Narration of New Moon
Warning: this is not like my other fanfics. it is funny.
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IF YOU LEFT I WOULD GO INTO A DEEP, DARK DEPRESSION LIKE BELLA DID! THEN I WOULD SINK IN A HOLE AND NOT RESURFACE FOR 5 MONTHS. THEN I WOULD TALK TO PEOPLE AND THEY WOULD BE LIKE "WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO US?" AND I WOULD BE LIKE "I DON'T KNOW!" THEN I WOULD GET A MOTERCYCLE AND TRY TO BE AN EMOTIONALLY CHALLENGED PERSON. THEN I WOULD START TO HEAR A MAGICAL VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD. THEN I WOULD DECIDE TO GO CLIFF-DIVING AND THE MAGICAL VOICE WOULD BE LIKE "NO DON'T DO IT!" AND I'M GOING TO BE LIKE "YEAH I'M GONNA DO IT!" THEN I WOULD JUMP AND ALMOST DIE ONLY TO BE SAVED BY JACOB BLACK THE WEREWOLF. AND THEN I WOULD BE LIKE "I HATE YOU JACOB BLACK!" BECAUSE HE'S A BUTTFACE. THEN THE MAGICAL VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD WOULD CALL AND THINK I WAS DEAD. THEN IT WOULD GO TO ITALY TO GET HIMSELF KILLED. ME AND HIS SISTER WOULD GO SAVE HIM. THEN WE WOULD BE HAPPY AGAIN. AND GUESS WHAT I FOUND OUT?! THE MAGICAL VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD'S NAME IS EDWARD!
IF YOU LEFT I WOULD GO INTO A DEEP, DARK DEPRESSION LIKE BELLA DID! THEN I WOULD SINK IN A HOLE AND NOT RESURFACE FOR 5 MONTHS. THEN I WOULD TALK TO PEOPLE AND THEY WOULD BE LIKE "WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO US?" AND I WOULD BE LIKE "I DON'T KNOW!" THEN I WOULD GET A MOTERCYCLE AND TRY TO BE AN EMOTIONALLY CHALLENGED PERSON. THEN I WOULD START TO HEAR A MAGICAL VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD. THEN I WOULD DECIDE TO GO CLIFF-DIVING AND THE MAGICAL VOICE WOULD BE LIKE "NO DON'T DO IT!" AND I'M GOING TO BE LIKE "YEAH I'M GONNA DO IT!" THEN I WOULD JUMP AND ALMOST DIE ONLY TO BE SAVED BY JACOB BLACK THE WEREWOLF. AND THEN I WOULD BE LIKE "I HATE YOU JACOB BLACK!" BECAUSE HE'S A BUTTFACE. THEN THE MAGICAL VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD WOULD CALL AND THINK I WAS DEAD. THEN IT WOULD GO TO ITALY TO GET HIMSELF KILLED. ME AND HIS SISTER WOULD GO SAVE HIM. THEN WE WOULD BE HAPPY AGAIN. AND GUESS WHAT I FOUND OUT?! THE MAGICAL VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD'S NAME IS EDWARD!