A/N; WARNING! THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR DARK OF THE MOON. IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN, DON'T WATCH!
Bumblebee is officially paranoid now. It was bad after Mission City- worse after Sam had flat lined at Giza- but the scout had gotten over it. He had even found it in himself to leave.
Now?
Sam would be lucky if he ever got a spare moment away from him again. He wasn't really complaining, though. Not after seeing Bee so close to death so many times in the past three days, and Carly, the angel-goddess that she is, completely understands.
But Bumblebee was not here now, only trusting Sam to the classified and battle-worn hands of NEST once he knew Will was going to be there with him, and that Dino (though he was often called Mirage) would be tailing the party at a safe distance.
And for all that it's worth, Sam's actually kind of glad Bee isn't here now. He doesn't want him to see what he's having to deal with.
He's still guilty.
That is what's been on his mind as he barrels down a rough, country road in the middle of nowhere, that's what is weighing on his chest as he sits in the back seat of one of the government's black trucks, driven by someone he doesn't know to someplace he's never been.
They're on their way to the new temporary NEST base just outside of D.C, seeing as the old one was destroyed by Sentinel Prime. Will is in the seat next to him, and he's thankful for that, because he doesn't know who the hell is sitting in the front seat, and he's still jumpy about being in any car other than Bee at the moment, and Bee isn't here.
Hell, he couldn't even get into one of the government's standard SUV's- not after what happened just three days ago. The last time he saw one, they were chasing him down the interstate and he was flying through the air, only to be caught by his guardian at the very last moment- a guardian who is, again, not here.
What he didn't know was that riding in a large black truck would put Will through hell. He can see it in his friend's eyes, the look on his face, though the soldier tries to hide it.
Ratchet doesn't think they'll be able to bring Ironhide back.
Just the thought of him sends a wave of grief through his chest, and his fist grows a little tighter on the side of the car.
But trusting in Sentinel isn't the mistake that's bothering him the most. It's the fact that no one is blaming him.
He remembers when Ironhide got shot through his chest from behind by Sentinel, right after they believed all the danger was over. He remembers the shock, the confusion, the feeling that for just a moment, the entire world was tilted upside down and the overwhelming panic and stone-cold fear in his chest as Bumblebee had to duck behind the building and run, as all the Autobots had to run, marked by the one that they believed could save them. Sentinel was on a rampage and tearing up the entire base, and he killed anyone who bothered to engage him, but he had marked the Autobots as a threat, and Sam's only thoughts were for the small yellow scout and the dying black warrior.
He remembers how Optimus showed up after all the damage had been done, after Ironhide had been reduced to a mangled pile of rust and metal. The look in his optics was enough to rip a hole in Sam's chest, because he knew it was the same look he had borne after Optimus had fallen in that forest all those years ago. Of total disappointment, dismay, disbelief, and…loss. Because that day, Sam lost his hero, and that day, Optimus had lost his- only in a far worse way than Sam had.
He remembers how that woman had pointed at Optimus in full-scale fury and screamed that it was all his fault.
Sam reflects briefly on Ironhide's diminished form again, and thinks that she had no idea in hell what she was talking about. She didn't know that he was blaming him of the death of one of his most beloved friends.
And there Sam was, in the middle of it all, with their planet's two-time savior in despair, and Optimus had been accused of causing it all. And later, after Sam had shown up again, no one had thought to accuse him of anything.
He knows why. They had Carly. And he would be damned to hell if he let anything- ever- happen to her. And he knows that in the end, no harm came to it. In the end, he never meant to do any damage, and he had been with them in blood and tears all the way.
But he was still guilty.
He still wore that watch, he still made a deal with the devil to let an angel live. After everything that had happened, after all the battles they had fought together, after Optimus had died for him, he still stood there and asked him that damned question.
How to you intend to fight back?
He still nearly sent them all to hell. No harm did come of it- not on his part- in the end, but the thought of what if is haunting him more than anything.
What if Optimus had told Sam about their plan, that they had hidden in the booster rockets, and that they were never leaving Earth to begin with? What if Dylan had figured it out because he, Sam, had told him? Sam had condemned them the moment he asked that question. He had basically thrown them on the tight rope and closed his eyes and waited for them to fall. But still, Carly…
You're the only human Optimus Prime trusts.
That was why they had used him. Because he was close to the Autobots, because he was Optimus Prime's friend. Because the great Autobot Commander, one of the fiercest warriors in the universe, had died a brutal death to protect him from harm. Because out of all the humans on Earth, he trusted him.
