Title: Greece Lightning
Disclaimer: I do not own any bit of How I Met Your Mother, besides my DVDs and a burning passionate love for Marshall Eriksen.
Pairing: Barney/Robin
Word count: 7, 074
Rating/Warning: PG-13
Spoilers: All of season four. Set post-The Leap.
Summary: "Um, Robin, that sounds exciting and all, but don't you think this might be kind of a bad time to go so far away?"
Author's Note: Written with brief narration. Meant to be read and imagined like an episode, not an introspective character study. :)
*****
Kids, in the summer of 2009, your Aunt Robin decided to take a vacation.
MacLaren's – "2009"
"I'm going to Greece," Robin says as she slides into the booth next to Ted. Across the table, Lily and Marshall's eyes widen. "For the summer," she clarifies.
Ted turns towards her. "Wow, really? You sure you can take all that time off work?"
"Oh, I'll be working over there," says Robin. "The network has an anchor subbing for me while I do some foreign correspondence."
Marshall, Ted, and Lily exchange glances. "Um, Robin," starts Lily slowly, "that sounds exciting and all, but don't you think this might be kind of a bad time to go so far away?"
She was thinking what we all were - of this:
Flashback - Hospital Room - "ONE WEEK AGO"
"I love you," says Barney.
"Let's get married," cries Robin.
"No, you're smothering me!"
"Okay, forget it!"
"Aghhh!"
"Aghhh!"
They move together and begin kissing fervently.
Flash to MacLaren's - Present
"Uh, no," insists Robin.
"Robin," says Lily, tilting her head and staring pointedly.
"Honey, if Robin wants to go to Greece, she can go to Greece," says Marshall diplomatically. He takes a sip of his beer and then coughs, "Backstabber!"
"What was that?" asks Robin incredulously.
Marshall looks around innocently. "What?"
"What did you just cough at me?"
"Nothing!"
"He said backstabber," says Lily.
"Lily!"
"Hey, what's the point of coughing something if you don't want anyone to hear?"
"For affect!"
"Why am I a backstabber?" interrupts Robin.
"Well, I don't know Robin," says Marshall. "You supposed to be friends with Barney, but you're just going to ditch him after you both say you have feelings for each other."
"I was Mosbying him!"
"You were what?" asks Ted.
"That's not what you said to me," says Lily.
"Lily, I told you that in confidence," says Robin.
"Oh, you know I can't keep a secret."
"You kept Barney's secret," Robin glances at Marshall, "from Ted and I."
"Ted and me," corrects Ted. "And what does Mosbying mean?"
"I did that because, as long as it stayed a secret, it didn't affect the group and Barney retained whatever small amount of dignity he had," says Lily simply. "Your secret, being a product of the reveal of Barney's secret, does not fit within my secret-keeping clause."
Robin glares. "You're a really good friend, Lily."
"Hey, don't blame me. You're the one that had to tell me you had feelings for Barney," says Lily. "But that was a week ago. Did you guys ever get the chance to 'sort it out'?"
"Not exactly," says Robin.
Flashback - Ted & Robin's Apartment - Kitchen - "SIX DAYS AGO"
Robin takes a deep breath, picks up the telephone and dials. She holds the phone up to her ear and waits.
Barney's Office
Barney's phone buzzes. He picks it up and says, "Go for Barney."
Ted & Robin's Apartment - Kitchen
"Hey, Barney, it's Robin," says Robin, fidgeting.
Barney's Office
"Why hello, Robin," Barney's voice drops an octave.
Ted & Robin's Apartment - Kitchen
"I was wondering if maybe we should talk about that thing we said we'd talk about later," says Robin, grimacing at her own awkwardness.
Barney's Office
"Uh, yeah, totally," says Barney.
There is a pause and then they both simultaneously shout.
Ted & Robin's Apartment - Kitchen
"My hair's on fire!"
Barney's Office
"There's a ninja here!"
Ted & Robin's Apartment - Kitchen
Robin presses the off button and almost drops the telephone on the counter. She sighs and looks down, running a hand through her hair.
Barney's Office
Barney leans in his chair and rolls his head back, eyes closed.
Flash to MacLaren's - "FOUR DAYS AGO "
Robin is sitting at the bar when Barney enters. He walks over and stands next to her. "Hey," he says nervously.
"Hi, Barney." Robin strums the sides of her glass with her fingertips.
"So, uh, you want to, you know, talk?"
"Yeah, we really should."
But when Robin turns and looks up at Barney, their faces morph from looks of anxiety to lust. Barney's lips come crashing down onto hers and she's grabbing at his shirt collar.
Flash to Ted & Robin's Apartment - "TWO DAYS AGO"
Barney walks into the apartment as Robin is watching television.
