Hey guys, so this is my first time actually writing a fanfic, so please bear with me as I learn the ropes and get the hang of it! The first few chapters will be shorter than most, so as the story progresses they will probably get longer. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy the story & please feel free to leave some feedback!
*I own nothing, all rights go to Dick Wolf*
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Three years. That's how long it's been since she last saw him. She still missed him, he had been the closest thing to a family she'd ever had—and probably ever would have. It hadn't been easy at first, going into work day after day—knowing that he wouldn't be there. But she eventually adjusted to Rollins and Amaro—not that she had much of a choice.
Cragen had given her an ultimatum; either she learned to work with other detectives, or she could kiss her badge goodbye.
Deep down Olivia always knew he would be the first to leave—he was the one with the wife and kids, the one with a life outside the precinct. And even though she'd always been aware of this, she imagined he would've at least offered her a formal farewell when he did decide to leave.
But he hadn't. He'd simply left without a goodbye, without an explanation, leaving her alone with her thoughts and wondering "why" for countless hours, day after day, for three years.
Over the years, somehow, someway, Olivia had developed feelings for Elliot that she couldn't explain. She was almost positive it was love, but it felt wrong. It felt wrong because Elliot was married, he had a family, and she was just his partner. That was all she'd ever been.
She had never openly admitted her feelings for Elliot, not even to Alex, her best friend. Instead, she buried her feelings deep in the back of her mind, because if she didn't, the memory of Elliot would consume her every thought.
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It had been a long day.
They'd been working the same case for over a week and still didn't have enough evidence to produce a suspect.
Cases like this killed Olivia; they made her feel like she wasn't doing her job right, like she wasn't only letting herself down, but that she was also letting down the victim. They also made her wish Elliot was still there—assuring her that they'd catch the perp and that it would all work out in the end.
Amaro was a good partner, he constantly tried his best to reassure Olivia that she was a good detective and that everything would be okay—but it wasn't the same. And maybe it never would be, but she had learned to accept that Nick was her partner now—and that was that.
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By the time she reached her apartment building, it was well past 9pm and all Olivia could think about was dinner, a hot shower, and the warmth of her bed. She took out her keys and checked her mailbox, only to find a single envelope. And there, addressed to Ms. Olivia Benson, was a letter from Mr. Elliot Stabler.
Olivia's pulse was racing and her palms were sweating so much she could barely turn the doorknob to her apartment. She switched on the kitchen light and tossed her keys onto the counter. Her hands trembled as she slowly tore open the envelope and removed a single sheet of paper that contained a handwritten letter from Elliot himself.
Liv—
I know it's been three years. I don't know what to say or how to fix what I've done, but I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, and even though I don't deserve it, I hope you can forgive me. The truth is I wasn't strong enough to say goodbye. I thought that you would be better off without me and I felt unworthy of having you as a partner. I felt as if I'd failed you, and after so many years of screwing up, I couldn't bear to know that I had disappointed you again. So much has changed in the past three years, but not a day has gone by that I don't feel remorse and guilt for what I did to you. I need to see you; I need to talk to you. I want to fix this, I'm not asking you to forgive me right away, but I'm asking you for a chance to explain. Meet me on Wednesday at noon. The coffee place on 5th and Park.
—Elliot
After reading the letter four times, she tossed it in the trash. Because after three years of completely cutting her out of his life, he thought that writing some bullshit letter saying "I'm sorry" was gonna change what he did. But he was mistaken, because she was above his mind games. If he really wanted to fix what he'd done, he was going to have to do more than write a few sentences trying to justify his reasoning. He could take his coffee and shove it.