"Yeah okay thanks," he sighed putting his phone down next to him and continued to stare at the ceiling. The room lit up dimly again as his phone received a text message. He sighed lifting it up and reading the green letters on the screen.

"Meet me downstairs, Liv."

He threw the phone down without replying and climbed out of bed, he pulled on a pair of sweats and his t-shirt before he grabbed a pair of socks and moved into the living room. He sat down on his couch and finished getting dressed before grabbing his hoody as he walked towards his door and grabbed his keys and wallet out of habit.

He zipped up his hoody as he got in elevator and leant back against the walls rubbing his eyes. He didn't know what Olivia wanted, he just hoped it wasn't another argument, things had been a little strained since she had come back and the last thing he needed right now was another fight.

Elliot chuckled to himself at his own thoughts. A little strained was an under-statement, they couldn't be in the same room for more than five minutes without fighting. He had felt sure Cragen was going to split them up during this last case.

The elevator doors opened and he walked out taking a deep breath. He needed to stay calm. She had come to him wanting to talk.

"No fighting, no matter what," he said under his breath before he pushed open the door and walked out to her. She was sat on the steps outside the door.

Without turning around she held up a takeaway coffee cup to him and he couldn't help but smile.

"Thanks," he said taking it and sitting down closely next to her. "Is that a flower in your cup?" he asked her as he looked into her cup.

"Its tea," she said in a way of explanation.

"Your serious about that aren't you?" he said referring to earlier when she refused a soda. Olivia just nodded.

"I couldn't sleep," she told him as she looked down into her cup.

"Me either," he said taking off the top to his coffee and taking a drink of the hot liquid.

"Valerie Sennet wasn't raped," she told him. "She was sleeping with a law firm investigator." She waited for Elliot to gloat that he had been right, but he just sat there his elbows resting on his knees. "She really put her husband through the ringer," she bit down on her lower lip before taking a sip of her tea.

"She died 20 minutes ago," he said with a slight sigh to his voice.

Olivia glanced at him before going back to concentrate on the flower in her cup.

"She knew she was gonna die, and she still lied to my face," she said her voice breaking through anger more than anything else. She had believed Valerie refusing to even listen to Elliot about her husband being innocent. She wouldn't blame Elliot if he threw it back in her face, she had been a total bitch to him throughout the case.

"When love warps into hate, there's nothing you won't do," he said out loud and not really to Olivia. "That's why I signed the divorce papers I don't want Kathy to ever regret me." There were other reasons as well as this one but he didn't think now was the time to bring it up. They were actually talking for the first time since she got back in a civilised manor.

"That's a step in the right direction Elliot," she said looking at him and nudging her leg against his. She wondered whether to bring up her meeting with Kathy but decided against it not wanting to turn this into an argument which it could well do. "So are we okay?" she asked him. She had missed him so much when she had been away, she knew she had been stand offish since she got back that was because of Dani Beck and she guessed he was still pissed at her for leaving.

"I just need space to disagree with you, so I don't feel like it's gonna cost me our partnership."

"You've never been gun shy before," she said surprised that he had admitted something like that.

"Yeah, well you know, things change," he told her taking another drink of his coffee. Olivia knew he was referring to the fact she had left him twice the first time being computer crimes, after an argument and one of the worst cases they had ever worked together. Something happened in that case that changed the dynamics between them, and it wasn't a good thing. She needed to try and lighten the conversation before the mood totally changed.

"Like you said," she smiled knocking his knee with hers. "You're the longest relationship I've ever had with a man…. Who else would put up with me?"

Elliot couldn't help but smile as she used his words against her from earlier.

"You hungry?" she asked realising she hadn't had anything to eat for almost 24 hours.

"I could go for a bite," he said taking another drink from his cup. "Who's buying?"

"Well you are going through a divorce and you do have four children….. So I guess you are," she grinned.

Elliot looked at her and smirked.

"That's what I thought," he laughed.

"Hey I bought you a coffee," she laughed with him as he put the top back on his cup before standing up and holding out his hand for her. She looked at him a surprised at the gesture before she took it and he pulled her to her feet.

"So where do you want to go?" he asked her.

She shrugged as he took her cup from her and walked over to the bin and threw them in.

"You're paying so you choose," she smiled and he just shook his head.

