A/N: Having played FFXIII and read Episode Zero, I was still curious about what happened to Claire growing up to make her so intense. Her characterization is a dichotomy, and I wanted to figure out why. Also, for some reason, I have had issues with the story deleting itself. Apologies to those who have reviewed.
How It Began
A lone figure stared out into the night. All the desperate wishing in the world won't change the facts of the situation, she thought to herself angrily. They're gone, and I can't bring them back. Closing her eyes against the combined onslaught of pain and sadness, the slender girl took a deep breath that was released in a sigh.
As she exhaled, the girl mentally hardened herself to the future she was now facing. She sat straighter, moving her crossed arms down to her sides instead. Wanting nothing more than to howl at the rage she felt, to shatter the window in front of her, she bottled the emotion deep inside her mind, shivering slightly at its intensity.
Gradually, Claire became aware of the presence of another behind her. Unable to comfort her sister amidst the maelstrom of emotions she herself was experiencing, she only stiffened, silent. Her eyes became shuttered as the figure moved to stand next to her.
Serah had never seen the hollow look in her older sister's eyes before her mother's death, never felt the kind of chill emanating from her now.
"Claire?" she greeted her timidly. "Claire, what are you doing standing in the dark?" The silence extended awkwardly as the elder…eldest Farron made no move to respond. Serah stepped closer to her, wrapping her arms around the older girl instead. Her sister froze again, refusing even to breathe.
"…I…I was…" The words came haltingly from the figure in her embrace. "Serah, Mom told me I'm supposed to take care of you. But…" After another pause, Claire sighed, seeming to collapse in on herself. "Serah, what are we gonna do?" The older girl rotated slowly, turning to give her younger sister a proper hug. The younger teenager could see the tears in her eyes, could see the pain she refused to release.
The arms around Serah tightened. "I'm going to take good care of you. I promise – no matter what happens." The hollow look was replaced with determination. Through her own tears, Serah smiled in return.
"And I'm gonna take care of you. After all, who's the cook in this family?" The younger Farron grinned briefly, before her bravado crumbled. Serah buried her face in her sister's shirt. The look on her older sister's face when she'd walked into the room haunted her. "Claire…tell me it's going to be ok," she begged, through sobs.
"Shhh…everything's going to be fine, we'll be ok," Claire responded softly, rubbing circles along her sister's back. Taking a deep breath, she repeated, "We'll be ok," not sure whether she was reassuring her sister or herself. Quietly, she continued into her sister's hair. "I love you, Serah."
The younger girl's sobs into her chest renewed themselves as Serah tried to respond. "I-I lo…I love…"
"Shhh…I know…it will be all right. We'll be all right." Claire rested her chin on her younger sister's head, continuing the reassuring pattern. "I'll take care of you, Serah, no matter what it takes. We'll be all right." She stopped rubbing circles in her back periodically, giving her a proper squeeze. "We'll be all right." The circular pattern renewed.
Gradually, the breathing pattern of the girl in her arms normalized. Whether she fully believed her or not, Serah trusted her older sister – she always had. The hitching breaths slowed, grew quieter. "But how, Claire?"
"Trust me." With those two words, the decision taken out of her hands, Serah gave in to her own exhaustion. Relaxing into Claire's arms, she lost consciousness, the past couple of days catching up to her. Kissing the crown of her younger sister's head, Claire supported her fully body weight. With a slight, "Oomph," she lifted the girl, supporting her just below the shoulder blades and at the backs of her knees. Even if she herself felt lost, stranded, she did not need to worry Serah with the same. The younger girl deserved better.
Once she had carried her sister upstairs and tucked her into bed, Claire strode back down and out the front door. No amount of staring out the window would assuage her growing restlessness. As the…she paused, throat threatening to close at the thought…as the head of the Farron household, she needed to make some very quick decisions. Etro, please let me make the right ones, she thought to the night sky above her.
The next morning, Claire contacted both her and Serah's schools to verify that they had been made aware of the situation. The cooing sympathy in the voices of the attendance office personnel renewed her grief, made the situation suddenly more real. I don't have time for this, she thought, as tears pricked the backs of her eyes again.
Both of the girls were granted two weeks off, provided that they followed up with the appropriate legal authorities and caught up with their schoolwork once they returned. Claire thanked the attendance office for the school's understanding with a surprisingly steady voice and hung up. Suddenly feeling dizzy, she leaned heavily on the kitchen counter in front of her, willing the helplessness away. So that's that. It's time to be an adult.
