To user SerenSeren, I cannot thank you enough for requesting this and waiting patiently for it. I know, this has taken so, so long, and your patience must be insane to stand waiting for this. Anyway, I did enjoy thinking through your request and writing this (this will probably have around six chapters in total) so I hope you aren't disappointed. Hopefully you weren't expecting something completely different.
(Also, yes, I know, I'm supposed to be writing TTHM, but I promise that's coming up soon and this has been on my to-do list for so long anyway that I should have had this up ages ago.)
Request: The idea of true love, but in real life, true love isn't always there right from your start. Your childhood crush, your high school sweetheart, your college fling, your years long relationship that never went anywhere... but then, when you'd stopped looking altogether, you found the one. I want to see all the relationships the above person had to go through before finding the right one.
Title: We Loved In Colors
Summary: His heart was a puzzle he himself had never believed could be completed. There were too many broken pieces to salvage the person he used to be. But maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't mind trying. (True love is never easy, not in real life, but, he thinks as he stares into emerald eyes, it's worth it.)
we loved in colors
i: childhood crush
Once, before the war came and blood was shed, he was a simple person. He was the 11th prince of Britannia and the 17th heir to the throne. He was lonely, of course—he had many siblings, but they all hated each other and him. Everyone was too busy trying to become the one their father would name his successor.
Euphemia was a kind soul—gentle, peaceful, loving. She was his younger sister, and for awhile, that was all she was. They were close, but not too close. Not until he felt particularly lonely one day, and they met at a public park.
That day, Lelouch decided he loved her.
twenty-three
"What are you doing here all alone, Lulu?" she asked him breathlessly, sitting herself beside him on the bench.
"Ah, but you see, Euphie," he smiled at her charmingly. "I'm not alone. I have you now, see."
Loudly—because she couldn't be loud inside the palace walls—Euphemia laughed at her older brother. "Before I came you were plenty alone," she pointed out.
Lelouch hummed agreeably. "Yes. But it doesn't matter anymore, because now you're here."
"Alright, fine," she allowed, pouting a little.
A small smile drew itself onto his lips. "Why are you here, Euphie?"
She flushed, embarrassed, and shifted her weight nervously. Her right foot played around with the fallen autumn leaves. "Lady Marianne said you'd be here," she said, flustered. "And Nunnally was with her, so I thought you might want some company."
The smile on his lips swelled. "Thank you, Euphie," he said softly. "I'm glad it's you who came."
Her blush deepened, but she smiled back at him. "Me too, Lulu," she said to him. She sighed, her breath coming out ragged and visible—the air was frosty that day, and wholly unwelcoming—and hugged herself.
Lelouch eyed her with concern. "Are you okay, Euphie?"
"Yeah," she said. "Just cold."
Clearly she was cold, he thought. She was shivering all over. He stood and offered her an arm. "We should go back home, then. I'm afraid I didn't bring a coat or anything I could offer you."
Euphemia nodded slightly. "Okay, Lulu." But she didn't hop up to her feet. Instead she glanced up at him through her hair and noted the regal expression on his face—he was a sculptor's masterpiece. "Can we just... stay here a while longer?"
Lelouch frowned. "You're freezing," he told her frankly. "If I let you get a cold, we both know whose head it is Cornelia will have on a pike tonight," he added jokingly. She cracked a smile.
Seeing as she wasn't budging, Lelouch rolled his eyes and lowered himself onto the bench again. He shuffled closer to her. "Fine," he huffed. "Just awhile, alright?"
She nodded, beaming at him. "Thanks, Lulu."
They stayed silent, with Lelouch slowly nearing her every few seconds. I might not have a coat, he thought and reasoned, but I can at least warm her up with my body heat. Until she decides to leave.
"Lulu?" Euphemia asked, her voice small and timid. "What do you want for your birthday?"
He blinked. "My... birthday?" Oh, that's right. That's what's coming up.
She nodded, cheeks flaring deep red. "Your birthday's in two days. What would you like?"
He smiled down at her. "I don't need anything, Euphie. Your presence at the party would be a gift in itself."
She pouted, jabbing him lightly in the chest with her pointer finger. "You might not need anything, but everyone wants something," she said brightly, having noticed his word choice. "Besides, how could I not give anything to my favorite brother?"
"Very clever, Euphie, but like I said, your presence is gift enough for me. I'd like nothing more."
"A lot of people will probably gift you with chessboards or something similar, but I want my gift to stand out. I want you to love it."
"Listen to me, Euphie." He turned bodily so that he could face her better. "All I'd need is for you to come. That's special enough. I'd love that."
"It's your birthday," she muttered under her breath. "Why don't you want anything?"
"Then if you must give me something, give me a dance." He was smiling again, ruffling her hair just a little and reveling in the scowl on her face. "You will spare me a dance, won't you?"
"Nana will be jealous," Euphemia remarked, but she was grinning happily. "And you'll be the belle of the ball—that doesn't work quite as well in this situation... is there a male version of belle for this phrase?" He laughed at her, and she harrumphed, giving it up. "Well, anyway, my point is, you'll be stocked with requests. I think it'll be you having to save me a dance."
He just smirked and nodded.
Two days later, as promised, he stole away from the fawning fans—the press, daughters of nobles, several of his half-siblings—and approached her where she stood, watching the chaos. He bowed deeply, flashed her a smile, and offered his hand.
The princess grabbed it without even a second of hesitation, and he pulled her closer as he twirled her around and around the grand ballroom.
And then, on their second song, Euphemia leaned up and whispered, her breath tickling his ear: "It isn't a chessboard."
His breath quickening, Lelouch wondered how his own sister—who was younger than him—could affect him so much. "W-what?" he stammered, and then stiffened as he felt one of Euphemia's dainty hands slip into his suit.
She grinned cheerily. "Like I said, everyone wants something."
He was left gaping after her as she slid out of his arms and skipped over to her elder sister Cornelia, who stood watching him intently, a mixture of suspicion and affection coloring her gaze. He caught her eye and she offered him a tight smile, nodding as she caught Euphemia in a sisterly embrace.
Only when he escaped the noise and clamor of his party did he remember what she'd said to him that afternoon, two days ago. "You might not need anything, but everyone wants something," she'd said. "A lot of people will probably gift you with chessboards or something similar, but I want my gift to stand out," she'd told him.
And stand out it did.
Wrapped in a beautiful sheet of blue wax paper—blue was his favorite color; not light blue but the royal blue of his mother's and sister's eyes—was the key of the Ganymede, hanging on his mother's familiar keyring; the one with the phoenix arched around it.
He'd seen his mother's key enough times to know that the one Euphie gave him wasn't the real thing, but he recognized it as the same one his mother had given Euphie several months earlier—the same one his sister had loved so much—and that was more than enough.
"I want you to love it."
He did.
twenty-two
Lelouch really, really hated the emperor right now.
It wasn't even because he'd been exiled, not really. Part of it was that, admittedly—or, at least, half of it was his father's exiling of Nunnally along with him. And part of it was the way his father had easily dismissed his mother's murder and deemed he and Nunnally dead. But another part of it was what the emperor was taking him from.
"L-Lulu," the object of his thoughts sniffed. "Do—do you really have to leave?"
His jaw shifted. There was no way he was staying here now that his own father had declared him dead, but... "Yes," he said firmly. "I'm sorry, Euphie."
She sobbed and lurched forward, her small arms reaching around him and clinging around his neck. "I don't want you to go!" she shouted desperately.
Lelouch closed his eyes tightly, willing back the tears that burned against his eyelids. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I don't want to leave you." He did want to leave Britannia—to get away from the man who'd let his mother's murder go unquestioned and unavenged—but that, at least, was the truth. If there was ever any reason for him to stay any longer, it would be Euphemia.
"I really wish I didn't have to leave you," he told her, and he meant it.
Euphemia smiled at him through her tears. "You'll come back to us, won't you?"
He bit his lip. He'd renounced his position as heir. His father had declared him dead. This was practically banishment—unless a miracle happened, he had no way back. But maybe... "Of course I will." Maybe he wanted a miracle, for her.
"Really?"
"I promise, Euphie. I'll always come back," he whispered into her hair. He would pray for a miracle, if it made her smile.
twenty-one
Somehow, some way, they became friends.
He didn't understand why—Suzaku had hated him from the start; he had made it very clear with a sharp blow to his face. And yet, somehow, they grew to tolerate each other.
Lelouch blamed it on Suzaku's similarities to Euphemia. He blamed the fact that Suzaku reminded him of home—not of the inside of the Aries Villa but of simpler times, when he had family.
Yes, Suzaku was arrogant. He was egoistical to a fault. But the soft pride in his eyes, and the stubborn way he defended his idealistic morals, was reminiscent of Euphemia's beliefs.
And maybe Lelouch just wanted to be reminded of who he used to be.
twenty
"Come on, Lelouch," Suzaku whined. "You promised you'd come with me!"
Lelouch scowled angrily at him. "I did no such thing!"
"Actually, onii-sama, you did agree to accompany Suzaku-nii to the base," Nunnally countered, smiling innocently at him. Her head tilted slightly. "I believe it was during your morning exercise."
His scowl darkened. He had half a mind to argue that he'd been distracted, but to point that out was to make his shortcomings obvious, and there was no way he would ever admit such a weakness to Suzaku. He parted his mouth regardless, about to continue his protest when, as if she sensed what he was about to do, Nunnally added cheerily, "You don't want to break your promise, do you?"
He sagged in defeat, glaring at Suzaku when the boy grinned victoriously at him, unseen to his sister.
"Cheer up, Lelouch," Suzaku laughed. "Nunnally can come with us."
He hesitated. He didn't want to bring Nunnally along—the base, without a doubt, would be full of racist bigots who wanted nothing more than to prove their superiority over a couple of children. He had no wish to subject his own sister to that cruelty.
"Really?" Nunnally's voice, filled with hope, drew him out of his thoughts. "Can I, onii-sama?" Her face was bright with excitement, and he grimaced. He couldn't say no to her. How could he?
"Of course," he allowed reluctantly. At least this way she would be under his watch, and he could ensure her safety for himself.
Her smile widened, and he comforted himself with the thought that, at least, he'd made her happy.
"Thank you," she said joyfully as Suzaku chuckled and took it upon himself to wheel her to the door. Lelouch glared at his back and followed them at a slower pace, wondering how it was that he'd turned from a prince who had everything to a pawn who had nothing except for his sister and their Japanese friend.
Said sister turned slightly in her wheelchair, calling out, "Hurry up, onii-sama! Everyone at the base will have turned in for a night's rest by the time you arrive if you continue walking like that."
He rolled his eyes and laughed, hurrying toward the two and entering the chauffeur-driven car parked out front. Suzaku lifted his sister from her seat and Lelouch managed to fold the wheelchair up and pull it onto the car, making space for the other two. With ease that he envied, his friend hefted himself and Nunnally up and the chauffeur closed the door after them.
"Don't look so glum," Suzaku harrumphed. "It'll be fun, you'll see."
He didn't think it would be, but he kept quiet about his lingering doubts and smiled at his sister, despite the fact that she couldn't see it, as the car wheeled out of the driveway.
"Hey, Lelouch?" Suzaku said after awhile, yawning slightly. "Tell me about your siblings?"
Lelouch laughed. The one thing Suzaku had been interested about when they'd first started talking was Lelouch's extensive family. Suzaku had no siblings, so it hadn't entirely surprised Lelouch when the young boy began wishing to be regaled with tales of Lelouch's experience as a brother.
"Which ones?"
Suzaku paused thoughtfully. "The warrior sister; the one who admired your mother."
Lelouch's eyebrows rose. "Cornelia li Britannia," he mused. He remembered telling Suzaku about her—he'd told him about how, despite some of his other half-siblings' apparent distaste for his mother's commoner roots, Cornelia had always longed to emulate her. "It was because of her respect for my mother, the Flash, that Cornelia enlisted in the army when she was just a child. I remember that Cornelia's mother, the Duchess Rochelle, always hated how Cornelia chose to invest in the military rather than other, more ladylike, hobbies."
Suzaku grinned. "Maybe if you were more like your sister, you'd have more stamina than a fly, at the very least."
"Actually, flies have an abundance of stamina," Lelouch pointed out triumphantly.
Suzaku's eye twitched. "You know what I mean," he huffed.
