A/N: The title is a song from Adele's '21' album! Such great lyrics!

Started this when the 4x20 sneak peeks were released so that is the only information I'm really using in this. Everything else will be AU! The CharCoop wedding isn't in this but it does happen, just the day after it was in the show I guess :P

I have no idea how many chapters this will have or how often I'll post, my muse doesn't seem to stick around for long anymore!

Reviews pretty please!

I'll Be Waiting
Chapter 1

~x~

May 5th 2011

"You told Naomi about us" Sam said as he folded his arms, looking to Addison who was sat in the chair opposite him "The same day we decided to keep our split a secret you went and told her"

"She had a right to know Sam" she replied.

"No, this didn't involve her"

"Well she's your ex-wife and my best friend so it did involve her"

"See you just wanted to be let off the hook, what did you think? that if you told her first that she'd forgive you for everything that happened?"

"That's not fair Sam"

"No, but it's true, Maya, Naomi and I adjusted our lives to accommodate this relationship but you can't see that, you can't acknowledge the toll that took"

"It took a toll on me too Sam, I mean I sacrificed my best friend for a man I was sure I was going to raise a family with, you think I'm being selfish? take a look at yourself, you've wanted me since med school ok? so don't flatter yourself that any pain that this has caused is all my fault, this relationship didn't just happen. You went after it" Addison said firmly, she stood up and walked towards the door "I don't even know who you are anymore" she said tearfully as she turned back to face him "The Sam I fell in love with, I haven't seen him in weeks, months, one minute you were there for me, holding me up while I mourned my mother and the next, the next you're kissing Naomi and, all the emotion I used to hear in your voice, all the love? It disappeared. Sometimes it's like it's not even you speaking to me. What did I do that was so bad Sam? Was me wanting a family really so, awful for you? Was our relationship, was it ever worth it to you? Did you ever really want me or was this just a game? Just the thrill of the chase?"

"You know that's not true" he said as he stood up "You know I love you Addison"

"Do I?" she said with a sad laugh "Because you just degraded our whole relationship in a sentence Sam" she snapped "I don't think you ever loved me"

"I have loved you, for so long" he said shakily "I went after a relationship with you because of that, and I don't regret it for a moment, I would do it all over again"

"See I don't think you would" she sniffled "Because it seems to me like all I was to you was a burden" she let out another sad laugh before walking out of the office and heading into her own to gather her things together, she walked back out of her office and headed for the elevator, all the while trying to stop sobs from escaping her lips, she tried to pull herself together as the elevator stopped on the fourth floor, she took in a sharp breath as the doors opened to reveal Naomi stood behind them, she lowered her head a little and stepped to the side, tears silently fell from her eyes, Naomi tried her best to ignore them until she couldn't.

"Are you ok?" she asked with a professional tone.

"I'm fine" Addison sniffled before she choked a little on her tears.

"No you're not" Naomi said simply.

"Because the one person I thought would never give up on me has Naomi" Addison snapped "He doesn't care! All I ever was to him and you and Maya was a burden and he just made that abundantly clear to me so no, no I am not ok" she said shakily "He promised me he wouldn't hurt me, he promised me, but he, he has just ripped my heart out and stamped on it, and I don't know how much more I can take" she finished with a whisper, the tears completely taking over, as the elevator stopped on the ground floor she rushed outside, through blurry eyes she pulled her car keys from her bag and walked towards it as quick as she could.

"Addison?" Amelia frowned as she climbed out of her own car "Addison what happened?"

"I need to go home" Addison choked out "I need to go home"

"Ok, ok" Amelia said soothingly "But let me drive you, you can't drive like this"

"Why did I ever fall for him Amy?" she sobbed "Why did I, why did I believe he wouldn't hurt me?"

"Just get in the car Addie" Amelia sighed.

~x~

"Sam Bennett get your ass out here" Amelia said loudly as she pounded her fist on the glass of his patio doors that evening "Sam!"

Sam appeared at the top of the stairs and he moved quickly over to the doors to open it.

