Choices

Study day—when it happened the first time.

Jounouchi didn't know what he was going to do with himself. After last weekend with the guys he'd been feeling restless—he and Mai hadn't gone out as they'd planned; He'd found out that his Professor had switched the schedule so that they had a project due. Mai had been very disappointed. Jou didn't know what to do about her—they were together, they weren't together—he had no idea what was going on or what she wanted. He didn't have enough time for her, didn't have enough anything for her. When his free day had rolled around, she hadn't answered her phone. He couldn't remember what her work hours were, so he decided not to unexpectedly "pop in". She hated that. He'd spent a half hour driving around Domino City without enough balls to bother Yuugi or Yami or Honda while they were working; Anzu had class, and he was sure that she was going to hang with Otogi if she got out early enough. He was on his own.

Somehow he'd gotten it in his head to buy Mai a present to help make up for his terrible timing. Mulling things over as he walked from his parking space to the food court, he couldn't help but admit even to himself that his classes did seem to stop them from going on pretty often, and work prevented them from doing anything too late at night. Back when they were official he'd been in his first years in Law School and there was barely time for anything else. He'd needed to adjust, Mai had gotten frustrated. She was older than him, he hypothesized. She needed something a bit more stable…and he wasn't it. At least, not at the moment. But he was stuck on Mai, a testament of that being that he always went back to her somehow. They'd always gone back to each other. Always. He was going to marry that woman one day, he was—and once he became a prosecutor he was going to give her everything she deserved. Sentimental for that one moment he came dangerously close to walking into the first jewelry store he came across to buy a ring, but that wasn't the right thing to do, either. Too strong. He talked himself out of it. They weren't even together right now—there was no reason to jump the gun that far. Not to mention that he was still in school, and working full time on a schedule that really only permitted half-time. He was a mess, but he hated looking at it that way. He was a mighty big fan of himself, after all—who else was going to be?—and he didn't want to put himself down. He just wanted Mai.

He'd picked at his meal in the Food Court, deciding that he was going to spend his time dawdling for a gift. Walking around, it had taken quite a while before he'd reasoned it out to himself—he was going to get her jewelry. Just not a ring. It implied too much, right? Yes. Yes it did, and he didn't want to do that. He wasn't ready for that. They weren't ready for that. Jesus, they weren't ready for that. So he would get her a necklace instead—Mai was a fan of jewelry. Nothing too fancy and glittering. He was terrible at picking out gifts. He would have to figure it out. The sales person in the store kept urging him that "diamonds were a girl's best friend". That's good, Jou thought. That means that everything in this shop has a better chance than I do. And with that depressing thought, he left. A half hour later, after angsting to himself that perhaps he was going about this all the wrong way, he went into another store, a slightly more modest one, and he found a gold chain—simple—with a very clichéd heart pendant in the center. No diamonds or jewels, but the heart had a nice pattern etched into it, the sort of detail that Jounouchi expected Mai to look for. So he bought it. It wasn't too expensive, either. He felt better, small gift bag in hand, and he tried to call Mai again—it went to voicemail. She must have been at lunch about now. She didn't work far from here, so he called again to see if she could meet him. It rang that time, but she didn't pick up. He sighed, shoving the bag and his hands into his pockets. Maybe he should go home and sleep to keep his mind off of things. That would be difficult to do, because now that he'd bought the damned thing he wanted to give it to her as badly as he'd wanted to buy it.