Frustrated, Lelouch was tempted to argue back when he saw Nunnally frowning at their bickering. Sighing, he ignored the shot and continued with his story, "After graduating from Basic Training, Cornelia was appointed as the Captain of my mother's Royal Guard. She was to head the other Guardsmen, all of whom were handpicked by my mother."
"She was a member of your mother's guards?" Suzaku asked in surprise and excitement.
Lelouch nodded. "Yes," he answered. "She was very thorough in her job. Didn't let anyone escape her."
"Nelly was a brilliant captain," Nunnally sighed. "Probably because she didn't want to disappoint mother."
"Nelly?" Suzaku wondered.
Lelouch managed to laugh. "Nana and Euphie were the only ones who could ever get away with calling the dreaded Cornelia such a silly name."
"Oh," Suzaku said simply. Lelouch enjoyed the comfortable silence that followed for the brief few seconds it lasted, before Suzaku broke it. He asked, "Lelouch? Why were you sent here?"
Lelouch stiffened. Even Nunnally, still in Suzaku's arms, sobered visibly. There was a marked tension in the car that hadn't been there before, and Suzaku flinched. Was it really that horrible?
"...Suzaku," Lelouch began finally, quiet and dangerous. However, before he could continue and give an explanation, however vague it may have been, the car trembled. In the distance, from the direction they'd come from, Lelouch could hear a frightening roaring.
Something was burning.
With a gaze outside the window, Lelouch realized with horror that it was the ground that burned. Flames licked at the dirt, seeping through the air and lapping at cement. The fire sucked on the lives of the civilians, and Lelouch stared at the air grimly.
"—louch!"
He winced and glanced back at Suzaku, whose eyes begged for the death to stop. "What's happening?"
"...it's coming, Suzaku," he whispered, voice strangled. The missiles approaching the nation; he recognized them instantly. And he recognized the tiny flag imprinted on the tail of the weapons.
It was Britannia.
His father.
"'It's coming'? What is it!?" Suzaku demanded.
"War," he answered. There was no other way to put it. It was obvious what this action of aggression meant for Japan. And it was also clear what it meant for him and his sister.
They'd been abandoned.
If ever they were to return to Britannia, it would not be as children of the emperor. They would never again be acknowledged as the prince and princess they were born as.
"The tenuous peace between Japan and Britannia has come to an end," he murmured. "Bombs are falling, and there's no way to avoid the battles that will come."
"But..." Suzaku tried to protest, tears in his eyes. "But what about you and Nunnally? Why would your father attack a nation that houses his children?"
Lelouch laughed dryly, almost amused. "Regardless of our biological ties, he cannot be called our father, Suzaku. He does not deserve the title. And we are nothing but hostages in a land he has declared war upon. Our lives have been forsaken."
"And you're fine with that?" Suzaku was outraged, Lelouch could tell.
Lelouch turned away from the sight in front of him and stared sharply at his friend. "There's nothing I can do. We've been left for dead."
...and what about Euphie? he couldn't help but think. What will she think of this when she finds out?
At his graveness, Suzaku stared back furiously.
Lelouch shook his head. "He never intended to keep the peace," he realized, looking back at the shack he'd been living in for the past two months. Smoke billowed around the debris as the land around what remained of it lay dead and scorched.
Everything Britannia had touched was dead.
"I promise, Euphie. I'll always come back."
Hadn't he sworn to her that he'd return to her side, no matter what happened?
I'm sorry, Euphie. I'll have to break our promise. He had never wanted to have to lie to her, to have to hurt her. And yet here he was, doing both.
His legs quivering with a weakness he recognized and despised, Lelouch managed to keep himself grounded despite everything that threatened to topple him. He kept his eyes locked on Suzaku's, seeing anger and horror and fear reflected in the emerald sheen of his orbs, and he wondered if his own amethyst eyes told the same story.
"I'm sorry, Suzaku."
nineteen
Two hard, solid knocks resounded on the door. The room's four occupants exchanged a curious glance before the oldest, a boy with blonde hair and emotionless sapphire eyes, stood and approached the entrance.
Wordlessly, he opened the door and stared at the young face of a soldier, still dressed in his uniform. "Your Highnesses," he knelt and bowed his head, but Schneizel frowned at the mournful undertone to his voice.
His half-sister neared them. "Do you bring news?" she asked.
"Where are Lelouch and Nunnally?" Euphemia interjected before the soldier could answer, and dread sank into Schneizel's stomach when the man flinched.
"Forgive me for being the bearer of bad news, Your Highnesses," he said quietly, sinking deeper into his position. "Unfortunately, the prince and princess could not be retrieved."
"W-What?" Clovis whispered. "How?"
The soldier seemed reluctant to answer him, and Schneizel's fear grew. Those enlisted in the military had all had the superiority of royalty ingrained into their very spirits. Every soldier of Britannia knew, without doubt, that their lives belonged to their royal family. They'd been trained to serve. The fact that someone who had always known, from the very beginning, whom he lived for, had hesitated in answering one of those masters... Schneizel had no doubt the terrors that had to mean.
And he was not wrong.
"Their Highnesses perished during the invasion, Your Highness."
Clovis sucked in a hard breath, and Schneizel noticed, out of the corner of his eye, that even Cornelia could not hold her bearings in the face of her devastation. She covered her mouth in horror and looked away, tears pricking her eyes.
A loud, anguished wail pierced the silence as Euphemia collapsed to the ground in despair. Schneizel didn't dare look back at her. He knew she'd been the closest to Lelouch and Nunnally, and to hear that they were dead... even he had to submit to the grief.
"His Majesty, the emperor, has declared both deceased. I was sent to inform Your Highnesses that the funeral will be held a week from now."
Schneizel closed his eyes. Lelouch had been his favorite brother. Had always been his favorite brother.
"...I see," Schneizel said, and if anyone had bothered to pay close attention, they would have heard the slightest quiver affecting his voice. "If that is all..."
The soldier nodded, taking the chance Schneizel offered for what it was as he rose and kowtowed one last time before bowing out of the room and closing the door in what could only be called an attempt to flee.
As soon as the soldier left, Schneizel sighed quietly. He'd thought of Lelouch as a prodigy. A genius with great potential. The potential to be something better, something more.
That chance had been stolen from Lelouch, as surely as Japan had been stolen from her people.
eighteen
A single lavender eye peered out of its new home under the bed covers, staring at the mahogany doors through blurry vision. The princess muffled a whimper and burrowed deeper into the blanket.
"Euphie?"
She recognized the voice as that of Cornelia's and groaned, turning away and ignoring her sister's call.
"...Euphie."
"Go away," she whispered resentfully, too quietly for Cornelia to hear. Her fingers curled into fists, nails pinching at soft skin hatefully.
"Euphemia."
Even after her name was spoken in its entirety, she said nothing, squeezing her eyes shut and wishing the word could be muted. It was all background noise.
"Euphemia!" Cornelia shouted, patience finally running thin. "You've been holed inside your room for a whole day now! Locking yourself in will do nothing, Euphie; they're gone."
Forever.
"I know that!" she yelled back, unable to help herself. Her teeth were clenched so tight it hurt, but Euphemia welcomed the pain. It distracted her from the worse agony of her siblings' death, after all. The death of Nunnally, who'd been the happiest and kindest person she'd known. And the death of Lelouch, who she'd known as a boy who loved—he had loved his mother and his sister, and he had loved his life, even despite the onlookers' disdain at his mother's, and subsequently both his and his sister's, origins.
"Euphie..." Cornelia said gently. "We all miss them. But you need to eat. If not for yourself, then for them."
"Shut up," she hissed.
Cornelia said nothing, too shocked to retort. Perhaps sensing the intensity of Euphemia's misery, she left her alone silently.
Euphemia sighed in relief when she heard her sister's footsteps recede into the distance. Although she loved her sister, she wanted nothing more than to be alone in the face of the vi Britannia line's death.
Her other siblings may have claimed to love Lelouch and Nunnally, but they hadn't known them like she had. She'd always been by their side—they weren't just her family, they were her best friends, her everything.
Now she had nothing.
Lulu... She stifled a sob. Why did it have to be him? You promised me... You promised me!
He had said that he would come back.
Where is he, then? she thought, almost hatefully. What's coming back? His dead body? Her lips curled into a snarl.
You lied to me, Lulu...
Because it was time she faced the facts: he wasn't coming back. He was dead and gone. And she was alone.
Why... Lulu... You promised...
He'd lied.
A terrible sound erupted in the room, and it took her a delayed moment to realize that it had come from her. She shuddered, punching the bed angrily. Why did it have to be him?
Why!?
The Gods were cruel, she decided, if they would take him away from her. They were merciless.
...please be alive.
Didn't she deserve at least one selfish wish? After everything she'd sacrificed as a daughter of royalty, as a member of the li Britannias, didn't she deserve to have something for herself?
Lelouch had been hers.
But now he was gone.
Didn't she deserve him back?
Please come back.
To me.
seventeen
"Lord Ashford."
The old man stared back at him, an odd mixture of awe, wonder, and shock on his face. "Lelouch," he whispered, a question lacing the tone of his voice.
Lelouch nodded slightly, unable to even smile. "I heard the Ashfords came to Japan," he explained vaguely.
"We did," Reuben confirmed needlessly. "Please, come in."
Whether or not Marianne was dead, and whether or not the vi Britannia line had fallen to extinction, this was still the son of his closest ally and friend. Her death may have been the reason for his fleeing to Japan, but that meant nothing next to the years their partnership had lasted.
Lelouch sighed in relief, but he still didn't smile. Instead, he disappeared from the doorway, and just as Reuben was beginning to wonder if he'd ran away, the boy returned with Nunnally carried over his shoulder.
Reuben's eyes widened even more, but it came with a joy unrivaled. Nunnally, it seemed, had survived as well. He stepped out of the way and Lelouch slowly, almost as though he was wary, treaded into the building.
"Milly will be relieved to see that you've both survived," Reuben remarked, smiling. He remembered vividly the day the news came and told them that the siblings had died—the media had said that their death was what caused Britannia's retaliatory invasion. Milly had been devastated.
Lelouch's lips finally quirked into a small, sincere smile. "Thank you for this, Lord Ashford," he said softly, afraid to speak too loud lest Reuben's generosity shatter and prove to be a dream. His grip around Nunnally tightened subconsciously.
"Anytime, Your Highness."
His smile faded again and his scowl returned. "Do not call me that," he ordered. "I am no prince. Now, I am nothing but my mother's son."
"Then you should have realized that I no longer go by lord," he pointed out. "We fell from grace."
Lelouch grimaced. "I apologize for that," he said regretfully.
Reuben just smiled. "Nothing to worry about, so long as you stop calling me Lord Ashford. Besides, your mother was my closest friend. Reuben will do."
Lelouch looked a little shocked at that—perhaps the formality of royalty was still imprinted on his behavorial patterns—but he nodded reluctantly. "All right. But please, terms such as 'Your Highness' and 'prince' no longer match my status."
Reuben noticed the danger in Lelouch's expression but chose to ignore it, laughing quietly. "Very well... Then, welcome to our new residence, Lelouch Lamperouge."
Lelouch blinked in surprised, before he quickly regained his composure and let another smile escape. "Lelouch... Lamperouge," he repeated, trying to wrap his mind around the idea. "It's... fitting," he agreed. I like it.
"That's good." Reuben grinned. "Now, please follow me, Lelouch. I'm sorry for putting you in the line of fire, son, but she's taken to screaming at me and I do like my hearing."
"...Milly?" Lelouch guessed, shivering.
Reuben chuckled and nodded. "The one and only."
Lelouch's smile faltered, but he didn't verbalize his complaints and weakly widened his smile. "I see." If Milly was this upset, he mused abruptly, and the seed of guilt that had been planted the moment war came to Japan blossomed. What about Euphie?
sixteen
"Hello, my name is Lelouch Lamperouge." Lelouch said in introduction, nodding politely in spite of the irritation in his mind. What was Milly thinking? "I look forward to working alongside you all."
Shooting his blonde friend an irate glare, he blinked and noticed that one of Milly's friends, the orange-haired girl, was staring at him oddly, an unrecognizable expression sweeping through her face even as she smiled at him uncertainly.
He ignored her smile, his lips settling into a bored scowl.
