Just some short drabbles on Emily actually being pregnant. Holla.

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Abort

Chapter 1

Emily never wanted to have a baby. She knew the sacrifices she had to make years ago when she first decided to take down the Graysons. She knew she couldn't be a mother; she couldn't be a sister, a wife or even a friend. Not in the way that matters. She couldn't afford to have the luxuries of friendship or of love. She couldn't have any loose ends flying around.

Look what Amanda did to her. Look what Jack did to her. Look what Aiden did to her. Look how they took her off track, how they distracted her from her main goal. Look how many mistakes she made because of them, how many times she missed her exit and had to make a U-turn. Look how many times she had come close to watching her well-laid plans burn to ashes before her eyes. Look at how many times she got scorched in her own flames.

And now, look at what Daniel had done to her. Look at what late night sex with her alleged fiancé had done to her. It left her with a heavy rock on her finger and an erratic heartbeat (not only working for one but now for two). It wrecked her. Daniel had wrecked her. It was the perfect revenge, and if she didn't know him as well as she did, she would have thought he had planned it all out. That he planned to get her pregnant to trap her in their marriage, to prevent her from leaving with Aiden.

Aiden who had loved her on her worst of days. Aiden who she thought she could live with for the rest of her life and pretend nothing had ever hurt her. Where she could pretend to be anybody and do anything and everything she could think of. Where she could be the girl next door and make lemonade in her free time because she didn't have to scheme or blackmail someone into doing her will. He didn't only offer her a way out, he offered her a future. He gave her hope at a chance of being normal. And being normal was something she never had the chance of being. She went from juvie to the Hamptons, from pauper to princess but she was never just Amanda, the average teenaged girl. The average young woman struggling to find a job who would someday meet someone and fall in love. She would never smile and actually mean it without worrying about everything blowing up in her face. She would never drop her kids off to school or rush home after work to make dinner for her family.

Between her never-never-never-will-I-ever's she held her breath. Maybe it was Aiden's? And her spirits lifted for only a moment because she knew that Aiden wasn't the one she had been having rough sex with at nights to distract her conscious from the dirty things she had done. And while she had done Aiden (as well as have things done to her by Aiden) there was a stabbing guilt and hatred that came with the conception of this baby. An unconscious knowing, something she tried to bury behind her revenge. Something that looked a lot like late nights with Daniel.

Every bride to be dreams of bearing a child for the groom. Everyone except Emily Thorne of course. She never had a mother of her own, not one that stayed around to do things like brush her hair or take her to ballet, so how could she ever be one herself? She had a father, but he was taken away from her. And when she suffered the most, when she needed him the most, when she needed someone the most, all she had were her fading memories and a dirty pillow to soak up her salty tears.

She hated Conrad for framing her father and she hated Victoria even more for never stepping in to clear her father's name. She hated Daniel for ruining this for her. She hated him for being born into the Grayson family. She hated herself for never learning how to forgive or let go, for festering her ugly thoughts until she made them a reality. And if she hated Daniel and she hated herself, then she already hated everything about this baby.

It was why she couldn't keep it. Her. Him. Their thing.

Their baby.

No, their fetus. It was only a fetus. It wasn't a baby just yet.

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She had scheduled three abortions under fake names but she had missed them all. It's not like she missed them on purpose, but she just had things to do, people to take down, you know, the usual Emily Thorne stuff. Which was exactly why she couldn't have a baby screwing everything up. She couldn't have it inside of her, demanding extra food, demanding extra sleep, swelling her ankles and making her body ache in places that only ached after a brutal take down (that almost went sour but really didn't because she was Emily Thorne and nothing goes without her say).

So she drank an extra cup of coffee in the morning and went jogging for 30 additional minutes. She did jumping jacks in the shower, hoping she would accidentally slip and fall. Anything to get rid of it. Of him. Of her. It wasn't like she hadn't already committed murder…

Speaking of murder, how could she take anyone down with a baby? How could she creep through the dark or drag a dead body behind her with a giant 9 month bump sticking out from her stomach? She did everything she could think of, but she never bled.

So somehow she found herself blurting it out.

"I'm pregnant," was what she was thinking of saying. I'm pregnant and I can't get rid of it. Of you. I tried so hard but it won't let go.

I'm pregnant but I can't afford to love someone this much. I can't afford to have something remind me that I'm just a girl, a little damaged girl with a little damaged heart. I can't afford having someone depend on me twenty-four seven because one day I might not ever come back. I can't afford having something to come home to. I can't afford the risk. I can't afford this baby messing up my plans.

Poor little rich girl.

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Just testing the waters here, but tell me what you think?