Deidara wasn't sure what how this happened.
It had always managed to come to this before with other people, but he had never imagined it happening with Sasori.
But Deidara was naive, so maybe what he thought wasn't important. If Sasori had seemed different to him, if Sasori seemed like the type of person who would never let it come to this, then it was only because everyone seemed like that to Deidara.
he was shaking like fuck me hit me cut me kill me I'm going to kill you if I can ever stop shaking.
It was inevitable. Something had riled him up, something that made his and Sasori's blood boil, even though the redhead was known for his emotionlessness. He couldn't even remember what it was or what had been said. The last thing he did remember was sitting on the bed as his boyfriend peeked through the blinds. It was pouring rain outside. A storm, complete with thunder and lightning, was wreaking havoc. Oh and the wind; Deidara loved the wind because it blew things away, rent them from your hands, but the rain pissed him off, because it just felt like it would go on forever and ever and ever-
So he had been a bit fussy, and harsh words were exchanged; somehow it had gotten to this point, where they were a mess of insults and yells and pain and kicking, rolling like children on the carpet, no they couldn't have been children because children weren't this violent—
his nails were sharp scratching trails down arms face ripping hair what did I have in my hand I'm sure I stabbed you and I think it hit your face.
"Deidara. Dei, stop, calm down—"
Deidara pulled away from Sasori, who had stopped hitting back and now held one hand tightly over the right side of his face; he kept the other in front of him to protect himself from more injuries. Deidara, a mess of tears and blood and tears, scooted away until his back was to the wall. He crouched there, holding his knees as Sasori sat up, still clutching his face, his eye.
closed in pain in pain oh god I've blinded you Sasori I told you this would happen, you're hurt I hurt you why don't you ever hold me to my words?
He was still shaking from the sheer violence of it all; he had never wanted to hurt someone as much as he had wanted to hurt Sasori, he had never wanted to save someone as much as he wanted to save Sasori, from himself. He hated that he had no control (and what if he did have control, what if it was his fault for not trying hard enough?). He tried to put more distance between the two of them (what if he lashed out again, what if Sasori found the weapon Deidara has used on him and put it to further use?), but he couldn't get any closer to the wall, and the other three walls were already closing in on him.
New tears ran down his cheeks as he felt the tender spots on his arms. Sasori hadn't even hit him hard enough to hurt; this was his own fault, just like everything else was. In his fury he had banged his arms against the furniture and the floor. He was going to pretend it was Sasori's doing. It was all Sasori's fault anyway.
The redhead pulled his hand away from his face, showing that the injury had only been a scratch below his eye, and then turned away from Deidara. Sasori, Sasori, you're never supposed to put your back to your enemies, and now that this has happened we'll be enemies for life.
You can go now if you want, Deidara thought. I'm just going to close my eyes now, give in to the pain and the darkness and the blind burning violence because that's easiest; Sasori I'm sorry this is where things usually fall apart.
"Get out of my house," Deidara screamed. "Get out! Go!"
His voice escalated to louder than he'd heard himself in a long time and his tear-damp hair flung around his face, but Sasori wouldn't move; he only turned to the side and spat, "No," as he wiped his eyes. Oh god, Deidara was not the only one crying, was not the only one dead inside, oh no oh wait that was because of the physical pain, not the emotional; you don't care you don't care you hate me, I hate you.
"Leave me," Deidara sobbed. "Go, just go. If you don't I'll just hurt you again."
Sasori wouldn't listen to him; he turned and reached for the blonde, tears falling down his face as well. "No, you asshole." No matter how frantically Deidara tried, the wall behind him wouldn't crumble; there was nowhere to run. What if he needed to? What if Sasori wanted revenge, what if he haunted Deidara for the rest of his life trying to get it?
Deidara cried out and slid away on the wood floor as Sasori came closer, but he wasn't fast enough; Sasori lunged forward and grabbed Deidara, knocking the blonde to the floor as he did so. Deidara went completely limp. If he just laid there, Sasori would get bored. There was never a point in beating someone who didn't respond—Deidara knew this well. Sasori's firm (bone-shattering) grip tried to pull Deidara into a sitting position; in his panic he pushed Sasori off and tried to roll away, pathetic and disgusting, a scourge on both the world and everyone who tried to get close.
Sasori seized him again though (no mercy, no mercy ever) and shook him hard; Deidara cried and choked and struggled to breathe the air he was drowning in. "No," Sasori said. His rose voice like Deidara's had; not as loud, but it was ear-splitting considering the words he was speaking. "I won't, I won't leave you, I won't let you hurt me, and I won't ever hurt you either. Not again. Deidara, listen to me!"
Deidara closed his eyes and pressed his palms to his hears, childishly rebelling, unwilling to hear any of it.
Sasori spoke louder, transcending sound of the beating wind and the screaming inside Deidara's own head. "I won't, I refuse. Deidara, please!" A crack of thunder, and something inside Deidara broke, slammed forcefully into the walls like a 1eaf to the side of the house.
"I'm becoming my father," Deidara said.
And Sasori reached for him again, the sudden movement terrifying him.. His whole body went rigid, flinching and bracing for the impact, but then Sasori only pulled him close, into a hug (he won't hit me, he hasn't so far, not really, I am not the victim here oh god I am the attacker, and that bloody snowball keeps rolling) and Deidara began to cry again.
"I won't let it happen," Sasori said, with force, with emotion. "He should have gone to jail, Deidara you're a victim, he should have paid for what he did instead of letting you pay for it like you are now—"
His words were futile against Deidara; Deidara, who killed and granted life to everything he touched. Deidara's fingers almost ripped holes in Sasori's shirt but he didn't care at all; a piece of fabric was worth nothing next to Deidara, and if he didn't hold on tightly he'd never be able to retrieve him from the winds that might rend Deidara from his hands.
"We'll make it through this," Sasori said. "I swear."
Deidara only shook his head, we won't, we won't; but this, this is what makes Sasori different.
Unlike anyone before him, he keeps his promises, and they do.