so I'm super new at this, I hope you guys will like this fic ! The first chapter basically covers S7x01 with my OC slotted in ( aka they won't all be THIS damn long xD ) I run with the faceclaim of Carlson Young, so if you have an issue picturing Jay, then I just painted one for you :) enjoy !
SHOCK. It slithered up her spine, holding her CAPTIVE on her knees as unseen muscles constricted covered skin. They're surrounded and hope is currently on the floor beside her, winded and whimpering. Life had just swept in like a fist to the face and knocked them down like a leaf in the wind. SENSORY OVERLOAD. She could hear the intensity of everyone's breathing – sharp, fast, raspy. Wild, fawn rings slowly disappear, drowning in black irises as their gaze was thrown around from face to face – body to body. Terror gripped at her ankles like iron shackles, weighing her down upon the arid earth. Fingernails clawed into dirt and she was sure that would be a pain in the ass to clean but her subconscious was telling her there was no way leaving this situation alive was even a concept to think about right now.
Soft lips had tightened into a thin line, promising speech to no one as she flicked her gaze to Rick who was beside her and OH GOD even their LEADER was on his knees. There was a knock and now she was staring daggers at the figure who stood in front of the caravan opposite them.
"All right ! We got a full boat. Let's meet the man !"
Did he knock again or was it the sound of her heart thrumming like heavy rain. The sound pounded in her ears and once again all she could hear was the sound of horrified breathing and the threatening click of deadly weapons. The door of the caravan swung open and she caught her breath in her throat – desperate to choke but not wanting to draw attention to herself as she held back the overwhelming need to vomit.
"Pissin' our pants yet ?"
Someone stepped out from within the vehicle and something in her demands her to stand. To rebel and refuse but she knows very well never to act on her instincts – after many experiences. The one before them stood tall and clearly knew is place. TOP.
Always.
"Boy, do I have a feelin' we're gettin' close."
Her hands clench to fists and she sat up – straightened her spine. If she was going to die, she wouldn't die cowering. Why die at all ? If she distracted them everyone could get away safely ! All she needed to do was find somewhere to run without getting shot and—
"Jay, no –" Rick's voice is hushed but stern and it felt like she'd been slapped back to her senses. It's as if Rick had just read her mind because she finds herself scowling at his words. But no matter how she hated admitting she was wrong, she was– and Rick had just tripped her before she got to the edge.
It isn't until now that she realised the caravan man was standing over her, looming like a cat at a fish bowl. A Jay was a bird, however, currently she was the fish to this CAT. Ironic how whatever circumstance, she'd still be considered the PREY.
The sickening grin that stretched across the man's face made her queasy – nonetheless she still stared him down, chin tilted up to express confidence, even though internally she was curling into a ball to hide herself from his gaze. She felt so vulnerable like this – even with clothing on she felt like he could see straight through her. He looked her up and down several times before once again meeting her own eyes; a single chuckle puffed from his lips.
"Yep, it's gonna be pee pee pants city here REAL soon."
Who the FUCK was this guy ? Pee pee pants city—was he for real ?
She flinched when he moved away, stalking the other members of her group, except ? With less interest it seemed.
"Which one'a you pricks is the LEADER ?"
Eyes grew wide and she let her gaze drop to the floor – not at Rick. Don't give him away. But it didn't matter. The man stood behind her spoke out. "It's this one." A finger flicked out and he pointed down at Rick. "He's the guy."
Jay met Rick's eyes and she found herself frowning at him. He possessed the eyes of a deer about to be HIT by a car. Terror, anger, confusion—GUILT. She knew he must feel some form of guilt about the situation. Regret about leading them into it unknowingly. But what happened had happened – there was no changing that. She curved her lips at him, only slightly. 'It's okay' – brown hues conveyed so much more than words, a nod of her head given to show respect.
The man that strode towards them obviously picked up on this, clearing his throat which caused Rick to twitch and throw his full attention upwards – except this man was certainly no GOD.
"Hi. You're Rick, right ?"
Jay stared at the object in the man's grip – a baseball bat. The shiver ran up her spine again and she had to physically tense to stop it showing. The bat's 'head' was covered in barbed wire and holy shit did that make her stomach churn.
"I'm Negan."
NEGAN . She mentally mouthed the name to herself and raised a brow. Did he not have a surname ? Perhaps he thought they didn't need it as they were just going to get slaughtered anyway.
"And I do not appreciate you killin' my MEN. Also – when I sent my people t' kill your people f'r killin' MY people ? You killed more'a my people."
There was a few seconds of silence and she almost jumped when he spoke again.
"Not cool. Not fucking cool. You have—"
Jay noticed how his grin had VANISHED and his eyes were now slitted, evident anger seeping through his gravel tone. The way he pronounced every word and how his shoulders seemed to rise closer to his neck – INTENSE.
"—no fuckin' idea how not fucking cool that shit is. BUT—I think you're gonna be up t' speed here shortly. Yeah. You are so gonna regret crossin' me in a few minutes."
That look. It was enough to almost PARALYSE Jay and he wasn't even looking at her. It spoke volumes of RAGE. Internal – probably for the best – and obviously difficult to contain by the strain that creased his features. Then the smirk grew back like a WEED. "Fuck yeah you are."
This man wasn't sane. Negan – he wasn't sane. Jay was doubting his sanity at first, of course, but the awesomely MANIC switch of expression had confirmed it for her.
RUN. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE – her mind screamed.
"Y'see Rick, whatever you do, no matter fuckin' what, you do not mess with the new world order and the new world order is this and it's really very simple even if you're fuckin' stupid – which you very may well be – you can understand it. Y' ready ? Here it goes, pay attention." Negan's grip on the bat seemed to suddenly loosen and the bat dropped to Rick's face, the end so close – too close. Jay's heart was in her mouth as she watched the barbed wire linger inches from her leader's nose.
This is it, you're all gonna die. This is the end. Say y' prayers, Jay. There's no goin' back now !
She ignored her subconscious, mentally shaking her head as she refused to meet Negan's gaze when he caught her looking.
"Give me your shit, or I will kill you." The words left the man's lips slow and heavy—her subconscious was right. They were going to die ! Oh god – oh GOD. There it was, like he'd said, simple– a promise of instant death.
