Level of Comfort
(Addition to Episode 5, Season 1)
Summary: Janeway and Chokatay began as adversaries, somewhere along the way they became friends which led to something more. (At least in my heart and imagination ) I hope you enjoy this first taste of their budding friendship.
The walk back to quarters from Sandrine's was too short. Chakotay found he enjoyed this side of his captain. It was why when she had said good evening and left the holodeck version of the French bar Tom Paris had recreated in an attempt to find some diversion on this godforsaken trek; he'd accompanied her.
Surprisingly, he wished the walk wasn't coming to an end so soon. As the turbo lift doors closed behind them, Chakotay searched for a way to continue their easy banter of the night. "So, Captain, have you always been a pool shark?"
Her throaty laugh poured over him like honey. Yes, this relaxed version of the captain pulled at Chakotay. The first glimpse the captain had shown that morning of her playfully intense spirit while they discussed animal guides and she'd declared him to be like a bear drew him in for a closer inspection.
Captain Kathryn Janeway would be a hard woman to resist.
Maybe if situations had been different and the captain hadn't been sent to capture him and his crew in the Badlands. Or if they had met under different, better circumstances. Possibly, if he had met the woman instead of the Starfleet Captain.
Who knew what could have happened. All Chakotay knew now was that he craved the smile that she had worn since entering the holodeck. Desired her laughter.
Gods, what would she sound like with him buried deep inside her?
The captain gifted another smile and said, "the look on Lt. Paris' face was priceless, wasn't it?"
Unable to resist, Chakotay chuckled, "you certainly showed him a thing or two. You even had me fooled when you asked to borrow my 'stick.' Wherever did a Starfleet Captain learn to hustle pool?"
He'd stop middeck waiting for her to answer to extend their time in this happy bubble where people weren't trying to kill them or the crew wasn't being confronted by strange anomalies that turned out to be living organisms.
The captain paused with him as a momentary visage of sadness clouded her expression and threated their light-hearted repartee.
"A friend. An old friend taught me the game," she huskily replied.
This wasn't how he had planned for this conversation to go. The last few weeks in the Delta quadrant had been fraught with danger and craziness. This was the first time he's seen his captain with her shields down; he wanted to see her as happy as she'd been moments ago before memories dragged her down.
Yet, Chakotay couldn't help but wonder who was this friend. A past lover? Her fiancé? He searched his mind for the man's name. Mark. The name finally came to him. With such close quarters, scuttlebutt had circulated as former Maquis learned more about their new captain.
Even after being her First Officer for more than six weeks, he hadn't learned much personal information about his captain that hadn't been shared from the Starfleet crew rather from the woman herself. It was as if she always on high alert, shields raised. Keeping a certain distance away from her crew. From him.
Today, he'd made some headway in uncovering Kathryn Janeway was when she wasn't being captain. Impulse caused him to share his medicine bundle with her in her ready room. Kneeling down on the floor with her as he'd instructed her on the ancient chant felt right in so many ways. Sharing a small piece of himself in hopes that the sentiment would be returned.
If he was honest with himself the mystery of what made this woman tick was becoming something of an obsession. He was greedy for any information of the woman who stood before him.
B'elanna and Seska nicknamed the Captain "Ice Queen." Claiming Kathryn Janeway was too rigid and unfeeling to ever let her hair down to have fun. However, when she had strolled into the holodeck program behind Ensign Kim tonight, that had dispelled those ideas. Then she beat Paris at his own table while the crew members present cheered her on.
That version of their captain would be making the rounds with the crew. She had won over a few more people to her side with that relaxed display. He hoped she knew stranded out here in the Delta Quadrant this crew needed more than the typical Starfleet captain she'd been taught to be.
From first-hand knowledge, he learned his captain was far from uncaring. Janeway cared deeply about her crew, even the Marquis she had grafted into her fold. Many of their briefings, much like this morning, were her asking about how the crew was adjusting to their plight. Which reminded him of something that had needled at him all day.
"May I ask you something, Captain?" he broached pulling her from her own reverie.
Nodding, she smiled up at him. It always struck him just how short she was compared to him. Her persona seemed larger than life and it made him forget how delicate she was.
"Why were you looking for a spirit guide?
She resumed her trek toward their cabins. For a moment he thought she would pull the 'captain's prerogative' card again like she had weeks ago when he'd asked her a personal question. Taking a deep breath, she answered, "I don't have anyone to talk to out here really. I thought finding a spirit guide, I don't know, might help."
