"You love this town
Even if that doesn't ring true
You've been all over
And it's been all over you"
-U2
Craig Tucker hit the wall again with a large thump. He had stopped trying to fight a long time ago, and Ruby had stopped crying about it like she used to. They both were faced with the fact that no one was going to help them. Ever. Their mother never came home, and Craig had a feeling it was not just work keeping her away. It was as if she was deliberately taking the hardest jobs just so she could stay out of town and escape them. Craig could not bear to hate her however because if he had the chance he would do it too. Anything to get out of this fucking house.
Craig's entire body was tinged in pain when the man who towered above him finished. He was kicked a final time and he thought he might have saw a speck of red on his hand when he coughed. Then again he could have been mistaken. He did not bother to crawl up from his place on the hallway floor. Instead he just rested there, head against the cold hardwood until he heard a door close and the angry cursing disappearing off into the distance. Dammit why was he such a fuckup?
He swallowed and drowned the urge to cry or scream because neithre of them ever did anything. He had been up, down, through, and around this road for at least five years and after a while you just get the hell use to it. The sad honest thing is everyone could get used to something no matter how bad it is. You can get used to pretending the tears running down your face in the shower is just water from the shower head. You can get used to a mother who rarely comes home, even if it is just to check on you. You can even get used to the fact she does not even bother to send her letters anymore even if you keep all of them locked in a box safe under your bed. You can get used to the father who kicks you around and beats the shit out of you whenever he is off work, on holiday, or maybe he just wanted to see how you were doing. Maybe you finally have met his expectations of a Real Son and not just Another Daughter.
Craig could hear a door creak open down the hall, and he closed his eyes prepared for another kick in the gut or face. Instead he heard someone kneel beside him and hands underneath his arms as he was hoisted up and dragged to the bathroom. He saw a glimpse of her orange hair as she disappeared for her cell phone. She locked the door and called Clyde or maybe it was Tweek this time. She dialed the number quickly and Craig knew by the numerous shrieks and yelps and whatever random noises over the sobs on the phone it was the blond of the two.
Craig glared at her because she knew full well he did not want anyone to know. She flipped him off before handing him an icepack she had gotten at some point in time. Perhaps she had grabbed it when running out for the phone. "You have to tell someone Craig," she said in monotone. Craig knew deep down she was right, but he really did not want to. They were both fucked up now and had no idea how to deal with the emotions they kept bottled up within their hearts.
Clyde was over first. His arm was around a shaking Tweek who for once was deathly quiet as to not alert anyone they were there. Ruby had given Craig her makeup to cover up the bruises and black eyes. Craig was dressed in his Red Racer pyjamas and a hoodie covering up the bandages used for his cuts. She quietly tugged him out the door and they both climbed into the car.
Clyde was cursing under his breath, and Tweek was so frighteningly quiet and shaking so ferociously Craig really wanted to cry right then. He hated to see his friends distressed in any way or fashion, and this time they were upset over him. Not because of him but over him. He never thought anyone besides Ruby cared.
Ruby was already asleep on his arm and for the first time he could see the duffel bag laying across her lap. It was filled to the point of bursting and instantly Craig knew they were never coming back. He fell asleep to this thought as they drove on, and Craig swore he could hear someone crying. He never even realised it was himself.
The next morning they walked out the door of Tweek's house in silence. Craig had been surprised when neithre parents seemed to mind him staying over. It was hard to go from a hating family to an overly loving one the next. It was easier to deal with something if you did not know what you were missing.
Ruby was smoking again. She had gone from a pack to a two pack a day habit as time had worn on. Craig had been stupid enough to ask her why once. The look in her eyes when she said "I rather die this way than another" had haunted his memory, and he never dared to ask again.
"I hate him. Craig I fuckin' hate him," he heard her suddenly whisper. Ruby threw her cigarette on the ground snuffing it out with the toe of her boot. Her voice was in that same dry monotone they both had been cursed with. They were both apathetic fuckups, and neithre of them knew how to fix it.
