Worry, a twilight fanfic

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the plot. Wish I owned these characters. That'd be fun.

P.S. No flames please.

I squeezed the tiny hand of the pixie like female once more as we simply walked into the house. Immediately I could smell them, the other vampires. That meant they could smell us too and I felt my muscles tighten, tense for the impending attack. Just because the beautiful creature holding my hand hadn't attacked didn't mean she wasn't leading me into an ambush.

But then…the hostility faded. I couldn't smell it in the air anymore as four others entered the foyer, eyeing us carefully. Two males and two females, I did the math on how they might attack, just in case. Suspicion had replaced the hostility but they weren't letting their guard down yet.

"Hello," said the pixie.
"Hello," greeted the older looking male, his light hair brushed back away from his face, professional looking. He didn't exude suspicion, just kindness.
"I'm Alice," she said. Then she motioned to me. "This is Jasper." Before the man could speak again she continued. "And you're Carlisle, yes?" He stared openly at her, curiosity flowing away from him, from everyone in the room. I had grown used to her knowing everything during our search for this group. She then turned her eyes to the woman standing next to Carlisle. "You're Esme…if I could remember my mother I'd want her to be like you. You're very nice."

Then her eyes fell onto the blonde female, she still had some suspicions, and the larger but younger male. "Rosalie and Emmett," Alice said, smiling at them. "You are beautiful Rosalie, more beautiful than I could have ever foreseen." The blonde blushed, her pride and vanity swirling in the air around her. "And Emmett, please don't worry, we're not here for a fight, relax," Alice said. Emmett looked over at Carlisle who nodded. Emmett visibly and emotionally relaxed, taking Rosalie's hand again. He was very protective of her. They exchanged a look and the love between them was visible, even to someone not like me.

"Where is Edward?" Alice asked. "Oh!" she exclaimed, one Edward's future appeared to her in her mind. "He'll be back soon enough…so, do you have room for two more?" Alice asked politely, though she already knew the answer.

I couldn't keep the smile from appearing that time.

"Carlisle!" an unfamiliar voice echoed throughout the house. "Carlisle!" it called again. Edward. I cringed. 'This should be interesting.'

"Edward, you're home," I hear Esme say and could imagine her hugging him. "Hello Esme," he greeted the edge in his voice fading slightly as he looked upon his adoptive mother's face. I walked down the stairs slowly, Alice falling in line behind me.

Emmett and Rosalie came into the room as we reached the bottom of the stairs. Edwards's eyes locked on Alice and I and I reached for her hand immediately. "Which one of you put my stuff in the garage?" I didn't respond. Neither did Alice. Edward just sighed and smiled softly. I felt my stomach twist as one corner of his mouth lifted. "Thank Alice," he said. "You're right; my room does have the best view."

I stood there, confused and unable to pull my eyes away from Edward. "Jasper I apologize for being so rude," said the beautiful creature whose golden eyes now focused on me. "My name is Edward, I can read minds which is why I did not require a verbal response from you or Alice to know who had taken up residence in my room."

I swallowed and nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Alice looked between us then smiled before skipping down the stairs and wrapping her arms around Edward who returned the hug. His eyes, however, reminded on me.

I turned around quickly and went back upstairs.

I was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at the scars along my arms, frowning as I traced each of them with my fingertips. How could either of them ever love me? I was hideous looking, all these scars covering me.

"We can love you because we can see the desire in your eyes, the need for it. And we can see the love you can offer. Besides, eternity doesn't require perfection, and in fact an eternity of perfection would be rather boring."

I jumped up, my eyes darting towards the door where Edward stood, his honey smooth voice still floating around in the air near my head. I hadn't even heard him come in, I was losing my touch.

"You haven't lost your touch Jasper; I dare say it will heighten as the years go by. You were just deep in thought," Edward explained as he glided towards me. "Besides, I have perfected the art of staying silent."

"Edward…I was…" I stopped talking. No use trying to cover up what I had been doing, he could hear my thoughts.

"You were drowning yourself, that's what." I looked up at him, unsure as to what he meant. "The self hatred, the thoughts of revulsion every time you look at your scars. Why do you hate them so much?" he asked.

