It hurt to know I was the cause of so many deaths, the deaths of my family and my friends. I could have saved them. When he pointed his wand at my parents, I wanted to beg him to let them live. I wanted to give my life for theirs. But I didn't. When he pointed his wand to Ginny, Ron, and Neville, I wanted to jump in the way to fight back. The way a true and real friend would have. But I didn't.
I didn't do anything. I would look into his eyes moments before he killed them, and I wouldn't be able to look away. His eyes, full of hatred and power, were so mesmerizing. I was in complete awe of him. He didn't doubt himself. He knew what he wanted. He did what it took to get what he wanted.
Although I knew then that he would never really see me, that I would always be covered with a filth that only he and other purebloods could see, I still did nothing to stop him.
And now, as he points his wand at me and looks at me with those same eyes full of hatred and power, I still can do nothing. I can't do anything because for some insanely stupid reason I love him. I love him so much that even though he only looks me in the eye to take away what is left of my life, I feel glorious.
I can tell he's going to say those two words any second now. I can see it in his eyes. I don't have much time now. I have to tell him….
"Avada Kedavra!!!"
I thought I would die instantly the moment that brilliantly green light hit me. But I'm not dead. Not just yet. It seems as though I am meant to say it. I can feel the life fading from me ever so fast…. I have to tell him.
"I love you Lucius."
His eyes, those wonderful eyes of his, are filled with shock. And almost immediately after, filled with regret. If it were regret from killing me or from something else I don't know.
I'll never get the chance to know.
For my time is up.