~~Legal Shtuff!! Gundam Wing isn't mine, neither is Dragon Ball Z or Resident Evil (Go Capcom, Go Capcom!). I also do not own Velveta cheese. But, the Bartender in fact, IS mine! Fwahahahahaha! If you steal him, he might just have to make you the worst ice-water you ever tasted. :P Have fun!~~
After Colony 195...in a space colony far, far away...not just any bartender, but the bartender of ALL bartenders, tired of the bland atmosphere of Raccoon City, decided on a nice, peaceful space colony, free of any trouble. Little did he know...well, you'll see.
The bright sun (a gigantic sun lamp) beat down on the docile streets of Colony 1149135, a semi-sphearical asteroid orbiting a red giant. In a homely bar on a lonely side-street, an old cardboard sign hung in the doorway that read in big, bold red letters, "Come on in, we're OPEN." A grizzled, yet familiar man in his mid-40's wearing a white apron stood behind the counter, taking great care in polishing a thick, heavy beer mug.
A young man, obviously of oriental descent, sat at the counter, his forehead buried in his arms on the table, and cradling a shot glass in his right hand.
The bartender stepped over and leaned on his side of the counter next to the man and said, "Look son, you've been like that for 8 1/2 hours, so why don't you jus-"
Wufei lifted his head from the counter and cut the man off with a stare that could have cut Gundanium.
"Then just drink it already!" The bartender half-pleaded.
"No! I can't, for I am not worthy!"
"Damnit," The bartender fumed, "it's water ya dumbass, water!"
"No, I can't make this decision now..." Wufei trailed off, "I must go to a remote waterfall and contemplate my existance!" With that, he leaped up and made an attempt for the door, but fell short when he tripped on a stool.
"Ahh! FOOL! I shall KILL you!" He yelled in a fit of rage, grabbing the stool by the legs and smashing it over the counter.
"INJUSTICE!" He concluded before rushing out through the tavern-style doors.
The bartender chuckled, "Silly Gundam pilot!"
Accross the same room, at the same counter, Heero Yuy looked on in disgust.
"Damnit, that's the seventh bar stool he's killed this week...what am I gonna with him?" He mumbled to himself.
"Well, you could always send him to a mental institution," A purple haired man at the next stool piped up. He wore a purple leather jacket with Capsule Corp. logo on the sleeve, and a wore a sword at his back.
"No, he's a Gundam Pilot, so he's-"
"A nutcase like all the rest of them." Trunks finished for him.
Heero replied in a low hum, his eyes almost flat, "Do you have any idea who you're talking to?"
"Yeah," Trunks laughed, "just another kid out past his bed time. Me? I'm Trunks, the prince of all Saiya-jins! You may think my father, Vegeta, is prince of all Saiya-jins, but no! Since the whole royal bloodline was wiped out, Vegeta is KING of all Saiya-jins! And that would make me prince, don't you agree?"
Heero shook his head a blinked a couple of times. "What?"
Trunks sighed, "Look, you might wanna go home to your mommy right now, those Gundam Pilots lurking around are really dumbass people. If I could get my hands on one..."
"Okay, monkey boy! Right here, right now! 'Cause I bet you didn't know that I'm Heero Yuy, the perfect soldier! Bwahahahahaha!"
"Hey!" The bartender yelled, "Boys, boys, boys! Please don't...break anything if you're gonna fight, mmkay? All my glasses are-"
"Shut up, old man." Heero fumed, "This is between me, and the monkey."
"Whoa, whoa, whoah! Who says there's gonna be a fight? I can't fight a kid like-"
Before Trunks could finish, Heero delt a hard blow to the side of his face, knocking him from the stool.
Trunks slowly arose, seething with anger. After staying in a fixed position for a few seconds and giving Heero a cold stare, a burst of energy exploded from Trunks' body, followed by a loud yell. His short, purple hair stood on end and formed into spikes as a gold color swept accross it, followed by his eyebrows. The Super Saiya-jin's eyes turned bright blue.
Heero's face fell, and his eyes turned to a look of dispair as he tried to swollow the giant knot in his throat. He quickly composed himself and cleared any trace of expression from his face.
"It doesn't matter. I'm the perfect soldier." Heero condescended.
"Oh, COME ON! Read the sign!" The bartender yelled. "No Super Saiya-jins!" He jerked his finger in the direction of a neon sign that read: TO ALL IT MAY CONCERN, THE FOLLOWING IS PROHIBITED...
ILLEGAL DRUGS
FIREARMS UNDER .45 CALIBUR
BIO WEAPONS WHO SAY "STARS"
MULTIPLE PEOPLE IN A SINGLE HEAD
SUPER SAIYA-JINS
NON-ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES
-ALL VIOLATERS WILL BE EJECTED
A loud roar sounded from the opposite end of the room.
"Arg, STARS!" A disappointed Nemesis hung his head and punched a hole through the wall, leaving via his own exit.
"We don't go down like that, buddy boy. So get the HEEEEEEEEELL out my bar!"
A very pissed off Trunks powered down and knocked Heero down with his shoulder before leaving through the tavern doors.
The bartender sighed, "First, I get a wacko Gundam pilot, then I get some bad-ass Super Saiya-jin, and I've even got Nemesis after my blood! What else could _possibly_ go wrong?"
As if to answer his question, a loud rumble shook the foundations of the bar and as a green energy blade plowed through the roof, scattering plaster and timper and seemingly impaling the structure.
The bartender groaned as he moved a couple of stacked boxes to reveal a gray trap door, and decended into the depths of the basement, slamming the door shut.
"No, Wufei, settle down!" Heero shouted from under a stool at the receeding green energy blade.
"I know the meaning of my feable existance!" came forth a booming from deep inside Shenlong. He lifted the energy lance over the gundam's head. "I am to be...the Great Destroyer!"
"No! That's Duo!" Heero's annoyed voice carried.
"Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Heero?" Wufei questioned after a pause.
"Ugh, haven't you ever _watched_ an American-Dubbed episode of Gundam Wing?!"
"Nani?"
"You didn't know? The declared Duo the Great Destroyer..."
Shenlong's head shook from side to side, "But I wanna be the Great Destroyer!"
Heero pondered aloud for a moment, "Well, lesse, you find your meaning of life, just to learn that you never had it, all because some dumbass American dubbing guy had to change Duo's nickname. So what doya do? Ya blow it all up!!!"
"Cool!" Wufei yelled, as he twirled the lance high overhead and began, well, blowing stuff up...
~~~72 Hours Later~~~
Amid the charred ruins of the lonely bar, a bar started to rattle as the bartender made his way out of the Catacombs under the tiny structure.
"Uhh...after that whole thing, I'll never...EVER...eat Velveta cheese again..." He grumbled to himself, making his way out of the ashes of the oak counter. He made his way to the blackened door frame, which was still standing. Seeing the "OPEN" sign blowing in the gentle breeze, miraculously un-touched by the insane Gundam Pilot, he grinned and flipped the sign around, displaying the "Sorry, we're CLOSED" side. He closed his eyes and hung his head, walking into the rising sun.
"Man...I gotta get another job."
THE END...nope, nevermind, there's probably gonna be another one...(Don't forget to review! :P)