Written by WingsofChange
March 01, 2008

I'm scared. Traveling all alone after being protected by two of the best things to happen in my life is so lonely. Two days have past since we've parted ways and I'm starting to think I've made a mistake. My father, the Sunflower Samurai, was found and killed. So technically, there was no need to keep them around right? They were my bodyguards, did a terrible job on some occasions. I mean how hard is it to keep me from getting kidnapped seriously, but they kept me alive. Maybe I should have just chosen to stay with one of them. If they didn't mind that is, but which one.

Staying with Jin would mean a lack of conversation, but his presence is all I need. He's sophisticated, kind, stoic and oh so mysterious. I would love to get into his head. I wonder what he's thinking as he meditates. Are his thoughts violent? Does he sit around thinking about some lost love? Does he ever think about me? I've always wondered what it would be like to be his. He'd probably hold me tight. Show me love without ever having to say it. Make me feel like a princess and keep me protected from future kidnappers. Maybe I'm just naïve. Jin would never want someone like me. He needs someone as sophisticated as he is with extreme beauty. Someone deserving of his love, but oh well a girl can dream right?

Mugen. The crass ass who's always mean to me. Everything about him screams bad influence. He curses constantly and sleeps with the occasional prostitute. Makes fun of me and talks about my lack of boobs. For his information my kimono makes my boobs look smaller then what they are. Not that he'd notice. Always so busy looking at girls that are sexier and more willing to sleep with him. I wonder what it'd be like to be with him. A relationship with Mugen would be nonstop passion. The type of relationship where you fight a lot and have intense make ups. He's an ass, but he's always come back to save me. That in and of itself says that he cares right? The tough on the outside, tough on the inside guy with a hint of softness next to his heart. I'm just being naïve again. He would never want me because I'm not as bad-ass as him. I'm not strong nor am I sexy.

I'd probably just be better off not thinking of either one of them right? Then again if I do nothing I'll regret it for the rest of my life. They chose to stay with me throughout our journey for a reason. They certainly could have left at any time so why did they stay? Maybe I'm not as naïve as I thought. Ok I've made up my mind….Well part of it. I will head back. I will walk myself right up to the point where we parted ways and go after them. I will not live my life with regret, but instead take charge and be happy. Now here comes the hard part. Two directions, two roads and two men I love and adore. Which road do I take? Both can lead to love and protection. Both can lead to failure. If failure comes so be it but, I still need to make this choice. Which do I choose? Which should I choose? Which one would you choose?