A/N: I tried to do some research on asexuality before writing this fic, but please let me know if I've gotten anything wrong. Also, I've been asked to clarify that the way it's portrayed by Luffy and Zoro aren't the only ways that asexuality works. I kinda headcanon Luffy as sex-repulsed and Zoro as sex-indifferent. In real life, there's a bazillion ways to be asexual, and they're all valid.
Luffy's POV
Step on a crack and break your mother's back.
Look up from the sidewalk and break your soulmate's heart
Admittedly, the second verse doesn't rhyme, but Luffy believes it with every fiber of his being. Besides, he doesn't even know if he has a mother, so…Apologies, mystery lady, but he's probably broken her back 137 times walking to his house alone.
Sometimes he gets the urge to look up. It's the middle of the night on Thanksgiving, and it doesn't sound like there's anyone in sight. The weather's just cold enough that his breath comes out in little white puffs, but it's not yet freezing. According to Nami, it has been clear all day. The stars are probably amazing.
But nope. Don't look up. Never look up. Never have expectations. Because you'll just be setting yourself up for...
He walks a little faster. Turns the corner next to the closed florist shop and-
BAM.
"Oi, watch it!"
"Sorry I wasn't-" Luffy rubs his aching nose and accidentally looks up.
Oh no.
Zoro's POV
This is the worst.
This is the worst.
This is the absolute worst Thanksgiving ever.
He's stuck on a sidewalk with a stranger he bumped into. No, not a stranger.
His freaking soulmate.
A short, skinny young man with wide dark eyes and a heart-shaped face and pale lips and- frick, did the terms and conditions of soulmateship come with rose-tinted glasses or something? What's wrong with his vision all of a sudden?
No, that's not the problem. What matters is that this is his soulmate who's currently crying his eyes out, like Zoro's the police officer knocking at his door, telling him that his entire family has just died in a fire, could he please come to the coroner's to identify the bodies.
So he quickly steers the kid into the nearest coffee shop, before he makes a scene in the middle of the sidewalk. The barista looks up from wiping the counter and flicks his glance nervously between the two, probably wondering if he should report a kidnapping.
"Large tea. And a hot chocolate for him." Zoro jerks his thumb toward the miserable boy. He looks like the type to like sugary drinks.
…And how, for the love of god, did he know that, Zoro internally sputters.
A painfully long wait later, Zoro's handed the drinks and he jerks his head toward a counter overlooking the empty streets. They sit down, Zoro handing over the hot chocolate and the kid noiselessly taking it.
"Fuck, kid, how old are you, anyway?"
"19. Why?" He looks like he's too tired to be insulted about his youthful appearance, gripping his hot chocolate like a lifeline.
Zoro sighs, massaging his forehead. "Look. This doesn't have to be a big deal."
The face the kid makes drives a crack into Zoro's heart. He clears his throat.
"I mean, just because we're," he gestures helplessly in the air, "you know. It means nothing. You can finish your drink, and head out. We never have to see each other again."
Zoro's voice dies out at the end. Honestly, the more the seconds tick by, the less inclined he feels to leave. Invisible strings are winding themselves around the two, and as Zoro talks about separating, he can feel those strings tightening and leaving him with tiny, stinging scars. He almost wonders why it couldn't work. Why couldn't they try this "soulmate" thing out for even a little bit? Why couldn't they just do something, anything, maybe try going out for a week, maybe even be vague acquaintances?
Oh right. Because the kid had taken one look at him and scared himself to tears.
Give me a break, Zoro thinks. He knew his face was scary, but he would have hoped that his soulmate, of people, would be able to see past that.
And that destroys the remaining shred of hope he'd preserved. This would never work.
Luffy's POV
"I'm sorry," Luffy begins.
He can tell from the edge of his vision that the man has turned to face him, but he doesn't dare raise his eyes, or else he'll be out the door before he can give his explanation.
It's almost ridiculous how attached he's become in the past, what, five minutes? He can still feel that stern gaze directed at him. He thinks back to the flashes of emotion, ones that he's seen peeking under that stoic mask: hesitation, regret, sympathy. He can't really believe that it's already time to let go.
"I'm…I'm asexual. Not sure if you know what that means, so I'll spare you the messy details, but it means…" As if the grief wasn't enough, there is also burning shame swimming through his veins and exploding on his face. This is even worse than high school, meeting with the PE teachers after the umpteenth rendition of the "sex talk", and the dumbstruck smiles as if to say, I'm not paid enough to explain this. The back-and-forths between online forums and, very reluctantly, Usopp. The resignation that it was one of those "mystery things", not really open to explanation but hey, it wasn't really hurting anyone, right?
Wrong.
"It means I don't have sex. I mean, I probably could, if I tried, but I don't think I'd enjoy it. I don't think… anyone I was with would really enjoy it."