Who said it would be instant ?
You're right. Wait – was she talking to herself now ? Wonderful. But she—her brain ? The voice in her head (because that doesn't sound odd at all) was right though. No one said it would be instant. In fact, any of their worlds could become filled with endless pain at any second and she wouldn't even notice because she was too busy talking to herself.
Her eyes flicked up to watch this Negan asshole. Observed how his figure slanted backwards, knees bending to signify just how arrogant he was. Only someone with incredible confidence and a sensation of somehow justified safety could be that free to expose vulnerable parts like that. It was an action that shouted NOT A CARE IN THE WORLD.
"T'day was career day—" and he was back to pacing the group like an actor at the edge of a stage. "—we invested a lot so you would know who I am, and what I can do. You work for me now. You have shit ? You give it t' me. That's your job."
Oh.
Jay risked giving a glance to fellow members of her group for some form of response to the BOLD statement. Demand ? She didn't know what to call it. However, the rest of her group were too distracted by the bat bobbing in front of each of their faces.
"Now I know that is—" he exhales. "—a mighty, big, nasty pill t' swallow. But swallow it you most certainly motherfuckin' will." His GRIN is back and Jay doesn't know how to respond anymore. Were they really expected to just sit and listen like a group of school kids ? It's not like she'd argue but still—
"You ruled the roost. You—built something. Y' thought you were safe, I get it. But, the word is out. You are not safe – not even fuckin' close. In fact, you are fucked. More fucked if you don't give me what I want, and what I want is half your shit and if that's too much ? Then you can go make, find or steal more – an' it'll even out sooner or later. This, is your way'a life now. The more you fight back the harder it will be. So, if someone comes t' your door you fuckin' let us in, we own that fuckin' door. You try t' fuckin' stop us ? We will fuckin' knock that fucker down. You understand ?"
It felt like it had been so long since she'd heard someone else's voice. Someone other than NEGAN. Shit, did the guy ever stop ? It felt like she'd just been hit by an un-repenting stream of machine gun bullets. Every dramatic pause – every momentary silence was an opportunity to assess the wounds before it started up again.
Negan leaned closer to Rick, a hand lifting to cone his ear. LOOMING. "What ? No answer ?" The same hand rose to his beard, running down salt and pepper hair which was bizarrely mesmerising. "You don't really think th't you were gonna get through this without bein' punished now, did you ?"
It's a question that made her legs tense but the pins and needles had started to feel like daggers and butchers knives causing her to whimper. Negan's gaze snapped over to her and she felt like she'd just been punched in the chest – turning her head away quickly. Don't comment, please just leave me alone.
His attention had drifted because he was talking again. "I don't wanna kill you people. Just wanna make that clear from the get-go. I want you t' work f'r me and you can't do that if you're fuckin' dead now, can you ?!"
If she hadn't been STUNNED to silence she would've laughed. Albeit manically, but it couldn't have been any worse than the deadly tone this psychotic man was using.
"Ah'm not growin' a garden—" He grinned, leaning back once again. "But, y' killed ma people. A whole, fuckin', damn, shit load of 'em. More than ah'm comfortable with and for that ? Well f' that y' gotta fuckin' pay. So now ? I am gonna beat the holy fuck, fucking, fuckidy fuck outta one'a you." The bat swung a three sixty in his grip and even at a distance Jay flinched. The slight shift in the group suggested they did too.
"This—" Negan lowered the bat in to eye level, like holding a trophy. "This is Lucille. An' she is AWESOME."
Lucille. He'd named his bat. He'd named his bat? The bat that he would use to bash one of their skulls in, covered in vicious barbed wire and—wait.
'outta one'a you.' Negan's words echoed in her head and she bit her lower lip, enough to draw blood – the taste making her crease her lips as though she'd eaten something sour. Any one of them. It could be any one. Even her ! Oh fuck – the realisation that someone she held close to her heart would be lost to an undoubtedly agonising death tonight. Hell – these people were family to her. Every damn one of them. Fingers tightened, digging into the ground again as thoughts strangled her overcrowded mind. She was currently blinded by anger – by HATRED towards this vile man.
"All this. All this is just so we can pick out which one'a you gets the honour."
Was that what he called it ? HONOUR ? Her mind seems to slip as Negan stepped to Abraham who leaned back, tilting his chin up to look the other directly in his eyes. What did he see ? What could he see ? Or was it glazed, the blinds pulled down to hide any inner emotion. Any regret. Part of her was curious. She wanted to know this man's secrets, see him for what he truly was. But you know the saying. Curiosity killed the cat. She wasn't risking that shit. Not yet, at least.
Negan hummed, running a hand over his beard again. "Huh I gotta shave this shit." That was it. His only words to her fellow comrade before he strolled past Jay and over to Carl. "You got one of our guns—"
Jay scowled to the ground. She could see in her peripheral vision the way Carl stared Negan down and holy shit was she proud of him. At the same time, she wanted to warn him. Tell him not to get himself killed. That having a backbone in this situation was a stupid ass move and yet—Carl had survived so much by growing a backbone and now that he had one he might as well slap the bitch out of people with it.
"You got a lot of our guns. Shit kid, lighten up. Least cry a little." Negan smirked at his remark and Jay can feel the anger bubbling inside her. She can't imagine how Rick feels right now and honestly ? She didn't want to. The man chuckled before he was back to his full height again and Christ was he TALL. Taller than tall it was—terrifying ? Intimidating ? He pressed his shoulders back, the leather jacket that covered his upper half rising to reveal a white shirt and belt and was she staring ? She was staring. What the fuck Jay ? What the fuck is wrong with you ? She could feel herself flush before turning her stare back to the ground as he tucked the gun he'd picked up from Carl into his pants. The sound of him clearing his throat once again echoed into the crisp, night air and Jay wanted to wipe the drip of sweat beading at her forehead away but she daren't move.