Despite his visibly annoyed look, her gaze did not falter. "Lelouch Lamperouge," Shirley mused quietly, her heart set aflutter when he cast her a quick gaze, eyebrows lifted in question. She coughed nervously. "Such a mouthful."
She nearly panicked when he sent her a sour look, the boisterous laughter of their President ringing in the background. Attempting a timid smile, she continued, "I should give you a nickname…" Her eyes brightened slightly. "I know—I'll call you Lulu!"
Even as Milly Ashford laughed heartily at her friend's words, the expression dawning on Lelouch's face made her pause slightly. There was some nostalgia to his eyes, and his jaw was unhinged as he stared at Shirley with unveiled shock.
"I know—I'll call you Lulu!"
For a second, he dropped his guard and allowed himself to reminisce. Her words hit him, hard, and he found himself gazing stonily at her, wondering where she'd gotten the idea.
"Lelouch!" Nunnally cried out angrily. "Tell Euphemia that you're going to be marrying me, not her!"
"But you have to be my groom, Lulu," Euphemia said sullenly, tears in her eyes.
Lelouch blinked unsurely. Nunnally was his sister. He'd always love her, but he couldn't imagine her as anything more. After all, they shared both their father and mother. Euphemia, however...
He smiled slightly. He could see her walking down the aisle toward him, one day.
Her voice still haunted his dreams, sometimes. Lulu, Lulu, why Lulu?
"You know Lulu is a girl's name, don't you?" he asked her—Shirley, he thought her name was—and was surprised to find that his own voice was full of fondness.
"Sorry!" Shirley squeaked under his attention. "I won't if you don't want me to…" she murmured. Her voice trailed off, and he found his lip curling into a slight snarl.
So shy, so timid. "Whatever," he huffed, walking away towards the large table in the middle, depositing his bags by one of the chairs. So unlike Euphie, he thought regretfully. She'd never give up, not her.
Milly was staring at him in open surprise, a little shocked that he'd let Shirley do as she wished, just like that. It was so unlike him, and yet the move fit him perfectly. Unexpected.
"My, my, Lulu," she mocked with an overbearing grin, watching him curiously as he cocked his head, staring up at her quietly. "Got your eye on someone already?" Her smile widened, her eyes twinkling with silent laughter.
To her surprise, Lelouch only smiled at her patiently—a mysterious smile. "Perhaps, Madame President." His voice was calm and only held amusement, further shocking her, despite herself.
"Aww, how cute," she cooed, laughing a little. "Though, I'm hurt, Lulu. Are you getting tired of little old me?" Milly felt something like pride stir in her chest when Lelouch's head reared upwards and he stared at her with shocked mortification, shades of surprise and embarrassment on his face.
Milly grinned and laughed rambunctiously, thinking, Now that's a little more like the "Lulu" I know.
"Madame President!" Shirley and Lelouch both exclaimed, although Shirley extended her complaint slightly, her voice hysterical as she protested, "Lulu wouldn't—"
Shirley stopped mid-rant, blushing furiously as she flinched and stared at the floor. "Oh, yes," Milly smiled. "Your Lulu wouldn't, would he?" Attached already, Shirley?
"Madame President!" Shirley exclaimed, a bright, crimson glare covering her cheeks. Out of the corner of her eyes, Milly saw Lelouch sigh in resignation and pull out his papers.
"Don't worry, Shirley. Lelouch's a gentleman." She smiled fondly. She'd missed him, she really had.
With a raised brow and sigh at her antics, Lelouch tuned her out and logged onto his laptop. And yet, even as he worked on his duties, fulfilling his role as Vice-President of the Ashford Academy Student Council, he couldn't help but see a pair of glimmering lavender eyes staring at him, just waiting for him to notice her.
"You'll come back to us, won't you?"
fifteen
They all sat along a long, rectangular table, sipping on their teas and waiting for their meals to arrive. At the head of the table, a large, imposing man sat, his imperious gaze cutting into them all.
The bells chimed, and multiple trays were pushed into the room, each topped with gleaming plates and bowls. They had their dishes served to them, and they ate silently, nothing out of place as not even the sounds of clinking forks and spoons echoed.
At the end of their meal, the king stood from his seat, instantly commanding their attention. He said nothing, but all of his wrath and his authority instilled within them all a single order. Wordlessly, they rose and bowed out of the room, slipping out of their silence only when they'd escaped his all-seeing stare.
"Euphemia," one of the princesses called out, a malicious smirk crawling up her lips. "Your ribbon is black, today," she observed.
Euphemia stared at her sister calmly, refusing to give her the satisfaction of seeing her distressed. "So it is," she responded with a noncomittal hum.
Carine's eyes narrowed. "Is this because of your darling commoner brother and sister?" she sneered.
Euphemia's lips twitched, just slightly. "Need I remind you that they are your siblings, as well?"
"Their existence shames us all," Carine hissed. "Neither they, nor their mother, should have ever come to receive the name of Britannia."
"An attack on the vi Britannias is an attack on our lord father," Euphemia countered levelly. Carine paled, and she smiled a little. "Are you suggesting that the king's decree was flawed? Are you disagreeing with his children?"
Carine harrumphed. "I cannot wait for the day to come when he realizes that you are worthless."
"You are forgetting your place, Carine ne Britannia. Do not forget; just as I am, you are only his daughter. You will respect Lelouch, Nunnally, and Lady Marianne as your relatives."
She wondered if he'd be proud of her, if he saw her now. She hoped he would be—she hoped he was staring down at her and smiling.
fourteen
He knew Euphemia had never liked his fondness for the board game. She'd hated how it took him away from playing with her and Nunnally, she'd told him countless times.
He imagined she would hate chess even more if she knew it dragged him into illegality—if she knew it took up most of his time, time that could be spent with Nunnally.
"Come on, Lulu," Rivalz laughed from ahead of him. "If you don't hurry up, we'll be late and Madame President will give us a piece of her mind," he warned.
Lelouch turned around and glared at Rivalz. "It's Lelouch," he said, almost but not quite hissing.
Rivalz frowned. Playfully, he argued, "But you let Shirley call you Lulu."
"That's different," Lelouch said stubbornly. He didn't say the truth: that Shirley reminded him of Euphie, in all her innocence and cheer—that he wanted a reminder of his past in his present.
"Different how?" Rivalz asked, refusing to back down. He waggled his eyebrows accusingly. "Is it because you like her?"
Lelouch flinched when a vision of his half-sister drifted to the forefront of his mind. He banished the image from his mind. "No," he said. He wasn't lying.
Lelouch imagined that Rivalz must have noticed the hard steel in his eyes and voice, because he wisely let it go. Silently, Rivalz waited by his motorbike.
Lelouch sighed. There was no use dragging it out; he had a match, and no matter how angry it made Milly, he needed the money, for Nunnally more than anything else. "Let's go," he said tiredly, stepping into the sidecar.
Wordlessly, Rivalz nodded and began to drive toward their destination.
Chess used to be just an outlet, Lelouch mused. A hobby I pursued because excelling at it meant a chance to defeat Schneizel, even if it was just in chess. Especially if it was just in chess. Now, it isn't escape to freedom or fun anymore. It's just another reminder of how far I've fallen.
"We've managed to snag another big opponent," Rivalz commented idly. Lelouch almost smiled. Rivalz chanced a glance at his friend and sang gleefully, "The renowned count of the Hargreaves noble house."
"Indeed," Lelouch remarked. "A noble is always a good chance for more things to come. They're too arrogant for their own good."
Rivalz nodded, relaxing slightly in his seat. The tension seeped out of the air. "Well, I hope arrogance hasn't gotten ahold of you, because we're here."
"Of course not," Lelouch scoffed. He eyed the luxurious pillars and archways with curiosity. "Arrogance is an old enemy of mine."
He remembered how overconfidence had nearly gotten him killed. Instead of death, his sentence had been exile. After landing Nunnally in the same precarious boat, he had vowed to never let cockiness take control of him again.
They drove through the gateway almost completely untroubled. Despite their age, the security guard barely batted an eye and Rivalz only had to give the name L.L. to be permitted to drive through. Lelouch sneered at their belief of superiority that let them ignore possible threats.
"Such grand opulence, don't you think?" Rivalz hummed from the driver's seat.
Lelouch almost laughed. Perhaps here in Area 11, but it's nothing compared to the Aries Villa, he thought bitterly. "A waste of money and resources," he said instead. When Rivalz raised an eyebrow curiously, he elaborated, "All of this could go to funds for charity or to giving those impoverished a better life. But of course, the nobility would rather spend to further their comfort rather than for their countrymen's health and safety. It's despicable."
Rivalz whistled. "I've never thought of it that way," he admitted, laughing uneasily.
"Of course you haven't," Lelouch said. He laughed, too, but with disdain. "The problems on the street and in the ghettoes are heavily discolored and mangled by the media. No one cares about the misfortunate. In Britannia, the only thing that matters is the strong."
"Damn," Rivalz sighed. "I guess that's true. But by in the ghettoes, do you mean the Elevens?"
Lelouch almost sneered. But he kept himself restrained and he only smiled, one that burned his lips with searing accusations from Euphemia, who'd loved everyone equally. He saw Suzaku's eyes and flinched, looking away. "I mean everyone," he said finally.
He gestured for Rivalz to follow him and headed into the manor, barely sparing the butlers and maids a glance. Perhaps they, too, saw his anger and his regality—there was no denying the authority in his amethyst eyes—and they stayed away. He and Rivalz were directed to a vast room near the back, and the first thing Lelouch noticed when he entered the room was the wide, staggering smile on the face of a nobleman.
He was just like all the other members of the aristocracy, Lelouch mused with a scowl. Just like the emperor, with beliefs of greatness so deeply embedded in his mind it was inescapable.
The count's smile turned sly at the sight of them. "Schoolboys?" he wondered, an amused undertone to his voice.
Lelouch's lips quirked upwards into the smallest semblance of a smirk. "Good afternoon, Lord Hargreaves," he greeted. "I am Lelouch Lamperouge."
"L.L.," the count acknowledged. His eyes twinkled. "I assume you will be playing me?"
"You assume correctly," Lelouch answered, sliding into the seat provided for him with effortless grace. Without a word, Rivalz stepped up behind him, observing the scene on the chessboard.
"Good luck," Rivalz muttered beneath his breath.
Lelouch's smirk broadened. "Luck isn't favoring me right now," he said to Rivalz. "But I won't need it for this."
It turned out that his words held truth. In front of him, as they stared at the chessboard upon which the white king lay toppled, Lord Hargreaves frothed at the mouth. "How dare you," he seethed.
Lelouch tilted his head. "How dare I?" he repeated.
"You must have cheated," Lord Hargreaves accused. "That is how they refer to you as: a scoundrel who deceives his way toward his victory! You have not earned any winnings."
Rivalz tensed behind him. Unfazed, Lelouch stood, smiling calmly. "I assure you, Lord Hargreaves, no amount of trickery was involved in this game."
"Liar," he hissed.
Lelouch approached a large, intricately designed vase he'd been eyeing throughout their game. It was colored a pure white, with swirls of blue licking across its surface. "How much did this cost?" he asked. "Surely, it must have cost more than my winnings, didn't it?" Very deliberately, he turned to face Lord Hargreaves even as one of his fingers traced the lip of the vase.
Lord Hargreaves sputtered, outraged, "You—!"
Lelouch cocked his head upwards.
Lord Hargreaves' eyes enlarged and he fell silent. He gritted his teeth and signaled his defeat with his eyes, which glared daggers at Lelouch despite the white paleness of his face. "Lilian," he said, beckoning for one of the maids to approach him. She did, and without removing his gaze from Lelouch, the count ordered, "Retrieve the money."
She curtsied and left the room.
Rivalz's eyes flickered between Lord Hargreaves and Lelouch as they continued to make eye contact. Finally, when the woman returned with a metal briefcase, Lelouch's serious expression cracked and he removed his hand from the vase with a satisfied smirk.
He retrieved the briefcase from Lilian. "Thank you," he said to her, and she nodded stiffly as she stepped back into her place.
"Have a nice day," Lelouch bid Lord Hargreaves, bowing as he exited. Stumbling to catch up to his friend, Rivalz hastily did the same and hurried off.
"Lelouch!" Rivalz called out. His friend slowed his pace and Rivalz stepped into stride beside him with a relieved sigh. "That was intense," he remarked.
Lelouch only smiled. "He needed to know his place," he countered.