"And I thought that it didn't matter. I didn't think I'd get close enough to anyone for the rest of my life for it to matter. I didn't think that we…" He raises his head in an effort to make eye contact, but ducks back down, "would ever meet. But now that we have, I guess I can't lie to you. So all I can say is that I'm sorry."
The drink in front of him blurs and shimmers as his eyes fill with tears. The drink that his soulmate bought for him. He can't help it when his breath hitches. "Sorry. Sorry that out of all the people in the world, you had to be stuck with me. Sorry that I'm screwed up like this. Sorry that I can't love you like a normal person is supposed to love someone. Just…I'm sorry. For everything."
He rubs furiously at his eyes. "Though I guess it works out. Since…you just said we'll never meet again."
The silence stretches on. Luffy both clings to it, and hates it.
Then he hears a snort.
And Luffy can almost feel his soul crumbling. Every noise the man makes taunts his ears.
"You idiot."
Luffy winces, slowly looking up from his drink. And he gapes. The look the man gives him is so warm, so relieved. But why? Did he miss something here? Did he did not just prove that words like fate and destiny were setups for disappointment? Did he not just screw the man over for life?
"I'm the same."
Zoro's POV
The way Zoro had imagined it, under the essentially impossible chance that he ever found his soulmate, it would probably end like a bad soap opera.
It wasn't hard to imagine. The numerous, steadily more frustrated attempts to get Zoro to open up about himself. Then the regret when he did. The feeling of betrayal and disillusionment. The initial attempts to 'work it out', letting both sides pretend that maybe it could. The eventual fallout. The desperate pounding against Zoro's chest with someone screaming: why did Zoro have to be like this? Why did someone's one chance at eternal happiness have to end with him, of all people?
He had been too world-weary to expect any more of anyone, let alone that specific someone. So when the kid first begins talking, all he does is passively listen.
And the more he listens, the more he wonders if he's hallucinating.
That was it? That was the only reason the kid had looked so freaked out? So it wasn't Zoro's fault all along?
And that long, rambling, self-despising explanation. Halfway through, Zoro has to remind himself that the kid was talking about himself.
Because the kid is describing Zoro to the letter.
He had thought the kid's crying face was mesmerizing, tears silently rolling down and leaving streaks that caught the light of the streetlamps outside. But that is nothing compared to the quiet wonder he sees now, the smile threatening to break free.
He sees the kid reaching out, tentative. He instinctively closes the distance, gripping that small hand and letting their arms fall naturally. "I thought you were scared of me, when we first met."
The kid's awestruck face becomes slightly confused. "Why?"
Zoro shrugged. "Some people think I look intimidating."
"I don't think you're scary at all."
"Really?" Zoro smiles with relief. "I've been told I can kill a man with one glare."
"Well, you do look like you could tear someone's throat apart with your bare teeth."
"Oi." Zoro quietly barks with laughter, joined by the kid's giggle.
"I don't think that's scary, though."
"Oh? Then just what are you scared of?"
The kid's gaze returns to his now lukewarm drink. "Being hated… Being rejected..." Zoro feels his hand squeezed slightly. "Being alone."
Zoro winces. He had been moments away from letting this kid walk away with just that impression.
There's no way I'd let you be alone, he thinks.
There's no way I'll ever let you be alone, ever again.
He settles something less dramatic. "I'm not leaving anytime soon."
He watches a sweet little smile appear, feeling the hand around his squeeze ever so tighter. "'Kay."
"Umm, dear customers…"
He turns toward the voice, their hands falling away. It's the nervous-looking barista, his pink hair matching the blush on his face.
"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to close the shop now."
He and the boy look at each other, heat steadily rising on their faces, with what Zoro suspects will be a pattern of mutual understanding. They don't want to say goodbye. Not now. Not ever, really.
"Wanna…" Zoro rubs his neck. "Hang out at my place for a bit?" At ten at night? With a stranger you barely know?
But Zoro's awkwardness doesn't even faze the kid. "Sure."
Luffy's POV
"Just so you know, I don't usually cry. No seriously, I don't!" Luffy walks backward along the sidewalk, his flip-flops making resounding snaps against the sidewalk. Not that there are any other pedestrians to hear. Not that he actually cares anymore about avoiding attention.
"Uh huh, right." And this guy, Zoro, is smirking.
Suddenly Luffy's phone goes off to the Sogeking theme song. He flips it open, suddenly remembering that he was supposed to have come back from the store with Nami's chapstick by now. He fires off a reply.
"Who's what?"
"Nami." Luffy keeps typing. "One of my neighbors. There's eight of us, and we live in this apartment complex on Foosha Street. I'll introduce them to you sometime." He snaps the phone shut and stuffs it into his pants pocket.
"Alright."
"…Hang on. I think there's a room left up in the attic!" He whirls up to meet Zoro's face. "You could move in with us!"
Then goes back to staring at the sidewalk when he catches Zoro's dumbfounded look. "Well, only if you wanted to."