He settled for sitting in a lounge area, head in his hands as he thought out the situation. Would he push for them to get back together when he gave it to her? Or would he focus on simply getting her to forgive him? He could go for either, actually, although one was clearly better than the other. The thing was that got him was phrasing. He wasn't good at being wording his emotions. Neither was Mai, really, other than holding it in until all she could do was fuss and yell, but he didn't want to be like that. This was a good feeling, and he was pretty sure that yelling at her to tell her that he loved her—or at least, that he wanted to try loving her—was not the wisest choice. He tried to think of what Yuugi would advise him to do in this sort of scenario, or Anzu; but they would both say the same thing, some emotional-integrity related crap about being yourself and it all working out. That wasn't going to be enough. He wanted to make this right, and that just wasn't his style—well, being honest was—he just found it hard to be direct about his feelings. He didn't even know what he was feeling. There was a mix of happiness for the gift, aggravation because she wasn't answering her goddamned phone so that he could give this to her and stumble through what he wanted to say and get it over with already; he was apprehensive about talking to her, because he had no right to be angry and he'd talked himself into this, and some vague sense of despair that when he spoke to her none of what he'd just did or thought about or said was going to be good enough anyway, and she was going to call him out for the coward he was and never speak to him again.

He sighed, turning to watch the other people in the sitting area—they were all reading or watching children and the like. Jou got up to roam around then, because he was better at sorting himself out when he walked; he couldn't stand being around other people who were calm when he wasn't, old people doing nothing at that, and because he could see the couple hovering in the distance, tens of feet away in the back corridor that led to the fire escape, feeling on each other and it was annoying even from where he was. He was just going to leave. Maybe walk around in the parking lot a bit. Punch a wall. Then he'd be out of energy and he'd have something to do in the mean time.

He hated off days. Nothing to do. He should have studied at home.

He was walking now, away from the seating area and back in front of the jewelry store he'd come out of not too long ago. He wished he'd never bought it in the first place—if he hadn't, he could have been at home sleeping now.

"Hey, big boy," he heard a voice sound behind him.

Mai? He thought, and whipped around to see her—

—planting a kiss on some other dude's face. Jounouchi's frown couldn't help itself, and his fists weren't helping, either. He could feel it, on the inside: Not quite heartbreaking—more like Pegasus crushing his soul, hypothetically. Yep. That's what it felt like. The guy was one that he hadn't seen in years—one of those weird guys that he'd dueled years and years ago. What was his name? He thought they'd all been sacrificed by that silver-green haired freak—er, the super occult version of Pegasus. Despite the danger that he'd faced back then, names were escaping him. That was alrisght; he didn't need to know a guy's name to smash his face in.

Then the surprised—Mai's lips were on his, arms curling around his neck slowly and Jou was so taken aback by it that it was indeed a few seconds before he pulled back, the most confused he had been since he'd been born, and that was saying something, with all the soul-capturing world-conquering antics he'd seen dueling beside Yuugi. Just what the hell was going on, "Mai—" he began angrily, and the guy just stood there, not caring about what was going on. He was smiling, apparently, being friendly as ever.

"Listen, hon," Mai said, voice hushed, and she took Jou's hand. "This is Valon."

Ah, so now he knew the name of the guy who was stealing his girlfriend—or at least, the girl he was supposed to be working things out with so that she could be his girlfriend. That still made her technically his. This was his territory. He was working on it—why couldn't another guy respect that? "I don't' care who he is," Jounouchi said, unable to keep the hurt from his voice. "Valon" frowned then, and the arm that Jou had somehow only just noticed snaking its way around Mai's waist retreated.

"Don't be that way," Mai said. "I can't believe I actually found you here, Jou—I'm on lunch breath, but this is just as good of a time as any. Please, come on."

Jounouchi should have jerked away and ran like the crybaby he was feeling like and gotten things over that way. It would have been much easier than the alternative. But he had always been a sucker for Mai, and when she had something to say he listened, even if there was a taller brunette standing behind her that he wanted to punch in the face. She led him—Valon seemed to have the decency to keep a little ways beside her and not near Jounouchi—up the hallway in the opposite direction, to the cubby hole in the wall that couple had been earlier. The Valon guy posted himself up on the wall, studs on his clothing making him look like the fake bad ass he was supposed to be portraying. "What? What is it?" He couldn't think of a way to get all of his feelings out at once—how strongly he felt for Mai, how upset he was at finding this guy with her instead, and the spectrum that he'd felt between thinking about seeing her and actually seeing her. There was too much, and he wasn't good with wording emotions.