Craig did not say a word. He was wrapped in a hoodie that never seemed to warm him despite the fact it was not even that cold today. His shoes kicked at the snow absentmindedly. He fingered an unlit cigarette that was in his hand. His eyes were anywhere but hers. He did not like it when she got like this.
"I'll kill him if he hurts you again." Craig looked up this time. Her eyes were cold, and it was frightening how much honesty she put behind her words and clenched fists. She was shaking as she pulled out another cigarette, but she could not light it. Craig used all his strength to reach over and wrap an arm around her. She just snuggled into him. Both of them pretended they were just really cold, and that this was not for comfort. "It'll be okay now," she said as Craig lit her cigarette for her. For a second Craig almost believed it.
They parted when they reached the school doors. Ruby chose to go in and Craig chose not to. He walked over to the park no one went to because it was old and bad and forgotten. The majority of people who came around anymore were junkies and couples who wanted a real classy place to snog. It was an escape route. It was a place where he did not have to think of anything but snow and creaky swingsets.
He was swinging in one now, listening to the slow rattle of the bolts and nails and chains. He kept counting the amount of swings he could get out of it before the entire thing collapsed on top of him. One, two, three, four, five, six...
"Have a light?" Craig did not bother to look up to see who it was. Instead, he held up the lighter. "And a cig too?" Craig thought that was funny, but he did not say so. He also had this weird problem with laughing; he could not do it. He handed whoever was talking to him a cigarette from his already decreasing pack. This time he looked up and took in the orange parka and blond hair framing strangely pale blue eyes. Craig could take in all of his facial features because for once the other teen did not hide his face behind his hood.
"Thanks" was all Kenny said as he took this as an opportunity to sit in the swing next to Craig. Craig noticed Kenny's right eye was swollen shut and blackened. His stomach clenched recognising that only a fist could do that kind of damage. He wanted to ask if he was going through the same thing as him, and how he handled it. He wanted him to teach him how to smile and be happy even if he was not happy at all. He did say any of things. Instead he lit his own cigarette and watched the smoke rise up and disappear like the words that use to rest on his tongue.
Craig looked up and instantly regretted it because he almost choked as he sucked in way too much of the smoke of his cigarette. The sun shone on Kenny's face and all Craig could think about was that he was just so fucking beautiful. He forgot he was not supposed to be feeling like that to a boy, moreover Kenny McCormick. He wanted to run away from this so obvious problem, but he could not seem to get his body to listen to his mind.
He vaguely remembered liking the other boy a lot when he was in the seventh grade. He thought the feelings had died along with the rest of his emotions. It was obvious it had not because his heart was pounding in his chest and it was getting hard to think. He wanted to swallow back unwanted memories that were rising up when he first discovered this, and he so desperately wanted to get out of the situation he was in right now.
He wanted to scream that this was all so wrong. He wanted to cry. He wanted to hit something, break something, or do something as equally damaging. He wanted to save his sister before she did something crazy and stupid and homicidal. He wanted so desperately to just be different so none of this would have ever happened.
Instead, he took a long drag from his cigarette and then snuffed it on the ground like Ruby had done. He watched the embers die out. His eyes were trained on it and refused to look up at what he wanted to look at. He refused to acknowledge the feelings. He tried so hard, and then suddenly he realised to his horror he had started crying. One tear slid down his face and then another. Then he could no longer see because everything was blurry and he could not say anything to defend himself because the sobs in his throat would not let him. He was choking on his heart that wanted to be released from its prison he had built it in.
He felt arms around his waist as he was dragged into an embrace. He tried to fight, but he was so tired of running away from everyone and everything. He was tired of isolating himself and being alone just because he was terrified of what would happen to others if they came into contact with him. He could hear the other whispering a song in his ear to comfort him like a lullaby as he slowly fell asleep. Whether it was from emotional or physical exhaustion he did not know.