(A/N: Yes, this is my pathetic stab at a humor fic. I thought of the idea
last night before I was ready to fall asleep. I thought you might enjoy
reading this.
Why did I think of this? I was getting a little tired of hearing all about romances and stuff. So here it is: the parody of every ship that has ever sailed (and some that haven't) will be made fun of here!)
The Ships are Sailing
Episode One: Harry and Hermione
[The setting is the Gryffindor common room. HARRY and HERMIONE are mysteriously ALONE.]
HERMIONE: Hello, Harry. Have you noticed my new figure, complete with curves?
[HARRY notices.]
HARRY: Hermione, I am suddenly in love with you.
HERMIONE: Wow, Harry.
HARRY: Do you remember fourth year, when we were always alone together.
[HERMIONE thinks about this.]
HERMIONE: Yes.
HARRY: I hated it.
HERMIONE: Really?
HARRY: Yes, we spent all our time in the library.
[HERMIONE looks downtrodden.]
HERMIONE: I thought books were a real turn-on.
HARRY: And I was so sick of you, I just wanted Ron back as a friend.
HERMIONE: I love you.
[HARRY smiles.]
HARRY: I love you.
HERMIONE: It was nice to think about our past romantic moments. Let's do it again.
[HARRY and HERMIONE can't seem to recall anything.]
HARRY: Come to think of it, there aren't any.
HERMIONE: There was the time you ditched Cho to come see me.
HARRY: Cho ditched me. Then I had to see you and Skeeter.
[HERMIONE SMILES.]
HARRY: But that just gave all the authors reason to write more Harry and Hermione romances.
[AUTHORS of various romance fics look dejected. RANDOM AUTHOR #1 arrives.]
RANDOM AUTHOR #1: There are many more reasons!
[HARRY and HERMIONE are too busy SNOGGING to notice that there are now TWO RANDOM AUTHORS that have FALLEN from the CEILING.]
RANDOM AUTHOR #2: See?
RANDOM AUTHOR #1: I concur. See my use of vocabulary?
[The READERS don't seem to understand, but keep reading, anyway.]
RON: Hey!
[The READERS are too absorbed in HARRY and HERMIONE to notice RON.]
RON: Harry, I'm your best friend!
[HARRY pays no attention to the fact that RON even exists.]
RANDOM AUTHOR #3: Ron, you are a problem. You are ruining the part where Harry and Hermione fall in love and are better friends than you.
RON: What? Have I mentioned that I still love Hermione?
[The READERS are UPSET. RANDOM AUTHOR #4 FALLS from the CEILING.]
RANDOM AUTHOR #4: Ron, you need to die.
[RON DIES. HARRY and HERMIONE make a show of PRETENDING to CARE.]
HERMIONE: Harry, your best friend died.
HARRY: Best friend? I don't have a best friend. I only love you.
HERMIONE: Than who is that kid with red hair?
[The RANDOM AUTHORS decide that RON DYING has created too much tragedy, because HARRY and HERMIONE have taken one second to remember that they actually liked RON, who liked HERMIONE.]
[ANOTHER RANDOME AUTHOR suddenly APPEARS out of NOWHERE.]
RANDOM AUTHOR #5: Ron, you have to come back to life so Harry and Hermione can live together peacefully.
[RON is MYSTERIOUSLY RESURRECTED.]
RON: Hey guys, remember me?
HARRY: No, I hate you.
HERMIONE: I hate you more.
[The RANDOM AUTHORS decide that there should probably be a reason that HARRY and HERMIONE hate RON.]
HARRY: You killed my family!
READERS: . . . . . . . . .
HERMIONE: You're a Death Eater, Ron! We hate you!
[RON suddenly turns into a DEATH EATER and leaves in jealousy, so HARRY and HERMIONE can snog each other in peace, without a guilty thought on their PURE minds.]
SNAPE: Ten points from Gryffindor.
[The READERS are suddenly confused.]
SNAPE: What? It just wouldn't be a fan fic without me, would it?
[The READERS pretend to care. Meanwhile, HARRY and HERMIONE have decided to get MARRIED.]
HARRY: Will you marry me?
HERMIONE: Yes, of course. I love the way you have forgotten that you are supposed to fight the Dark Lord.
[HARRY and HERMIONE get MARRIED, and a wide assortment of GUESTS arrive.]
RITA SKEETER: I knew it!
HARRY: Yes, you were always my favorite reporter.
CHO: Harry, Harry, I still like you!
[The READERS all suddenly HATE CHO, and think she is a SLUT.]
HERMIONE: You're just a slut. Back off, Harry's mine.
CHO: Since I am mindless and do not care, I will leave, turn into an ugly, overweight pig, be ugly, and never marry.
[CHO DOES. The READERS and RANDOM AUTHORS are PLEASED.]
HARRY: Now that everyone is okay with us, we can live happily ever after.
[VOLDEMORT DIES, RON DIES, MALFOY DIES, SNAPE DIES, CHO DIES, GINNY DIES, and EVERYONE ELSE OPPOSED TO HARRY/HERMIONE ALSO DIES.]
HERMIONE: The end.
[The RANDOM AUTHORS all give each other HIGH FIVES for the great work they have created.]
(A/N: Well, I don't think it was very funny. It was just my clichéd views on how some very bad authors choose to construct fics. I hope you enjoyed it! I have some VERY odd ships next!
