Ooooookaaay! First thing first! If you love your sanity and morality kindly ignore this piece of shit. I'll take critics as honourably as a lousy mind-blowingly awful writer should. Too lazy to do beta XP.
Title: YAOI life of Ludwig
Whole summary: a collection of fics I wanna write based on awesome kink memes or my own disgustingly perverted thoughts about certain German having a gay life. Oh, and without disappointing anybody but myself. (I just can't find enough uke!Germany)
Chapter summary: Ludwig had a really fucked up day. And he meant it.
Warnings: language, uke!virgin!Germany, non-explicit sex *gasp* (too lazy =u=), shonen-ai/ BL/ gay/ whatever you call it, grammar errors, story written by amateur, unknown continuation (have this like, mega HUGE exam going on at November, and if I don't die yet from the studying, maybe I'll write more shit after December)
There'll be only one pairing actually, but it's kinda obvious. ^^
Oh, and the title stands for something. If I actually managed to write till the pairing is exposed, you'll get to know. Since I'm not sure how much fucked up fics I'm gonna do, it's labelled as complete for now.
XOXO
Hairs slicked back with exactly 3cm of hair gel.
Check.
Necktie directly perpendicular to centre of belt buckle.
Check.
Briefcase, suit, car keys, house keys, wallet, glasses.
All lined up perfectly on the bed.
A glance at his watch told him it was 7:35 on the dot. Ludwig gave a sigh of satisfaction at his own punctuality. To the German, if everybody took him as a role model and be just as prim and proper, the world could be a better place to live in, and life would be more organized than a bunch of whinny and grumpy Italians, some perverted Frenchs, obnoxious Americans, noisy Englishmen, creepy Russians, and...
Ludwig had to stop himself there, just the thought of what he was going to get through the rest of the day was giving him an early morning migraine.
Snatching up his things, he made his way to the kitchen, feeding the dogs (he gave a whistle. Aster came running, Blackie just strolled into the kitchen, Berlitz still sleeping), drank some coffee (really strong coffee) and grabbing an apple for breakfast (he's on a diet). In the living room, the theme song of the Mario Brothers was filling the room (that damn irritating repetitive song! It goes over and over and over and over) but before he could nag to himself on how Gilbert didn't appreciate his hard work in paying the electric bills, something stirred on the couch.
Speak of the devil. The Prussian had probably passed out on the couch after god knows how long had he been playing the game and now was slumbering with the controller hanging out of his hand. (Which would need his money if it ever broke, Ludwig noted) Ludwig tiptoed cautiously to shut the TV and put the controller aside before covering his brother with a comforter (which Gilbert had brought in earlier... and needs washing).
He sighed and smiled at such a nostalgic scene. Usually, Gilbert would be sleeping or too busy handling hangovers or just plain lazy to wake up in the morning to see him off to work. Then, there would be too much work, too little time, a too awesome Gilbert to spend time with his west because West is too much a stick up his ass to admit he wanted his brother there with him, and in the end there will be too much feeling, and Ludwig will be too stressed to tell that he loved his brother too much that it makes his heart wrench at his own pitiful cowardice.
And everything will start all over again.
But a little lapse in the usual cycle brightens up his hope on a prospect that he is too scared to look at.
Ludwig found himself smiling as he drove to the UN meeting. Today won't be quite a bad day after all.
Xxxx
Today was the worst day ever!
Italy had come crying for him to tie his shoelaces but things went downhill when Ludwig tried to teach him by using diagrams (vee, what's that Doitsu? Oh, a shoe, I thought it was dog shit ahahaha. Waahh! Don't hit me, vee! You should draw better. Its okay, I'm the best teacher in the whole world! Now, hold the pencil like this. No that's all wrong, like this! What's wrong with you Germans...)
Romano spit out cusses at him twice as much than before. (Hey stupid little brother, get away from the fucking potato bastard now, dammit! Hah, he can't draw to save his bitchy ass! W-what do you mean you want me to teach you? No, I know your fucked up plan you potato shit. You jus wanna compare me with him don't you, you stinking kraut)(vee, fratello! Why're you crying?)(I'm not crying dammit!...)