You will always be my friend, Sam.
To hear that coming from him, after he had just betrayed him…it nearly sent Sam to his knees. And it did, once they were gone. They were the biggest part of his life he'd ever had, and to watch them leave…then to watch them die…
He didn't know if he would ever stop looking at the sky and thanking whatever God was watching over both their races that they had planned that all along. But the fact that he still did it, that he would have thrown them all to the Pit will stick with him. He knows he's proved himself three times over, knows that he would have very easily died for any of them out there in Chicago. And he almost did- when Sentinel nearly shot Bee, if Will hadn't been holding him back, when he jumped on Starscream's face, when he nearly burst out of that car when they had a laser cannon jammed up against Bee's helm.
He has died for them. For Optimus, in Giza- and if it meant saving just one of them, whose lives were so much more important than his, he knows he would do it all over again. If he could have died to save Ironhide, he's sure he would have done that too.
And looking at Lennox now, he knows he feels the same.
"I'm sorry." he murmurs, his voice lost to the drivers up front over the sound of the engine.
Will starts, blinking hard, but doesn't look at him. He simply locks his jaw and nods, staring out the window again.
"I should have gone in a damn SUV." Sam mutters, looking around the interior of the truck. "If I had known they would bring a truck-"
"Sam, it's not your fault." Will says quietly, and looks at him for the first time. "None of this was. And Ironhide…" he shakes his head. "He went down protecting us. That's what he would have wanted."
Sam thinks about what it would be like to loose Bumblebee. He's come way too close to that in the past few days, and shudders. "I know." he says, swallowing thickly. "But-"
"It wasn't your fault." repeats Will, and looks him dead in the eye. "The only thing I blame is that damn Sentinel, and seeing as he doesn't have a head anymore, I don't have anyone to blame. I'd be lying if I said I won't miss him like hell, but…" he looks out the window again. "It's over. That's all that matters. I get to be with Sara and Annabelle again. Earth is safe." He looks back again. "That's what he would've wanted."
Sam nods, though he knows that it'll take Will a while to get over it. It'll take a while for all of them to get over it.
"What do you look so…down about?" Will wonders suddenly, obviously trying to phrase the expression on his face. He doesn't recognize it for what it is. Guilt.
Sam jerks up, and flinches, knowing that his feelings must be written all over his face. And that he is such a crappy liar, it will be impossible to tell Will differently.
"Just…thinking." he says lamely, knowing that, at least, is true.
Will doesn't say anything for a while. He just looks at him. His eyes are penetrating, eyes that have seen more Decepticons fall than even Sam himself, and Sam carefully avoids his gaze.
"Okay." Will whispers finally. He clasps the boy roughly on the shoulder, causing Sam to jerk forward a little, and looks back out the window.
Sam deflates a little bit in relief. Lennox is one of those easy people to talk to- never pries, listens till the end, and never tells, but will call you an idiot if you really need it.
But he's not the person Sam wants to talk to, not just yet.
The trees flash by, and suddenly the sunlight streams down all around them, unblocked and unhindered by the trees before it was so desperately trying to stream through. There's a fence in front of them, and Sam now knows from experience of trying to ram the NEST gate that there's more security around here than just the intimidating men wielding heavy rifles and the sign that says TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT. The truck briefly stops, and they get waved through almost immediately. Sam notices that the guards that held him up before are gone.
He thinks of Wheelie's remark, wondering if they like their new jobs at the bank, and almost smiles.
There is a massive warehouse in the center of the field, surrounded by a large ring of concrete and asphalt that is being used as parking space. There are a few army vehicles and a couple of tanks, along with several other government-issue cars scattered around. A few other, smaller buildings gleam in the background. Men in uniforms are swarming the place.
"Welcome to your temporary home away from home." says Will, as they slide out of the car. Sam glances around at it all.
"Very…homey."
A ghost of a smile flashes across Will's face. He hits his arm lightly. "Let's go, Sam. Bee's been having a minor panic attack since you've been separated. We'd all like to put his mind to rest."
Sam looks up, in the shadow of the giant building, and takes a deep breath. "Yeah." he manages, and follows Will into the temporary NEST headquarters.
P.S A/N; whoo! that was hard to write. I don't normally do down stuff, and I'll make it lighter in the future, cross my heart ;) Part two will be up as soon as i figure out what the heck I'm doing, but don't worry, it should be here soon, I hope. I have absolutly no control where these things go. My charectors and overactive mind highjack my plots all the time. Enjoy!