It was raining. This Beca knew, if the rivulets of water running down her face were any indication. Her legs pumping, she knew she needed to get to her destination before she did something truly horrible to herself. She was a victim of her own mind. Red, watered down streams ran down her arm, from the cuts spread across her forearms. A soaking, dripping t-shirt hung on her petite, thin frame, which was currently shaking from her sobs. Her socks were beyond soaked, inside her sneakers. She slipped and slid until she reached the door. Wrapping her bleeding arm around her midsection to hide the injuries, she knocked on the door desperately. After a few minutes, a light turned on and the door unlocked.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" The blonde snarled, making to close the door again as soon as she saw the DJ. Beca whimpered and placed her arm weakly against the closing door. A little too late, as the Bella captain shut the door firmly, locking it.
"Please. I just need to see Chloe." The brunette whispered through her tears, the sky letting loose its torrent on top her head. She fell on her knees, sobbing.
"Oh my god." Aubrey breathed, a hand over her mouth as she opened the door. A limp, pale body fell towards her. The blonde kneeled down and felt for a pulse, breathing a sigh of short-lived relief as she felt a faint one. "CHLOE! Call 911!" She scooped the small brunette into her arms and carried her inside.
"What? Bree, why? Oh my god, Beca..." Chloe gasped as she made her way out of the kitchen. "Baby, no. No." The redhead sobbed, collapsing beside the brunette. "Beca, wake up. Babe, please wake up." The redhead kissed her cold, clammy forehead again and again. The sirens wailing in the distance couldn't drown out Chloe's sobs.
Beca groaned as she sat up, strangely comfortable. She looked around, surprised. She had remembered arriving at Aubrey's house, looking for Chloe. A vicious sadness flooded her entire body as she remembered exactly what had happened that night. A small tear made its way down her face as she looked at her arm, seeing the bandages and recalling every slash and tear she had made in her own skin.
"Hey, baby. How're you feeling?" Chloe paused in the doorway, seeing the emotions across the brunette's face. She sat down by the bed, taking a hand in both of hers.
"Not...great. I know I should've called. I lost my phone. After the...after I walked out on you guys." The brunette whimpered, as another tear rolled down her face. She sat quietly for a moment. "I'm sorry, Chloe." She sobbed, crying into her hands. The redhead watched helplessly for a while. She toed off her shoes, and, climbing into bed with the DJ, wrapped her arms around Beca.
"Why are you sorry? Babe, it's okay. Shh...don't cry. Everything's going to be fine." She soothed, running her hands gently down Beca's back. She looked up and saw Aubrey standing in the doorway, shooting her a sad smile. The blonde made her way towards the bed. Beca looked up, and immediately turned her face back into the crook of Chloe's neck, shaking. "Shh...Beca. She's not going to hurt you. I'm sorry, Bree. She's just fragile at the moment." Chloe explained, reaching for Aubrey's hand. The blonde grimaced.
"I should have let her in." Her voice quavered, as she tried to hold in tears. "She was at the door last night and I should have let her in."
"It's okay, Bree. You were angry. I'm sure I wouldn't have been welcoming either, if I were you." Chloe soothed, still clutching the blonde's hand.
"Beca." The blonde breathed, not daring to reach for the brunette huddled in Chloe's arms. "Beca, I'm so sorry." She whispered harshly, her sobs cutting off her words. Aubrey looked up when a small, cold hand slipped clumsily into hers.
"It's okay, Bree. I know you were mad. I'm...I'm sorry for the fight. I was off my meds." The brunette's voice was raspy from crying; she had bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. Beca slipped out of Chloe's arms and kneeled on the bed to gently pull the blonde captain into a hug, holding her shaking body.
"Beca...I was so scared. This morning...I thought you died. And it was all my fault. Beca...I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Aubrey repeated the words over and over again, as her sobs died down. Chloe smiled as she saw the scene unfold in front of her, the grudging friendship the two had before being stitched back up, just like two halves of a broken heart.
