For somewhat lovely's August 17, 2011 prompt from the PROMPTS,PROMPTS,PROMPTS forum.
prompts: peace, love, war; blue jeans; ashes to ashes
pairing: rosescorpius
colour: dirt-brown
A/N: Okay, so my original page breaks aren't working...sorry about that for those of you who have read this before. I guess the POV changes will be the page break lines from this site...sorry again. Hope you enjoy it!
Ashes to Ashes
"I hate you sometimes, do you know that? I can't understand why you do this, making a war out of nothing.
"No, don't interrupt me! I'm sick and tired of listening to you make excuses. I'm done with them, okay? I can't deal with it anymore!"
You sit there, eyes wide, face expressionless. You've never seen me this angry, never heard me yell this loud. And yet you still have the good grace to look unaffected.
"Damn you, Scorpius." I pace back and forth, my head pounding; I don't look at you, hoping that you won't notice that I am avoiding the hurt look that I know has broken over your face. "We can't do this anymore. The secrets—the fighting—it has to stop!"
Out of the corner of my eye I see you bow your head, the sun glinting off of your beautiful blonde hair. Your hands are clenched over your knees, knuckles bone white against the cobalt of your blue jeans. Your shoulders are tense, and you're hardly breathing. I worry for you.
"Thanks to you, I've been caught in this big lie, Scorpius. It would be one thing, for us to be dating in secret, but you've made it so much worse! You constantly put me in a place where I have to choose whether to keep my virtue or to save you from being skinned alive! How do you think that makes me feel?" You are visibly shaking, swallowing furiously, but you do not answer.
"I've done everything I can to do this the way you wanted. We didn't tell Al or Dom; I haven't told my mother or anyone else. I make sure to pick a fight with you and I go every Christmas, birthday, and holiday making excuses for the little trinkets you get me.
"I hate it, Scorp! And then you go fighting Al and Fred? Why? You and Al are friends, Scorpius!"
I pause in front of you, gazing down at your still-quivering frame. "Why can't you just tell them? Are—"I choke on my words, swallow, and try again. "Are you ashamed of me?"
Your head snaps up, your eyes a harsh red and you stand just as quickly. One hand grips my elbow while the other cups my face.
"I could never be ashamed of you, Rose. Never." Your thumb strokes over my lips and your expression is pained. "I'm sorry if I have ever made you feel that way. I love you, Rose." Your voice is strained and you lean down to kiss me, but I pull away from you. You stand there in the same position in which I left you, your hand cupped in midair and your eyes closed, lips pursed.
"I can't do this anymore, Scorpius." My heart feels as if it may beat out of my chest and my throat and eyes burn. "I won't do this anymore."
"Please don't." Your hands clench at your sides and your tendons stand prominent under your beautifully pale skin. "Please don't leave me."
I shake my head and back towards the door, chocking back the flood of tears that I can feel building behind my eyes.
"I'm sorry," I gasp, and then I am running down the hallway, leaving you—and my heart—behind.
I can't breathe. Can't breathe. Won't breathe. My chest is so tight that it hurts to even move and I can't make myself get up off of the floor. The sun has long since set and the room is nearly black as pitch. There is no moon tonight and the steel grey of the clouds roils with the makings of a wicked storm. It is fitting, I guess.
I can't believe you've left me. How could I have missed your unhappiness? I live to make you happy, to make you smile. But you haven't been happy for a long time. Not with me picking fights and being a total wanker.
I cry myself into a stupor and wake to lightning crashes at two in the morning. Rain lashes the windows and the storm assaults the castle with wild abandon. I watch it for a long time and finally drag myself to bed around dawn.
I lay awake staring up at the canopy of my bed, but my body refuses to rest. My mind is racing and my eyes are leaking tears. Jesus Christ, what have I gotten myself into?
"You have to do it."
"I don't want to."
"Rose, you can't be over him if you don't do it. Just toss it in, light the match, and leave." I look my cousin in the face, see her sincere blue eyes and her determined expression and I promptly burst into tears.
"I can't do it, Dom! I can't! I love him and I can't do it!"
"Then why are you not talking to him about it? He's miserable, Rose. And you're just as bad, if not worse. Just swallow your pride, tell him sorry, and be done with it!"
"No! I may love him but I can't be with him!"
"Stop with all of this 'I can't' shit, Rose. I don't like liars." With that, Dominique rips the pictures I have clutched in my hands, tosses them into a can, and promptly lights them on fire.
"No!" I scream, tossing snow frantically onto them in an attempt to stay the flames. "Why would you do that?" The pictures are singed and blacked around the edges, but they are mostly intact and I hide them in my bag, give Dominique a harsh glare, and sprint towards the castle. Getting rid of you is harder than I expected and the thought makes me cry again.
