After Carol kicked him out, Phil was sure it was his fault. Phil was sure the entire mess was his fault. Except that it wasn't.
Carol had kicked him out of his house. His house, when he hadn't even invited her to live there in the first place. But of course, everyone had agreed that she had to live with him, once the cow found its way into her bedroom. Which was also blamed on Phil, because whose job was it to fix the door in the first place? Phil's.
Carol had suckered him into a marriage he never wanted; of course he was going to agree to marry her, she could have asked him anything and he would've agreed for sex. It had been two years; any man would've done the same, anything for sex. And the divorce, that was his fault too. Because being attached to a woman you didn't have feelings for was completely acceptable. As long as his wife was happy, his happiness didn't matter. But he had betrayed her happiness. So he deserved this. He deserved his punishment.
Phil had decided to go on a road trip the day after the divorce papers were finalized (which ironically was the same night he signed them, Carol worked fast). The only thing he came to the cul-de-sac for was his car. And maybe to say goodbye to Carol. And Todd.
"So where are you headed?" Todd asked him as he loaded the limo with his friends. He wasn't going on this trip alone. "Don't know, don't care," Phil replied, pretending not to notice as Carol came out, holding a tray of raisin balls.
Todd sensed the tension, and patting him on the shoulder once, began his way down the driveway. "Well, it won't be the same without you."
"Thanks bud. Try not to miss me too much."
"When are you coming back?"
The question made Phil pause, and both Carol and Todd looked at him with concern. "I don't know." He tried to ignore the disappointment, then determination on Carol's face, and kept his eyes locked with Todd's. "I really don't know."
Carol placed the tray right in front of him to get his attention as Todd finally left. "I know I'm the last person you probably want to see right now," she began, and Phil tensed in preparation for one of her monologues. "But I thought we could end things on a good note."
"Yeah, I know, friends. Remember, I agreed last night."
"But Phil, you're leaving. Obviously, our divorce has had a devastating effect on you. Not only have you lost your wife, but ruined your chances with all of the other women-"
"Carol. Stop!" Phil snapped, and she shut up. To Phil, a quiet Carol was the best Carol. "Our divorce, our marriage, my wife. Just stop acting like it was real! It wasn't, it never was!" Carol tried to interrupt him, but he continued "I agreed to marry you because I thought you were the last woman on Earth, but we were wrong. We were BOTH wrong. I was never in love with you. I did what was right, you wanted a wedding, and I gave you a wedding. But I, I never wanted a wedding."
He took a deep breath and continued," And then you turned everyone on me. Sure, I helped, I mean, yeah I did a lot of it myself, but you, acting like we were the perfect couple, so happy, so in love. You forgot the truth! We were never in love, and once we found out there were more people, we should have ended our marriage and let each other have a chance to be with the people we actually wanted to be with. So we both could have been happy."
"I did love you though." Carol's voice was the quietest Phil had ever heard her. "I did, and I wasn't faking anything in our relationship. Ever."
"It doesn't matter." Phil backtracked, trying to clarify before his mouth got him into trouble, again. "I mean, it's too late now. We tried, and we failed." Phil shrugged, and took the tray of raisin balls, attempting to give them back to Carol.
"Those are for you."
"But, Carol…."
"Just take them Phil. It'll make this a whole lot easier."
Phil watched Carol leave, walk back into his house, and he turned, eyeing the stupid raisin balls. Only now, they didn't seem so stupid. "I could've loved you, you know," he muttered at Carol's retreating form, only her shadow visible against the door. "If we had a real chance…"
Phil tore his head away, and was startled by Melissa leaning against his trunk. "You deserve this, you know."
"Do we have to start this right now-"
"Yes, because it's not right that you just get to run away from it all-"
"Run away? Run away from what exactly?" Phil felt himself getting upset with the blonde, as he often did, but this time he wasn't going to give in. He was tired of always letting Melissa win. "A marriage that wasn't working? Or from a neighborhood that hates me? Because let's face it, Melissa, you, Todd, Gale, Erica, and even Carol all hate me. You all hate me, and not a one of you is going to be sorry to see me go."
"Everything is my fault, isn't it? My fault Carol's always upset, my fault Carol can't stand Erica and Gale, my fault the cul-de-sac is a mess, my fault you and Todd are having problems! Yeah, I noticed, we all did! Well, I've got news for you. Did you ever stop to think it wasn't easy for me either? That maybe Carol wasn't the love of my life, and I didn't want to be attached to her for the rest of it! That, if we weren't the last people on Earth, none of us would actually associate with each other! Everybody's acting so chummy lately they seem to have forgotten that there are no other people on the planet! Well, guess what, I didn't! And maybe I want to be alone!" Phil shouted across the neighborhood, and watched Mellissa, waiting for her reaction.
"Okay Phil. I guess I'll leave you alone." Melissa turned and walked back to her house, Phil watching her the whole way.
"Good, good, just leave me alone." Phil called out as the door slammed shut. "Because that's what I wanted, yeah, that's what I wanted anyways!"
His shoulders sagged, as he leaned against the limo door, resisting the urge to slam his head into it. "No, Phil, no, that's what you wanted."
But as Phil got into the driver's seat, eyes still on the closed door, he knew it was all he was going to get.