-1Book of Lifetimes

Prologue: The Question

The last time he shed tears was when Clow Reed passed away. He had wept like a lost child, or rather an abandoned child, because it had seemed like Clow Reed had gone away and left him behind. During his teachings Clow Reed had left out the concept of death. He had deemed it rather unimportant to those who will never meet it

Over the years it seemed more and more like Clow had misjudged on this account. For all his wisdom, the ancient magician was by no means infallible, further proven by his reincarnation, Hiirigaziwa Eriol, who grudgingly admitted that Clow Reed's predictions were foiled by Li Syaoran and Kinomoto Touya. It was also possible that the magician had been selfish in that one regard. His decision to make Kerberus and Yue immortal meant his cards will always have guardians. Guardians doomed to serve however many masters will come to own the cards. And lose them in the end.

It was raining hard. The sky was completely black, with no stars, and the city, despite its glittering lights, was damp and gloomy and sullen. The cold chilled the heart, and the water seemed to beat misery onto the skin. Yue looked over the streets numbly. He had no tears to shed, but it seemed the sky had plenty and they clung to his face like they were his own.

" I do not want to leave you alone…"

First Touya, then his sister. Touya died from lung cancer not two months after he was diagnosed. Cancer in one family member often finds itself in another. Sakura died from a malignant brain tumor despite operations. In the end she had not been able to say goodbye to her guardians or friends. Neither had they to her.

It was the first time Yue had wondered if he would die if he let himself fall from the top of some building. Even with Clow Reed the thought never crossed his mind. Though sorrowful, the man had made him promise to serve the next master faithfully, and Yue, heart heavy, had agreed and remembered. Sakura did not have time to ask the same of him or Kerberus. Her last operation left her in a coma for three days. One the doctors had promised she would wake up from.

Of all the times to prove them wrong…

Yue was shuddering. He was not sure whether it was the cold from the rain or the cold inside him. Somewhere, several miles away, her children mourned her, and Kerberus with them. Kero had attached to the children far more easily than Yue. With his colder, more introverted disposition, the children had been more intimidated by the moon guardian than anything. Often times that meant he was left alone and free to pursue his own interests. At times like this he wondered if he would feel any less cold had he had someone to share his sorrow with.

His despair would probably not be any less black.

The cars below honked and puddles splashed as the wheels drove over them. Yue looked to the sky but found no solace. It was black, like his future. Always filled with death, loss, and grieving. What is the point?

Should he try? Should he step off and see if he could join his masters?

Yue stood still, looking down, his mind numb and his heart dark and empty. He made no move toward the edge. He made no move at all. His thoughts were silent. He only knew that if he were pushed, he would not bother trying to fly. Better the pavement in front of his eyes than the unforgiving future.

Suddenly, the rain stopped falling on him. Yue blinked. It was still raining. He could see the drops in front of him on the roof. He could hear it splatter in the puddles. He looked up. There was an umbrella over his head. Someone was holding it over him.

He looked left. No one.

He looked right.

It was a man. He was dressed quite peculiarly, with a brown hood and cloak. He was about as tall as Yue, if not taller. Over his gloved hand that held the umbrella was a metal cuff with strange engravings. The hood covered most of the man's face, only leaving part of the nose in view from Yue's angle. The man did not turn around.

Yue blinked uncomprehendingly, but said nothing. In such situations sometimes the answer was too obvious for one to ask the question, and somehow the guardian felt he would know who the man was, what he was doing here, how he got up here, and why he was not surprised about Yue. For Yue made no attempt to hide his magical origins. For a while the guardian stared at the hooded man, but when no conversation began Yue looked back over the city. Silence reigned.

Finally the man raised his head, and the hood fell off his head. He had short brown hair, with a metal circlet around his head over his forehead, thin and engraved with flourishing symbols. He was a very handsome man, very young, like one in the prime of youth.

Yue recognized him. He turned away again, for he was speechless.