"Calm down, Jou," Mai said, face looking serious. "I wanted to tell you that night at the party, but—"

Jou couldn't help but chuckle. "Right," he said, throwing his hands up. "You couldn't put me out of my misery then. Instead you ask me to take you out to dinner and pretend to be upset when I couldn't do it."

"I am upset because we couldn't do it," Mai said. "Listen—Jou, don't talk, just listen."

And that was how it began, with Mai explaining that she liked both of them—more emotionally invested with Jou because of their history, of course, but both of them nonetheless. She wanted to make this work, she'd said. She wanted this to work so that she could have everything she wanted. She'd wanted both of them, she'd said—and she would have them if she was to say anything about it. Those bright eyes and those lips could tell him almost anything, and he'd at least listen before turning her down. She didn't even given him that chance, though; almost as soon as she'd finished speaking she's kissed him, deeply, and Jounouchi's mind was overwhelmed by the familiar warmth and that body he wanted in his hands. Then she was stepping, back, back, and he was following her—determined to show her that she didn't need another man in her life. She didn't. But when he's opened his eyes for just a second, he couldn't help but notice where they were: still embracing, but Mai's back was to Varo, and the man was peppering small kisses on the back of her neck, not at all bothered by Jounouchi's presence or the fact that he was the one capturing her lips. He was just…okay with it, casually continuing as though he weren't there. It was weird, seeing another guy not care about him making out with "their girl". The whole thing was just weird. Jounouchi pulled back, unsure of how to feel, but the look of pleasure on Mai's face, her head leaning back, froze him in his tracks.

He didn't think he would ever get used to this. He didn't want to give her up, but he wasn't into guys, either; he just didn't know how this was going to work at all. Why was even entertaining this idea?

It was a little bit late to be saying that, though, two months in. He hadn't spoken to anyone about it—just Mai, and she'd told him that he didn't have to do anything if he didn't want to. He could leave them at any time, but Jounouchi knew what that meant—leaving her. Even as he looked in the mirror to straighten out his collar and do something with his hair, he knew that Valon was going to be there. He'd been relatively quiet since they'd—or he had, really—not so much agreed to do this so much as not oppose doing it. He'd been polite, as far as Jounouchi could tell; whenever Jou wanted time alone with Mai he got it and Valon had never insisted on being anywhere Jounouchi had asked for him not to be. Despite that, however, Jou spent a lot of time in school still and that was a lot of time for Valon to be spending with her. It was hard not to think about it. When they were together, alone, he and Mai had done some things that had made him feel as though they were cheating him out of the fairness of this deal. But when he thought about it the other way around—he could only shiver uncomfortably thinking about what the two of them did when he was away. He'd never get over that, someone else touching what he felt should be his; he'd never get over that.

Mai was looking lovely that evening, and although she was attached the Valon the site didn't unnerve Jounouchi much as it had at first. He was familiar, and Valon greeted him courteously as always. Mai complimented him on his suit, and he was happy about it even though her—other boyfriend? Co-boyfriend? He was unsure of their titles and had been for some time—was with her. Jounouchi ran to his room for a moment to grab his wallet and froze, for just a moment, looking at the little black box on his desk. That necklace. He hadn't given it to her since that day at the mall, and he still hadn't done it yet. There were still so many emotions wrapped up in that day that he hadn't bothered to do it. So much confusion. He was still confused, but a little less so, and he left his room without it, somehow looking a bit more forward than usual to this outing—with Mai, even if Valon was there.

Being intimate, he thought, was going to be the hardest part—but it was actually the easiest. He'd sort of asked Yuugi for advice about it, seeing as Yuugi and Yami were the feistiest fuckers he knew, romantically…so to speak. Yuugi's advice: If he liked Mai, focus on Mai. Yami's advice: Don't attention to anything. Just go at it and enjoy. Of course, he was sure that Yami had ulterior motives for this occasion, but he still tried to focus as much on Mai as possible. It was still creepy, having another guy in bed with you when you didn't like guys, but he wasn't homophobic or bigoted or anything like that—it was just not something that he was into. It got better, though—Mai was more than enough to immerse himself in, and he'd had to be reminded that Valon was even there when it was all said and done.