It's silent for a moment and once again the suspense is overwhelming. DEADLY. "Jhee-zus !" They jump again – this time he stood before Maggie and Jay felt her heart almost STOP. "You look fuckin' shitty! Let's just put you outta your misery right now—" Almost ? No, Jay actually felt her heart stop as Negan broke Lucille into a swing and everything happened so fast she couldn't even comprehend how to react. Glenn launched himself towards the two and Negan's swing halted half way as several men beat some sense into Glenn – or at least that would've been how they'd described it. Maggie shouted for them to cease and the gasp that slipped from various members of the group stroked Jay's ears like an unwanted touch. "Nope—" Negan finally spoke out against the act and she almost felt relief. "Nope, get him back in line." Glenn was then dragged back to his previous position, sobbing – his expression bleeding pain. Not physical, however. MENTAL pain. Mental agony to the idea of Maggie coming to harm.
"Don't ! Don't—" Glenn plead, staring desperately at Negan who only grinned in return. MONSTER.
"A'ight listen, don't any of ya do that again. I will shut that shit down no exceptions. First one's free, it's an emotional moment—" He pointed to Glenn, his lips consumed by what appeared to be sickening amusement. "—I get it." He looked to Rick and tilted his head. "Sucks, don't it ? The moment you realise you don't know shit." Rick's expression faltered and Jay was questioning whether Rick actually wanted to AGREE with Negan's words. Was he really questioning his leadership right now ?
Negan's predatory gaze planted back onto Carl and his grin only seemed to stretch. "This is your kid !" He almost found it funny– Lucille was pointing straight at him and Jay couldn't help the protective feeling that caused her shoulders to raise. Don't touch him you fuck.
"Right ? Oh-ho-ho—" His chuckle was followed by a higher pitch inhale which made Jay's spine freeze ? It was something you expected to hear in the middle of the night from the darkest corner of your room, only for your worst nightmare to crawl out from the shadows. But no, this nightmare was in man form and he carried a stick that could crack your skull with one successful hit. "This is definitely your kid !"
"STOP THIS—" Rick's voice was carried throughout the open grounds and everyone stilled. They hadn't been expecting it, that was for damn sure. Jay lifted her gaze, curving it to the other when suddenly Lucille rose and blocked half her vision. She flinched back at the "HEY" which was BELLOWED from Negan. He stepped back over to Rick and Jay just wanted to vanish right there and then when she caught him looking at her again as he passed.
"Do NOT make me kill the little future serial killer, don't make it EASY on me. I gotta pick somebody. Everybody's at the table waitin' for me t' order."
Jay hadn't realised just how cold she was until her skin felt as though it was being bitten. Her mind started to drift and she couldn't process much else apart from how damn cold her nose was. Negan's whistling snapped her back to reality, the haunting sound buzzing against sensitive ears.
"I simply cannot decide !" The man laughed, rubbing a hand to his forehead. His back was turned for a moment and Jay was praying for someone to launch at him but he was back to face them in seconds and everything seemed hopeless. "I got an idea—" His chuckle was dark as he approached the group, grin spread wide – what was new ? She wished she hadn't asked the question though when Lucille was pointed to Rick's face – so damn close …
"Eeny—" oh god. "Meeny—" not Maggie … "Miny—" fuck ! "Moe—" please. "Catch—" stop this ! "a tiger—" no no no. "by—" was he really ? "his toe—" playing eeny meeny miny moe ? "if—" with people's lives ? "he hollers—" this wasn't real. Hahaha. There was NO way. "let him go—" Jay lifted her gaze. She was face to face with Lucille and she felt so numb. The sight of cruel barbed wire inches from her porcelain skin was horrifying but part of her wanted to embrace it. She hadn't realised just how numb she not only felt at that moment but how numb she'd felt for a WHILE. Negan watched her, lips twisting in thought, a mental debate almost as he considered her as his victim. Something in his eyes sparked and it actually scared her but she didn't back down, her eyes on his, heart thrumming once again as she straightened her spine. I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU. She hoped her body language managed to convince him because every part of her inside knew it was a complete fucking lie. Negan nodded to himself before moving on and Jay wanted to collapse right there and then. "My mother—" he was dragging this out. "told me—"end it. "t' pick—" endless. "the very—" monster. "best—" psycho. "one—" evil. "and you—" stop. "are—" stop. "it." Negan had stopped at Abe. He had STOPPED. There was a silence, seconds, but it was still silence and it was right there that Jay could feel the last grip on hope slip away as she watched it float up into the air and dissipate right before her eyes.
"Anybody moves, anybody says anything, cut the boy's other eye out an' feed it to his father and THEN we'll start. You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry. Hell, you're all gonna be doin' that." It was so quick. Negan brought Lucille down on top of Abe's head and he just fell to the ground like—like— she couldn't think. The sob that rasped from her dry mouth sent bile up the back of her throat and she choked, unable to look away so her hands flew to cover her sight and she continued to sob as chunks of soil fell into her eyes and she wanted to die. She wanted to die. "OH, look at that ! Takin' it like a CHAMP !" Negan's voice rang in her ears and Jay's hands slipped down – only slightly – to see what he meant and the sight of Abe sitting back up made her heart clench ? The stream of blood flowing down from the obvious crack in his skull caused her to gag. She was used to gore, used to endless blood and guts spewing from carcasses but this was someone ALIVE. This was someone she cared about. FAMILY. A FRIEND.
"Suck—my—nuts," the words were stuttered from him and Jay ground her teeth so that they were bared like a snarl. Abe was so strong, so damn inspirational, even when forced to his death bed. How dare this monster take him from them ?
The bat was brought down again and she had to look away this time. The sound repeated : BANG – SPLK – CRACK – it was too much. It felt like forever when the beating finally stopped and Negan's laughter was so mocking, so DISRESPECTFUL it made Jay want to rip a gun from one of the men behind her and shoot Negan straight in the head with it. Obviously, the fantasy playing out in her mind was definitely a fairy tale compared to what would really happen and she couldn't risk anyone else getting hurt by her thoughtless doing.
"Did you hear that ? He said SUCK MY NUTS !" Negan tried to regain his breath as he laughed, his stance open and crooked. Jay's mind was on fire with anger. There was no true way to convey how angry she really was, even her expression couldn't justify. The beating started up again and she felt deaf by the end of it. Her body trembled , nerves shaking her violently as she peeked through sweaty, salty palms only to see what once was Abe's head spread across the ground as though it had just well and truly EXPLODED.