"You have your car here?" he asked her. She shook her head.

"I walked over, I needed to clear my head and get things clear," she told him. "I find it easier to do that walking. I used to go for midnight walks in Oregon to help me think"

Elliot reached into his pocket and pulled out the keys for his jeep and they walked towards it.

" Liv, New York definitely isn't as safe as Oregon."

"I know, but at least I'm not alone here, I have you," she said stopping behind him as he opened the door to the jeep for her and stepped back slightly.

Olivia went to get in the jeep but Elliot kept his hand on the door stopping her.

"You could have had me in Oregon," he said his voice quiet. "All you had to do was pick up the phone and talk to me, tell me where you were and I would have been there. I would have had your back."

She looked him in the eyes and saw sadness there.

"El I… I couldn't…..I couldn't call you."

"Couldn't or wouldn't?" he asked her. She looked down to the floor and then back up to him. "You talked to Fin on the phone, then when I take the phone from him you hang up," he said raising his voice a little. "Why was that?" he asked her tilting his head to the side.

Olivia licked her lips. "I needed to go, someone from the group I was with came up behind me and told me we had to go," she tried to explain.

"And you couldn't have called back. Did you never think of how worried I was, not knowing where you were or if you were okay," he snapped his anger finally seeping into his voice.

Olivia glared at him her own anger rising to the surface.

"At first yes, but then I got back and realised you were just fine."

"I was never fine with you being gone Liv. I had only just got my partner back from computer crimes when you just upped and left me again, why the hell would you think I was fine. I told you after Gitano you and the job were all I had left, and yet you still left me… twice. At least the first time you were only in another department. I was a mess Liv, a fucking mess and I needed my partner," he said in a harsh whisper.

"Well it didn't look like you needed me when you had your tongue stuck down Dani Becks throat," she snapped .Elliot stepped back.

"What?"

"I saw you, outside the bar," she said her voice full of hurt.

"But…. But that was two weeks before you came back, Dani had left before you showed up again."

"I was already back," she sighed. "I came to the station to see you, but you were out the office. I asked Dani if you were around and she told me she was your Partner and could she help. I told her no and went to see Cragen. I told him I wasn't ready to come back yet, but that didn't matter because there wasn't a spot for me anyway. I asked him not to tell you."

"You were back for almost three weeks before seeing me?" he said quietly."I was worried sick about you and you were in the city and never came to see me."

"Oh I came to see you that night. I decided I couldn't wait, I had missed you and needed to talk to you, to explain everything that had happened. I called Casey and she told me you were all going to the bar for a drink, so I told her I would meet you there and to not tell you, so I could surprise you." Elliot stood silently back from her as she spoke. "I got to the bar just as you and Dani were leaving, I was just about to call when you got to your jeep," she said looking down at the floor.

"Liv…" he said moving towards her but she held up her hand.

"That's when I decided to stay away for a bit longer. You had Dani as a Partner, you didn't need me coming in and screwing everything up for you, you seemed happy and you hadn't been happy for a while. So I stayed away until I got the call from Cragen saying there was a spot for me again."

"Liv, I wasn't happy that you were gone." He tried to explain but she lifted her hand to stop him.

"It's none of my business," she told him trying not to sound upset and taking a deep breath. "I wasn't even going to mention all of this," she said finally looking at him. "I just wanted to forget it all."

Elliot saw the tears shimmering in her eyes and was about to say something when she spoke again.

"Look let's just go for some food okay, I'm starving," she said giving him a small smile. Elliot just nodded not knowing what to say as she climbed into the jeep and he closed the door for her. He bit down on his bottom lip as he walked around to his side and climbed in. He looked over at Olivia who was just staring straight ahead. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.

"Just drive El," she said without looking at him.

Elliot started the jeep and pulled away from the side walk. He glanced over to her and she was leaning against the window. He watched as wiped her eyes and let out a deep breath.

"I regretted it the minute it happened," he said and heard her sigh.

"El, I don't care," she said not looking at him. "It's got nothing to do with me, now can we just go for something to eat."

"So if you don't care why are you so upset?" he asked her. "Why bring it up at all if you're not bothered by it?"

"I don't know, alright. Like I said I shouldn't have said anything, just please forget I even mentioned it."

"We were both lonely," he said ignoring what she said.