The first order of business was to contact the solicitor her mother's doctor had mentioned. "Summers and Pruitt, Attorneys at Law. This is Helen speaking. How may I help you?" the friendly voice of a receptionist answered.
"I would like to schedule an appointment with Mr. Summers, please."
"Is there a particular time you had in mind?"
Claire deliberated delaying, but answered honestly. "I need to meet with him as soon as possible."
"Mr. Summers has an opening this afternoon at 3:00 PM."
"Yes, please," she responded with relief.
"May I have your name, please?"
"Claire Farron."
After a brief pause, during which the receptionist took down her information, she said, "OK, Miss Farron. I have you scheduled for an appointment with Mr. Summers today at 3:00 PM. Do you know where our office is located?"
"Yes, ma'am. Thank you."
The receptionist finished with the standard, "Have a great day," and Claire heard the phone click. The nervousness in the pit of her stomach increased. This needs to be done, she thought resolutely.
Claire's next step was to arrange the funeral. Payment provisions would have to wait until she had met with the attorney, but scheduling and funerary style decisions could be made immediately. Her skin was so pale, Claire idly thought with a shudder. Remembering how thin and frail her mother's body had been in the hospital, she opted for a closed casket ceremony and asked that it be kept private. There were no other surviving relatives to invite, and few close friends. Their mother had been ill for a long time.
"How much do I need to give you up front, and how is payment handled? I'm…I'm sorry," she stuttered.
"I haven't spoken with my lawyer about finances yet, but have an appointment scheduled with him this afternoon."
The response was a bit gruff. "No down payment will be necessary, Miss Farron. Our cost structure is as follows…" He explained the details to her, and she nodded, taking notes. Remembering the conversation with the doctor the day before about her expectations and responsibilities, Claire was surprised at how little she would be charged, though she kept her silence. "It's never easy to lose your parents, Miss Farron. You have my sincerest condolences."
Realizing suddenly that he was giving her a massive discount, Claire was torn between gratitude, pride, and pragmatism. "Thank you for your kindness, sir," she responded as soon as she was able to find her voice. After the conversation ended, Claire sat down heavily at the kitchen table. She leaned her elbows on its surface and buried her head in her hands, which were shaking. She tried vainly to get them to stop.
Last night I couldn't stop being angry, and now I can't stop wanting to cry, she mused wearily. It wasn't this bad when Dad died. But I wasn't alone then, either. There had been intense sadness, but she'd had her mother to comfort her. Claire remembered their last conversation. "Cute spoiled little girl," they'd called her when she was younger. She hadn't had the luxury of being spoiled or little in a long time. Serah cooked and did the grocery shopping while she cleaned and maintained the house.
Because their mom worked such long hours, Claire helped Serah with her homework, bought clothes and school supplies with her, and served as her confidante. The situation had never been perfect, and Claire was still a child herself, prone to moodiness and impatience despite her best intentions, but they had managed comfortably enough. But now…Enough, she chastised herself. Serah needed her.
Looking at the clock on the kitchen wall, Claire saw that it was already mid-morning. Serah would probably be waking up soon. Clenching her still-shaking hands into fists, she stood and walked up the stairs to Serah's room. Opening the door softly, she gazed inside at the sleeping form. Serah had been too young to understand when their father had died, and after a brief adjustment period of realizing he would not be around anymore, she had recovered easily. This loss, Claire knew, would be far more traumatic, even if there was little surprise in it.
Steadying herself momentarily, she sat next to Serah on the bed and began rubbing the younger girl's back like she had the night before. Serah shifted slowly, eventually opening her eyes and blinking into the morning light. "Claire?"
"Yeah, Serah, I'm here."
Confused about her sister's physical affection at first, Claire could see the exact moment when Serah remembered the past 24 hours. "What are we gonna do?" The question was asked in a tiny voice.
"We are going to keep living, just like we did yesterday, and the day before. Do you remember what Dad used to say?" Serah shook her head, eyes wide. Claire never talked about their father. "'It's not a question of can or can't. There are some things in life you just do.'" Claire paused for a moment, giving her a hug.
"I've already called the school, and you don't have to go back for two weeks. So what do you think about making some breakfast, Miss 'I'm a better cook'? I know I'm hungry, and you must be too."
Serah sniffled, but her voice was steady. "I'm gonna make you the best breakfast you've ever eaten, sis!" Suddenly squeezed in a little sister-shaped bear hug, Claire gave a genuine smile. For the first time, she believed they would be all right.