A/N: Song: Things I'll Never Say b Avirl Lavigne
Tellme what you think...
xoxoox
I'm tugging at my hair
I'm pulling at my clothes
I'm trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head
Ziva walked into the squad room. It was no different than any other morning. She had gotten up at the crack of dawn to get ready. She had put on her makeup and picked out an outfit. The roads were a little empty today but it didn't seem to bother her.
She almost stopped dead in her tracks when she saw her partner yelling into a phone. He was dressed in is usual pants. But he had no shirt on. The sight made Ziva's knee's buckle. She quickly straightened up her posture and walked toward her desk, trying to ignore the gorgeous man in front of her with perfect abs and tan skin.
"I don't care what they said. I expect that this be fixed immediately!" Tony yelled into the phone then quickly hung up. He looked up and there was Ziva, standing in front of him, eyes screaming confusion. "Hi."
"What happened to your shirt?" Ziva asked not being able to peel her eyes away from his toned stomach.
"Knew style." Tony smiled. "Going for a cave man sorta look."
"Really, what happened?" Ziva asked.
"Do you really want to know?" Tony asked.
"No." Ziva said turning away. She walked to her desk. She fixed her shirt that had risen up her stomach when she sat down.
"What's a'matter David, like what you see?" Tony asked walking closer to her.
Ziva looked at her feet trying to hide the blood that was rushing to her face.
"Hey, David?" Tony asked waving his hand in her face when she didn't answer.
"Huh?" Ziva asked looking up.
"I asked if you like what you see?"
"Depends." Ziva said stalling so she could use the right words.
"On?"
(Cause) I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah
Ziva looked around the squad room for anything that could save her.
"You like it, don't you?" Tony smiled leaning over her desk.
Ziva smiled nervously. "Damn!" She said sarcastically. "You caught me!" She said covering her mouth with her hands.
"Very funny." Tony said walking towards his desk with his back towards her.
"Tony," Ziva said realizing that she hurt his feelings.
"Ya."
"You look good." She smiled.
Tony smiled the most genuine smile she had seen in a while.
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
In the back of Ziva's mind her inner voice kept on rambling about him.
"You look so good that I could jump you right now and not feel one ounce of guilt. If you don't put a shirt on soon I and going to take you back to my house and hold you hostage and you will be my toy for the next life time." Ziva's inner voice screamed at her.
"Shut up!" Ziva said.
"You say something?" Tony asked turning around giving Ziva another look at his toned muscular abs.
"Nope." Ziva said a little too quickly.
"Of course I said something. I said that I want you to hold me till the dark slowly fades into a new morning. I want you to whispered words into my ear. I want you to be there when I cry, laugh and when I feel like killing you. I don't want you to ever leave me. It kills me leaving work and going to my lonely apartment."It said again.
"If you don't shut up I am going to…." Ziva said to herself but stopped when she saw Tony looking at her.
"Are you sure you are okay?" Tony asked.
"Perfectly normal." Ziva smiled.
"Normal? Girl, you are far from normal. You are boarder ling obsessive. I don't blame you, that is one hunk of a man right there. Look at his perfectly sculpted abs and his smile, don't even get me started. It should be on the cover of every magazine in the D.C. area. Not to mention that he is totally in love with you. That just makes you want to smile even more when he walks into the room."
"He does not." Ziva said out loud.
"Does not what?" Tony asked looking up at her from his desk.
"McGee, he doesn't have any pets." Ziva said quickly trying to get out and excuse for her temporary insanity.
"And that concerns us…?" Tony asked.
"A dog, in my apartment complex, he needs a home and I think McGee would like him." Ziva said.
"And why not me?" Tony asked.
"Because, you and animals have never mixed. Remember the poodle from the case last week?"
"Ohh! Bad memories, I had nightmares about dog attacks for three days after that!" Tony said shaking his head.
"Exactly." Ziva said.
"Exactly why you can't stop yourself from thinking about him. Exactly why he is in your mind 24/7 and why right now, you want to run up to him and lick his chest. Even though you would never do it. Exactly why you can't tell him how you feel, exactly why right now, you keep smiling because all these things are true." The voice said loudly in her head.
"O really, why is that?" Ziva said.
"You are in love."
It don't do me any good
It's just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What's on my mind?
If ain't coming out
We're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care?
"That has nothing to do with it!" Ziva yelled standing up and slamming her hands on her desk.
Tony jumped at the sudden movement and the noise.
"What the hell?" Tony asked.
"Huh?" Ziva asked. Then she looked around and realized what she did. "I …uh… I have to go…."
"Wait, what's wrong?" Tony asked before she was already down the hall and in the bathroom.
Tony grabbed an extra shirt from his filing cabinet and threw it on the walk towards Ziva's exit path.
Bathroom:
"Admit it, you love him. Tell him! The longer you wait, the higher the chance that he will leave."
"He won't leave. He can't." Ziva said to herself.
