I don't own Teen Titans.
This sequel is dedicated to RipBlade because he inspired me to write this. Thank you!
Starfire looked into the mirror and looked at herself. She couldn't see the life she had once held in her emerald eyes. She touched her reflection in the mirror. It felt…cold, like Beast Boy did when he had died in her arms about two weeks ago. She took her hand away from the mirror and put it back down at her side. She took her right hand and felt her left arm. It was cold. Just like Beast Boy was.
Starfire began to drink the water that she had brought up from the kitchen about ten minutes ago. It was liquid, just like Beast Boy's blood was as it dripped through her hands. She put the cold glass with the cool liquid down. She shuttered a bit. Everything was reminding her of that horrible day.
On that horrible day, Beast Boy was being made fun of by the other Titans as usual except Starfire. Raven, Robin, and Cyborg had always made fun of Beast Boy whether they poked fun at his height, his skin, and just almost everything about him. Starfire hated thinking about it because maybe if she said something…maybe if she had stood up for him every time those three had to make a comment about Beast Boy he might still be alive.
Starfire stared at herself in the mirror yet again. She had been doing that a lot lately. She didn't really know why, though. Maybe it was the fact that she had nothing better to do than stare at herself. Maybe it was because Beast Boy was gone and the tower was quiet.
She reached out and touched her reflection again. She took her hand away quickly this time. Why did the mirror have to be so cold? Starfire noticed she had dark bags under her eyes. It looked as if she hadn't slept properly for days. Funny, she couldn't remember if she slept the night before or not.
She was sometimes afraid to go to sleep at night. She was afraid she'd dream about her holding him in her arms. She never had a nightmare about this though. She never even dreamed about it.
Starfire noticed her feet were hurting from standing. She looked at the clock and saw it was one in the morning. Had she really been standing in front of the mirror for six hours? She let a hoarse chuckle escape from her lips. Time was a funny thing. Starfire decided it was time for her to go to bed. Everyone else had to have been asleep by now. Except Cyborg. He would charge himself in Beast Boy's room every night. She remembered that Robin had instructed her to clean up that room. However, she couldn't bring herself to it and she broke up with him that day and literally screamed at him for being so insensitive about this whole ordeal. She recalled that Cyborg was the one who calmed her down and told her Robin coped differently than the rest of them. She was still mad, though. The room never got clean. There was still a brown spot staining the rug from Beast Boy.
Starfire knew sleep wouldn't come easily so she thought more about Cyborg just because he had popped into her mind. She pulled her pink blanket over her and put her head on the pillow. A few weeks ago, her head would have been hanging off of the bottom of the bed and her feet would be on her pillow. She couldn't do that anymore because her head hurt sometimes. It was usually because she didn't eat dinner anymore.
She cleared her thoughts and focused on Cyborg. Since Beast Boy's death, he hadn't tried to defeat Beast Boy's high score on that Mega Monkey game, or whatever it was called. He never played video games anymore. He stopped caring for the T-Car, something he truly had enjoyed before the tragedy. He would usually sulk in Beast Boy's room. He kind of scared Starfire now to say the least. At first, he dealt with his death pretty well. But after a week, he became withdrawn and would 'talk' to Beast Boy. She always heard him in Beast Boy's room apologizing to Beast Boy. But he never acted as if he was dead. This scared her because he didn't realize that he was dead. Starfire turned over onto her side and she saw a picture of her and Robin.
Robin. He was acting a bit differently, but he was not scaring her like Cyborg. In fact, he would get Starfire to eat her breakfast and lunch. He was successful, but not with dinner. She never ate it. She always would eat dinner with Beast Boy in front of the television watching his cartoons. She still hated Robin for being the cause of this whole mess but he wasn't the only one to blame. Raven and Cyborg were too but she herself was to blame. Starfire realized that even though Robin felt extremely guilty, he was the only stable one in the tower. She remembered asking him how he was coping so well and he told her that he had already been through something similar to this. He was referring to the incident with his parents. Well, she didn't know if Raven was stable.