That answer threw him enough that his first thought slipped out. "What about Tuvok? I had assumed you were close. That you confided in him."
She sure wasn't coming to her First Officer.
It had shocked Chakotay when she had offered him the position of First Officer instead of the Vulcan. Seska had rationalized it as a ploy to win compliance of the Marquis crew members. Maybe that hadn't been the captain's reason after all.
"Yes, of course, Tuvok and I are close." She gave a wry smile. "As close as anyone could be to a Vulcan. He's an old and trusted friend. It's just he's, um…"
"Vulcan," Chakotay supplied. They shared a chuckle.
"Exactly." Her half sigh, half laugh brightened her face once more. "Very logical in all our discussions. I count on his tactical advice, but sometimes… Sadly, that's the price one pays for sitting in the big chair: keeping a certain distance between oneself and the crew. But without a counselor on board…"
The sentence hung in the air. Thoughts swirled in Chakotay's head. The captain resumed their walk.
"It's very clear how a captain is supposed to behave in the Alpha Quadrant. But out here, I'm not always sure of my footing. I thought an animal guide might help bring me some sense of what I need to be for the crew."
It unsettled Chakotay to realize the captain might be lonely. Their every discussion focused on the crew's adjustment. Their feelings. How they were coping. Never once about her. Nothing personal.
Anger, directed at himself, clawed up his back for not once considering how the captain was adjusting in the Delta Quadrant. While she was busy looking out for all of them, who was looking out for her?
"What about you, Commander?" The personal question snapped him back from his reverie.
"Me?" There she went deflecting the conversation away from her and onto someone else.
"Yes, the way you championed B'elanna Tores for Chief Engineer, are the two of you close? Or Seska?"
Seska. For a moment, he wondered if the captain had heard any scuttlebutt, but no they had been as discrete as one could be on a small ship like Voyager. Yes, that was a can of worms he'd rather not get into tonight. Not when he and the captain had been having such a relaxed conversation for the first time in weeks. So he chose the safer of the two women. "B'elanna is a good friend."
The captain raised an eyebrow.
"A little sister of sorts," he quickly added before speculation could get the best of the captain's imagination. "When we first met in the Marquis, she, well she reminded me of myself at her age: angry, passionate, always looking for a fight."
A smile danced on her lips. "Now that is an apt description of Ms. Tores. I can clearly picture her that way, but you? I have a hard time imagining you as an angry young man. You seem to wear tranquility like a second skin."
"A bear skin?" Joking of her guess at his spirit animal.
She threw back her head and gave a hearty chuckle.
Desire flashed inside of him at the throaty noise, surprising him.
Focus, man, focus.
He guessed despite the craziness of being stuck in the Delta quadrant, he was more centered and at peace. Yes, peaceful was something he would not have thought he would have been without his ship, lost in a different part of space, yet he'd been more adrift captaining his renegaded then serving at this woman's side.
Is it possible, the peace that had always alluded him had found him at last while he was the most lost he'd ever been? Stealing a peak at the captain.
She was the reason. Calmed him. Centered him. Soothed him. Gave him a true purpose that didn't require him fighting for every breath.
"Are you with me, Commander?" Her faced turned up toward his. That distracting smile spread across her face at probably thinking she'd caught him daydreaming. The frivolity of the evening had worn away, if only temporarily, the tension from her features.
Captain Kathryn Janeway was lovely.
"Always." The reply slipped out before he had chance to censor it. Yet the truth of the answer hit him hard.
She hitched her chin notch and turned her head as if trying to examine him. A beat passed. A slight flush colored her cheeks. "Well—"
"Captain, may I give you something?"
The weary look in her eyes almost made him second guess himself.
She gave a hesitant nod. Quickly, he jogged the few feet to his cabin door, entered his room and retrieved his bundle."
"Here." Chakotay refused to think too hard on either decision her had come to this evening.
The captain accepted his medicine bundle with a smile and a confused shake of her head.
"You can use this to find your guide."
She seemed to understand what this gesture meant and accepted it with the honor he had intended. "Thank you, Commander. And Good night."
"Good night, Captain." He waited for the doors of her cabin to close before he found his own again.
Yes, allowing the captain to use his medicine bundle wasn't as hard of a decision as it should have been. Neither was his decision that from this day forward, Chakotay would do everything in his power to lighten her load.
The End