"Oh my GOODNESS !" His laughing never seemed to cease. "Look at THIS !" He swung the bat like before, the sound of blood spattering across Rick's face causing Jay to gag. "You guys, look at my dirty girl !" She wanted to vomit. The bile in the back of her throat was getting thicker, burning acid against vulnerable skin and she couldn't help but wince as she tried to swallow it down. DIRTY GIRL. He sounded so—EXCITED. Thrilled by the BUTCHER of Abraham's skull and like FUCK did she pray for a car to race by and hit him right now. A zombie to grab him and rip him apart. Someone to shoot him. But nothing came. Only the DIRTY, creepy as hell chuckle that moaned from him.
"Sweetheart." Jay watched as he shoved the bloodied bat under Rosita's nose. "Lay your eyes on this." Rosita didn't lift her gaze and Jay wanted to actually demand her not to. "Oh damn— were you ? Were you t'gether ? That sucks." SUCKS ? Heartless. Jay clawed at the ground again, almost unable to stop herself from running at him. How DARE he ! HOW FUCKING DARE HE ?!
"But if you were, you should know, there was a reason f'r all this. Red ? And hell he was, is and will EVER be Red – he just took one or six or SEVEN f'r the TEAM." Every SHOUT. Every raise in his voice had Jay flinch. "So take – a damn – look."
At this point Jay could actually hear Rosita sobbing. It tore every little piece of her apart. No, not tore. RIPPED. Rosita still failed to lift her gaze.
"TAKE A DAMN LOOK—" Negan's roar was interrupted by Daryl who was suddenly on his feet, throwing a punch straight into Negan's face. Jay's whole body jump started and she had to physically grab the ground to stop herself from getting involved. Not Daryl oh god please not Daryl. He was all she had – emotionally. Deep down in her numbed heart something sparked every time they spoke and they were both completely aware of it. No one had acted – they hadn't had a chance to. But they wanted to and that's all that mattered to her right now. They couldn't take him from her. She wouldn't let them. Shock. Surprise. Anger. JEALOUSY. That was a stupid move. That was a damn, stupid fucking move but she consented and she supported. Hell, Daryl had beaten her to it.
Just like Glenn, men jumped to Negan's rescue, wrestling Daryl to the floor. "STOP!" The word managed to slip past sealed lips, Jay's glare harsh and full of rage as she caught Negan's gaze in her own and she noticed the double take he gave her. Noticed how he squinted, both blown away by her confident outburst as well as somewhat EXCITED. The grin on his face grew and he gave a shake of his head, chuckling before turning straight back to Daryl. "NO." Negan's voice boomed through the hassle as he pointed Lucille down at Daryl. "Oh no." The laughter again. The laughter that Jay was sure would haunt her dreams for fuck knows how long. "That ? Oh ho ho MY ! That – is a NO NO. The whole thing, not one BIT of that shit flies here."
Through the crowd came a man who forced Daryl's crossbow against his back. "Y' wan' me t' do it ? Right here—" He's blond and his sweat soaked locks fell down over his face, covering most of his features – which was lucky for him, as Jay wanted nothing more than to memorise that dick sack's face for when she next sees him.
Negan gripped at Daryl's chin, tilting his head up to meet the man's eyes. "No. Nah, y' don't kill that. Not until y' try it a little."
Jay grimaced at the response. Not until you try it a little. TRY IT ? Only SHE could TRY it. HOW DARE YOU – the question kept repeating itself inside her throbbing, aching mind.
The blond man backed away and she exhaled heavily.
"Anyway—" Negan continued. "That's not how it works. Now I already told you people. FIRST ones free. Then what I say ? I said I will SHUT that shit DOWN." His lips curled into another wolfish grin. "No exceptions. Now I don't know what kinda lyin' assholes you've been dealin' with, but ah'm a man'a my WORD. First impressions are important. I need you – t' know me." There's a pause, but it feels like a never ending silence. That is until Jay sees his grip tighten upon Lucille's hilt and somehow she KNOWS. She KNOWS what's going to come next and her shoulders are already rising to her jaw as she braced herself.
"So—" His demon eyes are cast to the bat, admiring the blood for a moment before looking back to the group. "Back to it—" And with that, he turned, slamming the bat down onto Glenn's head. Everything goes in slow motion. The way the bat comes down again for a second blow – BAM. There was a blood curdling scream that ripped from Maggie's throat and Jay felt her skin crawl.
Glenn sat back up and FUCK. The quick glimpse Jay gained before her sight was covered by her own hands again revealed Glenn's eye to have literally popped the fuck out and JESUS if that wasn't one of the most CRUSHING things she'd ever seen—
"M-MM-MM-GEE—" The sounds that bled from trembling lips had them all staring at Glenn as he looked to no one but Maggie.
Negan leaned in like a waiting vulture. "Buddy—you still there ? I just don't KNOW it seems like you're tryin'a SPEAK. But you just took a HELL of a HIT ! I just popped your skull so hard, your eyeball just POPPED out !" It's like watching a bully with his victim – except far more BRUTAL. "HA—An' it is gross as SHIT !"
"M-Maggie I-I will f-find you—" It's stuttered but somehow the words flowed incredibly well for someone who just took two beats to the skull. DETERMINATION. A dying promise. He started to choke on his own words and part of Jay just wanted it over. Put him out of his FUCKING misery. AGONY.
Fawn hues flicked up and Jay watched Negan's expression flicker from psychopathic sadist to—was that EMOTION ? A frown twitched upon his lips, brows furrowing as he observed the groups distress. Just like that—a simple second of expression and Jay knew there was someone still in there. But why did she even CARE ?
"Ah hell—" His words broke her train wreck of thought. "I can see this is hard on you guys. I am sorry. I truly am. But I DID say it—" His gaze switched to his men who surrounded them, then back. His grin returned and his expression lifted with enthusiasm. "NO EXCEPTIONS—" The bat swung, knocking Glenn to the floor. Then, the beatings began again. Maggie's sobs filled the air and it's now that Jay feels every ounce of fear leave her. She doesn't feel scared anymore. The anger drinks it from her like a hot beverage and fills her up. Her stare is DEADLY as she aims it at the ground. NO EXCEPTIONS. She wanted to kill him. She vowed she would kill him. She can feel Rick's HEAVY breathing beside her but she doesn't want to look. Rick didn't need to see what a vicious glare she currently possessed. Didn't need that weighing him down – along with everything else. For now, she would burn a hole in the ground before her, and later ? She'd throw Negan into it and watch him burn.
