This is my first fic ever! Flames are OK
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Inu-Yasha or other things. Oh well you know.
Somewhere in the depths of my heart is a sad song playing. It keeps me aware of a constant yearning that I can't quite dismiss. I've hid it from everyone, including myself to the point where I have fooled my mind to believe that it has never existed. This sad song is the only reminder of a passion I never let surface, a dream I never dared pursue, and a longing I only let die a slow yet constant death, to where I've come now to the point where only a mere song stirs those desires...and nothing else.
Three years I've been without him. Three long years of never seeing his face, caressing his skin, or hearing his sweet, sweet voice. Although rough and crude, his voice offered comfort. His words never vocally expressed comfort too me, and they were often as harsh as his voice itself, yet both his voice and his words allowed me to know I was safe with him. He cared; I knew he cared, although he thought he hid that fact so well. The boy was the only thing I loved. Our constant bickering only served as a terribly ineffective tool to more clearly understand each other. He told me to leave often and that I wasn't needed...but his eyes, those deep amber eyes told me differently. So I stayed from the time I was 15 until I was 18, right on the dot.
On my 18th birthday I made a mistake. The necklace he gave me was a gift his father gave his mother the day he asked her to be his mate. The silver chain lay delicately on my neck as it held an emerald jewel that dangled over my collarbone. I clutched it in my hand, staring questioningly at him. He didn't say a word but slowly brushed his lips across mine. There was no pressure applied, only a contact of lips slightly moving against each other, like a butterfly kissing the wind. In one moment the gesture was finished but the sensation on my lips stayed.
He pulled me into an embrace and his once harsh words melted away into a quiet whisper, "Stay with me." A tear fell from his eye and ran down his chin only to continue it journey down my cheek, until my own tear followed the same wet stream his first created.
'How did he know?' was all I could think to myself, "How did he find out I was leaving?' I tightened my hold on him, as if offering a silent apology.
He sighed and kissed my forehead, "I know you. You think after all these years I wouldn't know what you're thinking? You're a part of me, you're my life support. Please, don't take away my life."
My response was quick, and my mind didn't even have time to register what I was saying."I have to," I murmured, as inside my head was screaming 'NO! Don't leave him!' but my face remained stern. He pushed away from me as he studied my face. When he saw my answer was my will he bowed his head and turned his back to me.
"Inu-Yasha!" I didn't know why it hurt so much seeing him turn away, and then I realized why...her never had. Never once had he turned away from me in my time of need. "Please...don't turn away from me." I said quietly.
He turned to face me with a mix of emotions hanging in his eyes and then responded slowly and sternly, as if saying it also for himself, "I'll never turn from you Kagome...you on the other hand...you've not only turned, but you've already left me."
I stared at him, my heart breaking by his words. He was right, I was betraying him. He had given everything for me. Revenge, gave away his dream of becoming a full demon, even her... 'Oh Gods,' I thought, 'He gave up Kikyou for me.' My legs gave out beneath me and I fell to my knees. My upper body stayed straight and erect as the tears fell freely. I blinked them away only because I could not bring my hands up to wipe the cursed tears from my face. Inu-Yasha leapt forward and kissed each tear begging me to stop crying, screaming apologies, living in denial after knowing that he had caused me tears even now.
"Stupid wench," He cursed in my hair, "I only said it because I was afraid to lose you."
"Why?" I whispered, hoping it was a fear I could fix.
"Dammit Kagome, open your eyes! I love you!" He wouldn't allow me to look at him and just pushed my head deeper into his chest. I felt his body shiver from the words and I knew he was more frightened of them then I was.
I struggled to lift my head to look at him. There was no regret...only fear. I brought his face down and kissed him with more depth then the first. "Inu-Yasha, I love you, I always have loved you. You don't have to worry about that because I return your affection abundantly. I couldn't take it anymore. I knew if this conversation persisted I wouldn't be able to leave. I kissed his cheek and stood to walk away. I felt his clawed hand reach out and grab my arm, pulling me back down on my knees facing him.
"Then why are you leaving?" He spoke like a child. His eyes were brimming with tears that his pride wouldn't allow to fall.
"I want to stay. Gods only know that I want that more then anything. I can't though." I stated. My mother was ill, and my grand-father, being so elderly, would leave no one to care for Sota. That was my responsibility. I loved this place though. I loved Shippou, Miroku, and Sango. I loved the fresh air and beautiful surroundings. For some reason though, I couldn't tell him why I was leaving. Perhaps the childlike fairy tale was becoming to un-real for me. There I was, holding a hanyou, confessing our love for each other while his dog ears twitched. There was a kitsune who followed me and loved me like a child loved its mother. My two best friends were a perverted monk and a demon huntress, and I spent many a day prancing around in a time not my own hunting gruesome demons. It wasn't a life...it was more a dream. It could have been that I was searching for a way out the whole time, but didn't realize it until a reason did come.