"I don't understand. He's a noble," Rivalz pointed out.
Lelouch hummed noncomitally. And my father is the emperor, but that makes him no more just or fair than the common man. He is king, and yet he is flawed. Superiority is a lie fed to the cruelest of monsters. "He is," Lelouch agreed. "But his nobility is not what I was referring to."
They said nothing more as they left the manor, entering the streets of Area 11.
Rivalz was about to ask his friend a question when their attention was directed toward a commotion nearby.
"S-Stop!" It was a woman's voice. Lelouch's eyes narrowed. "Please," the female begged. "I haven't done anything."
"Come on," Lelouch muttered, steering Rivalz away from his motorbike and leading them both to a pack of tall, broad-shouldered men surrounding a cowering brunette.
"Wait! Lelouch!" Rivalz stammered, attempting to keep Lelouch back. "Stop it," he hissed into his friend's ear. "Think about it! What can we do?"
"Believe me," Lelouch chuckled. "All I'm doing is thinking."
He channeled his brother, Schneizel, as he gestured for Rivalz to stay in place and snaked away, further into the crowds. He was relieved when he spotted two policemen patrolling the road.
"Hey!" he shouted. They glanced at him, scrutinized his Britannian appearance, and approached him curiously. He pointed at the group of men huddled around the woman and said, "Isn't that the kind of thing you're supposed to be looking out for?"
They glowered at him. "She's an Eleven," one of them sneered.
Lelouch's gaze darkened. "She is a citizen of Britannia. You are forgetting that when your emperor colonized this nation, he made all its people yours, as well."
The other policeman squinted at him suspiciously. "'Your emperor'?" he quoted. "His Majesty is your king, too," he reminded Lelouch.
Lelouch suppressed a snort. "Yes," he agreed distastefully. For now. "Will you spit on his decree by ignoring the plight of one of his subjects?"
"A citizen, eh?" one asked, amused. He sounded as though he found the idea as appalling as it was ridiculous.
"Yes," Lelouch responded. "She is an Honorary Britannian." She had to be, to have access to this part of the Settlement.
"Fine," the first policeman grumbled.
The second one glared at him. "Who are you, boy?" he asked hatefully. "Your eyes hint to an aristocratic upbringing but you certainly do not act like a member of the nobility."
Lelouch hated being reminded of his childhood. It only magnified his fall from royalty. "I'm no one," he said. "Help her."
They moved toward the group, and he returned to Rivalz's side. "Watch," he said to Rivalz. "No one can escape punishment, even if their victim is a Number."
After the policemen dragged the four teenagers away, Lelouch allowed himself to relax and approach the quivering woman. She stared up at them with tear-filled eyes. "How?" she whispered. "I'm only an Eleven."
Lelouch found his lips curling into a snarl. "Stop," he demanded. "Who will stand up for you if even you yourself choose to degrade your heritage? Take pride in your ancestry; we all do."
"But you're Britannian," she choked out. He watched as the tears fell onto her cheeks and rolled down her face. "Why help me?"
"We are all the same," he said. He thought of his sisters, Euphie and Nunnally, and wondered what they would say. Finally, he imagined the kindness in Euphie's smile and said, as she would, "Why wouldn't I help?"
"Thank you," the brunette wept. She grasped Lelouch's offered arm and he brought her to a stand. She cried into his shoulder. "Thank you."
Lelouch smiled, just barely. "You don't need to thank someone for doing something that should be expected—helping should be the norm." He knew Euphie had believed in that. "And besides, it wasn't me. It was the two policemen who decided to take the chance. I couldn't have helped you."
The woman shook her head. "Still," she said, "nobody likes to help an Eleven. They wouldn't have acted if it weren't for a miracle—somehow, you convinced them, didn't you?"
Lelouch sighed. He thought of Suzaku, and his childhood friend's pride in his nation, and he soothed, "You're still Japanese. No one can take the Land of the Rising Sun away from you."
She jolted, startled. "I... How can someone born of Britannia be as compassionate as you?"
He said nothing.
Later, after they had walked her to her stand—she sold desserts, he noted—a few meters away and they were back in Rivalz's motorbike, Rivalz asked him, "What was that all about?"
Lelouch just shrugged. "It was about the truth."
Euphemia's truth.
The Japanese woman, she had reminded him of Euphemia. She had had Euphemia's infinite kindness, despite her misfortunes. And no matter what she said, he couldn't help her, the same way he hadn't been able to help Euphemia.
thirteen
After seven years away from her, he still recognized her instantly the moment she stepped into the room, a vision of pink hair and wide, open eyes.
He should have known she would go here to talk to the leader of the operation. Really, he should've known. She'd always been too selfless, too kind, for her own good.
"Euphemia," he remarked, drawing himself up to his full height as, behind his mask, he silenced a sob. To be faced with his beloved sister—with his Euphie—after all this time... and to be separated by Zero. "You revealed yourself to save the masses." It wasn't a question. "How like you."
She blinked and glanced up at him, an uncanny mixture of confusion and misery and anger in her stare and he wished she could just smile and laugh with him because she'd never looked at him with such distrust before—
He hated it.
twelve
She is the daughter of that man. The princess of his empire, he thought firmly to himself, trying to solidify his justifications even as a part of him—the part he could never suppress despite wanting to—screamed at him for his actions.
Euphie… he mourned. Forgive me. He caught himself at the last moment and, behind his mask, he scowled at his own thoughts. No. She is Euphemia li Britannia. He could not be weak. He'd said it himself, hadn't he?
To Clovis, his brother, he'd said without wavering, "You can't change the world without getting your hands dirty."
He knew that. He knew that.
"Lelouch."
And yet...
"Lelouch, it's you, isn't it?"
And yet she was Euphie, undeniably. Even now, as she tried her best to stare up at him while concealing her fear, he could see the sister he'd loved in her. The sister who'd gazed at him with adoration and admiration as she laughed at his antics.
He froze, eyes widening behind his mask as he trembled just the slightest bit at her words—asked in such an innocent fashion, with her blinking up at him and ignoring his gun.
"I haven't told anyone, I swear, so please let me know before you shoot me."
And he could deny it—laugh at her and call her a fool—but she was his sister, the same sister who'd always been so fond of him, and he knew his resolve would weaken before it did. He swallowed and fumbled as he removed his mask willingly, desperate for her recognition.
Desperate for her.
eleven
The next time he met her face-to-face, it was entirely by accident.
It was getting close to Nunnally's birthday, and it was with that in mind that he'd set off in search of a worthy present. While strolling past the shops, he caught a glimpse of glimmering amethyst and sapphire. He stopped abruptly, turning and eyeing the pendant with admiration. It was beautiful—gold twisted into a phoenix; wings splayed out as if in midair; colors shining from its wise eyes, graceful feathers and parted beak.
It was exactly what he saw Nunnally as: a phoenix quite like the rising sun, gifting a little light to the darkness that reigned around her as she guided him to freedom.
He entered the shop without hesitation, walking towards the front desk and smiling. "Hello," he greeted. "How much for the phoenix out front?"
The man eyed him suspiciously, his gaze sweeping over Lelouch's uniform with visible disdain. He whipped out a calculator, keying in a few numbers before showing the result to Lelouch, who merely nodded. The man's eyes narrowed. "A school student, wanting to buy something so magnificent?"
Lelouch shrugged. "So long as it's bought, why do you care, right?"
The older man visibly balked. "You're very outspoken for a delinquent," he commented rudely. "I bet all your cash comes from illegality."
Lelouch raised a brow, surprised at the cashier's conclusion. He's right, but not in the way he's assuming. Before he could say anything in response, however, a familiar voice defended him:
"You have no right insulting your customers, Mr. Henry."
Lelouch's eyes dropped to the cashier's nameplate, finding that his name was, indeed, Henry Elgatine.
Mr. Henry jumped in recognition as his eyes widened in surprise and fear. "Y-Your Highness!" he managed to hail, stuttering through his words.
Lelouch smiled slightly, spotting the warm shade of pink through his peripherals. He turned, and as would be expected of a civilian, bowed deeply. "Your Highness," he said.
The princess gasped quietly, but her years of mastering royal etiquette and customs must have paid off because she regained her composure quickly and smiled kindly at him, eyes shining with unbidden glee. She faced the cashier again, fixing him with a stern look as she admonished, "You, Mr. Henry, must be outspoken yourself for daring to make such assumptions of a fellow citizen of our glorious empire."
"I—I apologize, Your Highness."
Her eyebrow skipped upwards in curious surprise. "It is not me whose forgiveness you should be seeking."
He flinched, but nodded rapidly and shot out, barely even sparing Lelouch a glance, "Forgive me, young man."
Lelouch just smiled and shook his head. "It is fine. Now, if I may make my purchase?"
"But of course," he hurried to agree. After a hesitant pause, he added, "Unfortunately, we seem to be out of stock. If you are fine with buying the pendant in the window..?"
"That would be great, thank you."
Mr. Henry wasted no time in scampering out from behind his desk and gently removed the pendant from the display, striding back towards Lelouch and, oddly, Euphemia. He wondered why an imperial princess would need to remain by a simple schoolboy's side, but did not question it as he slid back into his place and boxed the pendant.
"Sir," he said.
Lelouch nodded and took out his checkbook, grabbing a pen from the table and hastily signing a check, ripping it out and putting it in front of the cashier. "Thank you, Mr. Elgatine."
Without a second to spare, he picked up his sister's present, which Mr. Henry had taken the time to wrap and place inside a bag, and exited the shop. Euphemia found herself by his side a moment later.
"Lelouch," she called out.
"Be quiet," he snapped back in a hushed whisper, eyes flitting from side to side warily.
Euphemia laughed quietly. "There are no guards around, if that's what you're concerned about."
He pursed his lips. "Not here," he said finally, walking ahead of her and heading towards the nearest park. When they arrived, he ducked through the gateway and found a secluded spot behind a large, dappled oak tree.
She came up behind him and inhaled sharply. "It's lovely," she remarked, staring at the rippling lake that sat before them, butterflies sweeping down to skim across the water.
He looked at her curiously, shaking his head in fond exasperation as he seated himself on the grass and shrugged off his jacket. Laying it down beside him, he gestured for her to help herself.
She smiled slightly, both touched by his gesture and surprised that he'd bother at the same time. "You're as gentlemanly as ever," she said wistfully, leaning into the barren trunk of the tree behind them. "I see the common life hasn't changed you much."
"And you're as gorgeous as you always have been," he returned with a close-lipped, half-smile. "It seems as though even the sharp jaws of the lions have failed to taint your beauty."
She blushed deeply, averting her eyes even as her hand reached up to push a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "You flatter me," she replied with a quiet, subdued laugh, ignoring the flutter in her stomach. If only we could return to our earlier years...
Oh, the things she'd do to have him back, for good.
"It's only the truth, dear sister."
The sincerity in his voice was heartwarming, and yet the term 'sister' was a stinging reminder that that was all they were. Siblings.
"Lelouch..." She mourned him because even though he was alive, he was gone to her, undeniably and unavoidably. He had been gone to her ever since he was flown off to a different nation altogether and she'd failed to save him.
He might still live on, but their chance had disappeared, just as surely as if he had truly died during the invasion.
"Euphie..." he whispered back, voice fraught with despair, and she liked to imagine that, perhaps, he grieved for the opportunity they no longer had, as well.
ten
"Hey, Lelouch," C.C. prodded, eyes flickering with annoyance. Her arms wrapped tighter around her cherished Cheese-kun doll, and she nodded towards the window. "Your precious princess is here."
"What!?" he asked sharply, voice strangled. He jumped to his feet and looked outside the window, groaning and closing his eyes in resignation when he saw Euphemia wander through the campus in a disguise that, to him, was all too obvious.
Her pink hair, although not entirely concealed, was kept hidden beneath a wide-brimmed sun hat, and sunglasses were perched on her nose. Instead of her normal high-waisted dresses, she was garbed in a sleeveless, pastel-hued dress that fell to her thighs.
She could fool everyone else—she could probably even fool Suzaku. But she would never be able to fool him.
"What does she think she's doing?" he groaned, sending C.C. a warning glare as he stalked out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Didn't she understand?
Ashford Academy was no place for royalty.
It hadn't been for Prince Lelouch, nor Princess Nunnally, and it wasn't for Princess Euphemia.