Raven hadn't spoken two words to anyone since that day. She was constantly in her room and she never came out. Starfire wondered if she ever ate.
She sighed and got up. Sleep was not coming tonight, no matter how hard she tried. She had to admit, she slept sometimes during the day but it was only when Robin rubbed her back on the living room couch. She hated that she was depending on someone who caused her best friend's death. She hoped Beast Boy didn't mind.
Anyway, Starfire got up and proceeded to go to the living room just because… She didn't have a real reason, she just wanted to walk. Her feet still ached but she decided to ignore that fact. She could hear her footsteps as she walked. Left. Right. Left. Right. She heard her stomach make a noise because she hadn't eaten since noon. Maybe she should eat something? Nah, she didn't feel like putting anything together. She would just wait until seven in the morning.
When Starfire got to her destination, she realized that the kitchen light was on. If this was three weeks earlier, she would have assumed it was Cyborg but it wasn't him. It was Raven. And she had a knife in her hand and she was putting it to her wrist. To Starfire's own surprise, she didn't gasp or announce her presence as she approached the girl in the blue cloak. Starfire merely caught Raven's wrist in her hand and said, "Stop." Her own voice sounded weird to her, almost foreign. She hadn't spoken in a very long time.
"Why not? I killed him." Raven said with a monotonous voice.
"It was not just you." Starfire said. "Now, stop being foolish and put the knife down." Raven did what Starfire said. She didn't know why Raven listened to her. It was quite odd, actually. But when Starfire replayed her voice in her mind it sounded dry and maybe a bit harsh too. Starfire didn't really care though. Actually, she had stopped caring about anything really. Well, she did care about Raven right now. The thought of losing another friend scared her a bit but she didn't show it.
"Starfire, what happened to you?" Raven asked. Starfire looked down at the shorter girl and noticed her hand was still holding her wrist. She let Raven's wrist free and put her arm back at her side. Raven went to touch Starfire's usually warm cheek. "You're cold." She drew back quickly. "Maybe some hot chocolate will warm you up." Starfire found herself sitting at the counter waiting for hot chocolate. Wasn't Raven the one who needed help? Apparently not. Starfire was beginning to think Raven tricked her. She probably read her thoughts or something and beat her down here to talk to her. What an odd approach. When the silence became uncomfortable, Raven was the one to pick up the conversation. "So, I spoke to Cyborg the other day…"
"Since when do you speak? You never come out of your room." Starfire said. Her voice did sound a bit foreign to her again. Funny how she could frighten herself.
"I do come out, Starfire. You're always in your room when I do. You never come to dinner or movie nights anymore. You're practically gone from three in the afternoon after you get up from your nap on the couch." Raven stated.
"How come I do not notice you?"
"You haven't noticed a lot in a while." Raven said and placed the hot chocolate in front of Starfire. Starfire touched the mug with her index finger. She just poked it a bit to see if it was too hot. And of course it was, so she opted to drink it in a few minutes.
"I guess I have not been noticing things." She admitted. She knew she was a bit out of it, but not that out of it. She had been passing Raven in the halls every day and she hadn't noticed her. She closed her eyes and tried to think about the last couple of weeks. She couldn't really picture anything. It was all fuzzy to her.
"You're so tired, Starfire. You really need to get some rest."
"I cannot."
"Listen, you have to accept Beast Boy's dead okay? I have accepted it, Robin has, and even Cyborg." Raven slammed her hands on the counter for extra emphasis.
"But Cyborg never leaves Beast Boy's sleeping chambers."
"He only stayed there the first night…" Raven trailed. Starfire tilted her head slightly to the right. She did that when she was confused. Surely Cyborg never left Beast Boy's room for she had seen him in there today, right? "Sure, he goes in there for about two minutes and leaves the room… Starfire, are you sure you're alright?"
