Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Edward Cullen
"Edward." She sweetly whispered my name, a graceful smile on her lips. I was sure mine were doing the same, for Bella's happiness was truly contagious. It will forever be my principal goal, her happiness, and I believe nothing can change that.
As I lay beside my love's sleeping form, all my worries crept away. It was comical how a little creature like her should affect me. I wonder if she will ever realize that everything she does, everything about her, would always send my feelings to a cataclysmic state.
"Jake. No." Her face contorted in pain, and immediately I was angered by the effect he had on her physiognomy. The effect he had on her, and his knowledge of this fact. To think that Jacob Black had used Bella's feelings and delicacy to his favor. Images of his fantasies and dreams flooded my mind, and I couldn't help but feel some sort of pity. He was right; he was so close to achieving his ultimate goal. I chuckled to myself at the turn of events, of how I had captured the bigger part of her heart.
I looked down at my angel's face, and, upon seeing worry etched on her forehead, I frowned. She would be waking up soon, and she would remember her concern for the werewolf. This is one of the drawbacks of being thought of first. The human memory tends to remember the ending better than the introduction.
Slowly, she opened her warm brown eyes, and I forced my face to smile. She did the same, and I could feel myself being genuinely happy. The incessant drumming of her chest, the sanguine on her cheeks, and the feel of her skin assure me I was doing the right thing. As long as she had these, there was still hope that she would change her mind about staying mortal.
It would be absolutely excruciating to let her go, but then who would care for my misery? My suffering would be nothing compared to hers.
"Good morning." I greeted her, placing a kiss on her neck. I could feel her blood, racing through the intricately designed veins, and I knew she was starting to fully wake.
"Hi." She whispered. There was uncertainty in her voice, and I could only assume it was because of her self-consciousness about her vivid dreams. She stood up, and I allowed her her "human minute". It was in this time, when I was away from her, when I would imagine Bella's life without me.
She would have been a wonderful mother. Jacob Black would have made her happy. She would be by the warmth of sunlight, the days and human experiences aging her. I smiled at the thought, in melancholy and in wishful thinking. There was still hope, I reminded myself. My interference in her life shouldn't get in the way of it. But yet, it already has, and I hate myself for it.
"Are you thinking again?" I was taken from my thoughts to a much pleasant sight.
"Bella." Immediately I was by her side, embracing and kissing her. If this was what made her happier than the moment before, then so be it.
When I pulled away, I looked in her dazed eyes, and I smiled. Her cheeks were burning bright, and it only added to my cherished moments. I've been having a lot of those lately, but basically they are all the times I have spent with Bella.
"How'd you sleep?"
She lowered her gaze. "I'm sure you have an idea."
Damn that mongrel for making her worry! Here I was, trying to make her happy, but she thinks of him and grief takes over cheerfulness. "Bella, he's fine. You shouldn't worry."
"But I can't help it Edward, because I know it's my fault. I just don't know what to do!"
Wrapping my arm gently around her shoulder, I led her to her kitchen. "To be sure, he's still in love with you," Bella drew in a sharp breath, "but he understands. Only you have a say on the matter."
I placed her on the counter, and gave her lips a light kiss. I didn't want her to say anything yet, for she needed to eat first.
"So, what did you want to eat?" I leaned in the refrigerator, eyeing all the human foods. The Swans seemed to be out of milk, so cereal was not an option today. I scowled at the open box of Poptarts and shut the fridge.
Bella shrugged. "We haven't been to the grocery for a while."
"I'll run to the store and get you something." How could I be forgetful of human needs such as restocking food supplies?
"Edward, wait." She said it softly, but in the silence of the house I heard her loud and clear. I ran back to her, and she looked thoughtful. No, she looked hopeful.
"Yes?" Did she want to go to La Push? But this couldn't be a possibility, because I knew their parting was for an indefinite time.
She shifted in her seat. "I was thinking...Do you think I should call him? It's only been two weeks, but —"
I sighed. She wanted to talk to him. It hurt me to know my love wasn't enough for her complete happiness. If only I'd never left her, things would've been much different.