"Listen, Robin," he says. "I really need to talk to you."
Robin turns off the television with the remote and stands up to face him. "Okay, what's up?"
"What's up? What do you mean, what's up? What could possibly be more up right now?"
Robin sighs. "All right, Barney, I got it. We have to sort out this 'feelings' issue."
"Right."
They stare at each other for a moment and then jump at each other and begin kissing.
Flash to MacLaren's - Present
"So to 'sort out' the issue," says Lly, "you guys hung up on each other once and made out twice? Yeah, that's healthy."
"Well, at least we didn't have sex," says Robin. "That shows some serious self-control." She smiles proudly and looks around at her friends. "Right?"
Ted stares at her, open-mouthed. "You almost had sex with Barney in our apartment in the middle of the day when I could have walked in at any minute?"
Robin grimaces. "Not exactly."
Flash to MacLaren's - "FOUR DAYS AGO "
Robin and Barney are kissing and grabbing at each other. They fall out of frame.
Wendy the Waitress walks by in the background. She frowns, looks down, and says, "Barney, you can't do that here." Then her eyes widen. "Wait, is that Robin?"
Flash to MacLaren's - Present
"Oh my god," cries Lily.
"That's disgusting," says Ted at the same time.
"In our bar?!" shouts Marshall.
"Okay, obviously, Barney and I are not quite ready to talk about it," says Robin. "Maybe it's best if I go to Greece. It'll give me time to think."
"Come on, Robin, we all know that thinking is not what you're going to be doing in Greece," says Ted.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Remember the last time you went on vacation in a foreign country?"
Flash to MacLaren's - "TWO YEARS AGO"
Marshall, Lily, Ted, and Barney are sitting at their booth. Robin enters the bar, a man following her.
"Robin," says Lily.
"Hey, guys, I just got in last night," says Robin, smiling at Ted. The man in tow stands next to Robin and she puts an arm around him. "Um, uh, this is Gael."
"Hola," says Gael.
Flash to MacLaren's - Present
"Well, that was vacation," says Robin. "This isn't, I'll be working."
"Robin, you have got to stop letting guys pay you for that," says Lily. Marshall high-fives her.
Barney enters the bar.
"Look, there's Barney," says Robin. "Listen, I haven't told him I'm leaving, so just don't mention it, okay?"
Ted and Marshall groan and roll their eyes and Lily makes a strangled sound.
"Hey, guys," says Barney, pulling a chair up and sitting at the end of the table. "What's new?"
"Nothing," squeaks Lily.
Barney frowns. "What's the secret?"
Lily looks Robin, who shakes her head threateningly. Barney turns to Robin, and her face switches to a blank expression.
"Lily started teaching her art program today," prompts Ted.
"How's that going?" asks Robin.
"Well," starts Lily.
Flash to Lily's classroom - "EARLIER THAT DAY"
Your Aunt Lily had agreed to run a summer art program for kids who went to the elementary school she taught at. She was excited to help the aspiring young artists of New York City.
"All right, kids," says Lily, smiling brightly, to a room full of children ranging from ages five to eleven. "The first lesson about art is that there's no wrong way to do it. So, have fun!"
Of course, the kids took her words a bit too literally.
Lily is running across the room to stop a young boy from painting on the wall.
Then she moves to a girl at one of the tables, who is attempting to color with the cap still on the marker. Lily takes it off for her and smiles. The girl proceeds to draw on the table instead of her paper. Lily grabs the marker away.
A girl tugs on Lily's dress and Lily turns. "Look what I drew, Mrs. Aldrin," says the girl. She holds up a paper with blue and red scribbling on it.
"That's interesting, sweetie," says Lily. "What's it mean?"
The girl frowns. "It's a house."
Lily sighs.
And throughout the day she began to feel like she was really just running a daycare center.
Lily is standing in the center of the classroom and children are running around and screaming. She stalks over to one of the tables and sits down across from a boy who looks rather old. He is drawing intently. She looks over at him and then at one of the papers on the table. She picks it up and examines his drawing. She smiles. "Wow, Ricky, this is a really good house."
"It's Richard," the boy corrects her. "I hate being called Ricky. It's so juvenile."
Lily frowns. "How old are you, Richard?"
"Thirteen," he says.
"And you're in elementary school?" asks Lily, concerned.
"No, my mom lied so I'd have somewhere to stay during the day this summer," says Richard sadly.
"I'm sorry," says Lily. "But hey, this is a really great drawing. You're an excellent artist for your age and I bet I could help you get even better. What are you working on now?"
Richard looks up and hands her his picture. Lily looks at it and her expression turns terrified. "Um....wow, Richard," she chokes out.