Even though I knew he could hear my answer before I spoke it I knew I felt the urge to speak. "Because they remind me of what I am, what I've done, the others I've made…and killed. And because they're ugly, they ruin my skin."

Edward took my right hand in both of his hands and lifted it towards his face, examining the skin on my hand and arm in the soft light filtering in from my window. He ran his fingers over them, up my arm to my shoulder. It was only then that I realized I didn't have a shirt on. But that didn't matter as Edward smiled at me before kissing one of the scars on the back of my hand. I shivered.

He smiled more and kissed another scar, and then another. I continued to shiver each time he did it.

The next morning I still couldn't believe what was going on. Edward was still with me in my room. His skin, and mine, sparkling as sunlight filtered through the glass. He kissed one of the scars on my left shoulder and I fought to control the shiver and lost that battle.

We had spent the night together and I was pleased to know that I hadn't been the only one to derive pleasure out of the evening. But now came the hard part. Alice. I had no idea how she would react and because she wasn't thinking about it Edward couldn't hear her thoughts.

I pulled on a dark green shirt while Edward pulled his grey shirt on from the night before. We each took a deep breath before heading out of the room, down the hall and down the stairs. Alice was waiting at the landing and instead of looking furious she was smiling. I tried to search for any anger or animosity, sadness, anything and found none. She smiled and went on her toes to kiss Edward on the cheek as he passed, his hand giving my forearm a light squeeze before he broke away from me.

Alice looked up at me, the smile still beaming on her face. "Alice I'm sorry I just…"

"Jasper, don't worry," Alice soothed. "I knew that this would happen from the very first day we met Edward. I'm not mad. You need to be loved. It can be Edward's turn to show you love now. I'll wait for mine."

"Alice, I…"
"You love me. I know. And don't worry Jasper I love you too. But for now you need Edward, not me." Then she went up on her toes and kissed me on the mouth, lightly and sweetly.

My head spun.

For the next few nights Edward spent time together. We never spoke, we never even had deep thoughts—we were only focused on the current moment, on the physical actions taking place, on each other. I used my skills, for lack of a better word to increase Edward's enjoyment of these nights. I couldn't believe that he could so easily look past my physical appearance. He used his talent to know what I would like and then he would do just that.

I felt guilty some nights, picturing Alice sitting downstairs alone, her small body curled into a ball. Or her a few rooms down, in Edward's old room, her acute hearing picking up on our every movement. But whenever I would think these thoughts Edward would redirect my thoughts by kissing a scar, running his fingers down my chest or nibbling lightly on my neck.

Sometime I wished I could sleep, so that I could take a break from all of the feelings swirling around me. Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett were easy enough to navigate.

But Edward and Alice were giving me headaches. Edward was usually content, curious and calm but whenever we were alone together or about to be alone together there was a sense of nervousness, uncertainty and confusion. This worried me but we weren't really the type to talk it out so I did my best to ignore it and to calm him when we were spending time together.

And Alice was happy ninety percent of the time. She was pleased, content, amused and curious. But then, whenever her, Edward and I were together, whether just us or with everyone there was a hint of sadness, of jealousy exuding from her. This worried me even more than Edward's hesitation.

I thanked whatever god might exist when Emmett yelled up the stairs that it was time to leave for our hunting trip. I bolted up and ran past both Edward and Alice's rooms, not bothering to say goodbye. Neither of them called out either. I pretended not to notice.

"Jasper, man, what is up with you?" Emmett joked as we turned to head back home after a successful hunting trip.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," he said as he jumped a fallen tree with ease. "You're acting funny. Why?" I slowed down and stared at him, waiting for an explanation as he too slowed down. "What? You're feeling awkward stuck between the physical with Edward and the love with Alice?" I stared at him. "I may be big but I'm not dumb. You all don't give me nearly enough credit." I nodded slowly.

"So you love Alice. But with Edward it's not love it's…"
"Physical." I finished for him.
"So what are you worried about?" he asked.
"I'm worried that it might mean more to Edward than it does to me and that me and Edward is hurting Alice. That's what I'm worried about. I don't want to hurt either of them."
"Who says you are? Or will?"