Inu-Yasha didn't know what to do or think. He just sat there staring at me. Every once and a while he would bring a hand to touch my face proving that it was me. His Kagome...the one he gave up everything for. He couldn't imagine that I would really leave him. I hardly could believe that I was doing it myself. He leaned forward and kissed me, passionately, knowing it would be our last. He was letting me go, and for some reason it ripped me up inside. I kissed him back and we sat there for a few moments indulging ourselves in the presence of the other. Finally my emotions caught up with me and I sobbed into the kiss. Inu-Yasha broke the kiss and held me in his arms one last time. Petting my hair and soothing me, letting me know it would be O.K. He knew he couldn't come with me. That there was a reason I was ending it forever, so he didn't bother to ask. He trusted me enough to understand I did what I did as a way that would be best for both of us. I stood ready to go, knowing it would be now or never. I whispered goodbye in his ear and turned to walk away. I heard him whimper and turned back around to face him. "Inu-Yasha?" I called to him. He twitched his ear toward me but couldn't look up. "Remember how I told you I love you and I always have. I forgot to mention. I always will...No one will ever replace you." I walked away then. With tears in my eyes, grasping the necklace for dear life. Never to return.
So now I sit here...a 21 year old woman, still in love with the same man I loved when I was an 18 years old girl. It came to me a year and a half ago why I had to leave. Someone once said, "A fish may love a bird, but where would they live?" Inu-Yasha and I were to different to change slightly for the other. I could never ask him to follow me to a world where he would be un-happy. I've done my share of dating, but none could compare to my mean, cruel, selfish, yet wonderful hanyou. Sota depends on me and I on him, and the only thing I need is the memory of him. Yet he's more then a memory...
Some nights, when the stars and moon are covered by darkness and the world lay still in the wonder of itself, I awake in bed. The window will be open and the wind will scream 'I love you's' too me. My heart is beating wildly and a sensation runs through my body, and I know he had been there. I knew he had touched me and looked upon me, for upon my lips rest a tiny feeling, a feeling like a butterfly...kissing the wind.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Inu-Yasha or other things. Oh well you know.
Somewhere in the depths of my heart is a sad song playing. It keeps me aware of a constant yearning that I can't quite dismiss. I've hid it from everyone, including myself to the point where I have fooled my mind to believe that it has never existed. This sad song is the only reminder of a passion I never let surface, a dream I never dared pursue, and a longing I only let die a slow yet constant death, to where I've come now to the point where only a mere song stirs those desires...and nothing else.
Three years I've been without him. Three long years of never seeing his face, caressing his skin, or hearing his sweet, sweet voice. Although rough and crude, his voice offered comfort. His words never vocally expressed comfort too me, and they were often as harsh as his voice itself, yet both his voice and his words allowed me to know I was safe with him. He cared; I knew he cared, although he thought he hid that fact so well. The boy was the only thing I loved. Our constant bickering only served as a terribly ineffective tool to more clearly understand each other. He told me to leave often and that I wasn't needed...but his eyes, those deep amber eyes told me differently. So I stayed from the time I was 15 until I was 18, right on the dot.
On my 18th birthday I made a mistake. The necklace he gave me was a gift his father gave his mother the day he asked her to be his mate. The silver chain lay delicately on my neck as it held an emerald jewel that dangled over my collarbone. I clutched it in my hand, staring questioningly at him. He didn't say a word but slowly brushed his lips across mine. There was no pressure applied, only a contact of lips slightly moving against each other, like a butterfly kissing the wind. In one moment the gesture was finished but the sensation on my lips stayed.
He pulled me into an embrace and his once harsh words melted away into a quiet whisper, "Stay with me." A tear fell from his eye and ran down his chin only to continue it journey down my cheek, until my own tear followed the same wet stream his first created.
'How did he know?' was all I could think to myself, "How did he find out I was leaving?' I tightened my hold on him, as if offering a silent apology.
He sighed and kissed my forehead, "I know you. You think after all these years I wouldn't know what you're thinking? You're a part of me, you're my life support. Please, don't take away my life."
My response was quick, and my mind didn't even have time to register what I was saying."I have to," I murmured, as inside my head was screaming 'NO! Don't leave him!' but my face remained stern. He pushed away from me as he studied my face. When he saw my answer was my will he bowed his head and turned his back to me.