Don't you get it? Our lives are no longer intertwined, now. Our fates have diverged. You don't belong here, and I don't belong in the palace.
Perhaps she thought Ashford Academy was quite like a castle, then, to house the exiled siblings she once so loved. That was how he found her—eyes dragging around the wide halls and overarching pillars, wonder on her face and in her eyes.
He sighed. Euphie... you are too good for this world. And she was. Too good for him, too. "Esse?" he called out as he neared her; she ignored him, not recognizing the name. He rolled his eyes and tried again, "Esse."
She jolted to a start, her awestruck eyes enlarging as they found his own. Quivering with unshed tears, her lips formed a shaky smile, the beginning of his name forming on her lips.
He cut her off, whispering, "Come with me."
She did, following him without hesitation or doubt as he wove through the winding corridors until they arrived at the Clubhouse. He heard a gasp from behind him and imagined she was admiring the splendor and luxury of the place, when compared to the rest of the campus.
Does it suit your tastes? he longed to ask, longed to turn around to face her with a playful, teasing smile. And she would smile back, laugh at him as she pointed up to the chandelier and wondered back, Why have a bejeweled chandelier at a school?
But he ignored her and muted the echoing wishes of his heart, thrumming against his chest. She was a princess. And he was only a commoner.
It was their reality, now.
Now that their fairytale had ended.
nine
Every time he thought of her—imagined her voice whispering in his ear, sending her words into his blood—his mind would falter. He would envision her long, wispy hair entangling itself in their embrace, and he'd recall the way her arms wound around him as she wept against his chest.
He would remember how he'd loved her.
All of her.
"Can we never be the same again?" she mused aloud, eyes watery with tears as she turned her back to him in grief.
He shivered and breathed in the overwhelming scent of her, idly toying around with locks of rosy pink hair. "Is change that terrible?"
She laughed weakly. "Not always. But I'm the daughter of the emperor, and you're dead. How can a change that separated us ever be anything but terrible?"
"There are rumors that a life after death exists," he responded lazily. "You could travel to that afterlife and remain with me."
"I wish I could," she said mournfully, and he did not answer.
He wished he had answered her. He should have answered her.
Instead, he'd stood up, avoided her aching, curious gaze, and headed to his bathroom. He'd waited until he had heard her footsteps start and drift away before stepping into the shower, hoping the rhythmic sound of pattering water would drown out his sobs.
I'm sorry, Euphie.
A shadow shifted, looming over him and blocking out the light.
No. Euphemia li Britannia.
He missed her. He even missed being her brother.
Why had she always been able to see through to him despite the cage he'd built around him?
And as always, without fail, she had managed to find the key. And she'd coaxed him out of his shell.
I wish—
"What's wrong with you today?"
—that things could be different.
He forced on an expression of indifferent boredom onto his face and glanced up at the figure who towered above him. Icy blue eyes and shoulder-length sun-kissed hair greeted him—a stark contrast to the sight of Euphemia's warm lavender and long sakura, he couldn't help but think regretfully.
"Nothing," he said finally, managing a small smile. "Why would you think that something was wrong?"
"How long do you think I've known you for?" Milly returned sharply, a knowing glare on her face. She snorted. "You haven't spoken all day."
He rolled his eyes. "And I'm not usually this quiet?" he retorted, his eyebrow arching to form his signature look.
She scrutinized him for a few long seconds, her hardened gaze softening as she stepped closer to him and whispered so that none of their friends could hear her, "I know she was here yesterday."
He stiffened, tension seeping into his usually relaxed posture. He ignored the questioning stares of Rivalz, Shirley, and even Nina—Suzaku had military duties, they'd been told—and he hissed back, just as quietly, "I'm fine, Milly."
Her expression soured. "I'm your friend, you know?" she murmured brokenly. He ignored the twinge of guilt that pinched him. "You can trust me."
He managed to widen his smile, just slightly. "I know," he muttered. "And I do."
She nodded finally, and he guiltily let out an inaudible sigh of relief when she swept away from him.
Because she was right.
Euphemia's presence yesterday was what had been affecting his mood all day.
And there was nothing Lelouch, much less Milly, could do about it.
eight
It was after she announced the Specially Administrative Zone of Japan that he dared to risk it. He hadn't even been thinking about the risks. The only thing on his mind was his need to understand.
Why did she do it?
Why does anyone do anything? he wondered and laughed inwardly, perched on the balcony railing of his half-sister's room. She wasn't inside, oddly enough. The suite was empty.
He waited impatiently for her arrival, his questions beating on his mind like one would beat on a drum. He thought he'd made her, at the very least, see the truth. And yet here she was, hoping for the past. Hoping for a utopia that could only ever be a fantasy.
Peace was impossible. Under the oppressive boot of Britannia, such a thing as unity was unattainable. He knew this—the fact had been grilled into his head the day his father's bombs rained down on Japan.
Couldn't Euphemia accept that?
He'd told her, countless times, that a world where Britannia and Japan lived together in harmony was nothing but a fool's dream.
He ground his teeth mercilessly together and his eyes flashed with anger. She was ruining everything. Risking everything.
Sound inside the bedroom averted his attention, and he set his feet on the balcony silently, gliding towards the sliding glass doors. Despite the curtains that attempted to hide her from him, he caught glimpses of her shadow moving across the room, depositing her heels by the closet and nearing the bed.
He waited until she seemed to have shrugged on a nightgown before knocking quietly. He saw her jump, startled, and watched as she stayed rooted in spot for a moment.
He knocked again.
Her fingers coiled around something nervously, but she moved toward the balcony doors nonetheless. After all, if he meant her any harm, it would have been incredibly easy to break into the room.
However, instead of sliding open the door like he'd expected her to, she reached up and pulled open the curtains, and his breath hitched as he came face-to-face with Euphemia li Britannia, sweet eyes wide with terror.
The fear fled from her when she saw him, and a smile crept onto her lips. A spherical item dropped from her grasp, and he realized that what she'd been gripping was a simple device—a small red button in the center of an expanse of black. Pressing the button would likely have alerted security, he figured, and hoped she hadn't jumped to conclusions.
She frantically pushed on the doorframe and flung herself toward him. Out of instinct, he spread his arms open and welcomed her as she hugged him close.
"Lulu," she mumbled into his shirt. She pushed herself away from him and stared up at him through pleading eyes. "Did I do okay?"
He hesitated. It would be so easy to yell at her, to tell her she had no idea what she was doing. But what would admonishing her do? What had been done could not be undone, and whatever mistakes Euphemia had made would have to be dealt with. Scolding her would only serve to hurt her.
"Yes," he assured her gently, cursing himself inwardly. She, along with Nunnally, had always been his weak spot. It was undeniable. "You did great."
Her smile, he decided, was worth a world of trouble.
seven
A few days later, he found her again, underneath the same tree he'd led her to two months ago. Curious, he approached her, but even when he sat down beside her, crumpling the autumn leaves under him, she didn't flinch.
"Does it remind you of Aries Villa?" he whispered, and she shrieked. She jumped up to stand, flailing slightly as she whipped around to stare at him in a panic. Her eyes landed on him, and on the regal amethyst she had seen countless times in her dreams, and she fell back down onto the pile of leaves with a shocked exhale. He saw the surprise on her face and grinned.
"You gave me a heart attack," she accused, rolling her eyes and punching his shoulder lightly when he laughed. Lying down, she rested her head on her hands and admitted, "Yes, though that's not always a good thing. It makes me want those years back, and to think I never really appreciated what I had, back then. I regret that."
He swallowed at the raw honesty in her voice. "Here," he said, and he offered her a picnic basket. "I was meant to go with Nunnally, but, well, she fell sick and she told me to go without her."
"I hope she gets better," she said gently. He nodded, setting the snacks out and pulling out a picnic blanket, and Euphemia's lips curled into a smile. "Did you cook them yourself?" she wondered, giggling lightly.
"Some," he admitted. She blinked, almost shocked, and he winked, "It won't kill you, I promise."
"I sure hope not," she teased. "Otherwise, someone will have to explain to Cornelia how I managed to eat food poisoning with, for all she knows, a stranger, and I certainly can't do it myself if I'm six feet under."
"An effective threat," he hummed, pretending to shudder. "After all, who wants to evoke the wrath of the mighty Cornelia?"
"Not me," she threw out with a laugh as she reached over and grabbed a sandwhich while he laid out the blanket underneath them, and pulled a second blanket over their bodies. "Thanks, Lulu," she sighed, and relaxed into the warmth.
He just smiled and poured himself a glass of juice. "That's why I come here," he said after a while, breaking the silence between them. She looked up at him without turning her head and arched one eyebrow questioningly. He chuckled. "Because it reminds me of Aries Villa," he clarified. "It reminds me of my mother, of nights of stargazing with you and the others."
"My best memories are of us stargazing," she whispered.
He chewed on his sandwich and swallowed it down. "Mine are, too," he agreed.
Of course those are my best memories, he thought dryly. Those memories, after all, don't include the pungent stench of burning flesh, or the unforgettable sight of rotting bodies, or the threat of more to come. Stargazing never included running and looking over our shoulders, never knowing if we were safe. It never included hiding away from the family you thought you had.
Those few moments he remembered he'd experienced as a child were the only things reminding him of what he used to have, and what he used to be. A son. A brother to many.
"If I could turn back time," she said, voice heavy and exhausted, "that's when I would go back to. Stargazing."
He ate another bite of his sandwich, tasting misery instead of vegetables or meat. "We have the next best thing," he told her. "We should stargaze, tonight."
"I would love that," she said. "I really do miss doing that. A few months after we heard you two were dead, Cornelia asked me—she invited Clovis and I to come with her to Aries Villa, to stargaze and wish upon the stars. Falling stars, if there should be any. She said she wanted to honor your memory. Clovis agreed, but I…" she trailed off, turning away from his gaze and sobbing. "I couldn't. Every time I stargazed, it was with you. How could I do it without you next to me, pointing out all of the constellations to me?"
She paused, and in the middle of her sniffles, he commented halfheartedly, "I never thought you liked hearing about those."
"Of course I did," she said sharply. "It… it would have been horrible, without you. I didn't want to do it without you—it would only make your death more real. At the end, I didn't go. I told my sister I was feeling sick, and insisted she just go with Clovis."
"I'm sorry." He released a ragged breath. "I want to go back to that, too. I want to have you beside me, and I want to be able to hold your hand and guide you to all the stars. I don't want it to be under this illusion, while I hide behind my new name."
"One day," she promised.
"One day," he agreed, clinging onto it desperately. "You should become empress," he joked lightly. "Then there'd be no reason for fighting."
"No reason for Zero?" she asked quietly, and he nodded.
She sighed. She finished eating her last sandwich and adjusted her position so she could see the sky. "If there are any falling stars, will you make a wish?"
"Yes."
"What will you wish for?" Her voice was small and afraid again, as if she was still a child, and it made him miss Aries Villa and their childhood even more.
He hesitated. "I don't know yet," he said finally. I'll wish for you, he thought.
"I don't, either," she whispered. I want us.
There were no falling stars to wish upon, but they still made their wishes, gazing up at the endless stretch of black. They wished to the Gods, to the stars dotting their vision, and to each other.
And then their eyes opened and he turned to face her. In her eyes, he saw a reflection of his own—wanting, longing, begging. He focused on what he could see and he ignored everything else—and he kissed her.
He sensed her surprise, at first, but he smiled into her lips when she kissed back. It was everything he had ever dreamed of. Everything he had ever wished for. It was the one thing Zero couldn't give him.
When they parted, she smiled, and he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. He traced their names onto her stomach and toyed around with her hair. He kissed her again. "I've always loved you," he murmured as he drew away.
"I've always loved you, too," she whispered, and he felt her breath on his lips caressing him and kissing him again and again.
'They fell in love under the thin covers of a picnic blanket. It was here, with stars showering upon them from the inky sky, that the boy chose to push his luck and risk it all. He pressed his lips to hers, and she pressed back. He found happiness in her eyes as she beamed up at him, and in her beating heart that thundered below his. He realized what love was when he looked at her smile, at her trust, at her bliss. Here, they forgot the bounds of society—bounds set by their father, bounds set by his banishment, and her status. They ignored the rules they were breaking, and they fell in love, picnic basket long forgotten.'
This, he imagined, was what he would tell people if they should ask him how he and a beautiful, renowned princess had found each other amidst a warring world.