"A normal person would call" he said dryly "Ow!" he yelped as Amelia slapped him "I didn't think you were choosing sides" he mumbled, rubbing his cheek.

"I wasn't" she said pushing her way inside "But I've just watched Addison cry for 4 hours because of the stupid, idiotic things you said so now, now I am picking sides, unless you suddenly start acting like the guy I know you are and not this, insensitive asshole version of you"

"Y'know she's been in the wrong too…."

"And she knows that!" she exclaimed "She knows that and it tears her up inside but you just threw your relationship in her face, you threw it all back at her when you know, you know what she has given up for you, you know how hard it was for her to let herself be with you and you just….Sam she was heartbroken enough when things ended, but now, now she's just plain broken"

"Don't you think I'm broken too?" he said hoarsely "I love her Amelia, I love her so much and to know, to know I've caused her pain, when I told her I would never do that, I have never felt like this before, I have never felt this broken before, but what do I do? What's the point in making her realise I love her? It's not like we're going to be together, we broke up for a reason, and that all still stands"

"You need to show her that you're still the Sam she fell in love with, so she can stop blaming herself for everything that's happened, until she knows that she won't move on, and if you love her like you say you do, then you should want her to move on" Amelia said softly "She's not going in to work tomorrow and I have a surgery at 10, I suggest you use that time wisely" she kissed his cheek gently before heading to leave.

"I honestly didn't think I would hurt her" he said quietly as she reached the doors, she turned back and smiled sadly at him "Which is why she believed you wouldn't" she sighed, she carried on walking out of the house, leaving Sam stood alone in the middle of his living room.

~x~

May 6th 2011

"Hey" Sam said quietly as Addison opened her front door.

"What?" she asked firmly, folding her arms across her chest.

"Can we talk? Please? Just, just for 5 minutes"

"Fine" she sighed, turning and walking into the living room, leaning up against the back of the chair "Well…" she said expectantly.

"You were right" he said quietly "What you said yesterday, you were right, everything that has happened between us has not been all your fault"

"Thank you" she said simply "You can leave now"

"Addie" he sighed heavily.

"What do you want? A round of applause?" she exclaimed.

"I am trying to apologise to you" he said with another sigh "I didn't want any of this to happen Addison, and, I cannot let this relationship end with you believing it was just a game to me, because it wasn't, this relationship, was everything to me" he stressed "I am in love with you, and I am trying to get over the fact that we're not together, but I can't do that if you believe that it was never real to me"

"It doesn't matter anymore Sam" she said tearfully "Whether it was real or not, it doesn't matter, because we're done, I pushed you too hard and now we're done"

"We both made mistakes Addison" he said quietly "But I was the one, I was the one who broke a promise, I was the one who hurt you, I didn't, I didn't fight for you, I just fought against you" he said sadly "I made you believe you were a burden to me and you weren't, you never were, and you never will be, because you are the woman I love, and I only want you to be happy, I never, I never want to cause you pain" he voice shook a little and he felt tears in his eyes that he tried to hide instantly.

"I don't know what to do anymore" Addison said with a slight sob "I don't know how to fix this, I don't, I don't know how not to hurt, but I need, I need to not hurt because I can't, I can't take any more, I can't"

"I know" he whispered, pulling her into his arms and burying his face in her hair "I wish I could take it all away, I really wish I could"

"I, I did tell her because, because I thought it would make things better between me and her" she sniffled "I wanted, I wanted her to forgive me because, because I can't lose both of you, I can't" she sobbed "But I know I already have"

"I am always going to be here…."

"But you're not" she cried, hitting him hard in the chest, making him take a step away from her "You're not always going to be here"

"I don't know what to say" he whispered.

"Can we just pretend?" she whimpered "For this one last day, can we just pretend none of this happened? Please"

"Ok" he nodded, pulling her back into his arms "Ok" he whispered "For one last day"

~x~

"Where do you think we'd be now?" Addison asked quietly an hour later as she lay on the sofa with Sam, her body curled up against his as he ran his fingers through her hair "If I'd have said yes in med school, do you think we'd still be together?"

"I don't know" he said quietly.

