Was It Worth It?
Raito's POV. Raito is happy that his greatest obstacle, L, is dead. But he wonders if losing L was worth it.
"Everyone, the reape-"
"Oh? What's wrong Ryuuzaki?"
I knew it from the moment his voice faltered, his body slowly falling from its sloppy perch on the chair, the teaspoon slipping from his grasp – I won.
I reflexively caught him as he landed, wanting to let him know, before he died, that he was right all along. But still, despite that, he lost to me. In the end, my side of justice reigned supreme.
I couldn't help it when a maniacal grin surfaced, and from that, L understood what was going on in my mind. His theories about me were correct, but everything was too late. I dropped the smile when L closed his eyes and breathed his last. I needed to act devastated by his death.
I soon found out that I didn't need to act at all.
Perhaps it was that small part of me, that small part of me which was still untainted by the evils of the Death Note, that actually cared about L's death. It was, after all, that part of me that had wanted to befriend L. It was the part of me that had tried to give the detective the motivation to continue with the investigation.
We all turned as the door opened and my father stepped in, looking very grave. This was it; he would make L's death official. Everything would be irreversible if those words came out of his mouth.
And it did.
"…Ryuuzaki has died."
I surprised even myself when I slammed the table with both fists and shouted profanities. It took me a split second to realize what I was doing. I had to collect my thoughts; I must find Rem's remains. These words echoed in my mind as I stormed out of the room in search of the reaper. As I entered the next room and took the Death Note buried within the remains of the dead reaper, I couldn't help but be proud of myself. I called the rest of the Investigation team to the room, and showed them the strange substance that was once a reaper called Rem. And it was then that I swore that I would avenge L's death. It was a promise that will have to be broken. It looks like I can never bid my only equal a proper farewell.
I must be the new God of this world, and to be the new God, I must have the heart of steel; a heart that can never feel.
I turned to Matsuda, the blubbering fool, as he started to talk of our deaths if we continued with the investigation.
My answer came cold, perhaps it came from the intense dislike of his inability to keep up with the rest of the team, "Matsuda, if you are afraid of getting killed, then I suggest that you leave. This team consists only of people who are willing to risk their lives."
He came back with a stupid reply. He told me he didn't mean it… and I was starting to sound like L.
Kira… sound like L? Perhaps L had left a lasting impression on me.
I told the rest investigation team that I needed some time alone to collect my thoughts, and carry on with the investigation as the newly elected L. They respectfully backed away, and I spent my time staring at the monitor, the words ALL DATA DELETION blinking back at me. I eventually grew tired of staring at the words in front of me, and focused my attention instead on the last place where I saw L, perched on the chair next to me, gingerly holding onto a teaspoon that was now on the floor. I plucked the abandoned utensil from the floor, the metal uncannily cold, and placed it in the chair beside me, imagining L still seated in there, sipping on tea with too much sugar, and probably nibbling his thumb the moment he had finished his drink.
As a single solitary tear streaked down my face, I realized that winning didn't exactly mean happiness. I knew L would not go without making me suffer, he is, after all, a sore loser. He left me a painful gift, a new kind of pain that was worse than hell, a reminder of what could've been – emptiness.
A/N: Yes. I still can't accept that L died so might as well make it painful Raito to accept as well. XD