He should have felt terrible, seeing that Valon made her cry. He wasn't sure what it's about, as Mai had explained it to her through tears and she could never speak properly when she was like that—all sniffly and stuff. She had called him in this state already, and all he could really do was tell her that she was going to be okay and that she didn't have to worry about anything. She went on to explain something about a conversation that they'd had, and all Jounouchi could think about was the fact that he was sure that he'd sent Mai to Valon in the same way sometimes, probably before the three of them had gotten together. He tried to comfort her as best as he could, but he had the feeling that when she'd decided to hang up, she was still left feeling unsatisfied. He just couldn't do that emotion thing—and this only made him think of all of the issues they'd had in the past.

Valon wasn't such a terrible guy, once Jounouchi had gotten to know him. He hadn't paid very much attention to him or anything when they'd first met while everyone battled over the seal of Orichalcos. He had a pretty fucked up past, and Dartz screwed him over (Jou thought that was kind of obvious, but he thought saying so would have been insensitive even for him) and used him. It was like Pegasus all over again, but…less appealing. At least Pegasus was annoying in a witty way. Apparently, Valon liked to scrap a lot, and that immediately sparked a number of fights that made Mai worried that she would need to make repairs to her apartment. It wasn't until Valon began struggling to lift the couch to use against Jounouchi that he tapped out. This guy was serious. How did Mai get mixed up with a guy like him?

But he seemed to genuinely like her, and that was what Jounouchi had been worried about. Valon admitted that, when Mai had told him about her conflicting feelings, he'd felt like a bit of a douche for horning in on someone else's territory, but was talked out of feeling guilty. Jounouchi wasn't quite sure how to take that, as he'd never quite been talked out of the guilt of being in a relationship with two people, even if he wasn't sexually attracted to one of them. He'd just…gotten used to it. "We're all used to it now," he said to Valon, who nodded his agreement. From those moments on, things were a lot easier. Valon spoke to him more often, and they were more chummy on the dates that they went on with Mai simultaneously. Valon wasn't a terrible guy at all.

"Why the both of us, Mai?" Jounouchi was asking. They were on the balcony in her apartment, Valon sitting on the floor as the breeze wafted over them. It was a warm evening.

Mai sighed, as though she hadn't been in the mood for this at the moment. Jounouchi didn't care. All of the things that he'd been through in the last half a year, he deserved a response. "…if you didn't like it," she said, "you wouldn't still be here."

"That's not what I asked," Jounouchi said, sipping his beer. It was eerie, how comfortable he was with Valon's presence now; how easy it was for them to both make out with Mai at the same time, to go on a date with her at the same time—to love her at the same time.

"I hate sounding cliché," Mai said. "You know I do."

Valon laughed a little, holding her closer. The brunette had always been the needier one of them both—he needed a lot of emotional coddling, apparently, and Jou had never been the emotional type. "You should say it anyway," he urged, and Jou took the moment to strike out on a limb, moving a bit closer to her on the floor of the balcony, leaning against her. It almost seemed natural, despite her being caught in the middle.

"It's because I love you both," Mai said quietly. "I don't know what I'd do without either of you." Jounouchi wasn't sure if he could believe the latter statement—after all, if he remembered correctly the two of them had been on and off again for years. Then she frowned. "Jou," she said. "Something's in your pocket; it's hurting my arm, hon."

Jou almost jumped back from her, feeling his favorite green jacket for whatever was in the pocket. He couldn't find it, so he took the jacket off and shook it out. A velveteen black box clattered onto the balcony's wooden floor. "Oh," Jounouchi could feel his face burning as he recognized the object. He couldn't count the number of times that he'd almost given it to her, and hadn't—he'd given up on it. It was too late to take it back, anyway.