"You bunch'a PUSSIES—" Negan ground out as he swung down again. "Ah'm just gettin' STARTED."
SMACK. SMACK. SMACK. SMACK. SMACK .
"Lucille is THIRSTY." He laughed. "She is a VAMPIRE BAT !" There's a chunk of flesh hanging from the bat and Jay can SEE it swinging in the side of her sight. The bile was back and she shook her head which only made her MORE nauseous. "What—?" He walked towards Rick, stride proud and strong. How long had it taken him to perfect hiding everything inside from all ? Even HIMSELF ! "Was the joke that bad ?"
"I'm g'nna kill you—" Rick whispered. Jay didn't look but she FELT the intensity of his words—and suddenly Negan was RIGHT there next to her, crouching in front of Rick. He was looking at her. She just knew, the way the hair on the back of her neck rose to attention and goosebumps covered her skin.
"What ? I didn't quite CATCH that you're gonna have t' speak up—" MOCKING. patronising.
Rick swallowed, his head lowering to gather COURAGE before lifting it again. "Not t'day, not t'morrow—but I'm gonna kill you." TENSION. Violent – DARING.
Negan sucked air through barely parted lips. The sound caused Jay to twitch, her lack of visibility on the situation stopping her from knowing what the noise WAS. "Jesus—" He huffed. "Simon—"
A name. But for which one ?
"Whad'e'have ? A knife ?" Negan's gaze never moved from Rick's, the act of EYE CONTACT being a way of controlling the situation. INTIMIDATION perhaps.
Someone behind Jay hummed – thoughtful. "He had a hatchet."
Negan blinked, allowing his gaze to flick from Rick to whoever Simon was, a brow arched in amusement. "A hatchet ?" His grin widened.
"He had an axe," Simon responded quickly. Jay arched her own brow. Was this really happening ? Such casual conversations after—after everything that had just happened ?
CHUCKLE. Negan's tongue flicked out past his grin before disappearing again. "Simon's my right hand man. Havin' one'a those is important. I mean wha'd'y' have left without 'em ? A whole lotta WORK."
Right hand man ? So the PSYCHOPATH had a psycho TRAINEE ? Was that it ? How ANYONE could follow this bag of SHIT was beyond Jay's understanding. Then again, if someone like NEGAN really existed – who's to say what the fuck else was out there ?
"You have one ? Maybe one'a these FINE people still breathin' ? Oh, or did I—" His tongue CLICKED against the roof of his mouth, the 'CLOCK' sound harsh and if it weren't for Lucille's graceful BOB Jay would've sniggered her disgust.
There's another silence and it's painful. Too tense, but after all she'd just witnessed, Jay somehow felt it was bearable. But only due to the inability to argue anything different. Negan exhaled. "Sure, yeah, gimme his axe."
She can hear movement, boots scuffing dirt as someone appeared beside her. She wanted to look up, to look this WITNESS in the eyes and show him her DEATH GLARE but she knew—she knew what would happen. If anything, the man would just laugh or spit at her.
Negan was now armed with an axe and something about the way he easily tilted it – almost as if it were NOTHING but a TOY – made the blood in her face drain. She felt dizzy, wanted to pass out but this wasn't about her. Hell, Abe and Glenn had both taken a hit to the head and managed to sit up STRONG. UNDEAFEATED. She couldn't show weakness right now. Not unless she wanted them to pick at her like scavenging crows.
Another long silence until he rose to his feet and oh GOD what was he going to do now ? Would he fling the axe into HER skull ? There was such an element of UNPREDICTABLITY to this man which he obviously worked hard to achieve and although she wasn't afraid as such, this made anticipation feel like worms upon her skin and she couldn't help but squirm. He tucked the axe into his belt and Jay felt her biceps relax, only to suddenly clench tight when Negan's hand GRABBED Rick's shoulder – yanking him along. Now Jay's gaze had lifted and she watched as Rick was dragged like a dog on a leash towards the caravan. "I'll be right back. Maybe Rick will be WITH me. An' if not ? Well we can just turn these people inside out won't we ?" He stopped. "I mean—the ones that are LEFT—" Rick was kicked into the darkness of the caravan, GONE just like that. Negan soon followed, the door slamming behind him.
They were left there – surrounded by strangers who wouldn't hesitate to kill ANY of them. Time seemed to still. in the icy air. She had only just noticed how every breath she exhaled turned to smoke as if inside she truly was on fire. Nobody spoke. It was as though they had communication with Negan still – commanding even when he wasn't THERE. Maybe they just knew. Or perhaps they'd had it beaten into them in the past. Jay took her chance. She brought up her gaze and turned it to the crowd of people that—holy shit. There were so many of them. A true audience. No wonder Negan seemed to think of himself as a fucking PERFORMER. Actor of the goddamn century.
The first person she looked to was the blond. She still didn't have a proper name for him – she had a few of her own– but she could see his face now and GOD did she regret even looking. Half of his face was SCRAMBLED – literally. It was like melted cheese had been slathered across pale skin. What was this guy's story ? That must've been fucking PAINFUL. Jay felt her stomach twist at the thought but then her brows furrowed. Was she really feeling sympathy for this vomit-faced FUCK ? The one who'd just stood and watched as her friends—FAMILY were BUTCHERED ? NEVER.
"Hey, eyes forward, Bitch." Jay's eyes widen at the nickname and although her head turns her body's ready to throw the FUCK down. Her verses god knows how many of them – sure, great plan Jay. Meanwhile, Negan wasn't gone. He was only a few feet away inside the caravan and Jay's head was suddenly filled with agonising ideas of what Negan might be doing to Rick with that axe. Except, she couldn't hear any screaming. Any sounds of pain which was relieving ?
Curving her neck, she managed to catch a glimpse of SIMON'S face. MOUSTACHE. STUBBLE. Very grey. Panic surged through her as she turned her gaze forwards again. She knew if she had to be told more than once then something bad might happen and really – she didn't want to deal with that. Jay was a fighter. She was strong, independent and didn't get attached to people easily. But when she did she'd go as far as it was necessary to help them. Although right now ? She was so numb. She was so tired. Cold. EXHAUSTED. The list never ended and she felt selfish for having such thoughts. Stop thinking about YOURSELF. Daylight was growing. The early shading of dawn coloured the skies like a pretty picture. Except this picture was far from pretty.
