17 years.
A One shot at life in void.
"It has been 17 years since Edward left me, and I can still see his face so clearly before my eyes. I can still feel his touch against my skin, the memory of his sweet scent is just as strong now as it was the day he left me.
The day life left me.
I will not lie, I will not say that I finally picked myself up and moved on. I never did. I spent my whole life, every second of it wishing for each day not to pass, to not make the clock move forward and make my time with him move steadily further away.
In the beginning, when the pain was too much for any person to take, I tried so hard to not think of him.
But he found me. In my dreams, in my nightmares, in every second of my day, he was there. He was embedded in my soul forever, the first and only love I ever felt. It had rocked me. A storm had come, eroded away my being, and left me a ghost town of the past.
I had been left to keep my self from the brink of insanity, clinging to what ever there was to hold on to.
The first year, people had pretended to understand. They had thought that I would come around eventually, but I never did.
My mom's and Phil's car crash 11 years ago had pushed me even deeper down the dark hole that was all my life was constricted of. When Charlie had died by a heart attack the following year, leaving me the house and a small inheritance, I had no one left.
They had all tried to help me get over my heart break, but they could never do anything to heal me.
How could I move on when each time I closed my eyes, he was there?
The pounding pain in my heart never gave in, I tried to tell myself that 'tomorrow, it will not hurt as much. It will be better'. And that's how I survived. By lying to myself, giving myself false hope that I would one day be whole again.
I would have thought I'd run out of tears eventually, but after 17 long years I still cry myself to sleep every night. I still wake up screaming, just to find that I am still alone. He hasn't come back for me. He will never come back.
I wrote the last words, and suddenly I felt a cutting sensation to my heart, I dropped the pencil to the floor. My hand's clutched my chest where the remains of my heart now ached beyond anything I had ever felt. It was different, this pain.
And as I tried to get up and walk over to my bed, my knees gave out beneath me.
I fell to the floor as the pain grew even stronger, spreading through my entire body. As I tried to breathe through the ache I knew. Without any doubt, I knew. It was the end.
I took my final, ragged breath and then slowly, all my senses left me.
I could not see, I could not speak, not hear, nor could I feel anything anymore. Not even the pain.
At last, there was no pain.
And before darkness enclosed me, one final thought was all that was left.
"I love you, Edward"
I don't know why I did it. After 17 years I had given up, I had stopped fighting.
I had not spoken one word in 17 years, not seen another soul since that day in the forest. The day I destroyed everything.
For the first 2 years, I had told myself that she was getting better. That she had now maybe moved away and started college, made friends and settled into a new life. I couldn't go back. She had to have the chance to live a normal life.
After 10 years I imagined her having a great job, maybe she was married, maybe there were kids. I couldn't go back. She would never want me again.
When 15 long years had passed, she would have moved to a house somewhere, close to the water. Her kids would be playing in the garden, her husband would kiss her when he came home from work in the evening. I could not go back. She would never want me near her or her family.
Not one day had passed when I hadn't thought about returning. Not a single hour or minute or second. It was always there, the thought of going back, along with the foolish hope that she would want me.
But I had pushed it aside, convinced myself that I was doing the only right thing.
She had a life now, and her memories of me had weakened over the years, maybe disappeared entirely.
So why was I now standing outside her home, looking up towards the window to everything I had ever wanted in life? I had left the dark, cold forests in the north when I had felt something… It couldn't be explained, it was as if I was being pulled back by a force stronger than me, and I had no chance to disobey.
As I looked around me, I took in the scene for the first time. There were no cars in the driveway, the white paint had begun to fall off all over the house, the grass grew wildly and the bushes were since long dead.
Did she still live here? Did anyone live here?
Yes, she was here. There was still that pull, the one that had led me right here. The one that was Bella's heartbeats.
But how could she be here? I had found out that Charlie had died 10 years ago. He had left her the house, but I had not thought that she would be living there still.