Flash to MacLaren's - Present
"The picture was of me," says Lily, "without clothes."
Barney laughs. "Nice one, Richard!"
"She showed it to me," says Marshall. "It's surprisingly accurate."
"I don't know what to do," cries Lily. "I mean, I encourage artistic expression and he's the one kid in the program who's trying, who actually cares about art at all. But . . . . he's thirteen and it's creepy."
"I'm serious, this kid got the specific placement of freckles right," adds Marshall.
Wendy the Waitress walks up to the table with a tray of drinks. She places them down in front of the group, one by one. When she gets to Robin's, she leans between Robin and Barney. "How are you?" she asks, giggling.
Robin takes the drink. "Fine, thank you." Wendy giggles some more and walks away. Barney grabs Robin's drink and dumps it out behind her. "Barney, what the hell?"
"She saw us," he whispered. "She's going to try to kill you."
Robin rolls her eyes.
___
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"Ted, have you seen my sun glasses?" asks Robin as she walks out of her bedroom.
"They're on the counter in the kitchen," says Ted from the couch. "So, uh, have you told Barney about your trip yet?"
"I'm telling him today. He should be here any minute," responds Robin from the kitchen.
"Wait, he's coming here? You're going to tell Barney that you're leaving for three months here? In our apartment?"
Robin walks back into the living room, holding her sun glasses, frowning. "Yeah, Lily said it would be rude not to do it in person." Ted stands up and walks towards the door. Robin turns as he passes her. "Where are you going?"
"I am not going to hang around and listen to the most awkward conversation ever," says Ted, reaching for the door knob.
"Ted, wait," says Robin. "Look, I would feel way more comfortable if you were here." She paused. "Plus, it might help with the whole self-control thing."
"Robin, I'd love to help, but you and Barney need to learn how to talk about stuff on your own. Maybe you could have gotten Mrs. Aldrin to facilitate a meeting, but not me."
"I tried, she's too busy modeling for that Richard kid."
Ted laughs. "Sorry, Robin. Oh, and if Barney breaks anything, you're paying for it." He turns, opens the door, and walks out, leaving Robin with a nervous, frustrated look on her face.
She walks towards the sofa when the door opens again. Barney enters and she turns around to face him. She folds her arms across her chest and greets him.
"So, Scherbatsky, you wanted to talk again?" Barney grins the words out, stepping towards her.
"Kind of," says Robin. "Listen, Barney..."
"You know, we don't have to set up meetings like this," Barney interrupts. "You can come over to my apartment any--- "
"Barney, I'm leaving," says Robin loudly.
A stunned expression covers Barney's face. He takes a step back and it's almost a stumble. His lips move like he wants to speak, but no sound exits his mouth.
"I'm going to Greece for three months," says Robin.
Barney stares at her for a moment before finding his voice. "Three months? But what about your job? Your friends? What about u - uh . . . three months?"
"I'll be working there," answers Robin nonchalantly. "And it's not going to be that long. Everyone will still be here when I get back."
"But . . . but I thought you were going to stay in New York," says Barney seriously. "I got you that job so you'd stay."
Robin frowns. "Is that why you got me a job? To keep yourself happy? Because I thought you did that because I'm your friend, and friends help each other out."
"I was helping you. You wanted to stay in New York!"
"Yeah, be allowed to stay in New York, not forced to."
"I'm not forcing you to do anything, Robin," says Barney quietly.
"Well, it kind of feels like you are," replies Robin. Barney opens his mouth to retort, but Robin speaks first, "Look, you might not be meaning to, but you're asking a lot of me. You're expecting me to express some sort of sentiment that I'm just . . . not ready to."
Barney is quiet for a moment. "All right. I get it. I'm being selfish. But, hey, why should I stop? Why should I ruin your conceived idea of me?"
"Barney, that's not what I---"
"Robin, I don't mean to annoy you or make you so uncomfortable that you feel the need to leave the country, but I've wasted too much time." He steps towards her. "So I'm just going to warn you: You being across the globe isn't going to stop me. I'm not giving up on this."
Robin smiles faintly. "I know - Barney Stinson doesn't do anything less than a hundred twenty percent." She pauses and shakes her head. "Things are confusing right not. Maybe with a little time and space, they'll make more sense. Maybe we'll both change our minds." Barney looks hurt by the notion, but tries to hide it by looking down. "When I get back, we can talk," Barney raises an eyebrow at her, "I mean, have an actual verbal conversation."
Barney nods. "Okay."
____
So your Aunt Robin left for Greece and the rest of us began our summers.
Lily's Classroom
Aunt Lily was trying to urge her student Richard to draw some more appropriate pictures.