France was flirting (the real problem was when he spilled too much blood in the meeting room and broke a few chairs). Japan and Hungary were trying to smuggle doujinshis under the table. And for some reason, the work in his computer was doubled and some were suspiciously Estonia related (but he shrugged them of, politics?).
Ludwig reached home with England blabbering about something that he ignored ever since he said 'Hello, Germany? ...' When he entered the house, what he was expecting was Gilbert.
And there he was.
But what he was not expecting was Gilbert standing in hallway, staring at a cake that had fallen from the plate he was holding, with a very... uuuh... surprised (?) expression.
Or like a child watching porn.
Minus a few centuries old and a few meters tall and a few muscles here and there and ...
Okay.
A surprised (?) expression.
"Brother, what's wrong?", Ludwig asked as England continue to rant him deaf.
Gilbert merely shrugged but still continued watching the cake with fascination (?).
Ludwig dropped his briefcase and suit on the couch before he proceeded to the kitchen. He wanted a drink of water before he was going to clean up the mess.
Then, he blinked.
And blinked again. After several more, he rubbed his eyes roughly and prayed a prayer that he wasn't sure if it is one. His kitchen.
'You listening damn kraut? Or am I blabbering to a piece of meat?'
His beautiful kitchen.
'Hah, almost forgot you really are one!'
His gorgeous kitchen that he had spent 3 hours 45 minutes cleaning every weekend.
'That's how you all are! Not listening to what you were told,'
The microwave, a few Euros.
'Then when someone was trying to do something nice, you declared war,'
The stove... more Euros.
'And you won't realise that some tsundere love you even if a hundred years war smack you in the face,'
The fridge... a lot more Euros.
'Then you'll go stripping naked in front of people that don't wanna see your ass and not getting a clue why that tsundere even came close to you,'
The dogs are going to get sick from eating those junks.
'Yeah, Ignore the Englishman! He's crazy because he thinks he can see pixies and th-'
"..w'r gttn' 'unk..."
'-... excuse me?'
"WE'RE GONNA GET DRUNK!"
'.. h-hee?'
"Pissed drunk! Tequila, Bacardi, Absinthe, Vodka, Everclear, EVERYTHING!"
'wha- calm down! You're nuts?'
"7 p.m. Joe's pub, not gonna wait, bye!"
And with that, Ludwig stormed into his bedroom. Not even bothering to hang up. Changing and kicking the gas of his car minutes later to get a few minutes head start from his English friend.
Xxxx
The name's Kirkland.
Arthur Kirkland.
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.
He had experienced war, death, revolutions, heartbreaks, and cursed catering all his life. He was fearless and still is. For the love and pride and honour of the English blood, he will get through this.
Yes, he will. This is nothing.
This is...
It's...
'Oh god... help me!'
Arthur buried his head into his arms in anguish as he sat on the four poster bed, naked from head to toe and the comforter covering his lower region. He braved himself to tilt his head sideways, looking at an equally naked Ludwig.
He was sleeping comfortably as if nothing ever happened. But that just make him look sexy... and very delicious...
'No Arthur! GET.A. GRIP!' he slapped himself across the cheek (hard) and tried to put his head back together to think of what had happened last night. Although it already seem pretty obvious (and yaoi fangirls all over the world would have rolled their eyes at him).
Okay. Ludwig wanted alcohol. At this, he promptly sniffed himself. Good, just beer, and not all that crazy shit the kraut mentioned.
They did get drunk. Quite badly, his hangover reminded him. The bartender got pissed at them for something and called the cab. They did something more that pissed the cab driver too. They got into a hotel, ordered a room, throwing his wallet receptionist (which he would find at the counter with a few more Euros gone later) because they're too drunk to care.
And then, they started a battle for the bed.
'Aaah~ th' bed cmphy'
'Ngh, outta way kr-krot'
'waddaya do-doing? Floor...'
'why'd me dflooor? Moooooovvveee- vvvv-vvvv'
'Guh! That-thatsa hurtssshit'
'Ouch, whyyayadda!'
A few wrestling and they ended up shirtless and... And...
If Arthur was sober, he might have realised how weak Ludwig was when he was drunk his head off. They didn't punch or kick or anything serious, just trying to throw each other off of the bed. He found himself straddling the German's waist later and said man was still clutching his shoulder in a drunken effort to push him away. It seemed as if it was the most natural thing to do for Arthur to crush his lips to those rough pink ones. Ludwig relented quickly and their kiss was wet and sloppy and full of tongues and lips sliding lewdly against each other in an alcoholic mess.