Finally, the man spoke.

" Seems like the weather is mourning the Card Mistress."

He said it almost indifferently.

Yue snorted a laugh, which would not stop. Still laughing, he fell to his knees. The bones hurt, but he ignored it, in fact he welcomed it. Any pain but that of his heart.

The umbrella was still over him, but he was low enough so that when the wind blew the rain splattered at his face full force. He choked on the rain, but he cared little for dignity at that point. At the very least he stopped laughing.

For a while he remained there, letting the rain hit his face and eyes like before the umbrella sheltered him. For a while the man allowed him to remain there, but then the man stepped forward.

" Come." He said quietly, swirling his cloak over Yue, creating an air of unexpected warmth. " Let us get you inside."

Yue closed his eyes as the cloak cut off his view, but when the cloak moved away and light hit his eyelids he opened them to see they were in a familiar room. Yukito's bedroom. The water seeped into the carpet, creating a damp patch. Despite the fact that the rain had blown under the umbrella, the man was completely dry. He sat down in front of Yue on the carpet, cross-legged. For a while he seemed to consider Yue.

" Do you want to talk, moon guardian?" He asked.

Yue shuddered. He was surprised when he spoke. " I thought you would never return."

" I knew I would. I just did not know when."

" Why did you come now?"

" I wanted to."

" Then why not before?" Yue's voice rose in volume, his eyes flashing.

" I did not want to."

" Why not?" Yue asked, his voice quiet again, but cracked. He looked at the man pleadingly. " She waited for you, despite it all. Fifteen years before she finally gave up and opened to other men. She looked at your photos every year. Tomoyo's videos. She kept your green robe. Your sword."

" What if I did?" the man replied. " I would still have to leave. 'Tis a love that can never be. A visit means a fleeting moment of happiness, and then? The same bitterness in the end. She would still have died alone."

Yue's shoulders sagged. " Then why now?" He asked.

The man smiled wistfully. ' That you will know later. But now is not the time to inquire about my affairs." He paused. " Do you want to talk?"

They all had a lot to say, gathered thoughts over the years, but at the moment as Yue stared at him the guardian could find nothing. No thought, no feeling, nothing.

For a while they sat on the carpet in silence.

Finally Yue's companion broke the quiet. " Everyone is gone?" He asked. " Her brother?"

" Before her." Yue replied after some hesitation.

" No one is left then."

" Iie."

He looked at Yue. " Must be hard."

Suddenly Yue felt rage build in his core. Must be hard, indeed. It was so unbelievably crude of him to say that. He glared at the youth, suddenly wanting nothing more than to pummel him and shred his body limb from limb. The force of his anger made his shoulders tremble and he struggled to make it cease.

The man eyed him calmly as Yue suffered silently.

" They gave you airs." Yue observed, and with that his rage flew out. " They gave you airs. You had enough when you were young but now…"

" Perhaps."

" You find this amusing, even." Yue accused, and for the first time in a long while he felt tears prickling in his eyes. " You managed to escape. You look down on us, on me. Do not think I cannot see that. While the rest of us wonder why our lives are like this, you get to experience the freedom of detachment. Those you loved you stop loving. You leave us all behind for your godly duties."

For his part the man did not respond to this accusation. Yue shut his eyes then, suddenly spent. He felt his tears trail down his cheeks and lowered his face, letting his white locks slide forward to hide his grief. Again silence reigned. Thunder rumbled outside and as if in response the rain splattered against the windows with more force, as if trying to beat into the room.

" Why did he make me this way?" Yue whispered. " Why must I watch everyone else leave me behind?"

The man suddenly moved forward and took Yue's chin, the same way Yue had grasped Sakura's chin at the Final Judgment, and perhaps his, though Yue could not remember. His grip was more tender and more of a coax for Yue to look up at him than to study Yue's features and soul.

" Let us find out then." Said he.

And there was a warmth, all around him, before Yue could only see darkness.