Lily is handing Richard paper and pencils and telling him something. Richard takes the supplies, sits down, and looks back up at Lily. She smiles, but then realizes he is staring. She pulls her sweater around herself, looking scared.
***
GNB - Marshall's office
Uncle Marshall was spending a lot of time at work - partly because, in this recession, the bank was doing a lot of legal work to help itself -
Marshall is flipping through a large pile of papers on his desk.
- and also because Lily and I had declared him in charge of making sure Barney was okay.
Barney walks by Marshall's door. Marshall sees him and throws all his papers down, running out of the office.
GNB - Hallway
"Hey, Barney, how's it going?" says Marshall, catching up with him.
"Oh, hey, Marshall," says Barney nonchalantly.
"So, I was thinking, buddy. We haven't had a conference call in a while."
"Man, I'd love to, but I'm busy right now."
Marshall frowns. "With what?"
Barney grins at him. "Please." He turns the corner and leaves Marshall staring curiously.
***
Ted & Robin's Apartment
I was busy preparing lesson plans for the architecture course I would be teaching at Columbia University in the fall.
Ted is sitting at his desk with multiple books open. He is scribbling furiously on a piece of paper. He stops, stares down at it, and then rips the paper up and throws it in the trash.
Well, trying to, anyway.
Ted sighs and pulls his phone out of his pocket. He dials and holds it to his ear.
Robin's Hotel Room
Robin is walking across her hotel room when her cell phone starts buzzing on her bed. She walks over quickly and grabs the phone off the bed eagerly. She looks at the caller ID and sees that it says "Ted". Her eyes close and her face falls for a moment, but then she smiles slightly and answers the phone.
"Hey, Ted," says Robin.
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"Hi, Robin, you're not working right now, are you?"
Robin's Hotel Room
"Nope."
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"Oh, thank God, becauseI'mtotallyfreakingoutandIneedsomeonetotalkto," Ted cries into the phone.
Robin's Hotel Room
Robin laughs. "What's up?"
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"I'm just really worried about this teaching thing," sighs Ted. "I've already complained to Marshall and Lily, and you know how they are. I need some pragmatic advice."
Robin's Hotel Room
"Ted, you love architecture. And you love talking about it," says Robin. "I know. I dated you for a year and there's still some fun facts roaming around in my head. Seriously, I used to hang up the phone when you starting talking about structural beams and you wouldn't notice for forty-five minutes."
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"But I bored you, how do I not bore these students?"
Robin's Hotel Room
"First of all, I was bored because I didn't care about architecture," explains Robin. "These students signed up to take this class. They want you to teach them. And you have experience; you know what topics will be most useful for them in a career. You know what you should lecture about."
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"You're right, Robin. Thank you," says Ted.
Robin's Hotel Room
"Anytime."
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"So, how's Greece?"
Robin's Hotel Room
Robin bites her lip and then replies, "It's great. Just great." She chuckles forcefully. "The food? Best food ever. The people? Oh my gosh, best people ever!"
As can probably tell, your Aunt Robin was lying. You see, one of the funny things about life is that when you're trying to get away from something, that something usually becomes inescapable.
Flash to a beach in Athens - "TWO WEEKS AGO"
Robin is sitting on the beach, reading a book. A handsome young man approaches her.
"Where is your suit?" he asks.
Robin frowns and looks up at him. "Excuse me?"
"Where is your suit?" he repeats. Robin stares at him, her mouth half open. "Your swim suit?"
"Oh. Oh!" Robin laughs awkwardly. "I don't really want to swim."
"You sure? The water is quite, how do you say, awesome today."
Robin blinks and looks oddly at the man.
Flash to a street in Athens - "TEN DAYS AGO"
Robin is walking down the street holding a map. She turns a corner and looks up. Her jaw drops. "What the . . . . "
A huge GNB building stands in front of her. "I thought is was a national bank," she says to herself.
Flash to a Restaurant - "SIX DAYS AGO"
Robin is eating dinner at the bar. A man approaches her from behind. "Seventy-one euros says when you turn around I---"
"---will get punched in the face," finishes Robin, taking a sip of her drink. "Move along."
Flash to Present - Robin's Hotel Room
"Yeah, it's really, really great," says Robin into the phone, grimacing.
Ted & Robin's Apartment
Ted smiles knowingly. "Really?"
Robin's Hotel Room
"Yeah, yeah. So . . . how is . . . everyone?"
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"We're all good," says Ted. "As good as can be expected," he adds pointedly.
Robin's Hotel Room
"Oh, that's great," says Robin, swallowing. "Well, I better let you get back to work."
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"Yeah," says Ted. "And, hey, Robin?"
Robin's Hotel Room
"Yeah?"