His own tongue was doing nasty tricks in the mouth that tasted like sausages, flicking and tasting and feeling each spot, provoking wanton moans and whimper that vibrated straight to his cock.
obscene sound of their wet mouth filled his ear to the brim.
'Mmn... A-Arthurrr...'
It was just a kiss... right?
His mouth moved themselves to Ludwig's jugular, hands wandering aimlessly across the wide expanse of skin exposed, going lower and lower. Until... they disappeared into the black work pants.
'A-ahn! Fuck!'
O-okay. Guess it didn't stop there. Soooo... they found toys it the drawer, Arthur remembered as he viewed around the room.
'Gyahahaha! Meow you bitch!'
'N-ngh? aaa...'
'MEOW!' *slap!*
'Me-meow?'
'Louder!' *slap!*
'Meow! Ah!'
'I said, LOUDER!' *slap!*
'N-NYAH!'
'Ahahaha! Kitty wanna milk dontcha?'
'Huh?'
'Cats don't talk' *slap*
'M-m-myaw'
'Good...Now good kitties get milk'
Oh god... that mouth was god-sent!
'Y-yeah Ludwig... o-oohh... yessss... shit... Nngh... haa-ah!... do-do that again!... f-fucckkk... GODDAMMIT!... Haa haa.. ahaha, yeah. like that... suck it all in kitty... Good boy'
Then...
'A-arthur... haa haa... ah-... gott...'
Then...
'Please...I want... I wan- oh! Bitte!'
...
'Just FUCK ME! Fick mich ARTHUR!'
Damn... that was good sex.
But the Englishman can't bring himself to enjoy the act from last night. And he didn't think Ludwig will take it any better than him. Sighing, Arthur carefully removed the binding from the German. Thousands of words sorting themselves in his head, trying to find out what to tell his friend when he woke up.
"Mmm, ngh..."
Oh shit...
"Look, Ludwig... you see, I... ah... it's not my fault!" Arthur tried to reason before Ludwig could even properly wake up from the haze of sleep and hangover.
Ludwig sat up.
Arthr waited.
and waited...
and of course, he jumped when Ludwig turned to look at him. If... that eyes were even looking at anything. Cerulian blue irises were empty like a corpse and Arthur expected the German to fall asleep any second now. Maybe he could plan his escape then.
And just as he opted to proceed with his brilliant getaway, those eyes blinked. "Arthur?"
Damn! Arthur cursed and prayed at the same time and it turned out something like 'Oh Goddammit shit, fucking save me and I'll swear I wont be such a bitch anymore!'
they sat there for quite sometime and since the killer blow didn't came anytime soon, Arthur expected maybe Ludwig was cool with it, and maybe he could keep his soul. Or/and maybe they could be drinking and fuck buddies while sharing stories of their heartbreak and have sleepovers and bake cookies and...
"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
"H- HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH?"
"MEIN GOTT!"
"MY EARS!"
The Englishman shielded his ears as they both continued to scream their lungs out for no reason whatsoever. They screamed and screamed and screamed and panted breathlessly as soon as they stopped. Arthur felt sick, Ludwig looked terrified. When the German sucked a breath for another marathon of screaming, Arthur swiftly covered his mouth with both of his hands.
"OKAY- okay... shut up! Stop screaming!" Arthur cried desperately. When LUdwig relaxed a bit, he removed his hands and watched as Ludwig stared at the sheets. Face blanked until he blushed with shades of red that could even beat Antonio's best tomatoes. (hey, Antonio rhymes with tomatoe! Ahahaha)
Arthur scratched the back of his neck and cough uncomfortably, "Soooo... umm.. What's wrong?" Shit, that's a stupid question.
At least it got Ludwig to glance at him before blushing even darker. Arthur could've swore he saw him glowing crimson.
"My-my virginity..."
XOXO
HAHAHAHA! told you it was terrible!
anyone seen this comic strip at Aarinfantasy before?
this is my first fic btw... now that that's done see you after December!
*I'll just categorise it as England and Germany for now kay? okay!