"Jesus," she mumbled under her breath, wondering when it was her partner got so chatty and open about things.

"She missed her husband still and I …. I had no one," he said glancing over at her. "When it happened I felt nothing. We were both just looking for some sort of comfort or something, but it wasn't going to come from each other. I wasn't what she needed and she wasn't what I needed. It was a mistake on both sides. We both realised that. We even laughed about and agreed to forget it."

"So why did she leave?" she asked him. "If you were getting on so well?"

Elliot glanced at her then back to the road. "We had a rough case and it hit her really hard. She didn't know if she could handle the victims anymore. She asked me to ask her to stay as my Partner, and I couldn't. There was only one person I would ever ask to do that, but she never gave me a chance to. She just packed up and left overnight, with no call and no text. I couldn't ask Dani to stay because I prayed every night that you would finally come home," he said, and Olivia heard his voice breaking a little. "Unless I heard the words We aren't Partners anymore or I'm not coming home, coming from your mouth, then I never gave up hope that you would come back to me."

He reached across and put the radio on signalling he was done talking. Olivia wiped away the tears from her cheeks and looked out the window resting her forehead against the glass as she watched the quiet streets pass her by. She wanted to ask him where they were going, but for now driving through the city with the radio playing and with Elliot was enough for her. So much had been said already and she knew they still had a lot to talk about.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They had been driving for a while and all she knew is they weren't far from the coast. She glanced across at him his eyes were fixed on the road ahead. She watched as he licked his bottom lip and bit down on it lightly his eyes narrowing as he concentrated on driving. She had missed him so much when she was away, more than she ever felt possible. Things were becoming complicated between them for a while and that's why she left. She figured putting some distance between them would somehow ease how she felt, but it didn't. She found herself missing him more and more.

"We are almost there," he said quietly making her jump. She nodded keeping her eyes on him. He glanced at her then back to the road ahead. "We just need to stop here," he said pulling into an all night bakery and stopping. He turned the engine off and removed his seatbelt. "I won't be long," he told her starting to climb out the car.

"I was wrong to leave," she told him once he was out the car. He stopped but didn't turn around to face her. "I thought it would help. I thought it would help our Partnership if I left for a while. That we would be able to get it back to how it was in the beginning, but I was wrong. It just made me realise how much I….." he heard her take a deep breath. He wanted to turn around and face her but he didn't want to give her a reason to stop talking. "How lonely I was without you. I was so excited to come home to get back to being your Partner, and then I walked into the squad room and saw how happy you were with the woman that had replaced me and it hurt," she said sniffing. "And then I saw you outside the bar kissing her and all I could think was…. Was that I was your Partner for 8 years and you had never even tried to hug me. Even when Kathy left you and I thought we were becoming closer there was nothing, but she was there a few months and your lips….." she stopped talking and took a deep breath. "It made me wonder why….. why her and not me? What the hell was so wrong with me."

Elliot opened and closed his mouth but nothing came out as he continued to stare at the bakery.

"It was then at that moment that I wished I had never come home and that I had just stayed away."

He turned around and looked into the car.

"And it was right at that moment after kissing Dani that I finalised realised what my problem was. Why I was finding it so hard to let you go, why I couldn't accept Dani as my Partner or anything else and why I knew I would never ask her stay," he said in a harsh whisper. "Why I was such a moody, miserable prick. I had committed the worse offence a cop could ever commit. "

Olivia never looked at him but instead looked down as she played with a loose thread on her jeans.

"I had fallen in love with my Partner," he told her as he slammed the car door closed and walked across and into the bakery.

Olivia thought she was going to pass out as she struggled to catch her breath. She climbed out the car and gasped for air taking deep breaths of the warm sea air, still in shock from his words, still not believing what she had heard.

"I had fallen in love with my Partner."

Had fallen in love, did that mean he wasn't now. Things had been so bad between them since he had returned, she had been a total bitch to him most of the time, but then he hadn't exactly welcomed her home with open arms.

She looked over to the bakery and saw him at the counter talking to the young man serving, The man said something and she saw Elliot laughing and she smiled. It was a long time since she had seen him laugh, his face and eyes just lit up when he did. But they hadn't had much to smile about over the last year. What with the cases, his divorce, Gitano and then her leaving, things had been pretty fucked up between them.