"Do you think it's best?" I said, careful to seem casual.
"I just need to hear his voice."
I only nodded. "I'll be back in ten minutes."
Heart wrenching.
I've only heard a little of their conversation, but I didn't have to listen to know she was crying. She would be losing everything, he'd said, and she'd lose herself in the process.
I wouldn't let it happen. Bella knows this. Even he knows this. But that doesn't stop us from fearing what's to come.
A few minutes later and I was with her again, but our minds were clouded with troubles, permeated with regret.
She had to understand. She had to fully know what she'd be putting herself into.
"Bella, you can't be happy without him." I started with the facts, reasoning as I went along.
She caught on, but didn't argue. Open-minded as she was, she could be stubborn, and I was glad she didn't pick today to be the latter.
"Jacob makes you happy, and I know how you feel about him." She loved him; she felt for him. "I want you to know, as much as it would affect me, I'm ready to accept any decision you make."
Her face held so many emotions, but I tried to make mine withdrawn.
She shook her head. "Edward. I've already chosen."
I thought too soon; she was being tenacious. "Bella, just try to think about it. You'll be happy either way." I smiled. At least I had that.
"No. I won't do that to you." Her voice trembled a bit, but her eyes screamed defiance.
"Don't let my feelings affect your decision."
She faced forward, like I was at the moment, but we were not paying any attention to the pictures the television was showing. "Edward, I am ready. I've told you that. I want to do this."
I gritted my teeth. "How could you want this? Clearly you haven't been thinking of the consequences, of what your life will be like!"
"I just want to be with you!" She exclaimed passionately, and I was momentarily mesmerized by her insistence, "And don't you dare say you're not worth eternal damnation! Any life with you is the opposite of a life in hell."
She couldn't think that. No. Her life, her humanity, was deserving of so much more.
"As much as I would want to, you shouldn't spend an eternity with me."
"So you want me to spend the next 60 or so years of my life with another?"
Yes. That's exactly what I wanted her to do. But it was also the cruelest of punishments. Try as I might, I couldn't suppress my selfishness. I wanted Bella for me. She was the reason I still exist.
More than anything, I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to be human.
"You could be both." I muttered to myself. Somehow, she thinks she'll never be happy without me, so it was becoming improbable.
"What?" Bella asked.
I looked at her. "It doesn't have anything to do with what I want."
"Yes it does," she argued, "I want what you want. I'd like to make you happy."
She could make me happy with a blink of her eye. With every smile, every word she speaks, I become the happiest man on earth.
"I want what's best for you." And frankly, I'm not it.
She must've guessed what it was I wanted. "Well, then in that case I'm sticking with my opinion."
"Bella — " She interrupted me, cradling my face with her small hands.
"Edward, we've talked about this a thousand times." She rolled her eyes. "So give it up. You can't change my mind."
I smiled wistfully. "That won't stop me from trying."
"But we're engaged for crying out loud!" At this I took her ringed hand and kissed every finger. My late mother's ring, set on my love's finger. It was an impossible dream come true! "You're telling me you'd leave me at the altar?"
"What?" I snapped, horrified. Her tone was playful, but there was meaning behind the jest. "Bella, I'd kill myself before I even think of doing such a thing."
"I know," she spoke softly, and continued to caress my jaw, "So no one leaves the other when we get married, correct?"
"When we get married." I repeated. "But you have a choice Bella, and I'm ready for it."
She blessed me with a kiss. It was too soft, in my opinion, but her kisses all had the same effect: unique bliss.
"I already told you. You just need to accept it." She tangled her fingers in my hair, putting our faces closer.
She really was evil. And she accused me of dazzling her. What do you call this, then? How am I supposed to deal with such a creature?
"This will be an interesting eternity." I stated, taking her in my arms and fully looking at her eyes.
The sweetest silence then ensued, but to me it was filled with so much declarations, and so many solutions to all our problems. Her beaming smile, her brightened eyes, and the flush of her cheeks all spoke for her, and I was free to interpret them any way I wanted. Love is sadistic, but it has its moments.