He would tell them of how she had saved him from himself. Of how it had been her who had accepted him when he could only feel hatred. How it had been her to pull him from the abyss he'd been spiraling deeper into.
He would imagine her lips on his and smile because he had reason to be happy.
And this, he would think, is the tale of Euphemia li Britannia and Lelouch Lamperouge. Because Lelouch vi Britannia was dead.
six
"Something's on your mind," C.C. accused after he was distracted and he stopped talking about their plans for the Black Knights for the second time. She slammed shut his laptop, which displayed the newest recruits for the Black Knights, and she crossed her arms defiantly. "What is it?"
He glared at her and reached to flip open his laptop again, only for her hand to catch his and stop him before he could. "It's nothing," he denied with a hiss. "Now let's go back to the discussion."
"You haven't been focusing the entire time we've been talking about this," she said calmly. "Clearly, there's something bothering you."
"Well, you're wrong; there isn't," he snapped.
She scoffed. "I'm never wrong, boy," she sneered. "Remember that." She pushed herself off the bed and walked toward his desk, arms clasped around her Cheese-kun doll. "Now, what is it?"
"I told you," he said. "It's nothing."
"If it was nothing, you wouldn't be acting like this," she countered, unfazed. She picked up a pen and pointed at a framed picture of him and the Student Council. "Is it one of them?"
He narrowed his eyes at her and stayed stubbornly close-lipped, refusing to answer.
She rolled her eyes at his silence. "No, then," she deduced. "It can't be about the Black Knights, because we were discussing them when you kept drifting off into thought. So... your sister, Nunnally?" she guessed.
He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Can't we just—"
"Be quiet," she said, waving him off. Her eyes darted around the room, and a smile crawled onto her lips. "Could it be because of your other sister? The one who visited Ashford, just the other day?"
He tensed.
Her smile widened. "It is, isn't it?"
He gritted his teeth and looked away wordlessly.
"Why?" she prodded, despite his insistence at remaining quiet. "What happened with her?"
He huffed.
"Is this still about the Specially Administrated Zone of Japan?" she wondered, and when he didn't react, she blinked. "No?"
"C.C., you're wasting both our times," he sighed. "Let's get back on track."
"No, you're wasting our time by not answering me," she corrected. "I will continue to do this until you say something, you know."
"Why?"
"I'm your accomplice, remember? I'm supposed to help you deal with things like this," she reminded him.
He snorted with laughter. "It has nothing to do with the Black Knights."
"I became your accomplice since before the formation of the Black Knights," she countered. He stayed silent, and she was reminded of the Aries Villa, and times when Marianne would send for her to meet there. She was reminded of a young, stubborn, purple-eyed boy who scowled when his two sisters, Nunnally and Euphemia, whined and begged him to play with them.
She laughed. "You're joking," she said.
He eyed her as if she'd grown a second head.
Her jaw dropped. "You're not?" she asked in disbelief. "Is this because you've fallen for your half-sister?"
His eyes widened and his mouth snapped open, as if to argue, but no words left him and his mouth silently slid shut again.
She shook her head in exasperation. "The great Zero, in love with his enemy?"
He squinted at her. "Technically, she's not my enemy, per se. She's only the daughter."
"You're making excuses for her, now? I distinctly remember that you are the killer of Clovis—who, need I remind you, was only the son," she mocked.
"...he deserved it. She doesn't," he said finally. "She hasn't done anything."
She blinked once, and then twice. "You... you really do love her, don't you?"
He said nothing, flicking open his laptop and logging in, but she knew the answer. She saw it in his eyes, in the way he'd stiffened, in the way he'd smiled—just slightly—and in his voice.
Later on, after he'd turned in and he laid on the bed in slumber, she logged into his laptop and searched Euphemia up, determined to find out exactly who she was, and why she mattered to him. He was her accomplice, after all. She should understand him, she reasoned, unaware of Lelouch's dreams as he slipped in and out of consciousness.
"Euphie," he gasped.
She smiled and swam toward him. "Lulu," she murmured, and he chuckled as her long hair tickled him. "Let's go."
"Go... where?"
"Anywhere," she whispered throatily. "Everywhere. Let's go out into the world," she declared, all wide-eyed and smiling as she imagined it.
He laughed. "Let's go," he agreed. "I'll go anywhere, if it's with you."
She beamed at him, and in the water, her hand searched for his. She laced her fingers with his and tugged him further out into the sea. "It's waiting for us."
"And what is 'it'?" he asked, his eyes devouring the sight of her as she glided through the water in front of him, her pink hair dragging behind the rest of her.
"Who knows?" she answered, glancing back at him. Her eyes invited him to follow her, and so he smiled as he swam after her. "Let's find out."
He gasped as he awoke and Euphie slipped out of his grasp, but he thought of C.C., wondered if she was already asleep, and relaxed on the bed again, falling quiet. A glimmer of light in the dark room drew his attention to his desk, and turned slightly to see a curtain of green hair covering the majority of his laptop screen. He tilted his head in curiosity and saw a touch of pink and purple decorating the screen.
He thought of Euphie, and of them, and he closed his eyes again, welcomed by her smile.
"You're here," she said gratefully. She stood from her perch on the swing, and she extended an arm out to him. "I'm glad."
"Of course I'm here," he said quietly, and he accepted her hand. She pulled him forward and gestured at the swing beside hers, and together they sat down, swinging idly.
Her hands grabbed the chains on either side of her, feeling the wind as it pushed through her hair. "I've missed you," she said, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the chain. "Home isn't the same without you."
"You should come with me," he said, voice cracking. "You'd love Japan. And Japan would love you."
"I wish I could," she whispered, beginning to cry. "I want to. I don't want you to leave me again."
"I won't," he said. "We'll always have here to come back to."
"But it's not enough," she said. "Not for me."
"You know I can't come back," he murmured, but he heard her sob and he wished he could take it back. "I'm not welcome there, not anymore."
"You're welcome at Cornelia's and my place," she pleaded. "You'll always be welcome there. With me."
"I'm sorry," he said reluctantly, voice small. "You know I can't."
"But why?"
The bed shifted under C.C.'s weight as she carefully climbed on and slipped under the covers, and he cracked one eye open as Euphie was torn away from him, yet again. He saw the green of C.C.'s hair and the yellow of her Cheese-kun through his peripheral vision, and he closed his eyes as he begged for Euphie to return.
Slowly, sleep claimed him again.
"It's beautiful."
"It is, isn't it?" he asked rhetorically, eyes dragging around the familiar garden. "Mother always loved it."
"So did I," she reminded him. "And Nunnally. I remember that even you used to love it."
"I still do," he said wistfully. "I wish we could all be together again."
"Me, too," she sighed. She grabbed him and led him out into another section of the gardens, one that he remembered instantly. She smiled and pushed him down onto the grass, and she followed and laid down beside him soon after.
They gazed up at the stars that loomed far above them, mingling in a sea of inky black, and she breathed out a dreamy sigh. "It looks exactly the same, up there."
He agreed. "Unlike down here," he whispered, but she heard it and her fingers tightened around his. He flinched and amended, "This reminds me of when we were younger... we used to do this almost every night."
She laughed. "My mother hated that I was always getting my dresses dirty," she recalled. "Cornelia loved that I enjoyed spending time here, at the Aries Villa her idol lives in, so much. And I... I just loved being here. These stars remind me of what I will always have."
"And what's that?"
She turned so that she was lying down on her side, and she winked at him. "You."
He bit back a frustrated groan when he woke up for the third time. He turned away from C.C., and he stared out the window, at the crescent moon.
He fell asleep like that, imagining Euphie as she laughed and danced and twirled around on the surface of the moon.
He dreamed of her again.
"Have I ever told you that I love you?" he breathed out as he rolled around to face her. Nunnally laid asleep on the other side of him, and Cornelia guarded Euphemia even as she slept beside them, but he didn't care. He couldn't care. All he could see was the look on her face.
She nodded, breath caught. "Yes," she answered. "So many times. A hundred times in daylight. A million times in my dreams."
"Then I'll say it again," he said. "I love you. God, I love you so much it hurts. And every time I see you, I fall in love with you more and more. What if I love you forever?"
She smiled up at him, and he couldn't help but think that it was a sight even more breathtaking than the view of the stars from his mother's garden. "That'd be perfect, because I—"
He woke up before he could hear her say it back. Please, he begged—to the Gods and to himself.
He squeezed his eyes shut and imagined her as she laid beside him on their picnic blanket, hair splayed out all around her. He remembered the way she'd closed her eyes and exhaled in giddy satisfaction as he drew away from her after their kiss, and he remembered the feel of her hair as he played with the locks.
He remembered whispering, "I've always loved you."
And he remembered hearing, "I've always loved you, too."
five
She called the phone, one day. He'd never given her his number, so she didn't call his phone, but he was working in the Student Council meeting room with the others, one day, when the phone rang.
He was closest to it, so he sighed and picked it up. "Hello, you have reached the Ashford Academy Student Council," he greeted into the phone, reciting with practiced ease.
"Lelouch?"
He froze. Frantically, his eyes darted around, and when he saw his fellow Student Council members glancing at him curiously, he winced and answered quietly, "Esse."
She laughed in relief. "Oh, thank God, you answered."
He paused. "You know that this is the school phone, right?"
"Of course!" she answered indignantly, and he rolled his eyes. "I asked Suzaku for it, so if I called and it turned out that someone else picked up the phone, I can always pretend I called for Suzaku and make something up."
"God, you're so risky," he mumbled under his breath; she heard him and laughed. "So, why did you call?"
"To hear your voice."
He almost laughed. He stifled his amusement and masked his voice so that she thought he was irritated, "…Is that the only reason?" But he couldn't hide the smile on his face and he missed the way Shirley and Milly exchanged a glance.
"No. I wanted to ask you something."
"So what did you want to ask me?"
"When do you finish your Student Council work?"
He blinked. He looked at Milly and asked, "How much longer do we have?"
Milly, still wide-eyed, answered dazedly, "An hour and a half."
He turned away from her and back to the conversation at hand. "There you have it," he replied. "I'll be off in one hour and thirty minutes."
"Perfect!" she sang. "Meet me at the park?"
She didn't even have to specify which park. He knew right away. "Got it," he said, and the grin on his face shocked them all. "Later."
He hung up and walked back to his chair, unaware of the tension in the air. Finally, when he pulled out his chair and sat again, Rivalz burst out, "Holy crap! What the hell was that, Lulu?"
Lelouch blinked and stared at him, puzzled. "What the hell was what?"
"Firstly, you never smile! Not like that, at least. Secondly, who on Earth was Esse?" Rivalz paused, seemed to realize something, and added hastily, "Lastly, you didn't even correct me when I called you Lulu! Seriously, since when did you answer personal calls using the Student Council phone?"
"Since now, I suppose," he answered with a shrug. His eyes narrowed into a cutting gaze. "Is there a problem?"
Rivalz looked like he wanted to say something, but Milly noticed that Lelouch's smile and his effortless joy had faded, so she stepped in with a hurried, "There's no problem at all." It was rare that she saw him happy, after what had happened seven years ago, and she just wanted to see it again. The look in his eyes when he had nothing to burden him.
He waited at the back of their oak tree (why was he calling it theirs?) until he could feel her behind him. She reached up and loosely wrapped her arms around him, tip-toeing until she could comfortably rest her head in the crook of his neck. "You made my friends suspicious of me, you know," he accused lightheartedly.
"Like you're not suspicious enough already," she breathed into him. She smiled teasingly and added, "Or are you saying that I'm not worth their suspicion?"
He laughed. "Oh, believe me, you're worth more than that. I've chosen you, Euphie, and you should know that my priorities are always that: priorities."
"Good," she whispered. "Because I've chosen you, too."
He didn't know why she felt the need to whisper—this corner of the park belonged to them—but it made his heart leap to his throat and he swiveled around, catching her eyes and the unfathomable sea inside them—it reminded him of infinity. He grabbed her by the waist and, almost instinctively, his lips sought hers.
She gave in quickly and laughed through their kiss. "I like this side of you," she chortled. He hummed noncommittally and kissed her again. He kept kissing her, taking breaks every few seconds and returning to her with more and more insistence until she rolled her eyes, conceded with a mutter under her breath, and pulled him down by the front of his shirt. She initiated the kiss, this time, and he smiled.