Where were the children I had dreamed up for her? The little girl who always stole her moms shoes and walked around the house while Bella smiled and laughed indulgently at her daughter. Where was that brown-haired little boy who would ask a million questions a day and who always begged to hear one more story before he fell asleep at night, never awake to feel his mother kiss his forehead softly before turning of the light and tip toeing out of the room. And where was her husband, the strong, loving man that she had fallen in love with at first sight, and who brought her home flowers whenever he had to work late? The one that had taught her trust the words 'I love you', and to embrace everything it stood for?
As I stood and looked up towards the gateway to what had once been my sanctuary, I realised that the pull grew fainter. Like someone was turning out the light, I could feel it disappearing more and more until it was no longer there.
I was inside the house before one second has passed. One part of my mind become aware of that almost nothing in the house had changed. Except that there were no pictures anywhere, no TV or radio where they had once been, and that there was a fine layer of dust covering every inch of the interior.
I paused outside Bella's room for a half second, before opening the door.
And then, everything inside of me was gone. Nothing was left, except a giant void.
Nothingness consumed me.
My life. My reason for still being alive. Everything good in this word.
I fell on my knees at her side. Taking her hand in mine, I felt no difference in our temperature. There was no healthy pounding heart, no wonderful breath came from her mouth, no electricity flowed through me as our skin touched.
There was nothing.
Her face, still so excruciatingly beautiful that could do nothing but stare, was so peaceful but yet so filled with sadness. Her long brown hair flowed around her face and to the floor. I still saw the girl I had fallen in love with so many years ago, her face had hardly changed. It was the same full lips, the same cream white skin, and under her closed lids, I knew there were the most soulful, brown eyes ever I had ever known. She didn't look one day older, it was like her body had frozen the way the rest of her life seemed to have.
I saw myself reaching out to stroke her cheek, to carefully caress her face in my hands. Leaning over, I let my lips gently touch hers. I could still feel the remnants of warmth linger on those soft gates of breath.
"I love you" I whispered against them, holding her two hands in mine. I stroked the inside of her wrist carefully, making small circles on the soft skin.
That was when I felt it.
A feeble, weak pulse. Suddenly I could hear the faintest heartbeat, almost not even audible to my ears. My eyes grew wide as I stared at the place where my fingertips touched her wrist. It could not be.
But as soon as it had started, it stopped.
Panic and desperation filled my mind, the feelings that I had tried to hard to hold in ever since I heard the absence of her heartbeats before. I had known, and I had gathered the strength to say one final goodbye before I embraced the faith that had always been my intention in the end.
But now, I could do nothing to compose myself. I had heard and felt her heartbeats, it was not over.
She was not lost.
"Bella, my love" My lips brushed against her ear as I held my fingertips against her wrist, waiting.
And then I felt it again.
I didn't wait one moment to think anything trough as I placed my mouth against her neck and let my teeth sink into her skin.
Her still warm blood flowed through my mouth, she sweetness of it catching me of guard as I focused on getting as much of my venom as possible into her.
When I felt another heartbeat, I stopped.
I turned my eyes to her face again and waited desperately.
Her heartbeats quickened, and I knew I had been successful. The venom was making its way through her body, healing and strengthening every part.
I kept my eyes locked on hers, and when they opened I could almost feel my own heart make one beat.
"Edward…" she whispered, and hearing her soft voice again after all these years felt like heaven.
"I'm right here love, I'm right here" I stroked her cheek as I saw the confusion coming into her eyes.
"Am I… Have I died?" her voice was so weak it would have been impossible to hear by a human.
"No Bella, you are not dead. I will be right here by your side forever."
"You came back" she managed to get out.
"I did. And my love, I will never leave you again."
She closed her eyes, and I could hear her heartbeats quickening. The pain would set in now, and I pulled her into my arms and carried her to the bed where I lay down beside her. I held her close to me, whispering in her ear.
Bella gasped, and let out one long cry of agony as her body made the transformation from mortal, to immortal.
I held her close to me, I was never letting go again.
I had been given a second chance, and this time I would do everything right. We would be together for eternity, and I would spend ever moment of it loving her, treasuring her, and I would never leaving her side again.
The End.
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