"I think we would" she said with a small smile "We'd be living in New York, but not in the city, we'd, we'd have a house with 5 bedrooms and, 3 kids and a dog"

"A dog huh?" he said with a slight laugh "No cats?"

"Maybe a cat too" she shrugged.

"You'd probably be wearing yourself out trying to juggle surgery and the kids" he said quietly "But you'd always put them first, you'd be a great soccer Mom" he chuckled lightly "And you'd make me bake the cookies for the school bake sales and tell everyone that you made them"

"Probably" she laughed "We'd have Sunday barbecues with the neighbours" she said quietly "And you'd play catch with the kids"

"Yeah" he whispered against her hair.

"It sounds great doesn't it" she smiled up at him.

"Yeah" he said stroking her cheek gently "It does"

"Too bad it's not real huh?" she said quietly, dropping her head back down to his body.

"I am so sorry" he whispered, holding her a little tighter.

"I know, me too" she whispered back.

~x~

"Amelia's on her way home" Addison said as she checked her cell much later in the day.

"I should probably go then" he nodded.

"Yeah, you should" she said quietly, they both stood and walked towards the patio doors, Sam wrapped his arms around her and held her closely as he could, breathing her in.

"I want you to be happy" he said holding her face gently, looking directly into her eyes.

"I want you to be happy too" she replied, a small smile playing on her lips, he brushed his lips against hers softly before kissing her forehead and leaving, Addison sighed heavily before running a hand over her face and sitting back down on the sofa.

~x~

June 14th 2011

"Hey, what's all this?" Amelia asked as herself, Sam and Violet walked into the kitchen where Addison sat at the island with leaflets and papers spread out in front of her.

"Oh um it's, it's some stuff about adoption" Addison said with a small smile "Trying to choose an agency"

"You're going to adopt?" Violet asked with surprise.

"Well the fertility specialist I went to pretty much confirmed the fact that my body has given up on me so yeah" she said with a slight laugh "I'm adopting"

"That's great Addie" Amelia smiled "They'd be stupid to turn you down"

"I didn't realise how complicated it all is" Addison said with a quiet laugh "It's literally like a 12 step program"

"It'll be worth it in the end" Violet smiled "And I'd use them" she said picking up a leaflet and handing it to her "If you want a newborn that is, that's what they're best at"

"Thanks" Addison smiled.

"Crap, I've got a patient" Amelia said as she glanced to the clock "We'll talk later?"

"Sure" Addison nodded.

"I should go too" Violet said as she pulled out a bottle of water from the fridge "I need to pick up Lucas, if you need any help Addison, recommendations or anything, let me know"

"Really?" Addison said with surprise.

"You helped raise my kid for the first year of his life Addison" Violet said quietly "And even though I might not have said it at the time, I'm really grateful that you were there"

"Thank you" Addison said quietly, Violet nodded with a smile before leaving, Sam coughed awkwardly as Addison averted her eyes back to the leaflet Violet had passed to her.

"Coffee?" he asked.

"Um, yeah, sure" she smiled "Thanks"

He made 2 coffees and handed her a cup, she smiled at him and took a sip.

"So, you're really doing this huh?" he said quietly.

"Yeah" she breathed out "I really am, I should take this to my office, I have other work to do so….thanks for the coffee" she stood and gathered everything together in a pile.

"I will help y'know" he said quietly "I'll be there to help, I can be, I can be Uncle Sam" he said with a small smile.

"I don't think that would be a great idea Sam" Addison sighed as she picked up her coffee and moved to stand nearer to the door "We can just about cope with being friends" she said with a sad laugh "And we're not really great at that"

"I just don't want you to think that you're alone"

"I'm not alone" she smiled "I have Amelia, and Violet and Pete I guess, and Sheldon, I have people around me, I'm not alone, I'm not saying that you won't be in their life, because how could I stop that? We live next door to each other and we work together and you'll see the child but, I can't have you involved like that, I wouldn't be able to watch you together"

"Why not?" Sam frowned.