He wonders if he's moving too fast. Scratch that, he has to be. He's never been good with boundaries. And this isn't trying to make friends out of thin air. This is his soulmate; a whole different game. The final boss of all interpersonal relationships. He should feel certainty in trying to get closer, but he just feels more nervous.
Can't afford to screw this one up
Zoro frowns after some thought. "I don't know if I could handle living with that many people."
Luffy can't see how one could ever live with too many people, but he nods anyway. Zoro is Zoro, after all.
"I'll think about it," the man quietly adds.
And Luffy turns around to skip slightly ahead, not knowing what do to about this smile that's threatening to explode from his mouth. Because just now, he was moving just right, with Zoro matching his pace. It feels like that might start to be a common thing.
Zoro's POV
When Zoro had left his apartment an hour ago, he had expected to come back with a six-pack, drinking himself to a stupor.
He did not expect to be watching a cheesy horror movie right now with his boyfriend.
…Boyfriend?
Was that what it was?
Luffy is wrapped up in a thick sherpa blanket, leaning against Zoro's arm which is draped over the sofa. Zoro had thought the blanket was girly as hell when his sister Perona gave it to him as a birthday present. Turns out, it had its uses. Luffy looks fucking adorable: curled up into a snuggly ball, munching on a bowl of popcorn that he balances on his knees, and watching the bloody splatters on the tv with the eagerness of a five-year-old.
Luffy's amazing; so much so, that it almost makes Zoro breathless.
Makes him forget to breathe
It's a wonder.
He shifts moods at the drop of his straw hat: from absolutely miserable, to nervously hopeful, to shy, to radiant, to enthusiastic, and now perfectly content.
"Hey." And suddenly Luffy's back to his shy hesitance, as he turns away from the scene of a girl getting chased by a large mushroom, of all things. "Do you mind this?"
…What?
Was Luffy really questioning Zoro's dedication to them, to what this new bond between them stood for? After the mess of a misunderstanding they'd just gone through together?
Luffy must have noticed his conflicting emotions, because he lightly nudges his back against Zoro's arm.
Ah. So he had meant their physical proximity. "Do I look like I mind?"
"Not really. So then, I was wondering how far you were cool with."
What,
He was asking?
Already?
"How far?"
"Yeah. Like how do you feel about, I dunno…Hugs."
Zoro shrugs. They were already half a step away from hugging. "S'fine, I guess."
"Cuddling."
"What do you think we're doing right now, playing chess?"
Luffy mirrors his grin. "Ok then. Kisses."
"S'fine." And by fine, he meant that kisses meant little to him. Brief contact on the face. Unless it was one of Perona's raspberries, but that was just siblings being idiots.
"Making out."
"…Probably?" Last time that happened, he'd been practically kissing a wet fish. But then again, his past relationships hadn't nearly reached the levels of emotional connectivity that he currently felt. He sees Luffy eyeing him reluctantly. "What else?"
"Sex. If or when."
Ah. That. A bit of a weird concept to him. Not that he'd ever call himself a virgin. That term was all innocent and naïve, which Zoro was anything but. It's just that he's never let anyone close enough to find out. "I don't know," he honestly admits.
"Don't worry about it then." Luffy puts down the popcorn bowl to curl into himself a little further. "I'm probably going too fast again."
'Probably' was an understatement. Luffy had just talked about crossing first base, third base, going for a home run, and then flying right out of the stadium and landing in the parking lot. Even so, he had no reason to be retreating into his thoughts like that. So Zoro pulls the boy closer, resting the side of his face slightly above Luffy's ear. "It's fine. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."
A smile returns to Luffy's face. "You mean we'll burn that bridge when we get to it."
Zoro digests those words slowly and deliberately. "No, I'm pretty sure that's a bad idea."
"Nuh-uh. See, the thing is, I'm not that great at doing things peacefully. Whatever challenge I meet, I'll probably end up setting it figuratively on fire."
Zoro laughs. He can already imagine the spectacle.
"See, you do get me!"
"I think I do. But burning your bridges; that doesn't mean destroying things. That means sealing off your escape route."
"I don't mind. I've never been one to return to the past. And I don't think I could ever go back to how it used to be."
Zoro has an idea for what Luffy means. Noisily, chaotically breaking down each major obstacle. Never looking behind them, never thinking about what could have been. Just bowling through life like a juggernaut.
He feels an irrational rise of arrogance. If they stood by each other's side, then even the world wouldn't be able to hold them back.
While Zoro was lost in thought, Luffy had untangled himself from the blanket and settled himself onto Zoro's lap, staring at him without hesitation. "I wish you could see what I see, feel what I feel at this moment," Luffy breathes. "I can't explain it. How you being right in front of me changes…everything."
Zoro looks into those shining eyes, the disbelief that he couldn't possibly deserve this person, deserve being this happy. "No. I think I do."