"I like every side of you," he murmured so that she could hear him. She jolted and tried not to blush. "Even the sides I haven't yet seen."
She kissed the corner of his lips, moving away from him while keeping their eyes locked. Her stare, on him, drew him to her until she was dragging him to the lake, so close that the water lapped at their toes and rippled softly beneath them. "You've always had a silver tongue," she said wistfully.
"Stop with that," he chided with a small grin. "We're making new memories, after all. No need to dwell on the 'used-to-be' anymore."
"Of course." She beamed at him and her eyes darted briefly to the lake. "New memories, right?" she echoed. She closed her eyes and, when she could feel him melting in front of and around her—she had always watched for when he relaxed his guard—she pushed him swiftly into the water.
His eyes widened and his mouth snapped open to let out an ear-shattering scream, only to be cut off when he pierced through the peaceful lake with a splash. He stayed under for what felt like an eternity before he finally came up for air, spluttering indignantly. "Y-You insufferable—! Oh, you are so on," he hissed. His eyes sparkled with anger, the kind of anger that bred vengeance and chaos, but she saw the brightness on his face and her smile widened.
four
"I've never seen you this happy before," Milly said conversationally, walking in on him laughing on the phone.
He stopped abruptly, his chuckles trailing to a stop. "Hold on for a second, E."
"Yes, my prince," she joked, and though usually he hated reminders of his heritage, it wasn't a reminder when she said it. He smiled softly. It was just her, and their new fairytale.
Covering the phone so Euphie couldn't hear, he faced Milly, still smiling. "I guess not," he admitted with a shrug.
She smiled at him. "I'm glad. To see you happy, I mean." Even if I'm not the one making you laugh, she added silently. "I should go. Don't want to interrupt you, after all." He nodded absentmindedly, and she tried to brush off the pain at the distance in his eyes. He used to tell her everything. She shivered, told herself she was being selfish, and walked away.
"Milly!" he called out, and she almost stumbled over herself in her attempt to come to a stop. She was surprised at the desperation and fear on his face. "Is this… is this okay?" he asked quietly, almost timidly. Her eyes widened. He saw her shock and raced to explain, "I mean, so many people are suffering, even right now. My mother's dead. My sister, crippled and blinded. And I'm… I'm just happy. Is that wrong?"
Her face contorted with horror and anger. "Of course it's not wrong!" she insisted, so loudly and sharply that he flinched and looked away. Her gaze softened and she repeated herself, "Of course not. Lelouch, you aren't responsible for any of the Japanese you want to save. You aren't responsible for those who've died. You have every right to laugh. It's been too long since you have."
He smiled weakly. But I am responsible. I'm Zero. Maybe C.C. was right. Zero shouldn't be falling in love with his enemy. Zero is an ideal. He is a revolutionary. A vigilante, not a lovestruck fool. He can't be, not if he wants to save the Japanese.
"It's a relief to see you smile again," Milly whispered, and he swallowed thickly.
When she was gone, he held his phone to his ear again. "Hey," he said gently. "You still there?"
"Of course," Euphie answered quickly, so happy and innocent that his gut churned. "What's wrong? You sound off."
He winced. She had always been able to notice the littlest details. She had always been the one to grab his hands and tell him to rest, because they needed him. He made a breathless, gasping sound, and he wasn't sure if he was laughing or crying. "I'm fine," he said.
"Lulu—"
"I'm fine," he repeated. Yes, he thought, maybe I am Zero. But not right now. Right now, I'm just a student. "I love you, Euphie," he said earnestly, and the gasp of delight from the other end of the line assured him that, though it might not be the right move for Zero, it was for Lelouch.
"…I love you, too, Lulu. Always remember that."
"I will," he said, clutching the phone tightly. The bell rang, and he moved towards his classroom mindlessly. "I have to go. But I'll call you back, I promise."
"I'll be waiting." Her voice was small and full of need, and he found himself falling for her all over again.
He listened to her breathing, in awe at it all, and though they were silent, he waited until he was inside the classroom to hang up. If anyone had paid close attention, they would have noticed the faraway look in his eyes and the way his hand never strayed too far from his phone.
three
It was Nina who brought it up, one day. "Is anyone going to the Specially Administrated Zone of Japan?"
Lelouch's eyes widened, reminded of it. "If I can," he answered finally. But he had to be there as Zero, he knew. He had to, for Euphie.
"Really?" Nina asked, stunned. "I mean, that's great. I will, too. I think it's a great thing, what Princess Euphemia is doing."
He smiled at her and tried to ignore the way she smiled and sighed dreamily at the thought of the pink-haired princess. "Yes," he agreed. "It's a great thing."
"You're going, Lulu?" Milly demanded, her voice slightly accusatory. She shot him a pointed look, a little panicked. "Are you sure?"
He hesitated. "We should support something like this," he said finally. "If it can really bring peace, it'd be a start, at least. An act worth standing behind."
She bit her lip. "I guess you're right," she said, but her voice was thick with hesitation and he could see the way she tried to communicate with him silently. He knew what she was thinking.
"It does sound admirable," Shirley agreed. "I'd love to go. What about you guys?"
"I'll be there as her knight, of course," Suzaku said. "Princess Euphemia really is amazing. She wants the best for everyone."
Kallen's lips pursed. "And how would you know that?" she demanded angrily.
Suzaku blinked, rearing back in surprise. Lelouch sighed and inwardly cursed her for risking her cover. "I'm her knight," Suzaku said after a while, his eyes narrowed in determination and something else—something unreadable—that made Lelouch's gut clench. "All she seeks is peace, Kallen. And she's doing her best to achieve that peace, little by little."
Lelouch looked away uncomfortably. As Euphemia's brother... he knew she was only trying to unite them all. But as Zero, he couldn't just want to accept that because of his personal relationship with her. He had to think of the Black Knights, of Japan, of everyone who'd be affected by her plan.
two
The color of his eyes burned her. Over and over, his green stabbed her purple and reminded her of what she was doing—rather, of what she wasn't doing. Hair tickled her neck, sweeping around her and caging her inside the space between them. Brown danced in front of her blurring vision. "Suzaku—" she panted.
"Euphie," he whispered against her skin. His voice set her aflame all over again.
She swallowed thickly. His fingers pressed against her torso, pinning her against his couch.
"Euphie," he pleaded, and the green of his eyes was all she could see.
Green. Green, green, green. No, she thought. She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself and regain some measure of control when purple swam before her eyes and overtook the green. Her eyes snapped open with a gasp. No.
What was she doing? What was she doing? She tried to wrestle away, but in the end her arms failed her and she succumbed to the weakness of her desire.
"Euphie," Suzaku groaned, desperate.
"Euphie," a soft whisper echoed Suzaku's. Euphemia flinched. "Euphie."
His voice was a familiar memory. A memory of home. And this...
"Euphie."
She smiled up at him through her exhaustion. She struggled to keep her eyes open. "Lulu," she murmured, giggling.
He grinned back and ducked his head down until their lips met.
This wasn't home. No. Lulu... She looked up, and a sea of green met her gaze. Suzaku.
"I've always loved you," he whispered.
She didn't even hesitate. "I've always loved you, too."
When had that happened? It felt like a lifetime ago. She dragged her fingers over her face, remembering and feeling Lelouch's hands there. When had she last told him she loved him? I've always loved you, too, she'd told him. And she'd meant it. She always would.
"Euphie," Suzaku breathed. "Euphie."
She shuddered and met his eyes. "Suzaku," his name fell from her lips. No, she thought. Lelouch. She—she couldn't. Come on, she begged herself. All it takes is one word. All she had to say was no. No, stop— "Suzaku," she whimpered. "Suzaku." His hands on her was all her could think of. His touch, warm, warm, hot—
"You're my princess," he laid claim, grabbing her by the hands and pulling her close. "Mine."
His body muffled her laugh. "Yours," she echoed.
—cold.
No. Euphie, stop. Tell him to stop. Stop, stop, stop—
Lelouch stared back at her, betrayal in his eyes. The same eyes she'd looked into a thousand times before—no, a million. The same eyes she'd stared at as she told him I love you. God, she loved his eyes.
But not like that. Not when he looked at her as though she was the reason for his exile, for his suffering, for his death. As though he'd rather let their father do to him as he pleased over loving her.
Lelouch, please. I love you.
He disappeared like ash. Like her memories, fading into dust because of what she was doing. Because of what she was letting herself, letting Suzaku, do.
"Maybe I'll love you forever," he mused. His words sent butterflies soaring through her stomach. "Is that okay? Can you stand me forever?"
"Longer than forever."
Every word he'd told her, every word she'd told him—gone.
"I like every side of you. Even the sides I haven't yet seen."
She choked. He'd told her that, hadn't he? Every side of you. And what would he say now, if he could see her like this? If he could see her with Suzaku?
I—I can't—no—
"I love you." Suzaku's voice was nothing but a growl, sinking into her flesh. "I love you. Euphie. I—"
I'm sorry—so sorry—I love you, Le—
"Suzaku." His name lingered on her tongue. Her voice was a command, a request. I can't, I have to stop, I—can't stop. An apology. "I love you."
She gave in.
one
Her brows furrowed, Nunnally asked, "Where's Suzaku, do you think? He hasn't come to eat with us in so long..."
Lelouch frowned, making a note to scold Suzaku for making Nunnally so worried, and replied soothingly, "I'm sure he's just busy with the military."
"That's what I'm concerned about," she murmured. "He's Euphie's knight. Do you think something could have happened to her to keep him there for so long?"
His frown deepened and a pang of fear lanced through him. Euphie, hurt? "I'll go search for him now," he decided. "Have Sayoko prepare dinner for three tonight."
Her face brightened and she smiled up at him, lovingly. "Thank you, I'll do that. I love you, big brother."
His gaze softened, just slightly. As soon as she was out of his sight, rolling herself toward the kitchen where Sayoko likely was, however, his scowl returned to his face and he turned on his heel, stalking out of the room. He would have to remind Suzaku of what happened to those who upset his little sister.
Nunnally's right, though; what could be keeping him away for so long? For a moment, his anger dimmed and his worry spiked. Maybe he's just drowning in homework, he tried to reason, I'll ask Rivalz. They're dorm-mates, after all—maybe he knows something.
Unsurprisingly, he found Rivalz in the Student Council room, slaving over paperwork despite the hour. Rivalz was always seeking for ways to impress Milly, if not please her, and he'd figured working more would, at the very least, catch her attention.
"Rivalz, hey!" Lelouch approached him at the desk, putting on a smile for his friend's sake.
"Lelouch!" Rivalz's head snapped up to face him and he lit up, a bright smile drawing itself onto his face when he saw who it was.
Lelouch tried to emulate his cheer, but found he couldn't. Although he had initially planned to find a topic to begin with, and then weave in the subject of Suzaku, it was getting late and he didn't want to keep Nunnally waiting, so eventually, he decided to plunge straight in: "Do you know where Suzaku is?"
Rivalz blinked.
"He's your roommate, come on, Rivalz," Lelouch urged. "Where has he been?"
"What... do you mean?" Rivalz asked, confused. "He hasn't missed a day of school; what's got you so worried?"
"It's hard to explain," Lelouch said, frustrated. "Does he go anywhere after hours?"
After a moment of tense silence, Rivalz shook his head, almost uncertainly. "No," he said. "He's always been at the dorm." His hand darted into his pockets and he dropped his keys into Lelouch's hands, explaining, "Here. If you want to check up on him."
Lelouch nodded, not pleased but satisfied. "Okay, thanks, Rivalz." He bit his lip, his eyes sweeping over Rivalz draped over the chair in exhaustion, and advised, "Maybe paperwork isn't the way to go; you're just tiring yourself out, Rivalz."
Rivalz's eyes narrowed at him. "But I have to get her attention somehow!" He leapt up, grabbing Lelouch by the collar and yanking him down so they were eye-to-eye. "Please, man! You knew the Prez when you two were children, right? Help me!" he begged, eyes enlarged and—Lelouch's own eyes widened in surprise—watery.
"I guess," Lelouch admitted reluctantly. "But she never seemed to show any attention to anyone, even as a little girl."
Rivalz released him, his hand flying to his head in desperation. "You don't think she—" he shuddered, spared Nina—who was working at her computer, as always—a wary glance and lowered his voice to a whisper, "—swings the other way, do you?"