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"We all miss you."
Robin's Hotel Room
Robin smiles and nods. "Thanks, Ted." She hangs up the phone and sits down on her bed.
___
MacLaren's
"Robin's miserable," says Ted as he sits down across from Marshall and Lily.
"I knew it!" cries Lily. "What did I say? Running away from your problems doesn't solve anything. I should know. Been there, done that. But does anyone ever listen to me? No."
"I thought about telling her to come home, but you know how Robin is. That would just make her stay longer."
"Don't let Robin stay longer!" exclaims Marshall.
Ted frowns at him. "Why? What's going on?"
"It's Barney," says Marshall. "I've been watching him and . . . dude, it's scary."
"What's he doing?" asks Ted, concerned.
"He's acting," Marshall shares a look with Lily, "normal. And I don't mean Barney-normal. I mean, he's acting like a normal human being."
Flash to GNB - Barney's Office
Barney is sitting at his desk, typing on his computer.
Like at work, for instance - as far as I can tell, Barney has a really important job where he doesn't actually do anything.
"Yes," Barney grins. "Dancing cards!"
So, it didn't really surprise me that he spent most of his time playing pranks on people---
Flash to Barney's Office - "2006"
Barney and Marshall are putting mice into a cardboard box.
---or doing magic tricks---
Flash to GNB - Conference Room - "2008"
Several men are clustered around Barney, who reaches over and pulls a rabbit from the back of Marshall's suit jacket. Marshall screams as Barney grins and holds up the rabbit to show his coworkers.
---or hitting on women.
Flash to GNB - Hallway - "THIS YEAR"
Barney is walking down the hallway with his arm around an Asian women. "No, no, no, I'm sure I can help you in any way you need," he says to her. They pass Marshall and Barney winks at him. Marshall stares, open-mouthed.
But, lately, when I see him, he's actually doing his job.
Flash to Barney's Office - "EARLIER THIS WEEK"
Barney is talking to his computer in Korean. A man responds. Marshall enters the office. Barney holds up his hand to tell Marshall to wait a moment, while he finishes his conversation with the foreign.
"Sorry, GNB's going international, so I have a lot of work to do," says Barney.
"GNB is going international?" Marshall frowns. "Isn't it Goliath National Bank? And, if I'm in legal, shouldn't I know that?"
Barney waves his hand casually to dismiss his questions. "Is there something I can help you with?"
Marshall shakes his head in disbelief. "Help me? No. I'm good. Are you okay, Barney?"
"Fine," says Barney, typing on his computer. "Why?"
"You just seem different," says Marshall conversationally. "I'm mean, ever since Rob---"
Barney doesn't let him finish. He pastes on his sleaziest of grins and says, "Please, Marshall, the Barnacle does not change. I'm as awesome as ever."
"Okay," Marshall concedes.
Barney allows the smile to fall back off his face and he looks around at his desk. "Now, I really do have a lot of work to do."
Marshall nods and exits his office.
Flash to MacLaren's - Present
"It's not even just that," says Lily. "When he comes to the bar, he just sits with us. He doesn't hit on anyone, regardless of however many hot twenty-somethings are roaming around."
"Yeah, I did notice that," says Ted. "He hasn't asked me to participate in any 'wingmen' activities, either. And I'm pretty sure the last time he said, 'Legen - wait for it - ,' he forgot to finish it."
"The craziest thing happened this afternoon," says Lily, leaning into the table.
Flash to Barney's Apartment Building - Hallway - "THIS AFTERNOON"
After hearing what Marshall had observed about Barney, I decided to go over to his apartment and confront him. If there's anyone who can get Barney to talk, it's me.
Lily is walking up to Barney's door, beaming cutely. She knocks on the door and waits. The door opens and reveals Barney, wearing sweats and a t-shirt. Barney's eyes widen, embarrassed. Lily gasps.
"Where's your suit?" she asks.
"At . . . the cleaners," says Barney quickly. "Yeah, it's suit-cleaning day. A sad day on which I have to take off from being awesome."
Lily frowns and tries to peek into his apartment from over his shoulder. "Is that Love Actually?"
Flash to MacLaren's - Present
"He wouldn't let me in, but I swear I heard Colin Firth speaking Portuguese," says Lily.
"Yeah, and Barney doesn't get all of his suits cleaned on one day," says Ted. "He does them in rotations so on any given day he still has ten to choose from." Marshall and Lily raise their eyebrows at Ted. "What? He told me." Lily and Marshall continue staring. "Okay, I read it on his blog. Anyway, what the hell is Barney Stinson doing not suiting up and watching romantic comedies on a Saturday afternoon?"
Marshall shrugs. "Acting like you."