I don't even see you as I run up the stairs, but your voice calling out crushes me.
You haven't smiled in weeks and I am beginning to worry. It makes me ill to see how upset you are, and it is worse knowing that you won't let me close enough to comfort you.
You openly ignore me now and your usually bright, chocolate eyes have dulled to dirt- brown—I can hardly stand it. Your family keeps asking questions, but no one knows the real reason for anything, though I know that Albus knows something. He keeps giving me severely disappointed looks, but he doesn't so much as whisper your name when I'm around.
He chases after you when you run through the entrance hall, but I can't make myself follow. I won't invade your space when I know how fragile you are. I won't be the one to break you further. I've already done enough of that.
"Listen, Scorp." I turn to face Tomas Nott and he gives me an exasperated look. "You've got to stop moping about. You're like a lost puppy and it's high time you get over whichever bird's kicked you out of her nest. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, man. Just get over it."
"Did you know that poem is about a man who's lost his true love? There is nothing about that poem that says 'just get over it.'" Tomas rolled his eyes.
"Whatever. Just stop being stupid. It's done and over with, get over it."
You are making your way towards me as I prepare to leave for class and I steel myself to face you. You have been attempting to get me alone for two weeks and I can see that you have finally lost your patience: your face is set and eyes full of determination.
"Rose," you greet me gently and, while you try to smile, it appears more as a pained grimace.
"Scorpius," I reply, though I do not return the smile. You look me in the eyes and visibly swallow before thrusting a small bouquet of blue canturbury bells and white hyacinth into my hand. I am surprised but not ultimately unpleased. They are beautiful flowers and I rather like the shapes of them, but I feel awkward accepting them.
"What is this?" I ask and you give a small smile and begin to fidget—your nervous tick.
"A peace offering," you say quietly and your smile melts off of your face. "Please accept it."
"Scorpius…"I try to plead with you. Not now. Not here.
"Please, just…just hear me out, Rose. Please." We look at each other for several long seconds and as I search your sincere but guarded gray eyes I realize how much I have been waiting for this moment.
By this time, the whole of the great hall has gone silent and are watching us. You have taken this risk and the least I can give you is time to speak. I nod once and wait for you to begin.
"Ashes to ashes and dust to dust," you whisper. "Have you ever heard that poem, Rosie?"
"No," I answer, wondering why it has any relevance to anything.
"It's about a man who loses his one true love. He has to deal with the pain of losing her and he has to watch his kids grow up without her. You can't bring back ashes or dust, Rose. Did you know that?"
"Yes, Scorpius, I did know that."
"Then you'll understand when I say that I don't want you to be ashes, Rose. I know we aren't together or married, but I want to have a life with you. I want to risk everything to know that I have you and the knowledge that you know that I love you and that I would be devastated if I lost you." Your expression is soft now and your eyes implore me to trust you.
"I would face the risk of losing you, Rose, but I have to have you first. Please"—here you bend uncertainly to a kneeling position and you clasp your fists in front of you—"Please give me another chance, Rose. I love you more than anything and I am willing to tell the whole world if that's what you want. Don't let me fall to the ashes so soon, Rose. I'll do anything to make you happy. Please."
I am speechless. You have put yourself into complete vulnerability by kneeling in front of me and confessing your feelings so openly. You have been brave and I feel that I should say several things but I can only choke out one.
"Okay."
You rise to your feet as several relieved sighs are expressed by our audience. Your face is hard to read now and I am worried that I have offended you.
"You're certain?" you ask hesitantly.
"I am," I whisper and then launch myself into your arms. I have surprised you and I nearly knock you over but then you are holding me so tightly that I can hardly breathe and I would not have it any other way.
I cannot stop touching you. It has become a compulsion and I have a fear that you will disappear if I so much as lose contact for a second. I think you have the same fear, because you do not leave my side when we finally find the time to be alone.
"Scorpius?" you whisper as I hold you, curled up in my bed.
"Hm?"
"I won't ever become ashes for you." You tilt your chin up to look me in the eyes and they are melted chocolate in the moonlight. Your fingers trace my jawline and you smile gently. "I promise that I won't ever leave you."
"I won't ever leave you either, Rosie." You kiss me lightly and then bury your head against my chest. As you drift off to sleep in my arms I am settled with a new peace of mind and I feel light and happy.
I smile down at you and hold you tighter.
I'm never letting you go. Dust to dust be damned.
Ahh, I'm rather pleased with this :) I hope that the point of view changes weren't too confusing! I hope you liked it, and it is my first fanfic of 2012, so…yay! ~ED9