Hamon Filled Noodles:
A Joseph Joestar X Squid Ink Spaghetti Fanfiction
During the three weeks of training that Joseph and Caesar endured while preparing to fight the Pillar Men, the delightful duo would often take short breaks to sit back and reflect on their friendship. Whether it was a walk in the park, a visit to the inner city, or simply just sitting down to chat, Joseph and Caesar always had a wonderful time. In one particular instance, the two had decided to stop at a restaurant for a fine lunchtime meal. However, this was not any ordinary restaurant. It actually just so happened to be the very restaurant where the pair met for the first time. Joseph could remember the day clearly: it was the first time that he had the intense pleasure of consuming a dish of spaghetti al nero di seppia, an experience he would never be able to forget. Plus, as mentioned before, this was the same day he met his partner in crime, Caesar. The suave bastard was flirting with some woman when his eyes locked with Joseph's. A bond was created that would not soon falter, but there was one other bond that cannot be overlooked. This bond is that of Joseph and his new favorite meal, spaghetti al nero di seppia. Joseph would never let Caesar know his true motive for returning to this restaurant, so for the time being, the excursion was being disguised as nothing out of the unusual.
After a brisk walk, Joseph and Caesar arrived at their destination. It wasn't long until they were sat down at a table in the far corner of the room. The waiter approached, having no idea of what he was getting himself into, and asked what Caesar would be ordering. Caesar, naturally, had already picked out what he had wished to eat this afternoon, however Joseph had other plans. The brown haired loudmouth shouted out, "My friend Caesar and I will both be getting the spaghetti al nero di seppia! With glasses of wine too!" Joseph flashed the waiter a thumbs-up and turned to Caesar, who was clearly not very thrilled with Joseph's decision to order for him. "Hey," Caesar exclaimed, "I can order for myself! I don't need you making my decisions for me." Joseph could tell that Caesar had absolutely no taste. Who wouldn't want to eat the delight known as spaghetti al nero di seppia? Caesar's complete ignorance almost made Joseph lose his appetite, but he would not let a party pooper like Caesar ruin this moment for him. No, Joseph would get his spaghetti, and nobody was going to stop him. With a flick of his wrist, Joseph sent the waiter away without allowing Caesar to order what he wanted. The now disgruntled Caesar wanted to keep a grudge with Joseph, but realized that it would not be wise to turn on the person who would be fighting the Pillar Men alongside himself. So, he decided to let this go for now as to not cause any problems in the future.
Waiting for their meal to be brought out took a decent amount of time, but it would be worth it. Joseph's face beamed as he saw his true desires on a literal silver platter being brought to him. It was perfect, almost as if this whole encounter was nothing but a dream, but Joseph knew better. This was more real than anything he had experienced before. "Your meals, good sirs," the waiter muttered as he swiftly placed the platter in front of the two gentlemen. "Okay!" screamed Joseph, "I've been waiting for this moment for a long time." Caesar was slightly perplexed. Why would Joseph be so excited over something as simple as spaghetti al nero di seppia? He could never understand the complexity of Joseph's emotions, which prompted him to inquire about this strange obsession. "What has you so attracted to your food, JoJo?" Joseph scoffed. What a simpleton Caesar was. "You're such an ass, Caesar," Joseph rebuked, "I need a break from your negativity. I'm going to the bathroom to take a breather." He promptly stood up and made his way to the men's restroom. Unbeknownst to Caesar, Joseph had also stashed a fistful of spaghetti al nero di seppia in his pocket, which he had big plans for.
Joseph casually entered the bathroom, not looking suspicious in the slightest. Only the most perceptive would be able to see a devious glint in his eye as he approached the stall at the far end of the bathroom. It was finally his moment and he knew what he had to do. After entering the stall, which was much too small for his bulging muscles, he managed to sit down on the toilet seat and reveal the ball of hidden spaghetti al nero di seppia. With one final nod of affirmation, Joseph began to control his breathing. He wasn't kidding when he said he was going to take a breather. With intense concentration, Joseph focused his ripple into the blackened noodles. Using his past experience regarding infusing this treat with hamon, it wasn't long before his meal was completely in his control. "Niiiiiiice," Joseph whispered, very pleased with himself. "Now, how should I start this?" Joseph placed his hand on his chin in a contemplative position. Almost instantly, an idea formed in his clever mind. Joseph was always good with coming up ideas on the spot. With one strong and confident breath, Joseph began to make the spaghetti al nero di seppia wrap around every part of his body he could think of. The dark strings of noodle goodness gleamed a jet black as they made their way around the contour of Joseph's rippling sculpt, eventually expanding to reach underneath the Joestar's clothing. Joseph was met with instant gratification, so much so, that he felt as though a new presence was being born from within him. He heard the words "Hermit Purple" ring in his head as the long strips of spaghetti began to harden around him. Although Joseph would not know the meaning of this awakening for a very long time, he was too preoccupied to focus on trying to decipher this strange message. Instead, he decided to go farther, harder, and deeper with his ceremony. At last, he decided on his final course of action. Every thick noodle was placed in its perfect position surrounding one of Joseph's many openings present on his body. With one final breath, a loud chant was uttered: "NOODLE PLEASURE OVERDRIVEUUU!" Within a split second, all of the spaghetti al nero di seppia noodles straightened at once, shooting deep within every one of Joseph's hole's. The feeling he experienced was the most intense mix of pain and pleasure that he could have ever dreamed of being able to partake in with his noodle love. Naturally, Joseph screamed out to world, letting everyone know that he was in heaven.
Caesar, who was still deciding whether or not he should he eat his own plate of spaghetti al nero di seppia, heard Joseph's loud roar from within the bathroom. "JoJo?!" Caesar had suspected that something horrible must have happened, and out of concern for his best friend, decided to investigate. Knocking over the table in a panic, Caesar bolted straight for the source of the screaming, banging into various other customers along the way. As he slammed open the door, he could have never imagined the position he would be put in. The blonde wonder could see outstretched noodles reaching out from under the last stall, and the only sound that he could manage to single out from among the screams was a loud, "OHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSS!" This shouting voice was instantly recognizable to Caesar as the man whom he had begun to befriend just a few weeks ago. Without further hesitation, Caesar ran over to the stall the sounds were being projected from, melted the lock with hamon, and broke the door open. His eyes widened. There, right in front of him, he saw his dear friend pleasuring himself with the very meal they had ordered at this restaurant. Before Caesar could get a word in, Joseph interrupted with: "Your next line is: 'JoJo, what the hell are you doing with that spaghetti?!'" Caesar quickly responded, "JoJo, what the hell are you doing with that spaghetti?!" His eyes widened once more. "NANI?!" he proclaimed as he took a step back, being caught off guard. This stumbling gave Joseph the perfect opportunity to escape by implementing the Secret Joestar Family Tradition. "Run away!" screamed Joseph, who dashed past his charming companion and made a beeline for the exit to the restaurant. Of course, Joseph had not removed any of the spaghetti al nero di seppia from any of his orifices; but why would he? The pleasure he felt could not simply be taken from him. Without another word, Joseph was gone, leaving his friend alone to try and comprehend what it is that just happened. Caesar never forgot this day, but probably because he was the one who had to pay for the meal.