The stench of gore started to fill the claustrophobic air and it was getting harder to swallow.
Suddenly,
she was locked in a room – familiar. The walls were white, an unfinished job of bloody red covering half of them. Guts stuck to the surface, slowly dribbling down like rain against a window. She felt dizzy– as if she wasn't even in her own body – hands SLAMMING against a door. "Let me out !" She screamed. Why was she screaming ? Who was she talking to ? "Please ! Let me out ! You asshole let me OUT ! Let me – please !" Her palms faltered against the door when blood smeared from her palms against the white paint and— was she bleeding ? A quick glance at her hands showed no wounds but discoloured blood. Not HERS. Then who's ? Something snarled behind her, gurgling and choking as it stepped closer. UNDEAD. Only then did she see the multiple bodies scattered upon the floor like litter. Nothing but WASTE. Her hands gripped at the shoulders of the MONSTER and now she had a knife in one hand – stabbing into the decaying neck before her. Another stab to the head and the creature gasped, dropping to the floor – DEAD. For a second time ? There was more snarling behind her and turning revealed six zombies closing in. How had they gotten there ? Flexing her wrists, Jay launched at one, kicking it to the ground before stomping it's skull to a pulp. Her hand snapped out and rammed the knife into one's head before pulling out and into another. Three down. She was about to go for the fourth one when two more appeared and she was now backing up into the corner as they got closer. Something grabbed her leg and she was pulled to the floor, leg instinctively kicking repeatedly to remove the rotten grip from her ankle. Tears threatened to fall until they actually were and she knew. This was it. This was the end. Darkness closed in as zombies formed like a barricade – or were they knocking her barricade DOWN ? Probably. She didn't care. Hands covered her eyes and she could only sob. Then there was a bright light. Really damn bright and she thought 'am I dead ?' Gunshots caused her to cry out and apart from the screaming and utter panic which exploded in her pounding head like an erupting volcano—she couldn't help but think – 'who the fuck is SHOOTING ?' surely James wasn't still here ? The act of locking her in surely suggesting he didn't want her around anymore ? That he was just using her ? He'd probably ran for the hills. Abandoning her like she was NOTHING. The only person she'd trusted, the ONLY man she'd actually FELT for. Just like that. GONE. Hurt. Anger. Terror. She was a bursting dam of emotions, water cascading down porcelain cheeks to show just how broken she was. Wait. Fawn hues flickered from behind bloody palms, noting how the zombies were now on the floor, unmoving. But how ? She looked to the door which was now open and that immediately explained why there was no GOD stood before her, nor DEVIL but a man who she'd never seen before. He looked perplexed but CERTAIN as he stepped closer and held out a hand.
"We've gotta go. C'mon, you're safe now, but we've gotta go. Take my hand."
Jay blinked. Hysteria ? "Who are you ?" She didn't know why but she gripped his hand like a life line – which technically, he WAS. After all, if this man really was the devil, she was already in hell. Could things get much worse ?
His grip was tight and promising as he pulled her to her feet. She didn't question anything else as he pulled her to the doorway, letting him take lead. After all, she didn't think she could get words out right now. Comprehension of the situation was even a no no.
"Daryl. I'm Daryl."
Growling. No ? Was that—an engine ?
She gasped for air, hands scrabbling against the floor – grounding herself back to reality. She was—day dreaming ? REMEMBERING. That shit had happened. Jay blinked, looking around before her attention focussed on the caravan that was moving ? How long had she been out ? Endless questions swirled within her brain, her breathing heavy. The door swung open and Rick came tumbling out, rolling a few times. Her eyes widened, the tension rising back up her spine as Negan stepped out from the vehicle. He was back. For more ?
Please god no.
He seemed even more pissed now, grabbing Rick by the scruff of his jacket before dragging him back to the group. Rick's arms flailed wildly in an attempt to protect his face from the ground and Jay felt STRANGLED by her inability to STOP this. To save him. He was thrown to the dirt.
"Here we are. Lemme ask you somethin', Rick. You even know what that little trip was about ?" Every eye was on Rick. LEADER ? The term was currently debatable but Jay's confidence in him still stood, even if it's knees were starting to weaken.
Rick didn't respond. Eyes of fear, uncertainty flicked to every member of the group before he hitched and turned them to the floor.
"Speak when you're spoken to," Negan ordered, impatience dripping from his tone.
"Okay—okay …" Rick puffed.
"That trip was about the way you—looked at me. I wanted t' change that, I wanted you to understand. But you're STILL lookin' at me the same damn way. Like I shit in your scrambled eggs an' that's not gonna WORK. So, do I give you another chance ?" Negan crouched, Lucille dancing circles in his grip as he waited for a response. Rick's breathing got heavier, shaky– almost as though he wanted to cry and Jay couldn't blame him.
"Y-yes, yeah—yes," the second time is stronger, more affirming.
Patted on the back – two loud thumps and Negan was back on his feet. "Okay—alright ! Then here it is, the grand prize GAME ! What you do next ? Will decide whether your crap day becomes everyone's LAST crap day, or just ANOTHER crap day." A wrist is flicked, finger pointing to the group. "Get some guns t' the back'a their heads."
There's something cold now pressed to her skull but it's barely noticeable due to how freezing the air already was. She'd been sat for so long she was sure her blood would rush to her head when she was finally able to stand. IF she was. That was still undetermined – for all she knew, she might never leave the ground again.
"Good," Negan hummed. One MISTAKE, one slip of the trigger and she'd be gone. They'd be gone. Just like that. But she didn't know whether that scaredher – confused by anticipation that pooled at her ankles. Would she drown in her desire for death before she came to her senses ? "Now, level with their noses so if y' have t' fire—" His hand lifted to his mouth, clenched to a fist as he imitated how the head would explode if fired at. "—it'll be a REAL mess." There's amusement in his tone. He looked around the group, quickly passing Jay's glare before zoning in on Carl. Her teeth grit together. "Kid—" Another hand was held out, finger flexing for Carl to approach before he pointed at the floor beside him. "—Right here." There was a beat of nothing and Jay was worried Carl would refuse and get himself killed. "Kid—" Negan's tone was more harsh, demanding. Don't fuck him around, Carl. No one else needed to die today. "—now." Carl started to rise and Jay inhaled. Had she not been breathing ? The suspense clearly had her gripped.