"Hey!" Ted thinks for a moment. "Okay, yeah, kind of."
"It's not like him, though," says Lily. "I thought that, with Robin gone, he'd be worse than ever. You know, trying to get his next hundred girls before the end of the summer. That's what he does when he's upset - he ignores it, acts really stupid, and has a lot of sex."
"What makes this different?" asks Marshall.
"Well, he knows Robin has feelings for him now," says Lily. "Before he thought she wouldn't feel the same way."
"Maybe he's trying to prove something to her," says Ted.
Marshall shrugs. "What's the point if she's not here?"
"Maybe he's trying to prove something to himself," says Lily. "All I know is they aren't helping themselves by acting like this. They can't be so stubborn."
"Robin's the one being stubborn," says Marshall. "I'm with Barney on this one. He told her how he felt and she just takes off."
"Yeah, but he didn't exactly tell her in a very convincing way," says Lily. "I mean, he let her Mosby him. How can she be sure that he's not going to be flaky about this?"
"What the hell do you mean by Mosby?" asks Ted.
"I guess you're right," Marshall says to Lily. "Maybe she still needs him to prove it."
"And if they want a relationship, they'll both have to compromise," says Lily.
"Seriously, guys, what does it mean?" asks Ted again.
"I can kind of see why it's so confusing for them," says Marshall. "I mean, they're both from screwed up homes and have really skewed views of love."
"And they're perfect for each other the way they are," says Lily, "so we can't try to change them."
"But if they want to be together, things will have to change."
"It's like that kid in my art class," says Lily. "He's passionate about art, and he has talent, so I don't want to change him. But I have to let him know that, realistically, he's going to get in trouble for drawing that kind of stuff." She pauses. "At least until he's older. Then, he'll probably be a well-respected artist."
Ted narrows his eyes. "Robin likes Barney the way he is. She's scared of losing that if they start some sort of committed relationship. But he's going to have to change because she can't honestly be okay with him sleeping around."
"And he can't stand when she goes home with anyone," says Marshall.
The three stare at the table for a moment. "We really shouldn't interfere," says Ted.
"No, we shouldn't," says Marshall.
"That would be a bad idea," agrees Lily.
There is another beat of silence.
"I'll talk to Barney," says Marshall.
"I'll talk to Robin," Ted follows immediately.
"And I'll talk to Richard," sighs Lily.
____
So, the next day, Marshall and I ventured to save the relationship of my ex-girlfriend and my really good friend.
Barney's Apartment Building - Hallway
Marshall is walking up to Barney's door.
***
Ted & Robin's Apartment
Ted is picking up the phone and dialing.
***
Barney's Apartment Building - Hallway
Barney opens the door, once again in sweats and a t-shirt. "Marshall?"
***
Robin's Hotel Room
Robin is standing in the middle of her room, and she answers her phone, "Ted?"
***
Barney's Apartment
Marshall pushes past Barney into his apartment. "Barney, we need to talk."
***
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"Robin, we need to talk," says Ted in the same tone of voice as Marshall.
***
Barney's Apartment
Barney folds his arms across his chest. "What's up?"
"It's about Robin," says Marshall honestly.
Barney groans. "I don't want to talk about her. Okay? I didn't want to talk to Lily or Ted, why would I want to talk to you about it?"
"Because I can give you the best advice," says Marshall. "I mean, come one, Lily's a girl. She doesn't get what it's like for a man to be in love. And Ted - well, he's kind of a girl, too - but mostly, he falls in love all the time. I'm not always sure he knows what it is. But me? Man, I know everything about it."
"All right, all right, you're a love guru. But what does that matter to me now?"
"You've been acting weird and I know it's because she's gone. But, man, I think you've got to do something, or she's going to come back and you're not even going to be Barney."
"That's probably a good thing," says Barney sadly. "Because that guy chased her off."
"No, you didn't," says Marshall. "Robin left because she was scared. You waited a year before telling her you were in love with her, that's not chasing her off."
"Well, then, obviously, she doesn't want to be with me," says Barney, sitting on his sofa, "so either way - I lose."
"No," says Marshall, pointing at him. "No way. Barney Stinson does not lose. I've seen you do some horrible things, but I have never seen you let yourself lose. And you know what? I'm not going to let you."
Barney looks up at him. "What do you want me to do?"
***
Ted & Robin's apartment
"Look, you're obviously not happy in Greece. And I know why," says Ted. "Robin, you have feelings for Barney and I'd bet anything that you want to be with him right now."
Robin's Hotel Room
"Ted, I don't know what I'm feeling," says Robin. "And I don't want to give Barney any answers until I'm sure."
