Author's Note: This JH is a (completely unnecessary) companion piece to the Donna/Eric story Disjointed. In chapter four, Hyde makes the first move in his and Donna's deal (saying that she will talk to Eric if he talks to Jackie), telling Jackie all those things he never told her. No need to read Disjointed, but if you want, I won't stop you...
She had to come in, didn't she? Hyde cracks his knuckles and stared down at the counter. Why now? Why, when he just convinced himself not to talk to her?
She's looking more beautiful than ever today. (Is that just because you can't have her anymore?) Her hair frames her in soft waves, skimming the edge of her top. She's holding Fez's hand, laughing and chewing on bubblegum.
He shouldn't do this. Talking to her isn't going to be fun. She's going to yell at him. (Rightly so.) She's going to be upset and maybe cry, and he just can't deal with that. He moves his head down when she glances up at him, staring at the keys of the cash register. For the fifth time that hour, he counts the money there, well aware nothing has changed.
That's it then. He's not going to do it. He can't. He can't tell her anything—she won't appreciate it. He can't tell her everything she once wanted to hear. It's too disturbing. Too scary. It makes him too whipped. He's not even hers anymore to be whipped by her.
"Hey, Steven."
(Ignore her, ignore her, ignore her...)
"Jackie."
Close enough. Keep your voice emotionless. Don't let her hear your thoughts.
He almost laughs. What was he worried about? If she knew how to read his thoughts, they wouldn't be here right now.
Fez launches into some story, moving to the side to let a customer comes up. When the customer leaves, Hyde still doesn't pay attention. Unbidden, he remembers his deal with Donna barely two days ago.
It's perfect.
(It's an excuse. It's an excuse to do what you want. Why do you need an excuse to do what you want?)
It's not an excuse, he argues with himself. It's... Well, Forman and Donna need to talk. They need to make up. Hyde's sick of watching Eric mope around the house, wondering why he let her go. They need a little push. It's for his friends.
(Liar. You've wanted this for months.)
Well, maybe, but he wasn't planning on doing it... Not until Donna suggested it...
(Fine. Lie to yourself. Just don't lie to her.)
Crap, he doesn't even have any peace inside his own head. But the voice is right—there's no reason to lie to Jackie. It was never his intent to lie to her.
"Jackie, can I talk to you for a moment?"
She glances at Fez, confused, painted pink lips turning down in a thoughtful frown. "Um, okay...?"
"Fez, can you watch the register?"
Without waiting for a response, he takes Jackie's arm and walks her to his office, sitting her down on his chair. He paces around the small office, avoiding the desk and the precariously stacked boxes of papers that needed sorting. Nervously, he straightens some of the paper that are peeking out through the boxes in an attempt to stay cool.
"Hyde, I don't have all day."
Hyde. How could the name he prefers sound so sickening on her lips?
He pulls off his sunglasses and leans against the desk, rubbing his eyes. This is a mistake, he thinks. It has to be. There's no way this will end well. He shouldn't do this. He should say something nasty, make her storm out, make her never want to be alone with him again.
He catches sight of red hair in the picture on his desk.
Right. He's not doing this for Jackie. He's not trying to make her feel better about them. He's not doing this to help him sleep at night, because he has no problems sleeping.
(Right, which is why you need a joint and a pack of beers to put you down.)
"I, um, wanted to, um, talk to you. About us."
She sighs. "There is no us, Steven. There's nothing to say." She moves to get up, and he grabs her arm.
"I have something to say." He swallows thickly. "Please."
Her glare is suspicious but she lowers herself back down.
"I..." (Just spit it out.) "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. For everything. I... I did love you, Jackie. I did want to marry you. But..." He rests his shaking hands the edge of his desk, gripping it tightly. "I'm sorry that I couldn't give you what you wanted. I'm not that guy, and... I wished I could be. But I can't be." He takes a deep breath, purposefully avoiding looking at her awed face. "Sam had nothing on you. And I wish I could take that back. But I know... I can't. And I... I just... don't want you to hate me." (I want you to love me.) "And... I wish you the best with Fez." His voice is broken and he clears and continues, trying to sound more like himself. "If you ever need someone to beat him up, you know where to find me." He tries to smirk. It comes out as a grimace. He waits for her reaction. She's still staring at him.
Then slowly, she rises and kisses his cheek. "Thank you, Steven." She walks out his office door.
(See, that wasn't so hard, was it?)
He's confused but he just puts his sunglasses back on and takes a deep breath. Donna's outside, and he gives her a look, silently telling her it's her turn. He hopes she understands. He reclaims his place behind the register and berates himself. Fez and Jackie are right in his line of sight, cuddling on the couch and giggling.
He's pretty sure what was left of his heart just broke.
Author's Note: Although I do love Jackie and Hyde, I love Eric and Donna just a little bit more. But I felt compelled to write this story, seeing as I haven't done a Jackie/Hyde in quite a while. Hope you enjoyed. And please feel free to read Disjointed if you haven't already clicked the link. :D