The Rain
By: Kitsune Hoshiko
I hate and love you at the same time. I resent you, but I can't help but love you. I don't want to see you, but you have a special place in my heart that no one else can have. Because, the truth it, no matter how much we fight, I still love you. Do you still feel the same? At night, do think of me and murmur my name? Do you still cry when you think about us? You used to make all my days happy, even when the skies were gray, the sun always shone from behind dark clouds. Even the most bitter foods tasted sweet whenever you were with me. You could always make me smile, and purge me from all of the pain.
Sometimes when I think of you, I run outside in the rain. I try to escape the past, but is it possible? To forget about the love we've shared. The nights alone in bed, holding each other, seams like a forever ago. Have we lost everything, our love, our friendship? Is it possible to forget such sweet memories, to forget a love that meant so much? I don't know, because our love is still alive in my heart.
You'll never know now how much I love you, you're so far away. You've left me here to think about us, and the future. It seems like I've lost my only love, the only person I want to love. Why did you leave in the first place? The reason now long forgotten, must've have been stupid and pathetic, to make me regret it so much. I regret ever being angry with you. But why have you left me so far away?
The silence is deafening. But I can hear our voices faintly, so far away, from a time where I still felt love, from a time, where you held me everyday. I shed a tear everyday now. They pour from me until it hurts to cry. Then I have no choice but to withdraw, and sleep. Even in my dreams, I see you. I can't forget you. I see you everywhere. Everything reminds me of you
I wish you were still here to hold me, to make feel alive once more. If only you were hear, to kiss me once again, to wipe away my tears. I miss your strong arms comforting me, holding me tightly in the night. I miss your scent, and your body.
Maybe the day will come when you'll come to me, and wipe me tears. Maybe the sun will shine again, and maybe the rain will finally stop. Perhaps, I'll be happy once again, with my love. I'll be able to smile, unable to hold back tears of happiness.
But I know the truth, because I'm not as naïve as I used to be. I've grown up, and I know that our love is impossible. You've left me here, in the cold bitterness of our room. Alone, watching the rain wash away old memories. The rising sun brings forth a new day. Will I find the strength to live again? Will I be able to live without you in my life, without your wisdom to guide me? I have to try. I can't live in a world full of pain and darkness. I can't allow myself to rot away from the pain you've cost me. I can't allow myself to hurt over and over again.
I can never be your love again, no matter how much I love you, no matter how much I want you back. You took your love away from me. We must learn how pain feels. How else can we grow if not to feel the pain and bitterness love leaves us with?
Author's note: this little page of thought, was inspired by Utada Hikaru's song entitled "Sukiyaki (I taste of honey) It's a bittersweet song, and was perfect for a little paragraph, but I got carried away and wrote a page on it. It's for no one in particular, but I hope that any one who is in this type of situation, feel the strength and inspiration that this song has given me.