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"Okay, I know I probably shouldn't play this card," says Ted, "but you didn't want to go out with me. I came on way too strong and you were confused. But when we were together, even though it didn't last, it was something special. And just think about how much more you have in common with Barney."
Robin's Hotel Room
Robin raises her eyebrows. "You think it could be something special?"
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"Yeah, I do. Even if you guys say it's just casual. I know it'll be something more." Ted smiles. "That's what love does."
Robin's Hotel Room
"Thank you, Ted." She pauses for a moment. "What we had was special. It was---"
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"Almost enough?"
Robin's Hotel Room
Robin smiles sadly. "Yeah."
Ted & Robin's Apartment
Ted sighs. "I've been getting that a lot lately."
Robin's Hotel Room
"Ted, you're going to find her," says Robin. "I promise."
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"You can't promise that," says Ted.
Robin's Hotel Room
"I have powers you don't know. I can promise that."
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"Okay, but let's work on your problem right now."
Robin's Hotel Room
"What do you want me to do?"
***
Barney's Apartment
"Go to Greece," says Marshall.
"No way, that's pathetic," replies Barney instantly. "Remember when Lily left and we tried to stop you from going after her. You would have looked pathetic if we let you go."
"Maybe," says Marshall. "I don't know. But what I do know is that it took Lily and I - two people who had never questioned love before - six months to get back together. You and Robin - if someone doesn't make a move, who knows? She likes you Barney, we all know she does. But think about what she could convince herself out of in three months."
"She asked me to give her time," says Barney. "And as long as I'm here, where she can't see me, I can be as pathetic as I want. But I'm not going running after her. She'll laugh at me."
Marshall sighs. "You people just don't get love."
***
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"Come home," says Ted.
Robin's Hotel Room
"What?" says Robin stupidly.
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"Come home. You're not happy there. You want to be here. You want to be with Barney. Come home."
Robin's Hotel Room
"Ted, you say things like, and they sound so nice and simple," says Robin wistfully. "But they're not."
Ted & Robin's Apartment
"Maybe not when you make them complicated. But if you just let it be---"
Robin's Hotel Room
"Ted, I'm sorry, but . . . I have to go." Robin clicks her phone off and drops it on the bed.
Ted & Robin's Apartment
Ted sighs and puts his phone back in his pocket.
___
MacLaren's
"Well, that plan failed," says Ted bluntly.
"Horribly," adds Marshall.
"Yep," says Lily, taking a swig of beer.
Ted frowns. "What happened with that kid?"
"Well," Lily sighs, "I went to his house."
Flash to Porch of Richard's House – "EARLIER THAT DAY"
Lily rings the doorbell and waits on the porch.
And his mom answered the door.
A woman opens the door. When she sees Lily, she gasps and then starts yelling.
Apparently, she'd seen the pictures Richard drew of me and thought I was some sort of pedophile.
Lily backs up down the steps. The woman advances towards her until Lily runs away.
Flash to MacLaren's - Present
"She took him out of the program," says Lily. "It's such a shame. I just wanted to help him advance artistically. And he was really talented."
"Oh, I think he advanced," says Ted, laughing. Lily glares at him. "Okay, I'm sorry. Maybe you can call his mother and explain the situation to her."
"Maybe," says Lily sadly. "How's your lecture plan coming?"
Ted shrugs. "I was thinking that I'm going to have some grad student as a TA. Might as well let that guy deal with it."
____
Athens - A Bar
Robin is sitting at a bar, drinking a beer, looking around. A guy walks up and stands next to her. "Scotch and soda," he says to the bartender. He turns and flashes a smile at Robin. "Hello there."
"Hi," says Robin casually.
"What's your name?" he asks.
"Robin."
"Tell me, Robin," he says, "do you like magic?"
Before he can reach over and pull the quarter out from behind her ear, she shakes her head and stands up. "Maybe if you were blond and suited up," she says. She grabs her purse off the bar. "I have to go."
____
Barney's Apartment
The television wall is on, but no one is in the room.
"---And moving to the east, we have some terrible thunderstorms coming in over the next few days on the coast of Greece. We predict some dangerous Greece lightning, folks. You don't want to get struck by that."
Barney walks through the room, wearing a suit. He's pulling his tie tight and he reaches for the remote. He picks it up and turns off the television, and then walks out the door.
____
Robin's Hotel Room
Robin's cell phone rings as she is packing her suitcase. She picks it up. "Hello?"
"Robin Scherbatsky?" a male voice can be heard on the other end of the line.
"Yes," she confirms.
"This is your airline calling about the flight you booked. It's been canceled due to the weather. If the lightning dies down, we can rebook you for tomorrow."
"Lightning? You're not flying because of a little---" Thunder cracks loudly and Robin jumps back from her window. "Is any other airline flying to the US?"
