Title: Pleasure of Death

By: Aizawa Sakura

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. That's not me. (I'm much younger…)

Summary: Sirius is dead, but he doesn't leave Harry. Harry is kinda depressed. One shot for now.

Authors note: I wrote this right after reading OotP, so it was a long time ago.

Warning: Main character doing stupid things with a safety razor. Do not try at home.

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Part One

Pleasure of Pain

It was Sirius. He was there, always. He walked along a path, Sirius just by his side, their elbows touching each other.

He was sitting in the classroom, listening to professor McGonagall, who were telling them about animagi. Sirius were sitting in front of him, carefully taking notes, turning around to look at him, giving him a friendly smile before turning back. He smiled too, he was happy.

He was lying in the grass by the lake, watching a bunch of girls who were playing near the water. One of them had red hair, she was cute, he liked her. Sirius was lying next to him, his eyes shut, a smile on his lips. So handsome, so beautiful, looking so young. Same age as himself. Was he as handsome? No.

He was flying, Sirius right behind him. They were flying together. Sirius had placed an arm gently around him, was hugging him from behind. Were so close, so real. Together. Together forever.

No, because Sirius was falling, away from him. He tried to take Sirius hand, wanted to pull him back, wanted to save him. But he did not reach him. It was his fault. He saw the veil, saw Sirius disappear. It was his fault.

Then, he fell too.

Harry Potter hit the hard floor in his dark bedroom. He had fallen of his bed. His body hurt; his breathing was fast, his face wet. He was crying. He did not move, kept still for several minutes, just lying there, but then it was hurting even more. He got up slowly, found his glasses beside the bed and put them on. Left the room. Walked quietly through the house to the bathroom. Washed his face with cold water. Tried not to think, tried to push it away, hide it deep inside. It did not work. Sirius was impossible to put aside. The pain in his body, caused by the fall from the bed, was gone. The pain in his heart, in his mind, was growing stronger every minute, every second. He saw the safety razor lying on the washbasin. He picked it up, looked carefully at it. It was a beautiful thing. The light from the lamp over his head made the blade shine. So beautiful. He was standing there for a long time, watching the miracle in his hand, feeling the pain grow. Then he placed the razor blade gently on his left wrist. He pressed it down and moved it quickly. It was a small cut, not even deep. He did the same thing again. And again. And again. With more pressure every time. Opened his own veins. He sunk to the floor. The razor slide out of his grip. He watched the blood that covered his forearm, his blood that fell to the floor and created a dark pool. It wasn't hurting as much any more.

Dear Harry

Happy birthday!

How are you?

Hope you are feeling okay. You know that you always can talk to me or Ron, right?. We will listen to you, whatever you wants to say.

Hope you liked the present.

Looking forward to see you again. Moony says that you should be able to come here in about one or two weeks.

Love Hermione

Dear Hermione

Thanks for the book!

Hope you are fine and are having a nice summer.

I am just fine.

Say hello to everyone from me.

Love Harry

Dear Harry

Dad says that you can come here really soon. This weekend! Moony, Tonks, Moody and some other are going to pick you up at Sunday. See you then!

Love Ron

Dear Lupin

You don't have to pick me up on Sunday. I am okay here, and it is only a few weeks left to September the 1st. By the way, it could be dangerous, and I am safe here. And I really need this weeks for my self before school starts, I think you understand. Tell Ron and Hermione that I'll see them on the train.

Love Harry

Dear Harry

I understand

Remus

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AN: GAAH! I need coffee!

Eh… what did you think? Good? Bad? Tell me. Should I continue this? Some day I might…