Leloucu choked on air, trying to suppress his laughter. He doubted Rivalz would appreciate amusement at a time like this. Honestly? Yes, yes I do. "Of course not," he lied smoothly, smiling as reassuringly as he could manage. "I think maybe she just feels too pressured; I heard her parents are pushing her to restore their nobility."
"Restore their... nobility?" Rivalz repeated, his jaw dropping in horror as realization sunk in. "You mean like—like arranged marriage?"
Lelouch nodded solemnly. If only I had more power, I would be able to save her from her fate. She's my friend; I should be able to. His jaw shifted. "Yes, exactly like that."
Rivalz collapsed back onto his chair, limbs flailing as he covered his eyes and sagged in defeat. "No, why!? Why, Lelouch..."
Lelouch smiled sympathetically. He, more than anyone, knew how much his friend worshipped the very ground Millicent Ashford walked upon—Rivalz had ranted to him on many an occasion. "The Court is like that," he said vaguely, "A lion's den. To be wrapped up in politics is to be surrounded by lies and manipulations and people who'd do anything to advance in society."
Rivalz's eyes widened in surprise, having never really heard Lelouch, who he thought he knew so well, speak like that before. "Lies, huh?" he muttered under his breath.
Lelouch just nodded, turning around to leave. "I have to go now. Good luck with Milly, Rivalz."
"Thanks..." Rivalz said miserably, staring off into the distance as he sulked, still feeling a little sullen.
The slight smile on Lelouch's face faded as he left Rivalz's company, reminded of the reality that, if he was still a prince, maybe he could offer Milly some help. Now, though, as a mere schoolboy, he had no way to aid her. I'm sorry, Milly. Still, maybe...
He turned the corner toward Rivalz and Suzaku's shared dorm, drifting into thought—the image of a certain pink-haired girl flitted into mind; while he might no longer be royalty, she was a princess, wasn't she? Just as he began to perk up, the edges of his lips quirking into the beginnings of a smile, he inserted the key into its lock and twisted, pushing open the door—
—and he froze, the hand which had been resting on the doorknob falling to his side silently as his eyes, colored with horror and fear and misunderstanding, drank in the sight before him.
Because there, locked in a passionate embrace under the covers of Suzaku's bunk, were Suzaku, and a familiar vision of curly roseate hair.
His heart dove through his stomach and sunk to his knees, rising, swimming, begging—falling again. And just when I was thinking of coming to her for Milly, too... He gulped down what he refused to acknowledge were tears—he gulped down the future he'd envisioned with her—and managed to croak out, "Why?"
The two he'd caught interlocked sprung apart as if caught red-handed—which, he mused, was close enough to the truth—and Suzaku jolted to his feet beside the bed, eyes darting to fixate on him.
At least he's still fully clothed, a part of him whispered venomously at the back of his mind and he hastily pushed it away. That doesn't matter, he thought angrily, their betrayal is clear enough.
"Lelouch?" Suzaku wondered, blinking, and at the sound of his name, her head peeked out of the covers to stare at him through timid lavender eyes. She sucked in a hard breath at the sight of him and trembled, squeezing her eyes tightly shut and burying herself in the—Suzaku's, Lelouch reminded himself bitterly—blanket.
"To think I was worried about you," Lelouch bit out, lips curling into a horrid snarl.
Suzaku faltered, surprised at the heat in his voice. "It isn't what it looks like, I swear!" he insisted instantly, and then flinched and stopped himself when he saw Lelouch arch a disbelieving eyebrow. "Okay, so it is," he amended hesitantly, "but I swear I'm going to take care of her."
"...what?" Lelouch hissed.
"Please," Suzaku begged. "I love her, and I know she's your sister, so you have a right to be protective, but—"
"Shut up," Lelouch interrupted in a harsh, cutting whisper, his heart thundering loudly as, slowly, understanding flared in him. His blood roared in his ears, thrumming as he gripped onto the doorframe tightly, so tightly his knuckles whitened, to center himself and keep his feet on the ground. "Just shut up."
Because Suzaku didn't know.
And the realization crushed him.
"But—"
"Don't try to make it better, because you're only making this worse," he snapped, the chains restraining himself breaking and bending, because at something like this, how could he keep himself caged?
He paused, letting his gaze drift from Suzaku to the familiarly shaped lump on his bed—he tried to ignore how familiar her body looked, because it only served as a reminder of what he'd thought he had. "My apologies for interrupting," he said finally, clearing his throat and whirling around rapidly.
He didn't bother telling Suzaku that Nunnally missed him—he hated disappointing his sister, but right now, he doubted he could stand eating with the man who'd stolen his Euphie right from under his nose. And as despicable as it made him, in this moment, he forgot the very reason why he'd come here. All that mattered was what laid before him, plainly, undeniably.
"Good day to the both of you," he snarked, feeling the words sting even as he said them.
"Wait!" He paused mid-step, his heart spasming violently in his chest for a moment at the sound of her voice, and lowered his half-raised foot. "Please, Lulu, if you'll let me explain..."
"What is there to explain?" he asked, smiling coldly. He waited silently for her to say something else—anything else.
"I'm sorry. Please..."
His teeth gritted. What right did she have to be sorry? "Goodbye, Your Highness," he called out disdainfully, the formal your highness feeling like poison on his tongue, but—
He jerked away and slammed the door close behind him.
That was the last time he was ever letting anyone into the guarded walls of his heart, he thought and wept silently.
And this is the tale of Euphemia li Britannia and Lelouch Lamperouge, he thought bitterly.
The tale of how she'd flown in and lifted him off his feet as an angel would, only to drop him above a raging, turbulent sea that ripped him apart.
And to think he'd thought he'd gotten a fairytale.
zero
"Master," Sayoko bowed low at the doorway. "There's someone here to see you."
He groaned and lifted his head to spare her a glance, wishing he could just wave her away, but he was reminded of Sayoko's and Nunnally's worried stares lingering on him when he'd returned the previous night and instantly headed to his room wordlessly—without even greeting Nunnally, which he never forgot to do—and halted. "Alright," he said finally, gathering his willpower and pushing himself off the comfort of his bed. "And Sayoko," he paused, hesitating, and pushed away his pride, "I'm sorry for the two dishes I left cold yesterday."
She smiled reassuringly at him, a motherly tinge entering her eye. "Please, do not concern yourself over it, Master Lelouch. I only hope you're feeling better today."
"I am, thank you," he said, the lie searing on his lips, but he ignored it and shrugged on his school jacket. "Is my sister awake?"
"Not yet, Master. I was just heading over to wake her."
He nodded silently, passing her on his way out. "Tell her I'm sorry I was unable to make it to dinner last night, would you, Sayoko?"
"Of course, Master Lelouch," she said, and when he heard the rustling of clothes he assumed she was bowing again. He smiled faintly at the thought of his sister and strode towards the door, rubbing away the sleep from his eyes—and shaking when he felt dampness on his cheeks.
He lowered his arm and did his best to calm himself, waiting until his heartbeat had slowed slightly before reaching out to open the door.
He realized, as his eyes feasted on shades of sakura, that all that calming was for nothing, and his hands curled into fists.
At his pointed silence, she bit her lip and reached out slowly. He flinched, staring at her hand blankly as if he didn't recognize it, and she winced, retracting her hand. "Lulu," Euphie—no, he thought furiously, Euphemia—said tentatively.
His eyes twitched. "What do you want?" he whispered, an underlying tone to his voice that spoke wonders.
She closed her eyes and shuddered for a few, silent seconds as he watched her with a sense of regret. When her eyes flew open once more, she smiled a teary smile, so full of remorse, at him and burst out, "I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking, I—"
"I wasn't thinking, too," he interjected, and she stared at him with wide, almost hopeful, eyes—perhaps she dared to believe he regretted his rash anger. His sad smile twisted into a grim frown and hers faded slowly. "I wasn't thinking when I believed we could ever amount to anything—when I believed you. I mean, who was I kidding? You're an imperial princess, and I'm just... I'm just a student. We were hopeless from the start."
"You're a prince, too," she pleaded, her voice cracking.
"No." His eyes darkened and his frown flattened into a thin line. "I have long since forsaken that title. I am nothing, now. We'd be better off as strangers."
"No," she choked out shakily, her trembling arms wrapping around herself as she tried to keep herself together—herself and the pieces that threatened to shatter and separate. "No. Don't say that. Anything but that—please."
"We'd be better off as strangers," he repeated, clearly and evenly so there was no mistaking his intention. "I was a fool to think we could ever work out in a world like ours, anyway. I am Zero, and you are the daughter of my greatest enemy."
"No. No, no, no, no, no!" she shouted desperately, wanting to take him into her arms and hold him forever so he could never escape her life. The last time she'd let go of him, he'd disappeared from her for seven years and she'd been wrapped in a blanket of grief. If he were to disappear again, especially now that she'd found love and a life with him... "No. Please, Lulu, no." The first tear exited her eyes and rolled down her cheeks, unchecked, as her dam began to crack.
He shook his head, wishing she could just leave, because despite what he'd seen, he still felt too much for her and he couldn't banish what hung heavy between them—even though he wanted to, so, so much. And if she stayed longer, stayed and stared at him with such devastation, he knew there was a chance he'd break and change his mind and he didn't want to subject himself to her will again. Not when she'd been able to hurt him so much after only having been together for a few weeks.
"Please... I'm so sorry, Lulu," she sobbed. Her eyes were finally brimming with tears that spilled over onto her porcelain cheeks, and they swarmed with a regret and guilt Lelouch barely recognised. He might have felt sorry for her, but in the heat of the moment, all he could feel was satisfaction—satisfaction that she was hurting like she'd hurt him.
She was his first love. The woman he had trusted and given his heart to. The heart she'd torn to pieces. She had no right to cry when he was hurting, suffering.
"Don't," he choked out, beginning to cry himself at her tears and the reality that what they had was dying. "Don't call me Lulu. Just—don't."
Her eyes filled with disbelief, but he couldn't bring himself to care. "But I—" she shook her head and instead said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—"
"Yes," Lelouch agreed bitterly, trying to blink back his tears, "you shouldn't have. But the point of the matter is that you did."
"Lulu…"
"Stop it," he snapped. "Only those who know me have the right to call me that. And you clearly don't." For a moment things were silent save for the hiccuping sobs of both of them, until Lelouch added as an afterthought, "And don't say sorry, either. If you really were sorry you wouldn't have done it in the first place."
"But I am sorry. So sorry," Euphemia insisted sadly. "I didn't know what I was thinking. You don't deserve this."
No, I don't, he thought, but he didn't say that. Instead, he shook his head, and detachedly, he told her, "Please just leave. I—I need time. To think."
Her eyes widened and she swallowed, hearing his words. He'd never shut her out like this before. Even when they had fought before, he was always courteous to her, and he always made time for her. So selfless, she thought in sick realisation, he was always so selfless, putting me before himself. And look what I did to repay him. A fresh wave of guilt rolled through her stomach nauseously.
"Lulu, I—" Before she could finish her sentence, she stopped herself, seeing the utter agony in his expression. Still crying uncontrollably, she stepped backwards and watched as he slammed the door shut. The last thing she saw before she was separated from him were the tears he cried as he sank to the floor.
Sometimes, Euphie hadn't been sure if he had really loved her. Now, seeing his pain, she knew.
Too late, she knew.
A/N: Firstly, I apologize to any fans of Euphemia—to be honest, I completely love and admire her as a character, especially as a potential love interest for Lelouch (I mean, come on, the way he thought 'You were the first girl I ever loved' as he shot her?)—I'm not trying to hate on her, even if that's what this came off as. Relationships aren't perfect, they're not even easy. I'm just trying to portray the real world.
I'm also sorry if Lelouch came off as OOC (well, how could he have not come off as OOC?) but I kind of had to work with his character for this. He's a commander, not a lovesick boy, I know, but, well, anyone can fall in love, so. There is also so much more to their relationship (as there will be with the other relationships) which will be revealed in flashbacks and conversations in later chapters. And don't worry, I haven't forgotten about the SAZ, I have that planned for the next chapter. I'm still trying to decide whether Euphie should still get her canon fate or if she should somehow live, so feel free to give me any suggestions for that. That aside, I hope you enjoyed reading this. I'd love to get feedback, so I'd appreciate any reviews and PMs with comments or questions. I should have the second chapter/relationship up soon (really).