"Inu-Yasha!" I didn't know why it hurt so much seeing him turn away, and then I realized why...her never had. Never once had he turned away from me in my time of need. "Please...don't turn away from me." I said quietly.
He turned to face me with a mix of emotions hanging in his eyes and then responded slowly and sternly, as if saying it also for himself, "I'll never turn from you Kagome...you on the other hand...you've not only turned, but you've already left me."
I stared at him, my heart breaking by his words. He was right, I was betraying him. He had given everything for me. Revenge, gave away his dream of becoming a full demon, even her... 'Oh Gods,' I thought, 'He gave up Kikyou for me.' My legs gave out beneath me and I fell to my knees. My upper body stayed straight and erect as the tears fell freely. I blinked them away only because I could not bring my hands up to wipe the cursed tears from my face. Inu-Yasha leapt forward and kissed each tear begging me to stop crying, screaming apologies, living in denial after knowing that he had caused me tears even now.
"Stupid wench," He cursed in my hair, "I only said it because I was afraid to lose you."
"Why?" I whispered, hoping it was a fear I could fix.
"Dammit Kagome, open your eyes! I love you!" He wouldn't allow me to look at him and just pushed my head deeper into his chest. I felt his body shiver from the words and I knew he was more frightened of them then I was.
I struggled to lift my head to look at him. There was no regret...only fear. I brought his face down and kissed him with more depth then the first. "Inu-Yasha, I love you, I always have loved you. You don't have to worry about that because I return your affection abundantly. I couldn't take it anymore. I knew if this conversation persisted I wouldn't be able to leave. I kissed his cheek and stood to walk away. I felt his clawed hand reach out and grab my arm, pulling me back down on my knees facing him.
"Then why are you leaving?" He spoke like a child. His eyes were brimming with tears that his pride wouldn't allow to fall.
"I want to stay. Gods only know that I want that more then anything. I can't though." I stated. My mother was ill, and my grand-father, being so elderly, would leave no one to care for Sota. That was my responsibility. I loved this place though. I loved Shippou, Miroku, and Sango. I loved the fresh air and beautiful surroundings. For some reason though, I couldn't tell him why I was leaving. Perhaps the childlike fairy tale was becoming to un-real for me. There I was, holding a hanyou, confessing our love for each other while his dog ears twitched. There was a kitsune who followed me and loved me like a child loved its mother. My two best friends were a perverted monk and a demon huntress, and I spent many a day prancing around in a time not my own hunting gruesome demons. It wasn't a life...it was more a dream. It could have been that I was searching for a way out the whole time, but didn't realize it until a reason did come.
Inu-Yasha didn't know what to do or think. He just sat there staring at me. Every once and a while he would bring a hand to touch my face proving that it was me. His Kagome...the one he gave up everything for. He couldn't imagine that I would really leave him. I hardly could believe that I was doing it myself. He leaned forward and kissed me, passionately, knowing it would be our last. He was letting me go, and for some reason it ripped me up inside. I kissed him back and we sat there for a few moments indulging ourselves in the presence of the other. Finally my emotions caught up with me and I sobbed into the kiss. Inu-Yasha broke the kiss and held me in his arms one last time. Petting my hair and soothing me, letting me know it would be O.K. He knew he couldn't come with me. That there was a reason I was ending it forever, so he didn't bother to ask. He trusted me enough to understand I did what I did as a way that would be best for both of us. I stood ready to go, knowing it would be now or never. I whispered goodbye in his ear and turned to walk away. I heard him whimper and turned back around to face him. "Inu-Yasha?" I called to him. He twitched his ear toward me but couldn't look up. "Remember how I told you I love you and I always have. I forgot to mention. I always will...No one will ever replace you." I walked away then. With tears in my eyes, grasping the necklace for dear life. Never to return.
So now I sit here...a 21 year old woman, still in love with the same man I loved when I was an 18 years old girl. It came to me a year and a half ago why I had to leave. Someone once said, "A fish may love a bird, but where would they live?" Inu-Yasha and I were to different to change slightly for the other. I could never ask him to follow me to a world where he would be un-happy. I've done my share of dating, but none could compare to my mean, cruel, selfish, yet wonderful hanyou. Sota depends on me and I on him, and the only thing I need is the memory of him. Yet he's more then a memory...
Some nights, when the stars and moon are covered by darkness and the world lay still in the wonder of itself, I awake in bed. The window will be open and the wind will scream 'I love you's' too me. My heart is beating wildly and a sensation runs through my body, and I know he had been there. I knew he had touched me and looked upon me, for upon my lips rest a tiny feeling, a feeling like a butterfly...kissing the wind.