I shrugged. Emmett came over and clamped one of his massive hands down on my shoulder and offered me an encouraging yet sympathetic smile. "Let's get home," he says. "Mommy dearest is probably sick with worry," he adds, being overdramatic. We laugh and get back on course, running towards where we had left his Jeep as fast as we can.

When we arrived home Edward was nowhere to be found. Truth be told I was a little relieved. Alice approached me smiling from ear to ear and there was not a hint of concern, worry, or apprehension from her.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly, pressing her lips to my jaw just below my ear. "I have to talk to you later, Jasper." I nod and she pulls back still smiling. She seemed…excited.

I was nervous.

It was around 3 AM when Alice came to me. I wanted to run away, I considered it. Alice just stood patiently while my different futures flickered through her mind before I gave up and decided to stay. She smiled when I sat down on my bed and motioned for her to sit with me.

Skipping lightly Alice approached, perching herself on the edge of my bed. "I talked to Edward," she said softly. My muscles tightened. She placed one of her tiny hands on top of one of mine. "It's okay Jasper. He and I talked. He asked what future I saw and I told him that it was you and I together." I nodded. "At first he seemed okay but then there was the tiniest bit of sadness in his eyes. I asked him if he loved you."

I froze, my eyes locked on Alice, waiting for her response. "He said he does, but not to the level that I love you. And not the amount you need forever. He agreed that the physical was what you had needed but soon you would need more, love he couldn't give to you." She waited for me to speak and when I didn't she continued.

"We decided we'd leave it up to you. When you wanted to be with him and when you wanted to be with me. But it is your decision. I love you Jasper Whitlock. And I can wait for you to be mine if that's what you need me to do."

Then I felt it. The sadness. She was sad at the idea of me wanting to be with Edward longer. We sat in silence and the longer we sat there the stronger her sadness continued. A thousand thoughts rushed through my mind which is why I assumed she couldn't tell my decision. It felt as though I was drowning in her emotions when it clicked in my head.

Edward. Didn't. Love. Me. At least not as much as Alice did. That's when I decided.

Alice smiled and threw herself into my arms, pushing me backwards on the bed.

I spent that night with Alice.

What I didn't notice was that her emotions were so strong and in such proximity to me that I couldn't feel Edward's from down the hall.

The next afternoon as I walked down the hall towards the stairs, deciding to go grab the newspaper off the kitchen table. Alice was upstairs, doing her daily dress up routine. I smiled as I thought of her happiness and slew of other emotions last night. I smiled more as I remember the night itself.

The smile faded when I entered the kitchen.

Edward was sitting at the table with the newspaper in his hand. He froze as he looked up at me. I suddenly felt naked, standing there in only a pair of jeans.

"It's not like I haven't seen it Jasper," Edward said. There was no bitter edge in his voice, just in the air around him.

"Edward I'm-"
"Don't apologize Jasper. You love Alice. And besides I can't give you everything you need."
"But Edward you're upset."
He shrugged. "I'll survive. I just need to find the one my heart belongs to."
I nodded, shifting my weight from side to side. "Guess that could have never been me, huh?"
"No Jasper," Edward scoffed. "That could have never been you."

It's been a long time since I met the Cullens, since I met Edward. But I could still remember everything about the first night with Edward, even the smell of him. But now we lived in Forks and there was this girl. Bella.

I watched as Edward focused on her. He was in love with her and he didn't even know it yet.

"She's gonna be one of us Jasper," Alice whispered to me as we stood by the car.

I turned to look at Edward but he was no longer there. Then there was a loud smash and I looked over in the direction of where it had come from. That kid's van had nearly killed Bella—and Edward stopped it in front of everyone.

The rest of us got in the car, knowing the plan without saying a word. "Alice my love," I said as she started the car. "I think I'll have to agree with you on that one." She looked over at me and smiled.

I looked out the window and frowned. Even from here I could feel Edward. He was scared and upset. My frown deepened.

"The funny thing is," Rosalie said as Alice drove towards the hospital. "If you two didn't love each other so much Edward wouldn't need to be looking at a human."

My muscles tightened and I flinched a little hoping that this wouldn't bother Alice. She just smiled and kept driving.

I spent the next few months worrying about Edward while he worried about Bella. This shouldn't have bothered me nearly as much as it did.