixed. My entire destiny is going to be changed by the next few seconds, and that imperfect, useless, in-the-way headband will be the cause.
I can feel my tears, and wonder if I'm dead, living, or in between as I make the biggest choice and probably mistake I've ever made. I look down, and finally let it fall. My descent into madness has finally shown through, the evil in my heart taking over. Something inside me is breaking, and I think to myself…wonder what more will be destroyed.
The italicked parts can be remover to create something a bit different. i like it both ways, but this way was sweeter, so i kept it like this. review and i'll give you cookies!