"Bree, don't you have a class?" Chloe asked, curious.
"Yeah, so I have to get going. I'll be back, Bec. I promise." She vowed, kissing the brunette gently on the cheek. Beca wrinkled her nose.
"Gawd, you're sappy when I'm in the hospital." The brunette mocked, a smirk already sliding its way onto her face. "Ladies, please. There's enough of me for both of you."
"Gross, Mitchell. I have a girlfriend, thanks. Clearly I picked the right one, too, if this is anything to go by." With a wink and a toss of her blonde locks, Aubrey strode out of the room.
"I'm glad you guys made up." Chloe said quietly, as she watched her friend leave. "It was hell being the middle man."
"I'm sorry, Chlo. I know I said I was over the cutting. I never meant to make you cry, I swear. I was just – "
"—I know, you were angry. You both were. I know." Chloe paused for a moment, looking blankly at the wall. "It didn't hurt me any less this morning when I thought you'd killed yourself, though." Her breath shuddered as she breathed in. She raised a shaky hand to brush away an invisible lock of hair. Beca kneeled in front of her girlfriend and caught her face in both of her hands.
"I'm sorry, Chloe. I really am. I thought I could do without meds, but the truth is that I'm not there yet. I wanted to be better. For you. I'm so sorry I couldn't be."
"No, Bec, no. I'm not blaming you. I know it's been hard. I want to be here for you. But I just —" The redhead sobbed, choking on her words. "—I don't know how. I'm sorry, Bec, I'm sorry I don't know how to help you." She gasped, looking away. But Beca moved her head back to its original position. She placed her lips gently on Chloe's, an apology, and a promise to mend whatever was broken.
"It's not your job to have all the answers. That's Lara's." The brunette murmured, referencing her psychiatrist. "Or Bree's." She added, chuckling. That got Chloe started too, and they laughed together, finally finding relief from the pain and hurt they had been holding in for so long.
"Beca, no. Stop. That's not the answer." Chloe's voice was calm and stern, as she slipped her hand into her girlfriend's. Gently, she manoeuvred the brunette into her arms and away from the ledge of the building. "There's my girl...shhhh...everything's going to be fine. Bree's got dinner waiting at home. Shhh...I got you, babe. I got you." She lifted the sobbing mass into her arms and carried her down to the car.
"I'm sorry." A timid voice rose from the brunette as she clutched on to Chloe.
"I know, babe, I know. But you need to take the meds to get better." The redhead reasoned, stroking her hair softly.
"I don't like how they make me feel." Beca whimpered, burying her face in the crook of Chloe's neck.
"Well, is this any better?" Chloe asked, wiping away the brunette's tears with her thumb. Beca shook her head slowly.
"No." She whispered quietly.
"How are you doing?" The blonde asked quietly, looking at the TV. It had been a year since Beca had gotten out of the hospital; half a year since her last suicide attempt. After a long pause, the DJ spoke.
"Better." Aubrey's head snapped towards her, surprised.
"Really?" She asked, more than a little taken aback by the response.
"Yeah. I...never apologized for scaring you that day. I know you were worried sick and Chloe was looking all over for me..." Beca shook her head, rubbing a hand over her face. She looked up as Aubrey slipped a hand into hers.
"Never apologize for failure. There will always be failure. Apologize for not trying to make things better." The blonde murmured, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "I learned that lesson from Stacie."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." Aubrey nodded. "When we first started dating, I was so scared. I'd never felt that intensity of emotion before, and I know you know what I'm talking about. The first time I broke up with her was one of the worst days of my life. It was right before winter break, when I was going to go home and visit my parents. I knew they wouldn't approve of Stace, so I ended things. I did that four more times until Chloe woke me up one morning and slapped me across the face. I didn't want to fail my dad, but I ended up failing my own girlfriend. After the fourth time, Stacie didn't come back. And that's when I realized that I couldn't live without her. Never apologize for failure. Apologize for not trying to make things right."