The boy made his way over, slow. There was no fear – no nothing. It was just like watching the UNDEAD. Negan started to remove his belt and panicked surged through her. What the fuck would he do with that ? The list was endless, probably. Who knew what sick ideas this man had ?
"You a southpaw ?" He fiddled with the belt.
"Am I a what ?" Carl returned, standing tall. It's a term she's sure he'd probably never heard before. OLD SCHOOL and obviously just a sick joke to Negan. She froze. Hold on. Why was he asking ?
"You a leftie ?"
"No." Carl cocked his head to the side as he responded, gaze never leaving Negan's. That probably only fuelled him. Ripping people's souls away through an unbroken stare.
The man's tongue perched upon his lips for a moment, smirk curving. "Good—" his tongue vanished as he started to wrap the belt around Carl's arm and OH GOD was he going to cut it off ? He was going to cut it off !
Jay felt herself somehow tense even MORE. Her lips parted to cope with her heavy breathing and shit there was no way she could sit through this ? Gore ? She didn't CARE. That wasn't a problem. This was Carl. Little, baby Carl and oh JESUS this couldn't happen he didn't deserve this ! Glenn didn't deserve it—Abe didn't deserve it— anger swelled within her, legs twitching with a need to move. Why wasn't anyone DOING anything ? Why weren't they STOPPING him ? They just watched like brainwashed owls and— that's what they were doing because that's all they could do. If they fought back, if they rebelled ? More people would DIE. Negan had made that CLEAR as day. Negan had PROVEN it.
"That hurt ?" The belt was tightened.
"No," Carl scowled.
"Sure ? It's supposed to—" Negan smirked. Teenage rebellion, Jay knew Carl could hide emotion when he wanted to and like hell would he admit to pain if asked. "Alright. Get down on the ground, Kid. Next t' DADDY. Spread them wings !" His hand flew to the top of Carl's hat, picking it up like a bird plucking fish from water, lifting it only to let go as it twirled to the ground. Carl lowered himself to the floor, Negan's hand pinning him for a moment to assure he wouldn't shift. "Simon— y' got a pen ?" Jay resisted turning her head to the RIGHT HAND man. Did he have a LEFT one too or did he also cut THAT one up ?
"Yeah—" Simon nodded. He reached into his pocket, shifting for a few moments before picking one out – throwing it to Negan.
He caught it, removing the lid with his teeth before he groaned, crouching down to draw a line upon Carl's arm. "Sorry Kid—" He began. "This is gonna be as COLD as a warlock's ballsack jus' like it was hangin' his ballsack above y' an' dragged it right across y' forearm." The line stretched across the pale skin. "There y' go ! Give y' a little LEVERAGE."
Rick leaned closer, watching. "Please—please don't …" He begged. "Please don't ?"
Negan grinned. "Me ?" Another chuckle. "I ain't doin' SHIT." He rose back to his feet. "Ah, Rick. I want y' t' take your axe – cut your son's LEFT arm off right on that line."
Oh.
"Yeah I know, I know, you're gonna have t' process that f'r a second – that makes SENSE. Still though, I'm gonna need y' t' do it – or all these people are gonna DIE. Then Carl dies, then the people back HOME die – and then YOU. Eventually. We keep you breathin' f'r a few years just so you can STEW on it."
"You don't have t' do this, we understand ! We understand—" Michonne's voice broke the crowd's silence and Jay jumped. Speechless. She'd spent so much time complaining how no one was bothering to do anything and yet – neither had she ? So now Michonne had stepped up.
"YOU understand—" Negan nodded. "—Yeah. I'm not sure that RICK does." He looked down at their leader. "I'm gonna need a CLEAN cut. Right there on that line. Now I know this is a screwed-up thing t' ask but it's gonna have t' be like a SALAMI slice. Nothin' MESSY, clean – 45 degrees, give us somethin' t' FOLD over. We got a GREAT doctor, the kid'll be FINE. Probably."
Salami slice. Jay bit the inside of her cheeks. DON'T VOMIT. Don't do it. She would consider – as a distraction, but she knew Negan would probably make some kind of GROTESQUE comment or joke before continuing this TORTURE session.
"Rick—" He warned. "This needs t' happen now. CHOP CHOP. Or – I will CRUSH the little fellas skull myself."
"It—it could—it could be me—wh-what—you—you can do it t' me I—I can go w—with—with you—" Rick stuttered.
"No. This is the only way. Rick. Pick up the axe. NOT making a decision is a BIG decision. You really wanna see all these people DIE ? You WILL. You will see every, UGLY thing. OH my god are you gonna make me COUNT ? OKAY Rick. You win, I am COUNTING. THREE—"
The sound that came from Rick was— Rick was broken. The sound confirmed it. "Please !" Prolonged / SOBBING. This was their leader, on his knees, begging for mercy at the hand of this DEVIL. "PLEASE it—it can be—it can be m-mee—PLEASE !"
"TWO !"
"PLEASE— don't do—"
A hand slapped all dignity, all pride from Rick's face. Negan leaned in close, one hand gripping at Rick's chin – no respect. "This is it." He turned Rick's face to the arm on the floor and Rick howled his distress. "ONE."
This really was it. Rick placed his palm across Carl's wrist, adjusting his grip around the axe.
"Dad—" Carl whispered. "—Just do it. Just do it …"
Rick's mouth was wide, unable to get enough air in to replenish what he lost through choked gasps and stuttered sobs. He nodded at Carl's words, heartbroken acceptance as he lifted the axe into the air – a consistent flow of vocal anguish ripping from him.
Then Negan was at his side, crouched. "Hey, hey—"
Rick's noise quickly decreased to fast, rasped gasps.
"You answer to ME. You provide for me. You belong to me. Right ?"
NOD. He nodded, head bopping quickly in defeat.