"I…Are you speaking the truth?" Had the past two weeks been a lie to Starfire? Did it really happen the way Raven said it was? She knew the girl would never trick her like this. She was the one who always cleared up Cyborg and Beast Boy's jokes. Especially Beast Boy. Starfire couldn't drink the hot chocolate. She was too confused.
"I am." Raven said simply as she walked over to the other side of the counter and pulled Starfire into a hug in which she hadn't turned back. Starfire had to be right about this, though. The three did still feel guilty. They should because they killed Beast Boy. Starfire knew she didn't kill him but she still felt responsible for not doing anything. She stood up abruptly and broke the hug.
"If you are over the death of friend Beast Boy, then why were you going to cut yourself!" Starfire demanded and her eyes began to glow. Well, she knew that hadn't happened in a long time. She noticed Raven there standing calmly.
"It was the only way to get you to notice me, Star." Raven tried to explain to her. "I wasn't really going to do it. Look, I know you care a lot about your friends and you would have noticed this. I don't know why, but for some reason I knew you would and I knew you come down here every night. I had to talk to you."
"How could you be over his death so quickly?" Starfire asked. The glow faded and she stepped a bit closer to Raven. "It has only been two weeks." Starfire saw her give her a strange and worried look. Starfire knew she still had that blank look on her face but on the inside she was confused as Raven pulled her into another hug.
"The three of us are completely over his death." She whispered into Starfire's ear. She felt tears hit her shoulder. This was weird. Raven never cried. "We're over it because it's been two years since Beast Boy died." Starfire stepped away from Raven. This couldn't be right. Just two weeks ago she held the dying boy in her arms.
"This cannot be right…" Starfire shook her head and closed her eyes. "This is not right…it cannot be."
"Last year you thought it was only a week ago. Do you remember?" Raven asked. Starfire didn't remember. She couldn't even if the world was ending right before her. All of a sudden, Starfire remembered her talk with Raven a year ago. It was similar to this conversation. Tears fell down Starfire's eyes and she kept chanting I live a lie. Raven went down to her level and hugged her. It was strange how memories decided to come flooding back. Raven was telling the truth. She nodded her head and told Raven that she remembered. It was weird how she had forgotten that it had been only two weeks. "I think you should go to bed." Raven said and led her up to her room. She tucked Starfire in her bed as if she was a child and kissed her forehead. She turned out the light and the room became dark.
Starfire stood up in the dark and began to stare at herself in the mirror again. And yet again, she began to touch the mirror. And it felt cold. Again. She pulled away from the mirror and felt that her skin was cold, yet again. She began to wonder if she was crazy or insane. She wondered if she needed help. She looked away from the mirror and broke her trance. She looked at her spotless dresser and then decided to go for a walk again. She saw it was four in the morning. It was pointless to go back to sleep now. She remembered Raven said Cyborg wasn't in the room but she knew someone was in there. Her memory was poor, she had found out, but she decided that this memory was right because she knew someone was in there whether it was Cyborg or not.
Starfire walked, yet again, down the hall but this time she took a right into Beast Boy's old room. She felt the door and it was cold. It was metal, it was supposed to be cold. She punched in the code to his room. It opened and she walked in. It wasn't too dark. There was a blue hue lighting the room. The sun would be coming up soon to make those pretty reds, pinks, oranges, and yellows. But it was too early for that, she reasoned. The sun would make the pretty colors in about an hour but for now, it would be that annoying blue hue. It was too light to sleep but too dark to be awake. She sighed and looked around the room. It was cleaned up now. She figured Robin must have picked it up. But the bunk bed was still there. And so was that bloodstain.
Starfire looked up from the bloodstain on the carpet. She saw Beast Boy. Were here eyes deserving her? She saw him walking closer, from the bloodstain towards her. He was also smiling and his mouth opened to speak. "Finally. I've been waiting for a while for you to come here, Star." She opened her mouth but nothing came out. Was he really here?
"Are…you really…present?" She asked him. She heard him chuckle a little. "I thought you were deceased." She stepped back a bit.