"Because I can't see you with a child that I one day thought would be yours too" she said quietly before leaving him standing alone with her words playing on his mind.

~x~

"Ok seriously, what the hell is with you?" Cooper asked as he watched Sam miserably sip on his beer as himself, Pete and Sheldon sat in his living room playing poker.

"Wha…what?" he said snapping his head up to look at him.

"You keep spacing out on us" Pete said with a small smirk "You've only had half a beer"

"Oh it's, it's nothing" Sam said shaking his head a little "Are you going to deal Coop?"

"Sure" Cooper nodded as he started to shuffle the cards in his hand.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Sheldon asked with a frown as Sam seemed to zone out again.

"Addison was looking at adoption agencies today" Sam sighed "That's all"

"You knew it was coming man, the kid thing was why you broke up remember" Pete replied.

"I know" Sam nodded "I know it's just…."

"It's just….?" Cooper prompted.

"I told her I'd help out, if she needed me to, and she completely shot me down, said that she has people around her to help and even though she knows I'll be around the kid, she doesn't really want me to be near them, because she can't see me with a child she thought would be mine too" he sighed.

"Well she has a right to say that" said Sheldon as he sipped his drink "We all know the issue wasn't how you felt about each other, and feelings don't just go away, she can't forget what she wanted before, she wanted a child with you, and you didn't"

"I know that" Sam nodded.

"Then you should just accept what she said, no matter how hard it is" Cooper sighed.

"I just didn't think I'd feel like this" Sam sighed.

"Like what?" Sheldon asked.

"Like I should be doing it with her" he said quietly.

"You don't get to think like that" Pete said firmly "Do not let her hear you say that, you don't get to mess with her head Sam, she doesn't deserve it, let her move on with her life, you can't suddenly change your mind now that she's actually doing something about it"

"I know" Sam said with a slight whisper "Just forget I said anything, deal the cards Cooper"

"Dealing the cards" Cooper nodded.

~x~

July 10th 2011

"Ok, I can't watch this anymore" Naomi said simply as she stood in front of Sam's view of Addison in her office.

"Hmm, what?" he stuttered.

"I can't keep watching you watch her, you need to do something before it's too late Sam"

"I don't know what you're talking about Nae" he sighed, he turned around and walked towards his office, Naomi quickly followed behind.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about" she said quietly, closing his office door behind them "You're not over her and you never will be. When you broke up, I thought it would make me feel better, I thought you not being with her would make me feel better but, it didn't, especially when I can see you both hurting" she sighed "So please, before it's too late, before she sends that envelope to the adoption agency, go and tell her the truth about how you're feeling, or you'll never get her back"

"It's already too late Naomi" Sam sighed "Whether she, whether she loves me or not, she's about to send of adoption papers that she's been going through with a fine tooth comb for a month, she's about to start something that I told her I didn't want to do, it's the reason we broke up, if I go to her now, if I go to her now I won't only be interrupting the adoption, I'll be interrupting her life all over again, so no, no I'm not going to go to her and tell her how I feel, because I'm not willing to put her through any more than I already have"

"Sam" Naomi sighed.

"No Naomi" Sam snapped "This is none of your business, so keep out of it"

"I just want you to be happy Sam" she said quietly, when he remained quiet she sighed heavily and left the office.

~x~

Addison walked into the kitchen later that day with a large brown envelope in her hand, she placed it on the counter before picking up a glass and moving to the refrigerator to take out her green juice.

"Are those the adoption papers?" Naomi's voice said from the doorway, making Addison jump and almost spill juice down herself.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" she exclaimed, closing the refrigerator.

"Sorry" Naomi said with a small smirk.

"It's fine" Addison sighed "And yeah, those are the adoption papers"

Naomi nodded a little and slipped herself onto one of the stools, taking an orange from the fruit bowl, she started to peel it as Addison sipped quietly on her juice.

"You shouldn't send them" she blurted quickly.

"What?" Addison replied with a raised eyebrow.

"The adoption papers, you shouldn't send them"

"And why would I do that?" she said with a shocked laugh "What the hell gives you the right to…."