"Is that for me?" Mai said, and Jounouchi was going to correct her, but she continued. "Give it to me! You know I love presents!" Valon couldn't help but smile at the gift, blushing himself somehow in a way that made Jounouchi feel uncomfortable. It's not like he was giving anything to him. Mai's hands were plucking the box off of the floor, standing up and leaving the two men beneath her. Her face lit up as she opened the box, and Jounouchi felt his heart twinge, just a little—looking over at Valon, then Mai, remembering how this all started, in the mall, with Mai's reassuring kisses and her guiding hands. "It's very pretty," she said, in a way that said she'd expected something that sparkled a bit more. Jounouchi had heard that tone of voice in the past. But he wasn't a sparkling kind of guy. He was a palms sweating, heart racing kind of guy, and that was exactly what he'd been feeling when he bought it. It seemed that Mai couldn't see the layers of emotion that had coated that thing as the months passed. "Thank you so much, Jounouchi. I love it." Her voice gushed in a way that told him that she liked it though, and Jounouchi wondered for a moment how much she would have liked it if he'd given it to her that day, before all of…this. Valon glanced at him and smiled as Mai went on about how wonderful the necklace was, and Jounouchi smirked back.

He was glad that she liked it.

{FIN}

Alrighty, then! Another disjointed piece, but this time, there IS a storyline behind it!

I took elements from the universe of two of my other stories, "Be Cool" and "Stay Cool" for this. In some of the chapters of Stay Cool. the YGO gang gets together for a sleepover and find out a lot about themselves that they hadn't known before. You don't have to read either of those to get this, however. It's pretty obvious through Jounouchi's point of view that the two of them have never really been permanently together, and when they were, Mai felt neglected. Therefore, this scenario came out. I thought about adding a scene where Mai goes on an emotional rant about how Jounouchi isn't there for her a lot of the time, but to be honest I didn't want to make him suffer through it in this story; in this reality, he's a hard working guy just trying to get through law school. If you can't tell, I'm on Team Jounouchi for this one. XD

More importantly than anything else, I wanted to take the time out to explain what the focus of this particular pairing/threesome was. Relationships don't always "just happen". Sometimes, you choose your relationships, knowing what you're getting into and doing it anyway, and that's exactly what this is, hence, the title. Simple but profound in a way, I think. Jounouchi doesn't have to be in this three way relationship—but he's doing it for Mai, because he loves her. The dynamic of choice as well as what sort of decisions a person would make for someone that they love is very strong here. Of course, it starts to get a bit better, but Jounouchi never becomes accustomed to this type of relationship, because he's an old fashioned type (well, I see him as an old fashioned type XD). I thought it was also a cool dynamic to show a three-way relationship with conflicting orientations. I wanted to include a scene where Valon comes on to Jounouchi and he solidifies his heterosexuality, but I'm afraid I didn't have enough time to add it in here. I think I'm going to try to add it later, because I think that it would help strengthen the peace by Jou asserting his individuality, and putting a bit more emphasis on the scope of the relationship that he's agreed to.

It was difficult thinking of scenes specifically because of Mai; she has a very distinct personality, but in this story she's limited by Jou's view and it was hard in a lot of cases not going into her perspective. Valon was my molding putty for this story, but I tried my best to work in his personal information so that he wasn't just hovering in the background. He is shy, though, because this experience is also new to him in some ways. Mai's the mastermind behind this, of course, and I think that Mai is gutsy enough to come up with this and give it a try so that she can have what she wants. In this fic, Jou's older, about twenty-five, so you know what age that makes Mai? Mmm...Thirty-two. So she's definitely in her prime, ready to take on life with not only the aggressiveness of her younger days but also with strategy and careful planning. I really do think that she's in love with Jounouchi, and while I wanted to convey that, the focus turned out to be more so Jou's reaction to the relationship, which I prefer. Otherwise, the possible Jou/Mai scenes would have cut away from Valon's time. I didn't want Jou to overshadow the story anymore than he already was, being the narrator.

Anyway, those were some of my thoughts. I could go on forever, but I think you deserve a break for reading the fic in the first place. Last note: I liked this fic to the Spiritshipping one by mentioning a prism in the summary. Is that cool or what?

Ciao!

"I will return, for I am the darkness..."