"I was so angry at you, for so long." Beca muttered, nervously raking a hand through her hair. "She cried, every time you broke up with her. I'd never seen her cry before, and I'm her best friend. I was determined to hate you. Even more so than when I first joined the Bellas." They both chuckled ruefully. There was a long, content silence as the TV flickered in front of them. "Bree?"
"Hm?" Aubrey looked up.
"Thanks."
"What for?" The former Bella captain asked, confused.
"For not judging me. And trusting Chloe to make things better, even though they got a lot worse before they did." Beca murmured, smiling at her feet.
"No. Thank you, for letting me work things out with Stacie without murdering me in my bed." Aubrey chuckled, brushing off Beca's thanks. No thanks were needed for a common, human state of mind. They sat in a warm, content silence for a while, until the front door burst open, announcing the return of their better halves.
"Bree! Bree! Look!" The tall, leggy brunette who had so easily captured Aubrey's heart all but ran up to her wife. The latter quickly silenced her with a kiss, pulling her down on the couch to sit next to her.
"What?" The blonde finally asked, laughing as Stacie pretended to swoon.
"Look!" The excited brunette pulled out a shoebox from a paper bag. The blonde lifted the lid cautiously. Suddenly, a grin split her face.
"Stace!" She exclaimed, pulling out a pair of strappy heels. "You got me new shoes? Omigod, they're gorgeous!"
"No, but ask me what they're for!" Aubrey's wife was practically bouncing on the couch.
"Okaayy...what are they for?" The blonde asked hesitantly, not entirely sure where the conversation would lead.
"Beca got us reservations to that restaurant you've been dying to go to." Chloe squealed, clapping her hands and giggling. The blonde looked at the DJ, shocked.
"You what?!" Aubrey's voice rose with incredulity.
"Yeah, I had the owner's daughter come in and she wanted to thank me for a job well done on her record, so I asked. She totally had other things in mind, which I mean I totally would've been okay with...had I not been married..." The DJ's voice trailed quickly as she visibly shrank under her wife's glare.
"You didn't tell me that part last night, babe." Chloe's eyes narrowed. Beca got up clumsily, as fast as she could.
"I love you..." The petite brunette wrapped her arms around Chloe's waist and kissed her softly, stealthily making her way towards the spot she knew would make Chloe...the redhead suddenly became boneless in Beca's arms. Suddenly, someone cleared their throat.
"Ahem...yeah. Sorry." Beca sprang away from her wife guiltily. "Yeah, so reservations are for tonight, for the four of us at 7."
"7?! But it's like 5 now!" Aubrey yelped, jumping up from the couch. Stacie quickly placed a hand on her forearm.
"Yes, babe. It's at 7. Which means you have two whole hours to get dressed while I look for a dress you haven't ruined." Stacie grinned lewdly at the blonde. Aubrey chuckled.
"I haven't ruined all of your dresses..."
"Um...no. Most of them." Stacie called at Aubrey and Beca's retreating backs as they headed upstairs to shower.
"Beca?"
"Yeah?" Beca looked up.
"Thanks." Aubrey smiled, before she entered the bathroom.
"Bree, you've done so much for me. Besides, it's literally the least I can do. It's not like I'm paying." Beca grinned back. "Ariel promised it would all be complimentary."
"Ugh. You and your charm. I worry about your life expectancy sometimes. You do realize who you're married to, yeah?" The blonde grinned back just as evilly.
"Of course." Beca smiled. "Seriously, though, Bree. I know this case absolutely killed you. We've all been working way too hard. Especially you guys making sure I take my meds and stuff. I just...I guess I wanted to do something for my favourite lawyer and her wife, you know?"
"Well, this lawyer is very grateful." Aubrey smiled, before shutting the door.