"I know you're mad at me for not talking to you for so long" Naomi said cutting her off "And you have a right to be mad at me for that but, we were friends once, we were, best friends, and whether either of us want to admit it or not, we do know each other, and I know, I know that having a baby on your own is not what you want"

"I think that was established a long time ago Naomi" Addison replied "As was the fact that I don't really have a choice in the matter"

"But you do" Naomi sighed.

"No. I don't" Addison said firmly "I am not waiting around for a guy anymore Nae, I've spent all of my life waiting for men to step up, my father never did, my brother tries to but he only seems to cause trouble when he shows up and every man I have ever loved, they've let me down, they have hurt me, and I am not willing to do that again, and if I did find someone who wanted to stick around, well I'm sure they wouldn't get the Naomi Bennett stamp of approval anyway" she picked up her envelope and started to walk towards the door.

"Sam" Naomi called out after her "Sam would stick around"

"What?" Addison said with a slight laugh as she turned back "Did you fall and hit your head on the way up here? Sam doesn't want me Naomi, not with a child, he made that very clear and you, you made it clear that you would never approve of me and him, so what the hell are you talking about? Why are you doing this to me Naomi? Why now?"

"You should talk to Sam" Naomi said quietly "Don't send the papers, and talk to Sam, please, just trust me on this"

"I don't know what to trust anymore Naomi" Addison sighed as she walked away.

~x~

"Addison?" Sam frowned as he walked out onto his deck that evening to find her pacing hers back and forth "Is everything ok?"

"I'm fine" she snapped instantly "Ugh, sorry" she sighed when she saw him flinch a little "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you, I'm just, thinking"

"Ok" he nodded "I'll leave you to it" he said as he turned back towards his house.

"Naomi said I should talk to you" Addison called out, stopping him in his tracks and making him turn to look at her "She told me, she told me not to send the adoption papers and, talk to you, and I've been trying to ignore it but, but I can't, so now the envelope is sitting on my table and, and I can't stop wondering why, why I have to talk to you, why she wants me to…."

"Just ignore her Addison" he said quietly "She shouldn't have said that"

"But why did she?" Addison sighed heavily "Sam please just, just talk to me"

"It doesn't matter Addison!" he exclaimed "God she, she never should have said anything! She had no right to say anything to you!"

"I think she was just trying to help" Addison said quietly "With, whatever the hell she is supposed to know that I don't" she sighed.

"Just forget she ever said anything Addison" Sam mumbled before walking back into his house, Addison sighed heavily and walked back into hers, she walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine before sitting down at the table, staring down at the envelope in front of her as she took a sip of her wine, she looked up when she heard her back doors open and Sam stepped inside.

"I still love you" he said quietly "I still love you, and, no matter how hard I try to stop loving you, I can't, and ever since, ever since you started this adoption, I've wanted, I've wanted to be right here doing it with you"

"No" Addison said firmly, standing up instantly "No, you do not get to do this, get out, get the hell out of my house"

"I know I'm not being fair but, but it's true…."

"NO!" Addison said loudly "You do not get to do this to me Sam! Not now! Not now I'm, I'm finally doing something for me! You do not get to just, change your mind and expect me to take you back" she spat "You didn't want this, you didn't want to be with me, so don't you dare come into my home and do this to me, you do not get to do this to me" she said tearfully "How dare you?"

"I wasn't going to tell you…" he whispered "I didn't want to do this to you"

"But you're doing it anyway" she choked out "God Sam what the hell am I supposed to do now!"

"You're going to send the adoption papers" he sighed "And forget this conversation ever happened"

"I wish I could" she whispered.

"I'm not, I'm not expecting you to want me to be involved, I'm not expecting you to forgive me and take me back, but if, if you could think about it, tonight, just think about it, and if you do want us to do this together, then I'll be there, I will be there and I promise I won't let us mess up again"

"I need you to leave" she sniffled "Please, just leave"

"Ok" Sam nodded "Ok, I'll leave" he took a beat before leaving the house, Addison lowered herself back into her chair and let tears fall.

~x~

Chapter 2 to follow….