"Of course I am Star. And I'm dead. But I've been waiting in this room for you to come." Starfire decided to play along even if her mind wasn't fully there.
"How come you did not come to me?" She asked.
"I can only come in this room. I can't leave."
"Why not?" She asked and stepped a bit closer.
"You have to get over my death. You never let go, so I can't leave."
"I do not understand." Starfire was as confused as she could possibly get. She began to toy with her hands a bit. It had always been a nervous habit of hers.
"Umm…think of it as a rope. Think of it as a guy fell off a cliff or something and there were a bunch of people holding onto the other end. And say if the guy fell, he'd fall into a happy place filled with ice cream. So, the guy asks his friends to let go. All of them let go except one friend. And that guy can't go to that awesome happy place with ice cream if someone's still holding the rope. But if the friend finally lets go of the guy, then the guy can live happily ever after in a happy place with ice cream." Beast Boy explained.
"That sounded…almost something Raven would say." Starfire said and giggled a bit. He laughed with her and agreed. "So, I am the friend holding you from the…"
"Happy place filled with ice cream?" Beast Boy said, "Yeah, I guess you could say that. You have to let go of the rope."
"But it is very…difficult." Starfire admitted.
"Get on with your life, Star. You'll do great things. And I forgive everyone. So don't feel guilty, okay?"
"I do not think I can." Starfire said. She was still wondering if this was real. The past two years of her life wasn't real, so why is this? She fell to her knees and cried. She hadn't cried in a very long time. Normally, she would have said she cried two weeks ago when Beast Boy died, but he died two years ago. Maybe she wasn't meant to be stable. Heck, her sister was far from it so maybe it was a family thing.
"But you have to, Star. You have to let me go. It's time to let me go, Star." Beast Boy said and kneeled down next to her. Starfire tried to let go. She knew he would be happier if she did, even if this was in her mind. She wasn't able to tell anymore. She looked up and met his eyes. She had to let this whole thing end. She felt insane.
"I will." Starfire said. She finally accepted what had happened those years ago. She felt a huge weight lifted off of her shoulders. She stood up and so did Beast Boy. He was beginning to fade.
"Thank you, Star." He smiled. He then gave her a hug. "You're my best friend."
"As you are mine." She actually was able to return the hug. He felt cold. But it didn't matter to her. She didn't obsess about the coldness like she usually did. Beast Boy faded from the room. Starfire put her arms back at her side and looked at the floor. The bloodstain was still there in the carpet. She looked out the window and saw the sun was beginning to rise. She decided to race up to the rooftop to watch the sunrise. She hadn't done this since the morning of Beast Boy's death. She decided it would be good for her to get outside in the sun. She got onto the rooftop and felt the warm sunrays hit her cold skin. Warm. She loved that feeling. She sat down on the roof where she usually sat while doing her old morning tradition. Starfire smiled.
"Starfire?" She heard a voice of confusion from behind her. She turned around and saw Robin.
"Yes, Robin?" She asked. She could hear the life come back into her voice.
"What are you doing up here?" Robin asked her with concern. She thought he was thinking that she'd do something insane. But was she insane anymore? Starfire didn't know. She just smiled up at Robin and he sat down next to her. "You seem…alright today." She giggled at his choice of words.
"I believe I am." She said, still smiling.
"So you're not…"
"Insane? I do not know, but I do feel different." Starfire said and leaned into his chest. She yawned. She needed sleep. Maybe she'd be able to. Robin laughed quietly at her response. She felt his warm arms hugging her.
"How did you change back so fast?" Robin asked her.
"I am finally able to…let go." She said and fell asleep in Robin's warm arms and in the warm sunrays.
So how was it? I hope this was alright. I added some Robin/Starfire there for the fans. It should be noted that Starfire and Beast Boy were only friends. I hope that I got you to believe what Starfire was thinking about the others at the beginning of this oneshot ^-^ Anyway, please review and tell me what you thought!