Would anyone like to make a request? I'll make fun of anything, to the best of my ability!
--Clayr)
Why did I think of this? I was getting a little tired of hearing all about romances and stuff. So here it is: the parody of every ship that has ever sailed (and some that haven't) will be made fun of here!)
The Ships are Sailing
Episode One: Harry and Hermione
[The setting is the Gryffindor common room. HARRY and HERMIONE are mysteriously ALONE.]
HERMIONE: Hello, Harry. Have you noticed my new figure, complete with curves?
[HARRY notices.]
HARRY: Hermione, I am suddenly in love with you.
HERMIONE: Wow, Harry.
HARRY: Do you remember fourth year, when we were always alone together.
[HERMIONE thinks about this.]
HERMIONE: Yes.
HARRY: I hated it.
HERMIONE: Really?
HARRY: Yes, we spent all our time in the library.
[HERMIONE looks downtrodden.]
HERMIONE: I thought books were a real turn-on.
HARRY: And I was so sick of you, I just wanted Ron back as a friend.
HERMIONE: I love you.
[HARRY smiles.]
HARRY: I love you.
HERMIONE: It was nice to think about our past romantic moments. Let's do it again.
[HARRY and HERMIONE can't seem to recall anything.]
HARRY: Come to think of it, there aren't any.
HERMIONE: There was the time you ditched Cho to come see me.
HARRY: Cho ditched me. Then I had to see you and Skeeter.
[HERMIONE SMILES.]
HARRY: But that just gave all the authors reason to write more Harry and Hermione romances.
[AUTHORS of various romance fics look dejected. RANDOM AUTHOR #1 arrives.]
RANDOM AUTHOR #1: There are many more reasons!
[HARRY and HERMIONE are too busy SNOGGING to notice that there are now TWO RANDOM AUTHORS that have FALLEN from the CEILING.]
RANDOM AUTHOR #2: See?
RANDOM AUTHOR #1: I concur. See my use of vocabulary?
[The READERS don't seem to understand, but keep reading, anyway.]
RON: Hey!
[The READERS are too absorbed in HARRY and HERMIONE to notice RON.]
RON: Harry, I'm your best friend!
[HARRY pays no attention to the fact that RON even exists.]
RANDOM AUTHOR #3: Ron, you are a problem. You are ruining the part where Harry and Hermione fall in love and are better friends than you.
RON: What? Have I mentioned that I still love Hermione?
[The READERS are UPSET. RANDOM AUTHOR #4 FALLS from the CEILING.]
RANDOM AUTHOR #4: Ron, you need to die.
[RON DIES. HARRY and HERMIONE make a show of PRETENDING to CARE.]
HERMIONE: Harry, your best friend died.
HARRY: Best friend? I don't have a best friend. I only love you.
HERMIONE: Than who is that kid with red hair?
[The RANDOM AUTHORS decide that RON DYING has created too much tragedy, because HARRY and HERMIONE have taken one second to remember that they actually liked RON, who liked HERMIONE.]
[ANOTHER RANDOME AUTHOR suddenly APPEARS out of NOWHERE.]
RANDOM AUTHOR #5: Ron, you have to come back to life so Harry and Hermione can live together peacefully.
[RON is MYSTERIOUSLY RESURRECTED.]
RON: Hey guys, remember me?
HARRY: No, I hate you.
HERMIONE: I hate you more.
[The RANDOM AUTHORS decide that there should probably be a reason that HARRY and HERMIONE hate RON.]
HARRY: You killed my family!
READERS: . . . . . . . . .
HERMIONE: You're a Death Eater, Ron! We hate you!
[RON suddenly turns into a DEATH EATER and leaves in jealousy, so HARRY and HERMIONE can snog each other in peace, without a guilty thought on their PURE minds.]
SNAPE: Ten points from Gryffindor.
[The READERS are suddenly confused.]
SNAPE: What? It just wouldn't be a fan fic without me, would it?
[The READERS pretend to care. Meanwhile, HARRY and HERMIONE have decided to get MARRIED.]
HARRY: Will you marry me?
HERMIONE: Yes, of course. I love the way you have forgotten that you are supposed to fight the Dark Lord.
[HARRY and HERMIONE get MARRIED, and a wide assortment of GUESTS arrive.]
RITA SKEETER: I knew it!
HARRY: Yes, you were always my favorite reporter.
CHO: Harry, Harry, I still like you!
[The READERS all suddenly HATE CHO, and think she is a SLUT.]
HERMIONE: You're just a slut. Back off, Harry's mine.
CHO: Since I am mindless and do not care, I will leave, turn into an ugly, overweight pig, be ugly, and never marry.
[CHO DOES. The READERS and RANDOM AUTHORS are PLEASED.]
HARRY: Now that everyone is okay with us, we can live happily ever after.
[VOLDEMORT DIES, RON DIES, MALFOY DIES, SNAPE DIES, CHO DIES, GINNY DIES, and EVERYONE ELSE OPPOSED TO HARRY/HERMIONE ALSO DIES.]
HERMIONE: The end.
[The RANDOM AUTHORS all give each other HIGH FIVES for the great work they have created.]
(A/N: Well, I don't think it was very funny. It was just my clichéd views on how some very bad authors choose to construct fics. I hope you enjoyed it! I have some VERY odd ships next!
Would anyone like to make a request? I'll make fun of anything, to the best of my ability!
--Clayr)