Summary: Neil/Andrea random one-shot. She doesn't want him to go but will he stay, and what of those words she's been longing to hear.
Disclaimers: Characters featured belong to Talkback Thames Television, The Bill.
Author's Notes: Not much to say really. Just randomly found myself writing this one day. Lol. So just please read and review. And oh ta to Vix for help with titles, ideas etc is, as always apreciated. :)
The Words I've Longed To Hear
Neil Manson struggles to open his fast shutting eyes. The fact that it's still dark, pitch black dark to be exact, doesn't help. Reaching an arm out, he flicks the switch of the bedside lamp. A dull haze of light spreads across the double bed, but does nothing to stifle Neil's groan of protest. Laying his other arm across the waist of the body next to him, he attempts again to prise his tightly shutting eyes open. As the body next to him begins to stir, his tired eyes shift to the red LED display of the alarm clock, perched on the opposite bed side table. Ten past twelve the figures read, earning a regretful sigh from Neil.
Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, he tries to find the words, the words he hates as much as she does. He can tell from the change in her breathing that she's now awake.
"I'm sorry." He whispers. Although deep inside, he knows it'll do nothing to stifle or numb the blow of the words that always inevitably follow.
All he's gets for a response is a slight shift of head, burying her face against the crook of his arm, as her fingers lightly trace patterns over his chest.
"Andrea?" He tries again. Time is against him and the clock is still ticking on.
Her hand stills for a moment, but there's still no response. No sigh, or murmur just a heartfelt silence that's cast itself between them.
Her hand begins to move again, but quickly stills as Neil mutters the words. "Gotta go now."
"Bit longer?" Is whispered out. She doesn't normally ask. It's a pointless question anyway, she knows the answer. She's lucky he's stayed this long, her head tells her, it's late as it is and he'll need to get going to avoid questions at home, it doesn't stop her hopeless hoping though.
"I've stayed later than usual." Is the weak attempt at reasoning she gains.
It obtains nothing but a sigh in response, as Andrea turns over hiding her head in the empty pillow next to Neil's. It's the same every time, he comes and then goes. A few stolen, borrowed hours together, before the inevitable descends; he leaves to go home. Home not being with her, but with his wife and son. And no matter how much she loves the time they spend together, his leaving always puts a dampener on things. It becoming harder and more painful as time goes on.
"Andrea?" This is followed by a kiss pressed to her shoulder.
"Don't want you to go." Is the whispered reply. He thinks he can hear the break in her voice but despite the dim light from the lamp he can't see her face, it's buried in the pillow, hidden from view, disguising any visible emotions that there are to be seen.
Neil slips his arms back around her waist, tugging her back towards him. Andrea compiles turning over and resting her head back against his chest. Neil sighs, in his heart he doesn't want to leave her just yet but his head warns him he should be going.
"Can't you stay? Just for tonight, please? You've never stayed the whole night before." Andrea tear jerked question, cuts through the silence interrupting what his train of thought.
"I…I" Neil stutters, he eyes shifting over to look at the time. It had been late before, and it's even later now.
"Please." Andrea leans upon an elbow to look up at him, a pleading look in her eyes. "Just till morning."
"It's morning now." Neil answers, a smile creeping up on his face.
Andrea rolls her eyes and hits him playfully on the arm. "Proper morning." She protests, with a small smile, attempting to persuade him.
Neil smiles back, tracing a finger down her face, about to give an answer.
But the soft bleeping of a phone interrupts it.
"I need to get that." He regretfully tells Andrea.
She nods silently, and turns away again. It'll be Phillipa she knows, and Neil won't make an excuse, he'll give in and go home. Pull away in a rush to avoid being caught out. Leaving Andrea alone. As always. It hurts but that's the way it is, any ground they'd gained now lost to a phone call. Lost, just as Andrea's heart is to him. Whilst Neil's heart is torn between wife and lover. And Andrea doubts it'll ever have the strength to choose between the two.
She turns onto her side watching Neil, mobile now in one hand, talking to his wife. She doesn't bother trying to listen; the conversation holds no interest to her. She already knows the outcome. Not wanting to have to deal with Neil leaving, Andrea slips out of bed and pulls a bathrobe found lying on the floor around her. Wandering through to the living area of her small, but adequate enough for one flat, she finds herself standing close to the window of the room, gazing out at the street below.
Despite the time of night, there's still the odd car that speeds past along the road every now and then, interrupting the elsewhere silence of the night.
She continues to stare out, her mind so deeply lost in thought. She doesn't notice Neil come up behind her until his arms encircle her waist.
He plants a kiss to the back of head before starting to say, "I've got to…"
"Go. I know" Andrea finishes for him bluntly, a bitter edge now laces her words a contrast to the earlier tone of regret.
"I've got to check the car's locked." Neil repeats just as Andrea pulls from his hold to turn round to face him. "And then I'll be back up." He finishes, searching Andrea's puzzled face for a reaction.
A half smile catches on Andrea's face as the words sink in and begin to mean something to her. "So..?" She questions.
"So…" Neil repeats, matching her half smile. "I'm staying the night."
Andrea's smile widens. "You are. But…the phone call?"
"Was Phillipa. I told her I'd been working late and was staying at a friends. And that I want to talk to her about things when I get home."
"Things?" Andrea queries.
"Yep. Things." Neil says, taking Andrea's hands in his own. "I…I" His eyes glance at the floor as he struggles to find the words he wants. "I'm fed up with things. I want…more. More than just a few stolen hours, here and there. I don't want to have to say sorry anymore because I can't give you what you want, need, deserve even."
"You're not. You're not ending us." Andrea misreads the words and attempts to shrug her hands out of his grasp.
"No." Neil answers, tightening his grasp. "I…I love you. I want to be with you. Not just for a night but all the time."
"And Phillipa?"
"I'll talk to her tomorrow." Neil confirms.
Andrea smiles and leans forward to press a kiss to Neil's lips. "I love you too." She whispers.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
It's Neil who's initiates the passionate kiss that then follows.