Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Twilight series and universe.
Chapter 1
Awake…
I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling, the cold burning my face. I let out a shallow breath with steam escaping from my lips. My eyes followed the beautiful shapes slowly spiral towards the roof as they melted into the air. I closed my eyes. Today was my first day at a new school, Forks High School. In fact, it was also my first week in a new state. Forks was a completely different planet compared to Phoenix. Under the constant cover of cloud and rain, the almost non existent sun appearing was a rare occurrence.
I hated this place. I hated the atmosphere, I hated the weather and I hated the fact that I was doomed to this shitstain of a town for the next few years of my already shit life. I only moved here because my father, who I lived with in Phoenix, died a month ago. He lost his long and bitter battle with cancer.
I'd thought I'd be more upset with that, but the truth was that I never really knew him so well. He split up with my mother about 10 years ago, when I was just 7 years old. It was a pretty difficult time for me. They both moved to separate states and were granted shared custody of me. I lived with my father for most of the year in Phoenix and visited my mother for a small part of the winter. Its not like I didn't like my mother, it was just that our relationship was strained, awkward. This was because I reminded her so much of my father, who she still loved, but he got the impression that she was holding him down, and that he could do better and much greater things.
He did in a way though, he was a successful businessman and travelled often (one of the reasons why we weren't so close.) Don't get me wrong, he was a cool guy and I'm disappointed that he's gone, I just think I'm more sad and afraid because of the current state of my own life, not his death. I'm sad and depressed of the fact that life is a bitch.
Your entire life is already planned and aimed at goals already set by your parents. You go to preschool to prepare you for elementary school, you got to elementary school to prepare you for high school, you go to high school so that you can get a good job, you get a good job to get money and you "want" money so you can support a family. But in the end, what do we really want, a happy family? A well paying job? To have a long lasting effect on society?
But when it all comes down to the end, no matter how hard we've worked, how much we've loved or how happy we are, we all end up the exact same. Alone, cold, and dead. And when we do, there will be nothing. We will not feel anything, we will not be anything. We won't exist.
So that's it. That's what life is, a game of strategy that we all play. But no matter how differently we've played, there is no winner, we are all losers. I didn't need Charlies death to help me realise this. I new it since I was old enough to know that Santa Clause or heaven doesn't exist, and for me that was a young age.
Oh well I thought. At least it will all be over eventually. Ill finally get to rest peacefully without any worries that life could force upon me. No work, no school and no people to tell me what I can or cannot do, what I want, or what I have done wrong. One day, I smiled at the thought. I'll die.
I sluggishly opened my eyes again. I glanced at my bedside clock. Fuck. I slept in. I reluctantly got out of bed, letting the air freeze my skin. At least the cold will keep me awake. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. When I was done I looked into the mirror. A pair of dark green eyes stared back at me. I looked away. I couldn't stand the sight of my face. I hated it. I hate everything these days. I got dressed and trudged down stairs. My mother, Renee, had left for work already, at the police station. She's the Chief of police. To my friends back 'home', that meant that I could get it easy if I was caught with drugs or something. And I did get it "easy". But when I say easy, I mean 'not getting locked in a cell' easy. But that's as easy as I would get it, Renee was normally a quiet woman, but she had a side to her that could give out all these different punishments that would make you never want to rebel against the law again.
I skipped breakfast and walked over to my 1953 Chevrolet pickup parked in the driveway. The truck was a gift from Billy Black, a close friend of my mothers. His son, Jacob, was a good mechanic and helped fix the Chevy up. He was a pretty friendly guy. I got in the car and drove reluctantly to school.
…
Awake…
My eyes shot open.
"Another vision?" Jasper asked. I nodded.
"Are you ok?" He could sense my raw emotion. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
"I'm fine"
I don't know why I lied; I knew that Jasper could feel my fear, my depression. But like a like a true gentleman, he didn't press further into the matter. He knew that if I wanted to tell him the truth, I would of. Instead, he changed the mood of the room to a happier and lighter tone.
"I think I'm gonna go and get changed for school" I smiled. He nodded. I didn't really want to change for school, or rather, I didn't care. I didn't care anymore on how I looked, or what others thought of me anymore. The clothes were just an excuse to get out of the room. I usually would have welcomed Jasper making me feel happier but now I had to think clearly without anyone having an affect on my thoughts. I entered my room and locked the door. I knew it wouldn't do anything, it was just an old human habit. One that I don't even remember having.
I lied down on the floor and curled up in a foetal position. With my knees tucked under my chin and my arms holding myself together, I felt slightly more comfortable, slightly more safe. I closed my eyes and replayed the vision in my mind.
I stood alone in a small opening in the middle of a forest. The trees shot up towards the sky and blocked out all light. A tear leaked out of my eye. It rolled down my frozen cheek and clung to my chin. It formed into a droplet and as it grew larger and held on for dear life. Finally, the tear gave way and cascaded towards the decomposing forest floor. Before I could hear the sound of the tiny splash of the first droplet, another tear began to form. As the tears gushed out of my soulless body, I felt nothing. I could not feel the freezing air, I could not feel moisture that each tear left behind. I was alone, numb, and I would be forever.
The vision was one that I had been having for almost a month now. It showed me my endless future that there would be no escape from. I had the same one over and over again everyday. But with each passing night, the trees grew a little taller and the world was darker. My eyelids slowly lifted and for the thousandth time, I was forced back into my nightmare of a reality. I didn't know that I was crying until I felt the carpet grow moist. I wiped away my tears and got up.
Dressed in fresh clothes, I went downstairs to the garage and where Jasper, Emmet and Rosalie were waiting for me. I faked a smile as I met their gaze. I faked happiness everyday now and no one but Jasper knew what I really felt. I guess I was a good liar. We all got into the jeep with Emmet at the wheel as we sped down the road. I was not yet ready to face another day of pointless school. I'm never ready.
Authors note:
Hey thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. I know it seems a little dark but hey, it is a story about vampires. But it does get happier. Also, some constructive criticism and reviews/comments would be great!