"Of course he will, what's holding him back? He has been here for 7 years. Isn't time he moved on and became a team leader? Nothing he does ties him down. He could pick up and leave at any moment."
"He won't leave." Ziva said closing her eyes and slowly sitting on the ground.
"Then tell him how you feel. What's holding you back?"
"I can't tell him. He doesn't care about me like that. He doesn't understand that I would do anything just so he would have another breath. He doesn't get that I love him." Ziva said loudly.
Tony walked towards the bathroom and heard talking. He leaned close to the door and listened.
"He doesn't get that I love him." A voice said.
"Ziva?" Tony said walking into the ladies room.
"Tony!" Ziva said jumping up and looking around the room.
(Cause) I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah
Ziva looked at him nervously.
"Who do you love?" Tony asked.
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
"Huh?" Ziva asked.
"You just said that 'he doesn't get that you love him' who do you love?" Tony asked moving closer to her.
"YOU!" Ziva's head screamed.
"Ya, uh, I was just talking to myself." Ziva said trying to explain her actions.
"About who?"
"Well, I was think and then just you know, dealing with my problems out loud. Ya, I'm not crazy or anything. I am just going through my mental files, cleaning them out. Deciding what to keep and what to throw away." She said.
"Liar." The voice screamed. "You are trying to fight the fate. But the fate will win. I will win.
"I am going to kill you and then bring you back to life if you don't shut up!" Ziva yelled.
Tony stared at her. "Uh.. I didn't say anything."
"NO not you, just this thing and.. I was… just you know….." Ziva couldn't think of anything to say.
What's wrong with my tongue?
These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble
Like I've got nothing to say
Tony waked closer to her. "You're having a debate in your head. Aren't you?"
Ziva smiled at the way he put it. "Yes, sadly we all are not like you and don't have a conscience.
"I have a conscience. I just ignore it." Tony said. "Sometimes."
"Could I have my debate in peace?" Ziva asked him. "It's kinda private."
(Cause) I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah
"Tell me who it is about and I will go away." Tony said coming closer to her.
"Tony," Ziva whined.
"Tell me." He whispered.
"TELL HIM!" it screamed. "TELL HIM THE TRUTH. YOU LOVE HIM. SAY IT, I LOVE YOU."
"Tony, I have something to tell you." Ziva said. "I have been debating on saying this or not for awhile but I think something needs to be said."
"Speak away." Tony said.
"Don't chicken out!" Her head screamed. "YOU ARE ZIVA! YOU ARE NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING."
"But losing him." Ziva whispered quietly.
"Huh?"
"I am not afraid of anything," she said.
"And that was worth the debate because?"
"I have found the one thing I am afraid of and I don't know if I should tell you." Ziva said.
"What? What's wrong?" Tony asked frantically.
Ziva smiled. "I am afraid of losing something."
"What are you losing?"
"Well, I haven't lost it yet." Ziva said. "I am afraid that I might before I get the chance to do thing I want to do."
"What are you afraid of losing?"
"YOU!" Her head screamed. "DAMN IT DAVID, YOU ARE THE TOUGHEST PERSON I HAVE EVER TRIE TO WORK WITH!"
"You." Ziva said quietly that she could hardly hear herself.
"Me?" Tony asked in shock.
Ziva nodded her head.
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
Tony smiled the brought his arms around her.
"You aren't losing me." He said into her hair.
"But our job is to protect the innocent and lock away the guilty. We are to do whatever means necessary. We both know that ultimately means we could die." Ziva said into his chest.
"Hey!" Tony laughed. "I don't want to think about death. I don't want to think about possibilities because I wouldn't do this job if I thought about the risks I took every day. We have to live one day at a time. There is no time for regrets in this job."
Ziva smiled into his chest.
"Does this mean you like me?"
"Nope. I hate you." Ziva said very seriously.
"O." Tony said letting go of her.
"I hate that you can make the stupid voice in my head go away. I hate that you can make me laugh and smile. I hate that you turn me into the biggest monster when I see you with another girl. I hate that I can't do one thing without thinking about you. I hate that you sit right across from me every day and I don't say anything. I hate that when you walk by me or stand next I have to accidentally touch you. I hate that I wake up every morning and you are not there. I hate that you made me fall in love with you." Ziva said. She took a giant breath. She had finally said all the things she had wanted to say to him.
"That's a lot of things to hate me for." Tony smiled.
"I know."
"One hell of a debate." Tony said. "I think you could have been diagnosed temporarily insane after that talk with your mind.
"You have no idea." Ziva said.
"So, anything else that you hate me for?" Tony asked walking closer to her and putting his hands around her waist.
"I hate that I can't kiss you." Ziva smiled.
"And why is that?"
"I can't just randomly kiss you then walk away." Ziva laughed.
"I wouldn't complain." Tony smiled coming closer to her face.
"Why am I not surprised." Ziva smiled leaning in the rest of the way and connecting her lips with his.