"I'm afraid not until after the thunderstorm."
"I see."
"Would you like us to rebook you?"
"No," says Robin. "This was a mistake. It's not supposed to happen." She clicked the phone off and set it on her bed.
Flash to "FOURS HOURS LATER"
Robin is pacing around her room, talking on the phone. "I know this is the fifth time I've called. But I'm a reporter, I'm trained to be thorough. Are you positive you can't get me home any sooner than Thursday?" She waits for a response. "Hello? Hello?" She looks at the phone and reads, 'Call ended.'
"Damn it," she cries, throwing the cell phone down on her bed. She covers her face with her hands. Thunder cracks again outside.
Kids, sometimes, when you think everything's lost - you should take a second and look around. The universe just might be helping you out. The stars just might be aligning for you. And a lightning storm might be keeping you in a foreign country for a good reason.
Robin hears banging on her screen door and turns to look at it. A man is on her balcony, slamming his fist against the glass, trying to get her attention. Her eyes are still blurry with tears, so she rubs them and blinks to make sure she isn't hallucinating, and then she hiccups, "Barney?"
Lightning strikes in the distance, illuminating the sky. She can see that it is Barney, looking strained and nervous about the weather behind him. Robin runs to the door and unlocks it. Sliding it open, she pulls Barney into her room. She slides it closed quickly, shutting out the strong winds, and turns to Barney.
"I was going to come home, but the storm," Robin rambles.
Barney stares at her with that pining, yet wounded look that makes her want to punch him in the shoulder.
Robin shuts her eyes and squeezes out the words, "I'm sorry, Barney."
He takes advantage of her blindness and pulls her head to his, kissing her deeply. She allows him to, clutching his shoulders and kissing him back.
After a few moments, Robin pulls back, pushing his shoulders away. "Barney, we have to discuss this."
"You know how I feel," he says seriously. "Nothing's changed for me." He touches the side of her face gently, brushing away strands of brown hair. "You're the most awesome person I've ever met."
Robin smiles into his palm. "Second most."
Barney shakes his head. "I'm willing to relinquish the crown."
She snorts. "Big compromise."
"Well, you know, I've acquired some new knowledge lately, Scherbatsky. I think I'm getting this 'feelings' thing now." Barney smiles widely.
Robin sighs. "I don't want everything to change." She pulls away from him and steps back.
Barney groans, rubbing the back of his neck. "What's gonna change? I'm still awesome; you're still Scherbatsky. We'll still be bros - just with benefits." He winks.
"Barney, you can't pretend that's all you're asking for," says Robin, throwing up her arms. "You say you . . . love me. That's huge - that's more than something casual. We can't just start having sex and let that solve all the tension."
Barney raises an eyebrow. "You sure?"
"Barney."
"Can you tell me that you don't feel anything between us?"
Robin stares at him for a moment. "No. Okay, no, I can't say that."
"Can you tell me that you don't think about me as more than a friend?"
She hesitates again. "No."
"Can you tell me that you don't want to be with me?"
"No," she cries instantly, turning away from him. "I missed you. I missed all your crude jokes and high-fives and making fun of Ted and bro-ing out and playing laser tag. I missed all the stupid stuff you say and how completely disgusting you can be. I missed the you who, underneath all that jackassery and Armani, really gets me . . . like no one else does."
Barney stares at the back of her head, watching her arms shake, unable to tell if she's upset or angry.
Finally, Robin sighs, runs a hand over her face and through her hair, and turns around. "I don't even understand. It makes perfect sense, but I don't understand it . . . and it scares me."
Barney gives her a sweet childish grin. "You missed me, Scherbatsky?" Robin laughs, as tears stain her cheeks. She throws her arms around Barney, and he hugs her tightly. He smoothes her hair down with his hand and presses his nose into it.
And that's how your Aunt Robin and Uncle Barney got together in Greece. There's a lot more that happens in their story, but we'll get to that later.
_____
MacLaren's
Ted, Marshall, and Lily are sitting at their booth, talking, when Robin and Barney walk in.
"Hey!" Lily cries excitedly, standing up to embrace Robin. "How was Greece?"
"Not that great," says Robin. She glances at Barney. "But then things took an upward turn."
"Yeah, you did," chuckles Barney, nodding.
"Had to," replies Robin, sitting down beside Ted in the booth.
Ted drops his head into his hands. "Are you going to act couply to pay me back?"
"No, of course not, Ted," says Barney, pulling up a chair and sitting at the end of the table. "Acting couply is lame - even if it's to teach a lesson." He turned to Robin. "Right, honey?"
"You got it, hot stuff," Robin winks at him.
"Noooooo!"
______
End.