When Momma Odie Goes to Court
By March Hare
In a trial, the prosecuting attorney (Dr. Facilier) called upon his first witness, Momma Odie, to the stand. Dr. Facilier suavely approached her and asked "Ms. Odie, do you know me?"
She laughed and responded "Why, yes, I do know you, Dr. Facilier. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me." She shook her head to emphasize her point. "You lie, you cheat on your own wife, and you manipulate folks and talk bad about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't got the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher." She smiled and finished "Yes, I know you."
Dr. Facilier was knocked senseless. Eyes wide, mouth agape, and not knowing what else to do (Seriously, what do you do?), he pointed across the room and hesitantly asked "Momma Odie, do you know the defense attorney?"
Honest John, the defense attorney, looked ready to drop everything and run.
Momma Odie smile again and replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. John since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, a big, fat bigot, and he's got a drinking problem. He can't say a nice thing about anyone (unless he's lying) and his law practice is one of the worse in the entire Disney Kingdom. Not to mention he's slept with three different women." A sly grin graced her weathered face. "One of them happens to be your wife. So, yes, I know him too."
Honest John nearly died.
In his defense, though, Dr. Facilier's wife was smoking hot!
The judge (Claude Frollo) asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very stern, very quiet voice said,
"If either one of you fools asks her if she knows of me, I will send you both to be burned at the stake!"
Disclaimer: I own nothing.