She leant on the jeep her arms resting on the roof as Elliot looked out the window towards her their eyes locking on each other. He smiled at her and she felt her heart jump, he was so beautiful when he smiled. She smiled back at him and took a deep breath deciding there and then that today was a new start for them. No more running, no more bottling things up, it was time to be honest with each other. And to do that she had to tell him how she really felt.

She hadn't even noticed Elliot had come out the shop and was stood on the other side of the jeep, holding two cups and a bag.

"Liv," he said making her jump.

"Oh, hey," she said smiling. "I didn't see you coming out. Did you get everything you wanted?"

"Erm yeah," he said a little confused as she smiled at him again. He had expected her to be full of hell and demand to be taken home after what he had said to her.

"So, we drove all this way to buy breakfast from this bakery?" she asked him. "There wasn't one closer to your apartment."

"It's a nice bakery," he said frowning at her.

"So we just gonna eat it in the car?" she asked him.

Elliot shook his head. "No, I err, I know a great little place not far from here, and it's great to watch the sun come up. Look Liv about just now…" he began to say bit she held up her hand.

"We better get going if we want to be there for the sun rising," she said climbing in the jeep.

"Yeah," he said still confused at how she was acting. He opened his door and reached inside with the two cups and Olivia took them from him, holding them on her lap, as he placed the bag of pastries between them.

"They smell great," she said sniffing up and Elliot turned slightly to face her.

"We need to talk Liv."

"And we will, but right now I'm starving and whatever you have in that bag smells amazing. So drive," she ordered him.

"Okay," he said nodding as he started the engine and pulled away.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Olivia climbed out the jeep her feet sinking into the sand. She could hear the waves crashing against the shore, but little else. It was just starting to get light and she could make out the white of the waves in the distance.

"How do you know about this place?" she asked him.

"My Mom used to bring us here as kids, she liked to paint," he told her as they met at the front of the jeep. "I come here every now and then when I need to get away to think or just clear my mind," he said as she reached towards him with the cups. "There both the same," he smiled taking one from her.

Olivia lifted the lid and took a deep breath smelling the coffee. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I figured after the long night we have had you might need a coffee more than a cup of scenty water with a few petals in it," he laughed.

She took a sip and sighed.

"God that's so good, I hadn't realised how much I had missed it" she said before taking another drink. "So where we watching this sun rise from?"

"Right here," he said putting the bag of pastries onto the hood of the jeep and climbing up. He reached for Olivia's cup as she climbed up and joined him and they rested back against the windshield. He handed her a cup and put the pastries between them opening the bag.

Olivia reached in and pulled out a blueberry muffin and took a huge bite.

"That is so good," she mumbled through her full mouth as Elliot took a bite of his doughnut. They sat in silence as they drank their coffee and ate two pastries each and the sun slowly began to rise.

Olivia looked around the little cove they were in as it glowed orange in the morning sun.

"It really is beautiful," she said as she watched the waves crashing onto the sand.

"Yeah," said Elliot as she turned her head and saw him looking at her. He quickly turned away and looked out towards the sea.

"Do you come here with the kids?"

"No, I've only ever come out here alone. I hadn't been here for years, but over the last few months, I have spent more and more time here always stopping at the bakery on the way," he knew she was looking at him as he talked. "I first came back after the Gitano case, after we talked in the hospital, to try and clear my head. I stayed up here all night and most of the next day, by the time I got back to the city later that day, I got the call from Cragen telling me you had left. I came out here quite a few times after that until you came back to me. Once you were back I didn't feel like I needed to get away anymore."

He looked aver to her and saw her sniff.

"I started coming back again after I found your desk cleared and I called your apartment and got the disconnected tone, and I realised you had ran again. I would go to your apartment every night that I could and let myself in hoping you were back. Dani said I was obsessed."

"I'm sorry," she said wiping her nose with her sleeve.

Elliot shrugged "It's done now," he sighed sitting forward and dropping his feet onto the front bumper as he leant forward resting his elbows on his knees. "You know what's strange?" he asked looking over his shoulder at her.

"No, what?"

"I came here when my dad died and after 911 and then I never felt the need to return again till the Gitano case. I never felt the need to come here when Kathy and I split after 20 years of marriage and she kicked me out of the family home. I didn't need to get away to think and calm down, because I had you to go to. I know we never really talked about the split but you were there by my side, making sure I didn't do anything to stupid and if I needed you I knew you would be there."