Negan gripped at Rick's chin again, YANKING his head up to meet his gaze. "SPEAK WHEN YOU'RE SPOKEN TO ! You ANSWER to ME. You PROVIDE f'r ME—"
"Pr-ovide f'r you—" Rick repeated, wincing.
"You BELONG t' ME. RIGHT."
"Right." It was barely above a whisper.
"RIGHT," Negan grinned, satisfied that he'd just brought Rick Grimes to his knees, not to mention pure defeat in the sickest of ways. "That—" He pointed to Rick's face. "—is the look I wan'ed t' see." He was back on his feet, a constant rise and fall, yet always at the top – whatever level. He picked up the axe, stepping away. "We did it. ALL of us. T'gether. Even the dead guys on the ground, hell they get the Spirit Award for SURE. T'day ? Was a productive damn day. Now I hope, f'r all your sake, that you get it now. That you—understand, how things work. Things have changed. Whatever you had going for you ? That is over now. Ah, DWIGHT—"
It happened so fast.
"—Load him UP." Lucille was pointed to DARYL.
And Dwight ? The blond one. The one who'd taken it upon himself to label Jay as BITCH and oh god he had his hands on Daryl. He grabbed him, throwing him into the back of one of the many truck's that surrounded them. Jay's brows furrowed, her teeth bared as she watched. WATCHED. She didn't do anything. She fucking couldn't and that made her so—
She would kill them. Somehow. ALL of them.
Negan crouched beside Rick. "He's got guts. Not a little BITCH like someone I know. I like him. He's MINE now. But you still wanna try somethin' – not t'day not t'morrow, not t'day not t'morrow, not t'day not t'morrow I will cut pieces off'a—" He tapped Lucille at the ground in thought, looking to Simon. "Hell's his name ?"
"Daryl."
"Wow !" Negan jeered. "That actually sounds right. I will CUT pieces off'a Daryl an' put 'em on your doorstep – OR better yet, I will bring him t' YOU an' have you do it for me."
Cut pieces off of Daryl. He could FUCKING try. Negan looked out to the group, catching Jay's glare like a baseball. Hard hitting but to him somewhat thrilling. "AH. Welcome to a BRAND new beginnin' you sorry SHITS. Gonna leave you a truck. Keep it, use it t' cart all the crap you're gonna find me." He extended an arm, pointing to Jay, his grin stretched. "Would someone escort this LADY t' my truck ?"
Her heart shot to the back of her throat and stopped. She started to choke, the bile now desperate for escape, eyes wild as she coughed her shock. After all the big talk, her mind was nothing but a screaming mess now. A man stepped out from the crowd and gripped her arms, heaving her to her feet. Arms flailed, legs kicked and feet dragged against dirt as she tried to free herself from the grip. Negan only seemed to laugh his excitement. "Boy do I know how t' PICK 'em. I'm sure you guys don't mind missin' TWO, am I right ? Less mouths t' feed blah blah blah—" Everyone watched in shock as Jay was taken to a truck. She caught Daryl's gaze in her own and frowned – he returned the expression. The door was opened and she was tossed inside like a ragdoll. But it didn't end there. Someone came around to the other side and pinned her to the chair whilst one man tied her ankles and wrists together. Then, she had a bag put over her head and if she hadn't been overflowing with rage she would've felt embarrassed. How weak she must've looked.
"Get the FUCK off me, I'll fuckin' KILL YOU JUST YOU FUCKIN' WAIT I'M GONNA FUCKIN'—" Someone gripped her jaw.
"Shut the fuck up, Bitch—" Dwight. It was Dwight. The fucker dared to get so close ? She struggled but everything was tied and—would she ever see her family again ? What would happen to Daryl ?
The car doors slammed, shutting her out of everything and the realisation that she was now alone leapt upon her.
"We'll be back for our first offering in one week—" Negan stated, turning to the trucks. "—until then—" he threw the axe behind him and it landed beside Rick. "—ta ta."
They were left there like abandoned dogs. Beaten, mentally shredded. Everyone of Negan's followers started to leave as though they were guests to a party.
Something clicked and light flooded the inside of the leather scented car. She couldn't see much, the bag restricting her vision but a figure climbed into the front seat and another into the passenger. An engine started – followed by multiple others, growling to life. The car started to move and she instantly felt sick. If she vomited, it would be in the bag and the idea of choking to death on her own acid wasn't the slightest bit tempting.
"That was ROUGH—" The hair on her body rose, a wave of fear washing through her. "You holdin' up okay back there, Doll ?"
She was tied up, with NO control of the situation and NEGAN was in the car with her. Not only was he in the car, but from the direction of his voice, he was driving. Suicidal thoughts caressed her overheated brain, CRASH AND BURN BABY, CRASH AND BURN. She would risk her own life for this psycho to die but a car crash didn't guarantee his death. Brows furrowed and she winced at the question, the undying need to sob, to just exhale her inner agony twisted in her gut but she swallowed.
"Silent treatment, huh ? C'mon, at least tell me y'r name ?"
BITCH. The word instantly hit her and she had to bite down on her tongue to stop herself from saying it. Dwight's own personal nickname and boy could she BE one. But she wouldn't give him that satisfaction – to know the nickname affected her in any way. As far as he was concerned, it had flown straight over her head. "Jay."
It's quiet for a moment. "Like the bird—" It wasn't really a question, more a statement. Except it wasn't from Negan. It was someone else's voice.
"Huh," Negan huffed. "I like Jays, don't I Simon ?"
"Yeah. Yeah you do. Jays are real nice birds, I hear."
"The proof is in the pudding, Simon." He chuckled to himself and she could feel his gaze on her – burning. It was probably via the rear-view mirror. It was such an intense stare that she wanted to just disintegrate – an ant under a magnifying glass. Was he seriously—was he flirting right now ? Was this some kind of sick game ? It was plausible, for HIM. She remembered his words.
'Boy do I know how to pick them.' PICK THEM ? He had expected sweet strawberries but she was unripe and as BITTER as they came. The idea of Negan doing anything to her—WITH her was something she didn't even want to imagine. Her body was perhaps interested but her mind was made up – or so she thought. As soon as she got her chance, she'd kill them and be DONE with it.
"An' you, Missy, are the pudding."
too intense for me wowowow let me know what you guys thought, feedback is much appreciated !