Their eyes locked and Olivia saw something different in the way he looked at her.

"But when you left me I had no one to turn to and I felt so alone. You were all I had left and you left me."

"You had your kids," she said to him. "You weren't completely alone."

"Yeah," he huffed before taking the last mouthful of his coffee. "My kids aren't my biggest fans at the moment. Apparently I'm no fun to be around."

"You don't think it was hard for me as well?" she asked him. "I walked away from my best friend twice, from the one person who never judged me, who always had my back no matter what, because I couldn't control….." she stopped talking and Elliot turned back to face her.

"You couldn't control what?" he asked her. "What was so out of control you had to leave twice?"

"My…my feelings for you," she said yelled. "I was feeling things for you I shouldn't have been feeling."

Elliot turned back towards the shore and couldn't help the little smile that formed on his lips. As his heart beat a little faster.

"I knew I shouldn't be feeling what I felt, because it was going to ruin our partnership, we were already to close Gitano proved that. So unless I could put a stop to how I was feeling Cragen would split us and I couldn't bear that."

"So your solution to stop us being split up was to run away, to go undercover and cut off all contact. That has to be the most fucked up way to solve a problem."

"I just thought a little time apart might be good for us, but the longer I was away the more I realised I was wrong. And those words you said in the hospital were the same for me. You and this job were all I had anymore."

Elliot closed his eyes as he heard her voice break.

""You weren't the only one to commit the worst crime a cop could commit," she said throwing her cup across the hood. "I have fallen in love with my Partner," she hiccupped. "But by the time I finally admitted this to myself and came back to him, ready to tell him…" she shook her head in frustration. "It was too late, I had fucked everything up and he had moved on

"Jesus Liv," he said sliding off the hood and turning around to face her. "You weren't the only one who fucked up," he told her stepping closer to the front of the jeep and in front of her. "I did my fair share," he said putting his hands on the hood of the jeep. "I totally screwed things up."

"Yeah, sticking your tongue down that blondes throat being one of them," she said sarcastically but gave him a little smile as she tried to lighten stuff up

"Well I guess if you hadn't left me twice and actually stuck around, I wouldn't have done that," he smiled back joining in as she sat forward a little and moved closer to him, and the tension between them began to disappear.

"Well," she said as he moved between his legs which were now hanging over the front of the jeep. He places his hands outside her legs on the edge of the hood. "If you hadn't been a complete prick by yelling at me in the station to do my job properly so you didn't have to come to my rescue all the time, maybe I wouldn't have."

He lifted his head and looked her in the eyes as he lifted his hand towards her neck, and he gently brushed back her hair. He swallowed hard as his fingers brushed lightly over the scar on her neck and Olivia felt goose bumps popping up all over her body.

"I could have lost you for good that day," he said quietly. "I was so scared, when I saw you on the floor," he shook his head as if trying to clear the images from his head.

"And I could have lost you when he put the gun to your head. You have to know I could never have taken that shot," she said her voice breaking. She found it hard to talk as they moved closer and closer together. They had never been so close in all their years as partners. And instead of feeling wrong it felt so right.

"I know," he said dropping his head forward as Olivia done the same and their foreheads rested together. "I should never have asked you to. If that had been you asking me, I couldn't have done it either. I'm so sorry for putting you through that. I was a complete ass."

Elliot moved his left hand along the metal of his jeep and gently took hold of Olivia's hand as his other stayed on her neck. He felt Olivia's fingers move over his.

"That feels so good," she said as their heads moved so their lips were almost touching. "No wedding ring," she explained as her thumb brushed over his bare finger and she heard and felt him chuckle quietly.

"Liv."

"Yeah."

"Can I kiss you now?" he asked her his lips touching hers slightly as he talked.

"I don't know, I mean I don't think I'm your type." Elliot froze before pulling back slightly. "Don't you normally go for blondes," she smirked. "I mean….." she never got to finish as he pulled her to him and crashed his lips against hers hard muffling whatever she was trying to say to him.

Okay this was supposed to be a one shot but I got carried away lol so now it is a two shot.

The second part will be the M rated part and hopefully I will have it posted before the weekend.